u/throwratbqofy

I disowned my father the day I turned 18 years old, as my parents were divorced and I was stuck in a legal custody arrangement until then.

I’m 30 years old now, and we’ve had zero contact since.

My mom reached out to me - because he reached out to her - to tell her he had been diagnosed with late-stage 4 multiple organ cancers and wanted to reconnect with me while he still has time.

I waited a month. I thought about this for a month, and ultimately decided that no matter how bad of a father he was, if his dying wish is to reconnect with me, I don’t have it in me to deny him of that. Call it my character flaw, I guess.

I texted him two days ago. A large part of our previous relationship was him just disrespecting me and those around me involved in my life choices. So, I went with a strategy to keep it distant. We exchanged 4 total texts and conversation stalled, so I said a kinder version of: “What do you hope to get from this?”

He said he wanted to get to know me.

I asked how.

He said he wants to know what I like to do, what my husband and I do for work, etc.

I said, “Respectfully, there is a history of you not taking well to my decisions regarding my personal life. I will tell you I live in (state), have been here for (x) years, and I am happy.”

His response?

“Good! I’m glad you’re happy!!!!”

And it hurts.

I knew I couldn’t go in expecting apologies or anything, but to not even acknowledge the mild expression of your child saying hey, you hurt me? It just sucks. I feel like I gave him the perfect chance to say something - say anything, like it doesn’t even have to be an apology. Just acknowledge it. Something.

I think I’m going to leave him on read, because I don’t know where to go from here and I think I regret reaching out.

EDIT: “YoU dIdN’t TaKe ThE tImE tO tHiNk ThIs ThRoUgH”

He has 3 months to live. I spent one of those months pondering how to proceed.

There is a middle ground in reconnection. The plan was to introduce small talk and see if we could rebuild a foundation, and if we could, I was going to tentatively open up. But we can’t. (And mind you, I’m married to my high school sweetheart so my father knew him, and previously threatened to physically harm him - so NO, I’m not ready to share anything about him, with him, right out of the gate.)

As soon as I found out, I started going to therapy with someone who specializes in difficult family dynamics and estrangements. This whole thing was carefully thought about and planned, and heavily discussed. It was just fast-tracked because it had to be.

I think I also harbor a lot of disappointment from this, as well. I put so much work in on my end to give this the best chance it could. And it seems to have ended in 11 total shared texts.

I just found out so please excuse if this sounds oddly worded, poorly thought, or sporadic. I’m very confused and conflicted.

My parents divorce when I was 2 years old. My mom had full custody of me, but I went to my father’s every other weekend.

I cut off contact with him the day I turned 18 years old and could get out of the legal custody agreement.

I cut contact because he wasn’t a good father. We had good moments, don’t get me wrong - we went to “daddy daughter dances” and I’d stand on his feet as we swayed to music. We went to NFL games together. During thunderstorms, we’d sit on the porch and I’d crawl into his shirt and poke my head out of the neckhole with his and we’d watch the rain and it felt like the safest place in the world.

But he also would ground me for not smiling enough. One time I came home with flowers from a boy I liked (who’s now my husband) on Valentine’s Day - he got so mad, he made me cut them into 1” pieces and throw them away the same day. He once kidnapped me when I was 7 years old, when my mom had a date and she wouldn’t tell him where they were going - he told me we were going to have a “movie night at his house” and then returned me to her because he wanted to go to a strip club instead.

The duality was and is so real.

So ultimately when I turned 18, I figured the cons outweighed the pros and I cut him off. I took him out to lunch and told him face to face that it was going to be the last time he was going to see me - and it was.

It’s been 10-11 years since then. He has occasionally reached out to my mom over the years to check in on me, and she has kept him in the dark at my request.

Today my mom messaged me, that he reached out to her. He has late stage 4 cancer that has reached into several of his organs. The doctors gave him a very low probability for survival. Apparently, he was diagnosed in March of last year and they estimated him to have 18 months left. He underwent over 40 rounds of chemo, and they are now saying he has 3 years. I’m very confused by this timeline. I don’t know if the 3 years accounts for the 18 months he’s already survived. The fact he was diagnosed last year, and is reaching out now, has me thinking he expects it to happened sooner rather than later but I’m not sure. But he wants to reconnect with me before he passes.

I don’t have it in me to not.

I feel like if someone close to you is dying, and they ask to speak to you again, it is so impossibly cruel to deny them that. I don’t think I have it in me to say no.

