u/throwra_passinggirl

I’ve been having this issue with editing pretty consistently the last two months. Any time I upload any a first piece of media to adobe it instantly goes to the blue spinning wheel of doom and my entire computer freezes. Nothing works. Even ctrl alt delete stops working. I have to do a hard restart. It only happens the first time media is put into a project and not again and all editing from there goes smoothly. I’ve checked the task manager til everything freezes and nothing is running at max capacity, the computer doesn’t get hot, all is fine.

I’ve updated my drivers, checked for adobe updates- none of it’s working.

In the past I’ve gotten through it by clearing my media cache, and praying and on the dozenth attempt it works. But no luck today. Has anyone experienced this? Any advice?

I’ve seen quite a few posts recently (and historically) from parents despairing in the early months of parenthood and feeling like their life, so to speak, is over. This is I guess, reassurance? Advice? That it gets better. And that you’re not alone or crazy for feeling how you do.

Caveat: my experience is with a neurotypical kid and my advice applies there. I don’t want to speak for anyone else’s experiences here.

First off. You’re not crazy. Some people are in the camp of loving the newborn or early baby era, but that’s not all of us. I know people say parenthood is hard but I truly feel like the difficulty and whiplash of the newborn and baby period was undersold to me. Nothing could really prepare us for it. It’s HARD. It’s mentally taxing and physically draining, and can throw your whole sense of identity into a tailspin.

It’s okay to kinda hate it right now. That doesn’t make you a bad parent or mean you’re going to hate all of parenthood. Different parts of parenting suit people differently. We all have to do all of it, but you probably won’t love all of it equally. I love parenting a toddler. I am far better equipped to handle a tantrum than purple crying. I’d rather negotiate 3 more minutes at the playground and the subsequent meltdown than the 3 naps and 5 wake-ups a night at 4 months.

It gets easier, really it does. Maybe not every aspect, but in total. With rare exception (sleep regression at 4 months, a nap protest at 11 months), every month has made parenting easier and has been my favorite month yet. They sleep more, you sleep more. They gain more independence, you regain your own independence. Parenting becomes less about survival and the challenges shift. Some challenges might be harder, but overall, you will start to feel like a person again.

There are some parents who really dislike the toddler era. I’m not in that camp. But as with all other phases- it’s temporary.

Your life won’t go back to how it was. That’s just how it is. Time doesn’t go backwards. But there IS a decided shift after the first few months where parts of your life can come back, just changed. When that happens and how quickly depends on the family. It’s a slow trickle at first but slowly your kid can be reintegrated into your life and you’ll find new joys and new activities with your kid. You will not forever be in the newborn survival era. Life will feel like normal life again, just a new normal.

You might get to a point where you see the baby era as a blip and are comfortable doing it again. Or you might not. You’re not a failure if you only want one kid. We are certainly in that camp.

But life will not always feel like it does at 2 weeks. Or 8. Or 12. Or even 6 months or a year. It will get easier.

On to advice.

1. Go outside. Every day if you can (once you’re past any lying in period you do). Leave the house. Seriously. It pretty much always helps (you and the kid）. Just walking around the block helped.
2. Remember you and your partner are a team.
3. Remember that the newborn and baby phase is a phase and is temporary. It will pass. Life will move on.

Anyway, best of luck. You’ll get through this.

It happened! 8 months on T and I passed for the first time to another adult. I was at the library with my son talking to a grandma for like 20 minutes when she asked me if I knew another couple in the neighborhood, who just had their second kid via surrogate. I said no and she got super apologetic and was like “sorry! I shouldn’t just assume all gay parents in the neighborhood know each!” She actually specifically used the term “two dad families” at some point so i know she wasn’t using “gay” as a catch all and assuming i was a butch lesbian (which happens more often than id like).

Shockingly I 1) was not binding; 2) was in what I’m fairly sure are women’s pants; 3) was with my kid on a weekday which often immediately makes people assume “mom”. At no point did my kiddo call me dad in the conversation prior to her saying that.

I didn’t think I was passing in the least but I may be delusional about this because after I told my husband and friends they were like “yeah it’s time to switch bathrooms dude.” And my husband said “you’ve probably passed dozens or hundreds of times already, they just didn’t say anything so you wouldn’t know.”

