u/throwawayacci

hey! so I'm going to the boystown parade this year and taking my customary stroll around graceland (fascinating place. last time I went I saw that somebody had lined up dog treats over edith rockefeller's grave), but I still feel like I want to do something else in the days leading up to halloween.

I tried (and regretted) jack's pumpkin patch, I've taken a pendulum to 2122 n clark (just for kicks, as I don't believe in ghosts), and I've checked out the alley near the biograph, but this year I'd like to do something less ghost-oriented and more nostalgic and kitschy.

so what halloween-y things are you guys getting up to this year? I'd especially love to hear from folks who don't have a car— it'd be cool to go to a big old rural pumpkin patch but I don't drive.

my dad was telling me about how due to the availability of train and ferry lines, a lot of the black people in northern cities come from the same places— according to him, you can predict where people migrated from just based on where they ended up.

so, just out of curiosity, I'd love to hear from other great migration (great) grandbabies to see how true this is. if you're a black northerner and you're willing to share, where are your people from and where did they migrate to?

since I'm the one asking, I'm happy to kick things off: I'm from chicago, and my folks are from mississippi and alabama. on my mother's side, we have roots in mississippi, alabama, and georgia, but they all ended up in detroit. what about y'all?

and as a couple of bonus questions: have you ever visited the states and towns your ancestors came from? would you ever want to? and if you have, what was it like? I'm also curious to know how many of us still have family down there and if you all keep in contact (as for me, everybody left alabama but we still have mississippi family. we don't really interact beyond facebook though).

anyways, I'm excited to see what you have say and to get a glimpse at what patterns emerge! thanks in advance to anyone who shares!

to be clear, this is not a "boohoo why does everybody hate Americans" post. I completely get why people roll their eyes at "American" as a label and I literally have no issue with anyone on these two "new world" continents who wants to reclaim the term for themselves.

I just think that, as real and as irritating as US-defaultism is, the use of "USian" (which I've pretty much only encountered in academia) is a really silly and ineffective way to push back on that, if not outright counterintuitive.

firstly, why are we acting like the US is the only country without a unique demonym? South Africans aren't the only South Africans, people from the Central African Republic aren't the only Central Africans, and people from Guinea aren't the only Guineans. obviously the origins of those names were very different; I'm not saying that the thousands of peoples who were carelessly sorted into colonies without any regard to cultural or ethnic boundaries had the same agency to name things as an organized group of settlers/part-time Vespucci fanboys. I only bring this up to point out that despite the generic names, we're able to live with them without interpreting them as slights to eSwatini, the DRC, or Guinea-Bissau.

my biggest gripe with "USian," though, is that it doesn't even solve the problem it claims to solve. the criticism of "American" is that we're not the only Americans, but newsflash— we're not the only United States either!! are we forgetting about India? has no one heard of Palau? hell, we're not even the only United States in America! both Mexico and Brazil are a cluster of United States in America, too, so now what? we just made a clunkier, dorkier term that does the exact same thing that people were complaining about in the first place.

again, I know this isn't a huge thing; I've literally only heard frequent use of it at university, but I have to roast it anyway because it's just so damn goofy to me. when Americans say it, it comes across as the limpest, most toothless attempt possible at seeming self-aware and globally minded, and when non-Americans say it, it makes them sound like they don't know geography.

like, it's fine if that's want you wanna call me, but at this point, the only acceptable defense of "USian" is to stop acting like it challenges US-defaultism, and just say straight up that Americans deserve a dorkier demonym. see, that right there? that's what I call a genuinely compelling argument.

obligatory disclaimer: I'm black but I'm African-American, so keep in mind that my perspective is heavily influenced by that.

recently, I decided to watch Orfeu Negro, because I really love Jobim, and I ended up adoring it— the music, the cinematography, and how its artistic style makes you feel like you're people-watching for an hour. not in a weird way or anything; I just love seeing similarities between African diasporic cultures: how we've all retained remnants of Africa in different ways, how our ancestors shaped the global course of the arts despite attempts to silence them (anti-samba laws, drum bans in the US), and honestly, just the way we still look alike after all these years. seeing people who look like aunties and cousins in an entirely different country is... idk... heartwarming to me, as weird as it sounds?