But I’m nervous. I don’t know how to proceed. I don’t know how to reconnect. I want to process it first but I don’t know how much time I (we?) have. I feel guilty. I feel just. I feel confused. I feel conflicted. He has a pretty bad history with lying, but he sent pictures to my mom that prove he’s telling the truth, to an extent at least.

I have a half sister, with him as the shared parent. He put her up for adoption. I reconnected with her several years ago. I feel like I need to tell her, too, but I don’t know if it should come from me or I guess I just don’t know. She never had a relationship with him, but she once considered trying to reconnect with him so I feel like she should be told? At the very least, for her own health knowledge?

I’m so confused. I feel like I need time, but I don’t know if we have time. I need help.

I’m going to try to add a pic in the comments - I don’t know how to do it in post.

Our beagle is 9.5 years old. Male, neutered, has been with us for 9 years. There’s one other dog in our residence, a 12 year old beagle, they get along great - I don’t think he is responsible for this.

My husband and I are baffled as to what happened, or what it is. Because our dogs are older, we keep a calm and quiet household - especially because our 9 year old pupper in question has epilepsy, managed with phenobarbital. So he hasn’t been in any altercations or rough terrain or anything - I don’t know what happened.

My husband saw it this morning. It looks like a wound about the size of a quarter, maybe a bit bigger, just underneath his head on the left side of his neck.

It’s perfectly raw, there’s still some fur, but most is missing, and it’s been oozing and bleeding. It’s pale in color, and looks like it might be rounded underneath? I don’t see any skin penetration, like there’s no cut or puncture wounds or anything. We have a dog first aid kit, so we’ve cleaned it twice today with pet-friendly antiseptic and are keeping it dry. It doesn’t seem to be bothering him, he doesn’t seem to be in pain or itchy or anything.

I’m just confused, because it looks kind of gnarly and I’m baffled as to what it is or where it came from. I was cuddling him around his neck last night, and I don’t recall it being there. It’s large enough, I feel I would have noticed it. So I don’t know if it just “appeared” or “happened” overnight somehow? He slept in bed with me, so he was in a big warm squishy pile all night. We searched him for other spots, and only see this one.

I’d appreciate pointers or advice, as we are very confused. Going to try to post a pic of it in the comments.

EDIT: I seem unable to add the photo at this time.

Husband and I had our first baby 3 years ago. It ended in a miscarriage at 14.5 weeks gestation. Yes, it was a miscarriage, but because it was decently along we had to go to the hospital to deliver him and he was very real.

We now have our rainbow girl, and it’s the first time that we have her with us on his birthday. It’s about 2 weeks away.

Previously, my husband and I would always mark the day with cupcakes in the flavor of my biggest craving with him, and an act of kindness. I’m struggling in this concept with her.

I know we can do these things with her. It’s a 3 part conundrum for me.

1. Our son deserves to be celebrated and remembered. I cannot write him off and just start skipping over the day like it’s just another day, as he will always be a part of our family.

2. I do however feel odd raising our daughter with the knowledge of death, so early on. I know she can’t comprehend it *now* as she’s far too young. I don’t know if it’s necessarily appropriate (for lack of a better word?) to have a young child who knows that babies can and do die.

3. It’s still very raw for me, and a very emotional day. Getting the cupcakes and things, I’m usually a mess. But I’m an earthside mom now - I don’t know how to pull myself together enough to embrace the day with openness and honesty without losing it.

I just don’t really know what to do - I don’t even really know if this is the right subreddit for this, but I figured it’s family relationship advice? I don’t know.

TL;DR: Been happily together for 12 years. Had our first baby in January. My libido seems to be gone, and I don’t know if it’s a physically healing thing, or a self-conscious thing, or both? My husband is perfect and I feel awful about it. Not sure how to fix it.

The husband and I have been together for 12 years. Very happily. We recently had our first baby in January. Baby is fantastic, though the pregnancy was rough and they were delivered via c-section.

Husband and I always had great sex. Like 2-3 times a week (minimum), for 45+ minutes every time, toys were involved, positions galore, it was great.

After having our baby, I wasn’t really into it anymore. We waited the 12 weeks, and then 2 more to be safe. We were doing it, and I just wasn’t feeling it. He noticed, we stopped, I cried. He cuddled me and told me it was okay, and he’d be happy to wait until I felt ready. Weeks went by, I still wasn’t interested but he brought it up again, and I felt like an awful wife, so I kind of pretended to be interested and we did it. It was fine - I was more relieved that he was happy than anything.