ETA: i say “passed to an adult” because I’ve actually passed to kids like 30% of the time since like 4 months on T? Funny how that works. And then their parents try to “correct” them.

I had my consult for top surgery about a month ago- reputable doc as far as I can tell, I’ve seen pics of his results on r/topsurgery and they look amazing and very flat. But he mentioned that some breast glandular tissue remains after top surgery because otherwise you may have a convex result and that the amount that remains is the same amount as cis men have. I was very direct that I don’t want any sort of “shaping” done to mimic pecs - I have pecs and I can work out if I want more, and he agreed.

But I’m looking at some posts about top surgery indicating all breast tissue should be removed, and mentioning the risk of breasts growing back otherwise (though I assume that’s only if you get off T.) most online sources seem to echo that top surgery usually leaves some behind but folks on Reddit seem to disagree. Does anyone have more insight on this? If you got top surgery, was any breast tissue left behind?

ETA: thank you. My surgeon and the myriad online resources saying some tissue should be left behind are not wrong. Guys, please do research- cis men have some glandular tissue and for a non-concave looking top surgery result you probably will too. Gonna stop stressing now and instead look at back pillows for recovery.

Oh and fwiw I got post top surgery continued breast cancer screening advice because my docs still advise it for trans men post top surgery.

I’m a trans guy so I hope this is allowed.

This game is rigged. I climbed for years before I transitioned, worked out multiple times a weeks, had a hangboard in the house, took protein, did forearm workouts, was in the best shape of my life, all of it. I dont think I ever sent beyond a V5, and only with lots of projecting.

I know we all know that hormones effects athletic performance - god knows I knew I used to climb a lot worse for a week out of every month pre transition. But I don’t think I realized the extent.

I’ve been on T 8 months. I’m 20 lbs heavier, i had a kid, I don’t really work out, I don’t take my protein, I don’t do any of the stuff I did before. I just go climbing once every week or so. Sure, I remember technique but I’m very out of practice.

I went to my same boulder gym yesterday for Father’s Day for the first time in close to a month and flashed V6s the whole time I was there and suddenly was climbing the same problems as my husband whose always climbed 2-3 grades above me- honestly, much to my own surprise. Not just power boulders, all types. The only thing that felt “harder” was some flexibility. I’ve never tried less and never had more success.

So, uh, I guess this is just some reassurance that if you’re frustrated by what feels like unequal progress with male peers in the gym or disheartened or something- it’s not in your head and it’s not for your own lack of skill or effort (or necessarily proof of there’s). And this is not to make it a competitive thing but honestly know when you are climbing the same problems as men - which I know you do all the time- it’s a massive testament to your climbing and athletic abilities.

I don’t mean to sound at all like rude here, im honestly frustrated knowing how much easier climbing feels now (and slightly less impressed by the climbs I’ve seen some men I know do lol)

Basically the title. My larger family has pretty much always done relatively early potty training- like between 14 and 20 months. Just all hippy dippy folks whose kids are naked all the time who start toilet “training” as soon as the kids can walk. It looks a bit like the “oh crap” method - just constantly naked and following your kid around til it clicks for them. Our son is 16 months and we did the same for him and he’s potty trained now (in the way a 16 month old can be- not wiping himself or potty trained at night of course.)

We’ve gotten a lot of heavy concern from my husband’s side that having done this will lead to some kind of long term harm or trauma to our son. We’re aware of the studies on this from the 70s suggesting later and child led potty training but we were under the impression a lot of the harm found there was more based on harsh potty training methods rather than potty training itself. I’m not aware of more recent data saying the same.

It’s not a bell we’re unringing, but I’m just curious if there is empirical data on whether my family’s approach on this is detrimental. Thanks!

First couple things before launching in. This is not a directive that other parents should be doing this too, it’s just a resource on what worked for us. It’s not going to work for every kid, parent or circumstance. We decided on this after reading a lot of stories on early potty training and honestly talking to my grandma and great grandma quite a bit who all potty trained their kids fairly early, and my husband and I personally just wanting to be done with diapers as soon as we could. Also, potty training at 16 months does not look the same as it does at 2 or 3. 16 month olds do not have the dexterity to handle toileting on their own, the language to fully communicate they have to go, or the physical development to be potty trained over night. What potty training is for us is that we don’t use diapers during daytime hours anymore and he only rarely has accidents.