so, I guess you can imagine my surprise when I learned that the movie has a pretty poor reputation amongst Brazilians. mainly, I've heard criticisms of an exoticizing tone, negative stereotyping, and romanticizing poverty. I'm not negating any of those critiques, and I'm less inclined to give a French filmmaker the benefit of the doubt on those fronts, but I just wanted to hear Afro-Brazilians elaborate on those points a bit more?

as I said, I'm African-American, and I was raised on a lot of black singing-and-dancing movies from the 40s and 50s— Carmen Jones, Stormy Weather, Cabin in the Sky, etc. so, I think that may have given me an overly charitable mindset, making me miss a lot of its pitfalls. for instance, the music and setting didn't hit me as exotic or romantic; it kind of just felt like checking in with some cousins who, between the shared ancestry, shared history, and shared marginalization (both social and economic), are kind of in the same boat as us (no pun intended... I know our folks were on different boats). like... I kind of just assumed it was the Brazilian equivalent of a musical about Mardi Gras in a post-Katrina lower 9th ward, in the sense that depicting music and holiday frivolity wouldn't whitewash the poverty; it would just show how much more important Mardi Gras is when people have fewer opportunities to be loose and carefree.

to be fair, though, even Obama disagrees with me on this. he saw the singing, dancing characters as infantilizing and "childlike," so I know I'm likely missing a lot here.... but like, we do sing and dance a lot. we sing in church, we sing at parties, we sing at protests, we sing our high points and our blues; our ancestors sang while they worked and sang to share hidden messages, and their ancestors sang epics to honor kings and preserve the histories of their lands. and dance has always been important in our varied cultures as well, from the social satire of cakewalking to the disguised self-defense of capoeira. I get that it's a stereotype, but I just never saw the musicality of Afro-derived cultures as childish, I guess? like, obviously, that's not all we do, I just think that, similar to media portrayals of our facial features, it's not that we don't have certain traits or that depictions of big lips or wide noses need to be eliminated, the problem is the mockery, and I feel like the emphasis our cultures place on musical expression is the same way.

and while I know the movie wasn't a fully accurate representation of Carnival (like, they show Macumba and blocos afros, but they don't depict afoxés or the heavy influence of Candomblé on the festivities); I just didn't feel like the music or the revelry was the issue or that it whitewashed the poverty. like, I wasn't looking at Serafina's shack or Benedito's shoeless feet and thinking "wow, you're celebrating a holiday, so favelas must not be so bad." it kind of just made me think about our strength and how no matter what bullshit we get put through in the diaspora, we still manage to find little moments of joy and reprieve.

again, though, my perspective is totally influenced by the fact that I watched a lot of these sorts of movies growing up. I am 100% sympathetic to the view that some portrayals of us, while innocuous in a vacuum, become problematic when they're uplifted as THE portrayal, and even more so when that happens in mixed company or on a global stage.

so, for that reason, I'm very curious to hear from Afro-Brazilians about any feelings you have, positive or negative, about the film, what stereotypes you feel it perpetuates the most, and what elements (if there are any) could have been added or removed to avoid exoticism, romanticization, or ethnic stereotyping.

I like Orfeu Negro and struggle a bit to see its weak points for the reasons I outlined above, but I'm not the sort of girl who shies away from criticizing something just because I like it, so please don't feel like me verbalizing my confusion indicates that I'm going to shout you down for disagreeing with me— I'm literally here to learn why I'm wrong :)

thanks so so much for reading and I'm excited to hear from y'all! I know we go through a lot, but to paraphrase Ilê Aiyê, somos o mundo negro, e se as pessoas soubessem o valor que os negrão têm, elas tomariam banho de piche ficaram pra negrão tambem. sending lots of love across the continents 🫶🏽💕

Hi! I have a shit computer, so for a while, Catznip has been my go-to for parties and crowded voice hangouts. Recently, though, my voice button has been permanently greyed out and no matter what I click on my settings, it doesn't seem to function properly.

