u/thisishowitalwaysis1

Two older men (in their 60s I would guess) showed up to my house today. I could see through the window that one of them was in a white shirt and tie with a missionary tag on but the other was in a pink striped polo shirt and no missionary tag. (I thought that was odd).

The one with a pink shirt and no tag started banging repeatedly on my door. The other one was keeping himself out of my sight by pressing himself up against the wall. Such strange behavior.

I opened the door a crack and the guy immediately asked to speak to my kid.

Here's the thing. The one they asked to speak to is my transgender 20 year old daughter and they deadnamed her.

I had her blessed in the church as an infant to appease my TBM mom but I left the church shortly after so she was definitely never baptized there. I guess she's still on their records from when she was blessed. I didn't know that was a thing. Now I do.

This means they dug back 20 years to find old members, located my name, and subsequently found her deadname name as well. (I got her name legally changed 4 years ago.) I have moved around a lot since leaving the church. Both of my TBM parents are dead and none of my other family know where I live so I have no idea how the church figured it out.

I played dumb and asked them who the hell they were and the guy identified himself as a member of the LDS Church and wanted to invite my "son" to come to a young men's meeting and get reunited with the church. I said the person you are asking for is my kid and we have absolutely no fucking interest in hearing anything from you. Then I immediately shut the door. I heard one guy loudly announce to the other, "Well at least now we know he lives here!" They left but clearly intend to come back at some point.

This whole interaction made my body shake uncontrollably and really gave me the ick. I've been trying in therapy to work through all the ways that this church fucked me up when I was growing up in it so all of those feelings came rushing back.

I called my daughter to tell her about it and needless to say her and her partner were pretty pissed off and disturbed by the fact that people she doesn't even know, knew about her and where to find her.

I guess we now have to remove her deadname from the records. I had considered removing mine but never got around to doing it. I guess it's time as this is the third time that different sets of missionaries have showed up at my door in the past 6 months (although it is the first time they've ever asked for my kid.)

Just had to get this out of my system to people who would understand.