And that’s how it’s been going. We are currently doing it once every 2-3 weeks (maybe?). He tries to use our toys, and positions like we always did, but I can’t help but feel like I’m just waiting for him to be done. It sounds awful; it IS awful. It really sucks to feel this way, and I want to fix it so badly.

I don’t know what it is. I’m very attracted to him still. He’s been nothing but supportive and helpful and understanding, and he’s a great dad. I’m a stay at home mom. He works long and hard shifts. At first I thought it was because maybe I was taking all of the housework and was feeling overwhelmed. I take care of the baby and home all day while he’s gone, and then he works these tough shifts and comes home and I want everything to be ready and perfect for him to relax - but ultimately I thought maybe it was because of this. I thought maybe I wake up, am go-go-go until I lay the baby down at night, and then he wants to get it on, and then I’m back in bed and I wasn’t getting any time to myself or to relax. I spoke with him about it. He said he appreciated what I was doing for him, but it didn’t have to be that way. He’s since started helping with the chores, watching the baby when he gets off. I still just don’t feel like getting it on. I just like don’t care for it.

So then I was thinking maybe it’s a self-conscious thing on my end. I’ve gained significant weight due to the pregnancy, about half of it is lingered in my stomach which now has a weird shelf because of the c-section, and the other half is split between my boobs and butt. He tells me I’m the sexiest I’ve ever been and he loves all my extra “meat” (lol) and I believe him. But I just feel uncomfortable still. He offered to get a blindfold (lol) and I’m thinking about it.

And I think it might be a physical thing, too maybe? Sometimes we’ll do one of our old positions, and it’ll hurt right in that c-section area. It’s like a very specific pain, like I can feel pain along the line of where they cut my muscles. And I don’t know if I’m having maybe some kind of subconscious aversion because the pregnancy was so rough, that maybe my body is just like keeping me as far away from that as possible?

I don’t have postpartum depression or anxiety. I know Reddit comments tend to be, “go see a therapist”. I’m currently looking around for one and haven’t found my match yet. I just don’t know what to do in the meantime. I miss having the desire to be intimate with my husband. I don’t know if it’s normal or what to do? I don’t know how to describe it, I guess just disinterest? I feel awful. Every time we do it, which isn’t even that much, I’m mentally just hoping he finishes soon so we can be done. It’s awful and makes me feel like the worst wife, especially when he’s been so amazing.

EDIT: I am not breastfeeding, either. I’ve seen a few comments mentioning this could be a factor. After birth, I hemorrhaged and had blood pressure and cardiac issues. I’m doing okay now, but required serious care and medication for two months after delivering our baby. Because of this, I was unable to breastfeed. I managed to pump some for the first couple of weeks, but had to stop. Our baby has been on formula since.

Female, 29. On no medications, I don’t do drugs or drink. No health conditions except \*possible chronic hypertension following pre-eclampsia with severe features that suddenly developed at 37 weeks gestation, and that followed for 7 weeks postpartum. I try to eat a Mediterranean diet to help.

\*possible chronic hypertension, because it hasn’t been formally diagnosed, but my numbers seem to now bounce between a normal, healthy range, to stage 1 range.

I keep having scary episodes that I’m about to lose consciousness, but don’t, and I’m just scared.

It’s happened three times.

First time, I was two weeks postpartum and my mom took me grocery shopping. She was doing all the lifting and bending and pushing, I just went with to get out of the house. We were walking slow, and being very careful and gentle. About halfway through, we were walking down this aisle and the floor started to feel like it was a boat - like it was rocking side to side. Things started to look kind of funny, almost wavy? I felt lightheaded and like I was about to fall over - I grabbed a support beam and it passed after a few seconds (maybe like 20?) I chalked it up to having just given birth and the pre-eclampsia.

Five months later, my mom and I went to our local library with my new little. We went up to the third floor to the children’s section. I’ve been up there before many times, but that time for some reason, I again randomly felt like I was on a boat. The floor almost felt like it was conforming to my foot, kinda like I was stepping in water? Things started to look wavy, I felt lightheaded, and I didn’t say anything but kind of rushed us down to a lower floor and it went away. I thought maybe it was vertigo due to the high elevation and large windows.