My voice works on Firestorm and Alchemy, but with those viewers my computer crashes whenever I do something a little more serious. Is Catznip no longer voice-compatible, and if so, are there any other alternative viewers for people with bad computers?

Thanks so much for reading/helping!

obligatory disclaimer: this is not me referring to relationships that have gotten physical or that have escalated to a point where it would be dangerous to leave. I understand that the proper course of action in situations like those (and even ones like I will describe below) is to continue to listen without opinionated feedback and leave your door open for escape or refuge. I'm just here to vent.

okay, now that that's out of the way... this is more accurately a blend between annoyance and frustration, but it really bothers me when 99% of the info I get about a loved one's partner is how neglectful, unfaithful, or even straight up awful they are, but then I'm treated as cold-hearted or a hater when I suggest they leave— not even in a "you're weak, why do you even stay with them" way, but a "you don't deserve that, that loser should go in the garbage" sort of a way. like, I'm sorry, how did I become the villain of the story here?

because what do you mean she stole your entire life savings to pay for pickleball lessons? what do you mean he killed your cat in a hit-and-run after repeatedly cheating on you with your sister? but now suddenly I'm in the wrong for saying that you're too precious to me to be treated this way?

and then they'll jump to pulling the "why don't you look happy for me?" or "I bet you're just jealous" card when there's an engagement or they move in together. I just want to grab them by the shoulders and shake them screaming, "this is self-harm!!!" but I can't because I know it's better to try to be subtle than it is to risk alienating a friend altogether.

that doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt, though— it's annoying and frustrating and upsetting and just feels like screaming at a wall sometimes. like, I feel grateful that they trust me enough to be open with me, but it's so exhausting having to constantly play nice around someone who is dog walking your friend without being able to stop them.

edit: formatting <3

And this is coming from a former bag lady. It's one thing if we're shopping together and you're asking me to hold shopping bags while you use the restroom; it's also fine when you need me to hold your purse to tie your shoe. But *just* your purse and *just* to use the bathroom? When there's nothing else in your hands? Why are you carrying around a bag that you can't manage on your own? And if you can't take your purse to the bathroom, where the fuck are you people storing your tampons?

I've carried handbags, satchels, backpacks, crossbodies, clutches, totes, and wristlets, walking around for hours in a day. I have never had trouble dealing with any of them in the bathroom or otherwise. If you can't so much as take a piss without foisting your unstylish, deceptively heavy bag onto somebody else, making me look like a disoriented purse-snatcher in the process, how in the *world* are you getting by on your own?

It's honestly a level of dependence that makes me lose a teeny bit of respect for a person. I wouldn't judge you for living with your parents, not having a car, or being on assistance, but not being able to hold a bag YOU BROUGHT out with you? That's the line, sorry. That's not just incompetence, that's poor planning.

And the worst part is, I don't want to do it, but I don't want to say *no!* It's such a minor thing, and it wouldn't exactly help my rapport with my friends and relatives (or a future girlfriend, though I feel like that would be a turn-off) to refuse for the sole reason that it's something they should be doing themselves. So, alas, I will continue to hold the purses. The cumbersome ones. The ugly ones. The ones loaded with cannonballs. I will continue to mask my annoyance. I mean, how bad is a little irritation to maintain social harmony, right? Right?

let me start off by saying that in an increasingly polarized world, there is absolutely merit in encouraging people to be more willing to see the shades of grey in different situations.

*however*... I think the sentiment is starting to evolve into another form of Enlightened Centrism™️ or a false balance bias, where people have begun to treat taking a middling stance on an issue as a shortcut to having a well-thought-out opinion.

I imagine that this shift in thinking is mainly confined to the internet, but boy, has it gotten irritating. I recently clicked off a video in which a creator insisted that the "nuanced" take on making true crime makeup tutorials about the recently deceased was, "yeah, they can exploit the victims, disrespect their memories, trivialize their murders, and get information wrong, but also content creators need to get clicks in order to eat so we shouldn't be too critical of them for sensationalizing recent homicides."

ironically, though, I would argue that always taking the "both sides are valid" approach to an argument is its own form of rejecting nuance, but that's neither here nor there.