u/throwawaydisastsr

Without getting too detailed, I have a very weird and uncomfortable memory from my childhood of my father. I don't know how old I was, and I have two different versions of the memory. I can't remember which version came first, and one is more detailed.

Essentially, one version of the is from a third POV, like I'm looking down at myself, and it's me looking at a picture of the incident on my mothers phone. Which is weird, because I never had access to my mom's phone unsupervised or her password (I specifically remember her being oddly secretive about this). This memory is just a "picture" in my brain, no more details; just a still image.

The other version of the memory is from my own POV (so basically what I'm looking at on the phone in the other version, if that makes sense), but it sometimes switches to a third POV, again like I'm looking down on myself. But it's mostly from my own eyes. This one isn't just a still image. This one feels like a video of a memory, like there's movement and action on the other persons end. And I can almost for a second bring myself back to that moment and remember and start to feel like I'm back in that moment, and then I get really uncomfortable and I lose it/snap out of it.

I've never told anyone about this memory. Never. I spent the first few years telling myself I made it up until I realized there's just no way. I've never even written it down. It terrifies me. Again, I have no idea how old I was but I was under the age of 10. I never recalled the memory until my 20's, I believe. If I had before that, I don't remember it now. My father is still very much in my life and I think about it quite often and it brings me a lot of discomfort and confusion. But we are very close and I don't know what to do. I can't imagine him ever harming me.

My therapist has suggested EMDR therapy for other things. And I'm just curious if it even makes a difference for me to decipher which one of these versions of the memory is real.....

Has anyone else had experience with this? Having two versions of a memory and figuring out the truth? Or something similar? Or even advice? Haha, I'll take anything here :/

Without getting too detailed, I have a very weird and uncomfortable memory from my childhood. I don't know how old I was, and I have two different versions of the memory. I can't remember which version came first, and one is more detailed.

Essentially, one version of the is from a third POV, like I'm looking down at myself, and it's me looking at a picture of the incident on my mothers phone. Which is weird, because I never had access to my mom's phone unsupervised or her password (I specifically remember her being oddly secretive about this). This memory is just a "picture" in my brain, no more details; just a still image.

The other version of the memory is from my own POV (so basically what I'm looking at on the phone in the other version, if that makes sense), but it sometimes switches to a third POV, again like I'm looking down on myself. But it's mostly from my own eyes. This one isn't just a still image. This one feels like a video of a memory, like there's movement and action on the other persons end. And I can almost for a second bring myself back to that moment and remember and start to feel like I'm back in that moment, and then I get really uncomfortable and I lose it/snap out of it.

I've never told anyone about this memory. Never. I spent the first few years telling myself I made it up until I realized there's just no way. I've never even written it down. It terrifies me. Again, I have no idea how old I was but I was under the age of 10. I never recalled the memory until my 20's, I believe. If I had before that, I don't remember it now. The person involved in the memory is still very much in my life and I think about it quite often and it brings me a lot of discomfort and confusion.

My therapist has suggested EMDR therapy for other things. And I'm just curious if it even makes a difference for me to decipher which one of these versions of the memory is real.....

Has anyone else had experience with this? Having two versions of a memory and figuring out the truth? Or something similar? Or even advice? Haha, I'll take anything here :/

My (27f) bf (31m) have been together for 3 years, and within the last 2, he has proven that he's got a horrible temper. Within a minute or two into any conversation or argument about our relationship or us, he begins gradually raising his voice until he's shouting or straight up screaming at me. He almost always starts cursing at that point, and name calling gets thrown around usually, too.

And listen, I get that people get mad!! I know that no one is perfect and people blow up in the heat of the moment. But this feels different. It's every single time we get into an argument, and he always flips around within an hour or two and is "apologetic" (doesn't always actually say sorry, but implies it), and starts to make excuses for why he got angry (usually something along the lines of me pissing him off so that's why he reacted that way). But then a few minutes later he can go back to that angry explosion, and then it's a cycle for a bit.

There have been times that he's gotten so mad that I genuinely get worried it's going to escalate. Anytime I've sincerely expressed to him that he scares me in those moments and I think that he is going to hit me one day, it's almost comical to him. He smirks or scoffs, and reacts as if that's the most bizarre thing in the world, because he would "NEVER lay a hand" on me. Then a couple hours of later, he's super apologetic again and is very sincere that he would never hurt me.

I do not raise my voice...ever. The most cursing I ever do is say the word fuck/fucking. I've NEVER called him a name in our entire relationship, never once. And trust me, I've been angry, so I know this all probably sounds stupid to ask, but it really is that cliche thing where he seemingly does a great job at convincing me that this is normal in relationships when your significant other "pisses you off". He says I'm ridiculous for thinking he's not allowed to react, and mocked my by whispering and saying, "Aw, should I talk like this?"