But it JUST happened again. I’m 6.5 months postpartum and visiting my in-laws. We sat down to eat dinner, and I put a serving on my plate and it hit again - felt super lightheaded, vision was wavy-looking again. There wasn’t that heavy rocking motion, but it was strong enough that I almost interrupted dinner to say, “I’m going to pass out”, but didn’t because I didn’t want to scare everyone. I was with it enough to think to hold still and take some deep breaths, which seemed to help and it went away after again, maybe 20 seconds or so?

I don’t know how to describe these episodes. Maybe I’m not about to pass out and it’s just extreme vertigo? They’re just weird. They’re different enough and scary enough that I remember each one in detail. The one today, we’ve been doing a lot of traveling and I haven’t had a ton of water and there’s been a moderate amount of stress, so I don’t know if it’s a combination of factors there? But it seems odd that it has happened three times?

I’d like to message my PCP but I recently quit my job to stay home with our little, and I haven’t yet to be added to my husband’s insurance so I currently don’t have coverage, and I can’t imagine the fees that would rack up here in the US for testing for something like this. I’d love advice or pointers.

Not quite sure what to tag as.

I’m an amateur photographer. To be clear, I’m a stay at home mom who does photography on the side. I used to do professional photography, I’ve been “out of the game” for several years and I just started doing it again as a way to get out and about and meet people.

- I will not book extremely important shoots (I have a list of local career photographers I refer people to for these)
- My prices reflect my current level of work
- I’ve been taking it on in a very relaxed type of way

I’ve been doing mini family shoots for the most part. I’m very upfront with people when they look to book with me about what I’m providing, in terms of type of shoot, return, pricing, etc.

I’ve had three “bad” clients in a row and I’m starting to feel discouraged. I’m explaining this poorly, but I feel like people book with me with way too many expectations, so that I am being forced to take it more formally. I don’t want to provide a contract for every shoot; I feel like at this point I have to. I don’t want to require a deposit; I feel like I now have to.

First shoot in question, wanted more return photos and stated they were unhappy not every pose made it into their album. This was a 30 minute shoot. They got 22 finished photos in return.

Second shoot, requested the entire unedited session because they too were upset about their return amount, some poses not being included, and thought my cropping was odd. Another 30 minute session that I extended to about 40 because we were having fun. They received 34 finished photos. 22 of them were portrait style, and the rest were candids. 3 of the candids I had edited to focus on small details, and these were the ones they thought the cropping was odd.

Third shoot, was with another photographer. I did an hour shoot, for free for my portfolio. It was a styled shoot, they had a 62 finished photo return. They complained they thought there would be more, and also were upset that only 3 of them were from “outside”. Mind you, they had 6 of them from outside, and it was an indoor shoot that we wandered out from and decided to shoot a few random ones because the architecture looked nice in the lighting - so the “outside” ones weren’t even really a part of the discussed plan.

And I don’t know. I have communicated with each of them, as I have all of my other shoots, that I supply approximately a 20-25 return from a 30 minute session.

I’m going to make contracts going forward to protect myself from these arguments, and I think I’m going to start limiting returns to 20 photos received. I’m going to clearly state RAWS and unedited sessions will not be returned, and I’m going to include a clause about my culling process. And I think I’m going to start charging a deposit as well.

It’s just frustrating. I know the majority of people here do this at very high levels and make their living doing exclusively photography, so I probably sound silly and perhaps even rude to say I do it for “fun” and don’t have all of these formalities in place. But I guess I just wish I didn’t have to take it so seriously, if my work is not that serious.

Hi! In a couple of days, my little one is turning 6 months old. We are throwing her a mini party at home. We want to celebrate her half birthday every year (nothing crazy!) but just as a fun family tradition. I plan to use “half” themes each year, such as half way around the sun, and give her some little space themed gifts. Or half time - give her like a couple of foam balls, type things.

This got sidetracked when I found an adorable half ladybug cake for this year. I’ve managed to accumulate fun, outdoorsy/gardening themed things to match the cake - there’s a butterfly bubble wand, some flippy plastic frogs.

But, I’m looking for a gardening pun to use as my theme now and I am stuck! The only thing I can think of is “half-grown” but it doesn’t even really make sense! I’m not against something less “half” themed - like “so cuke!” or “I love you from your head to-ma-toes” but I haven’t found one I love yet!

Any ideas?

Hello again.

I don’t think I’ve ever done an update so please forgive me for posting again, but the more I’ve sat with this, the more I’m finding myself struggling, and I’m not really sure what to do.