He cues us mostly by grabbing himself and saying a concerned “Dada” or bringing us his toilet, and we also just bring him at intervals if we think he might have to go. He holds it if we go out and we just make sure to bring him to a toilet every so frequently free when we’re out, and in the rare moments he starts to have an accident he holds it and lets us know. A very large part of toileting is still on us as parents reading his cues and facilitating the bathroom, rather than just on him. It’s potty training not potty independence and it’s not going to be right for every family.

Okay, so launching in. We started very lazy “elimination communication” at around 3 months. I was am a stay at home dad and was pretty determined at the beginning but petered off a good deal. Basically what it looked like was setting him on a very tiny baby toilet at wakes, after getting home, and after meals and occasionally starting to “read” his signals on if he was about to go. Aside from that we used disposable diapers. I think the biggest thing this helped with was just normalizing him to going on the toilet and training me as a parent to understand his bathroom rhythms and cues.

Around 14 months he started going on his own to his toilet to try to pee very occasionally. A month or so prior to that he’d also stopped pooping outside the house and consistently waited til we were home to do it. We decided to try full potty training at this point (expanded below) but by day 2 he started crying when we sat him on the toilet so we decided to pause and retry later. He also seemed to pee like 30 times a day which didn’t help lol. Now he pees more like 12 times- still high but more workable.

At 15.5 months we seemed to have a new milestone of him grabbing himself and looking at us every time he had to go so we decided to try again. We went on a vacation and basically kept him naked whenever we were in the hotel room (tile floors) and tried to bring him to toilet any time he started peeing.

When we got back we launched into it fully. Puppy pads on all rugs (which he constantly pulled up) and him naked from the waist down inside. At home days 1-3 I stayed on him just tracking him 24/7 and moving him to the toilet if he started going. It was exhausting. We also timed every 30 or so minutes and after meals/naps/before and after going out, setting him on the toilet to see if he needed to go. Successful potties got tons of applause and a tiny treat or sticker. Accidents we stayed very calm and just did a “whoopsie, we potty in the toilet and would bring him over.” Days 1-3 we still diapered when we went outside but brought a portable toilet to try after 30 or so minutes.

Day 4 we started going out just in underwear (we use Hanes training underwear and brought a portable potty and many changes of underwear and clothes). At home we started picking up the puppy pads and stopped setting him every 30 minutes. Days 4 saw many carpet pees, one poop that he decided to try and clean up on his own while I left for two seconds to grab a towel (hellish experience), and two accidents on the way to the park. Day 5 saw 2 carpet pees and one when we went outside. Day 6 was a mostly dry day except the beginning of a pee where he stopped himself and ran to us.

Most days since have been 0-1 accidents. After two-ish weeks we put underwear back on inside and mostly relied on his cues and set times (after nap, wake up, getting home, meals) for toileting.

We’re at 3 weeks since starting and it feels like it genuinely stuck. Though now he’s starting to try to stand and pee and his aim is awful so that’s a fun new issue. I’m sure there will be regressions- daycare, travel, illness, etc. But it’s working and I’m counting it now.

Some important notes- this hasn’t been a process that demanded perfection, just consistency. Day 5 saw our dryer break down and I put him back into a diaper for an hour or so while I troubleshot that. We’re human, our kid is human, a quick break is not going to cause you to lose all progress. We also were pretty big on not wanting it to feel stressful for our kid. When he was getting visibly upset about it at 14 months, we paused. When he just didn’t want to go to the bathroom on the toilet those first few days, we let him get up and accidents happened.

Also progress is NOT purely linear. Day 2 was worse than day 1, day 4 was the most accidents of all, and random days he just chugs too much water too quickly and have an accident or 2 when he can’t figure out he has to go fast enough. The process took “2 weeks” but it candidly was a yearlong process before that.