And then I start to get into my head because what if I'm wrong and it is justified for someone to yell when they're angry, even if that's not how I personally react?

I refuse to answer him most times when he's screaming at me and being condescending. I'll just stare at him with a blank face once I realize me begging him to stop yelling isn't working. For the first time ever, he walked out of the door way once he realized I wasn't responding anymore, and I heard a really loud noise. The next morning I saw a fist sized hole in the wall. He brought me flowers after, like he always does when he acts that way.

But he's saying he's punched walls as a teenager and it isn't his first time, but it is the first time since like high school. I feel like he was trying to downplay it, because he then followed up with "But I would never hit you."

I told him that if he ever punches the wall again, I will call the police. He absolutely thought I was joking at first but I told him I will absolutely call them and file a report if he does it again.

AIO/ Am I just seriously in denial? Why am I unable to convince myself that this is abuse? Why does my brain tell me that it's better he got his anger out like that instead of on me?

Is there any world in which this type of behavior doesn't escalate to physical? I've been told that first it's the wall, and then it's your face, but it never ever stays just the wall. Is that true?

And if anyone has dealt with someone with similar behavior or temper, did it escalate? Or did they never graduate taking it out on you?

My (27f) bf (31m) have been together for 3 years, and within the last 2, he has proven that he's got a horrible temper. Within a minute or two into any conversation or argument about our relationship or us, he begins gradually raising his voice until he's shouting or straight up screaming at me. He almost always starts cursing at that point, and name calling gets thrown around usually, too.

And listen, I get that people get mad!! I know that no one is perfect and people blow up in the heat of the moment. But this feels different. It's every single time we get into an argument, and he always flips around within an hour or two and is "apologetic" (doesn't always actually say sorry, but implies it), and starts to make excuses for why he got angry (usually something along the lines of me pissing him off so that's why he reacted that way). But then a few minutes later he can go back to that angry explosion, and then it's a cycle for a bit.

There have been times that he's gotten so mad that I genuinely get worried it's going to escalate. Anytime I've sincerely expressed to him that he scares me in those moments and I think that he is going to hit me one day, it's almost comical to him. He smirks or scoffs, and reacts as if that's the most bizarre thing in the world, because he would "NEVER lay a hand" on me. Then a couple hours of later, he's super apologetic again and is very sincere that he would never hurt me.

I do not raise my voice...ever. The most cursing I ever do is say the word fuck/fucking. I've NEVER called him a name in our entire relationship, never once. And trust me, I've been angry, so I know this all probably sounds stupid to ask, but it really is that cliche thing where he seemingly does a great job at convincing me that this is normal in relationships when your significant other "pisses you off". He says I'm ridiculous for thinking he's not allowed to react, and mocked my by whispering and saying, "Aw, should I talk like this?"

And then I start to get into my head because what if I'm wrong and it is justified for someone to yell when they're angry, even if that's not how I personally react?

I refuse to answer him most times when he's screaming at me and being condescending. I'll just stare at him with a blank face once I realize me begging him to stop yelling isn't working. For the first time ever, he walked out of the door way once he realized I wasn't responding anymore, and I heard a really loud noise. The next morning I saw a fist sized hole in the wall. He brought me flowers after, like he always does when he acts that way.

But he's saying he's punched walls as a teenager and it isn't his first time, but it is the first time since like high school. I feel like he was trying to downplay it, because he then followed up with "But I would never hit you."

I told him that if he ever punches the wall again, I will call the police. He absolutely thought I was joking at first but I told him I will absolutely call them and file a report if he does it again.

Am I just seriously in denial? Why am I unable to convince myself that this is abuse? Why does my brain tell me that it's better he got his anger out like that instead of on me?

Is there any world in which this type of behavior doesn't escalate to physical? I've been told that first it's the wall, and then it's your face, but it never ever stays just the wall. Is that true?

And if anyone has dealt with someone with similar behavior or temper, did it escalate? Or did they never graduate taking it out on you?

My (27f) bf (31m) have been together for 3 years, and within the last 2, he has proven that he's got a horrible temper. Within a minute or two into any conversation or argument about our relationship or us, he begins gradually raising his voice until he's shouting or straight up screaming at me. He almost always starts cursing at that point, and name calling gets thrown around usually, too.

And listen, I get that people get mad!! I know that no one is perfect and people blow up in the heat of the moment. But this feels different. It's every single time we get into an argument, and he always flips around within an hour or two and is "apologetic" (doesn't always actually say sorry, but implies it), and starts to make excuses for why he got angry (usually something along the lines of me pissing him off so that's why he reacted that way). But then a few minutes later he can go back to that angry explosion, and then it's a cycle for a bit.