I did end up calling out of work. I told my boss I wouldn’t be in and I was taking a personal day. They replied essentially okay, I hope you feel better, and we’ll meet next week to talk about it.

I plan to submit my resignation notice this upcoming Friday.

I spent all day yesterday and today with our baby. I can’t stop thinking about that comment, and it’s starting to have a negative impact on my own mental health. Like I said originally, I know this particular person couldn’t do it, and didn’t mean it.

But I can’t stop having this thought that someone else could. It’s been stuck in the back of my mind. It’s a beautiful day today, and I was going to take our baby to the park - but I decided against it because I’m too nervous. I settled on taking them for a walk around our neighborhood in their stroller, and I brought our dog with us for peace of mind. There was a point I had to step a foot away or so from the stroller to pick up after the dog, and I was nervous to - I made an effort to make sure no one else was in sight first.

To share a bit more info (even this is now making me nervous), but our baby is a girl. I was second guessing her outfit today for our walk, and wondering if maybe I shouldn’t be dressing her so obviously feminine.

I do share pictures of our baby online. I have one social media account with very limited friends (22, to be exact, all of which are family). My account is about as private as it can be. I share pictures of them regularly because our family lives on the other side of the country, so they don’t get to see them much, and posting allows a way for us all to stay connected. But now I’m wondering if I should be doing that.

I am fully aware that this comment that was said, has caused all of this paranoia for myself. I am not sure what to do about it. I don’t think I need therapy for one comment, though if it persists and/or gets severe enough, I will seek care.

In the meantime, I’m finding myself ruminating on it and all the dark things it’s brought into my reality. It’s been really hard.

EDIT: Therapy is an incredibly helpful tool. It is something I have used before for another situation, and it helped me immensely. I know myself, I know when I need to ask for help and I have no shame regarding it. I do not need it at this moment.

I just want to talk about it and vent in a space where other people are in a similar mindset and environment as me (we are all parents). Being a parent, venting to parents, allows more valuable insight because there’s more understanding.

I posted to vent, but also to seek advice for the now. I work in social work, which is very tied in with mental health. I am educated on resources and coping strategies but I think being in this unique situation, as a first time parent who is still in postpartum, has me lost on what to do to help myself right now.

This incident happened around 48 hours ago. It is not PPA; it is just simply still a new situation to me and I am still processing it. As I said, if the symptoms persist and/or increase, I will seek help as I have done before.

My decision to resign has been supplemented by this incident. My relationship with my boss is the main reason behind it, which I am not diving into here as it’s not the topic of discussion.

I work in social work. I was working while pregnant, so my clients know I gave birth not too long ago. There’s this one client I’ve been helping for a while who is just a tough cookie. They like what they like, and they don’t like what they don’t.

I told them something today they didn’t want to hear, and they said, “I’m going to kidnap your baby.” I said, “I know you’re trying to be funny, but we don’t joke about something like that - do not say that again.” They looked at me and said, “I’m going to kidnap your baby.”

I went straight to a supervisor who handled it.

This person is not a threat. I know their situation, I follow HIPAA so I’m not going into detail, but they would be incapable of taking our baby if they wanted to. They did come and apologize to me a few hours later.

I have so many mixed emotions. I know they didn’t mean it. I know they couldn’t do it. But I’m mad and incredibly defensive - like I don’t know if I can serve this person anymore. I’m sad that someone would bring my baby into conversation - I’m heartbroken that they were weaponized and threatened due to no fault of their own.

My boss sucks, so I was thinking about quitting regardless. But now it’s a done and decided deal. I love helping people, I really do. But I’m internally devastated.

I’m holding our babe extra close tonight, and I think I’m going to call in sick tomorrow.

I’m a little over 4 months postpartum. I just had my period, for the second time since giving birth. About 4-5 days after it ended, my husband and I had an accident. We noticed immediately and I took Plan B right after.

Today is the end of Day 5, after both the accident and taking Plan B. It’s day 9-10 after my period ended.

We were watching TV about an hour ago, and I felt something funny. So I went to the bathroom, and I am bleeding again - not a lot, but enough to be obviously happening.

I’ve taken Plan B before (it’s been years) but I don’t remember ever bleeding from it before? I know you’re more fertile after giving birth, but I hoped that with it being right after my period and the immediate Plan B that our chances would still be low. I’m worried this is implantation bleeding.

Anyone have insight? It’s kind of unique circumstances with the timeline of everything, so I’m having a hard time researching and trying to understand what could be happening.