Anyway, that’s all! Hope this helps any parents considering trying potty training early. It’s definitely not for everyone and definitely takes a lot of time and clean up. But it was worth it for us.

First thing before launching in- yall probably all know this, but potty training at 16 months does not look the same as it does at 2 or 3. 16 month olds do not have the dexterity to handle toileting on their own, the language to fully communicate they have to go, or the physical development to be potty trained over night. We’re calling it potty trained because he 1) rarely has accidents and usually has dry days 2) we don’t use diapers except overnight 3) when we go out he consistently comes back in the exact same undies and cloths we left in, and 4) he cues us himself over half the time. But it’s potty training not potty independence and its mostly still on is to accurately read his cues and handle toileting.

Okay, so launching in. We started very lazy “elimination communication” at around 3 months. I was am a stay at home dad and was pretty determined at the beginning but petered off a good deal. Basically what it looked like was setting him on a very tiny baby toilet at wakes, after getting home, and after meals and occasionally starting to “read” his signals on if he was about to go. Aside from that we used disposable diapers and honestly most were caught there. I think the biggest thing this helped with was just normalizing him to going on the toilet and training me as a parent to understand his bathroom rhythms and cues.

Around 14 months he started going on his own to his toilet to try to pee sometimes, without us asking him to. A month or so prior to that he’d also stopped pooping outside the house and consistently waited til we were home to do it. We decided to try full potty training at this point (expanded below) but by day 2 he started crying when we sat him on the toilet so we decided to pause and retry later. He also seemed to pee like 30 times a day which didn’t help lol. Now he pees more like 12 times- still high but more workable.

At 15.5 months we seemed to have a new milestone of him really solidly grabbing himself and looking at us every time he had to go so we decided to try again. We went on a vacation and basically kept him naked whenever we were in the hotel room (tile floors) and tried to bring him to toilet any time he started peeing.

When we got back we launched into it fully. Puppy pads on all rugs (which he constantly pulled up) and him naked from the waist down inside. At home days 1-3 I stayed on him just tracking him 24/7 and moving him to the toilet if he started going. It was exhausting. We also timed every 30 or so minutes and after meals/naps/before and after going out, setting him on the toilet to see if he needed to go. Successful potties got tons of applause and a tiny treat or sticker. Accidents we stayed very calm and just did a “whoopsie, we potty in the toilet and would bring him over.” Days 1-3 we still diapered when we went outside but brought a portable toilet to try after 30 or so minutes.

Day 4 we started going out just in underwear (we use light training underwear s and brought a portable potty and many changes of underwear and clothes). At home we started picking up the puppy pads and stopped setting him every 30 minutes. Days 4 saw many carpet pees, one poop that he decided to try and clean up on his own while I left for two seconds to grab a towel (hellish experience), and two accidents on the way to the park. Day 5 saw 2 carpet pees and one when we went outside. Day 6 was a mostly dry day except the beginning of a pee where he stopped himself and ran to us.

Most days since have been 0-1 accidents. After two-ish weeks we put underwear back on inside and mostly relied on his cues and set times (after nap, wake up, getting home, meals) for toileting.

We’re at 3 weeks since starting and it feels like it genuinely stuck. Though now he’s starting to try to stand and pee and his aim is awful so that’s a fun new issue. I’m sure there will be regressions- daycare, travel, illness, etc. But it’s working and I’m counting it now.

Some important notes- this hasn’t been a process that demanded perfection, just consistency. Day 5 saw our dryer break down and I put him back into a diaper for an hour or so while I troubleshot that. We’re human, our kid is human, a quick break is not going to cause you to lose all progress. We also were pretty big on not wanting it to feel stressful for our kid. When he was getting visibly upset about it at 14 months, we paused. When he just didn’t want to go to the bathroom on the toilet those first few days, we let him get up and accidents happened.

Also progress is NOT purely linear. Day 2 was worse than day 1, day 4 was the most accidents of all, and random days he just chugs too much water too quickly and have an accident or 2 when he can’t figure out he has to go fast enough. And pooping took longer to stick than pees. The process took “2 weeks” not including all the EC before that. And I think it mostly stuck because he was genuinely ready.

Anyway, that’s all! Hope this helps any parents considering trying potty training from EC.