There have been times that he's gotten so mad that I genuinely get worried it's going to escalate. Anytime I've sincerely expressed to him that he scares me in those moments and I think that he is going to hit me one day, it's almost comical to him. He smirks or scoffs, and reacts as if that's the most bizarre thing in the world, because he would "NEVER lay a hand" on me. Then a couple hours of later, he's super apologetic again and is very sincere that he would never hurt me.

I do not raise my voice...ever. The most cursing I ever do is say the word fuck/fucking. I've NEVER called him a name in our entire relationship, never once. And trust me, I've been angry, so I know this all probably sounds stupid to ask, but it really is that cliche thing where he seemingly does a great job at convincing me that this is normal in relationships when your significant other "pisses you off". He says I'm ridiculous for thinking he's not allowed to react, and mocked my by whispering and saying, "Aw, should I talk like this?"

And then I start to get into my head because what if I'm wrong and it is justified for someone to yell when they're angry, even if that's not how I personally react?

I refuse to answer him most times when he's screaming at me and being condescending. I'll just stare at him with a blank face once I realize me begging him to stop yelling isn't working. For the first time ever, he walked out of the door way once he realized I wasn't responding anymore, and I heard a really loud noise. The next morning I saw a fist sized hole in the wall. He brought me flowers after, like he always does when he acts that way.

But he's saying he's punched walls as a teenager and it isn't his first time, but it is the first time since like high school. I feel like he was trying to downplay it, because he then followed up with "But I would never hit you."

I told him that if he ever punches the wall again, I will call the police. He absolutely thought I was joking at first but I told him I will absolutely call them and file a report if he does it again.

Am I just seriously in denial? Why am I unable to convince myself that this is abuse? Why does my brain tell me that it's better he got his anger out like that instead of on me?

Is there any world in which this type of behavior doesn't escalate to physical? I've been told that first it's the wall, and then it's your face, but it never ever stays just the wall. Is that true?

And if anyone has dealt with someone with similar behavior or temper, did it escalate? Or did they never graduate taking it out on you?

My (27f) bf (31m) have been together for 3 years, and within the last 2, he has proven that he's got a horrible temper. Within a minute or two into any conversation or argument about our relationship or us, he begins gradually raising his voice until he's shouting or straight up screaming at me. He almost always starts cursing at that point, and name calling gets thrown around usually, too.

And listen, I get that people get mad!! I know that no one is perfect and people blow up in the heat of the moment. But this feels different. It's every single time we get into an argument, and he always flips around within an hour or two and is "apologetic" (doesn't always actually say sorry, but implies it), and starts to make excuses for why he got angry (usually something along the lines of me pissing him off so that's why he reacted that way). But then a few minutes later he can go back to that angry explosion, and then it's a cycle for a bit.

There have been times that he's gotten so mad that I genuinely get worried it's going to escalate. Anytime I've sincerely expressed to him that he scares me in those moments and I think that he is going to hit me one day, it's almost comical to him. He smirks or scoffs, and reacts as if that's the most bizarre thing in the world, because he would "NEVER lay a hand" on me. Then a couple hours of later, he's super apologetic again and is very sincere that he would never hurt me.

I do not raise my voice...ever. The most cursing I ever do is say the word fuck/fucking. I've NEVER called him a name in our entire relationship, never once. And trust me, I've been angry, so I know this all probably sounds stupid to ask, but it really is that cliche thing where he seemingly does a great job at convincing me that this is normal in relationships when your significant other "pisses you off". He says I'm ridiculous for thinking he's not allowed to react, and mocked my by whispering and saying, "Aw, should I talk like this?"

And then I start to get into my head because what if I'm wrong and it is justified for someone to yell when they're angry, even if that's not how I personally react?

I refuse to answer him most times when he's screaming at me and being condescending. I'll just stare at him with a blank face once I realize me begging him to stop yelling isn't working. For the first time ever, he walked out of the door way once he realized I wasn't responding anymore, and I heard a really loud noise. The next morning I saw a fist sized hole in the wall. He brought me flowers after, like he always does when he acts that way.

But he's saying he's punched walls as a teenager and it isn't his first time, but it is the first time since like high school. I feel like he was trying to downplay it, because he then followed up with "But I would never hit you."

I told him that if he ever punches the wall again, I will call the police. He absolutely thought I was joking at first but I told him I will absolutely call them and file a report if he does it again.

Am I just seriously in denial? Why am I unable to convince myself that this is abuse? Why does my brain tell me that it's better he got his anger out like that instead of on me?

Is there any world in which this type of behavior doesn't escalate to physical? I've been told that first it's the wall, and then it's your face, but it never ever stays just the wall. Is that true?

And if anyone has dealt with someone with similar behavior or temper, did it escalate? Or did they never graduate taking it out on you?