u/unparallel_x

A girl and I have been trying to schedule going on a date for awhile but it hasn’t been working out. 1st time she canceled because of a family emergency, 2nd time it was my fault because I sent her a confirmation text and she didn’t respond until 6 hours later i.e 1 hour before the date. Because I didn’t hear from her I made other plans but she still showed up even though I told her I went on with my day because I didn’t hear from her. Next time she canceled because of work. Yesterday she texted me asking to change the plans because something came up. I said okay that’s fine. I asked if 1pm worked. I didn’t get a text from her until today and it’s a text saying she’s at the restaurant. No confirmation saying yes that time works or that she was leaving or anything. I feel bad because it was like a 45 minute drive but she didn’t respond so I assumed it wasn’t happening.

I don’t know if it’s me or not but it seems almost impossible to find a woman that will initiate and plan a date. I’m always the one to do it and half the time it ends up not even happening. I don’t mind doing some of the work but I ask, plan the activity i.e what they like or what they want to do, the time/place and follow up the day of to confirm. It’s getting draining. I don’t think I’m asking for much. It just seems like most women are passive or maybe they just aren’t that interested.

I was talking to a woman for almost 2 months. Originally we started talking through a mutual friend. At first I wasn’t really talking to her much because she just got out of a relationship and still seemed to be processing that break up. However we started texting more over the last few weeks and I started to enjoy talking to her a bit more and wanted to see her in person. I wanted to meet her earlier but to our opposite schedules and her preferring to get to know someone for awhile before meeting we didn’t.

Today we finally confirmed our date plans for this weekend and we were both excited about it. Things took a turn when I made a joke about how fast she texts back (i.e before I can finish typing my thought) and she said “well fine I’ll just ignore your texts then”. I told her no that wasn’t necessary but just give me a second to finish my thought because you do it often. Then she said “you’re always making assumptions me” to which I said “I don’t think it’s an assumption if you do it often love”. Then it escalated from there and she basically said I need to chill out. Also i’m picky, rude and turning unlikable very quickly. Also said I don’t know her at all. She also called off our date for this weekend. The way she reacted genuinely shocked me because I wasn’t expecting that response from her.

I can admit I have made a couple assumptions but that’s mainly because I haven’t met her yet (false sense of intimacy anyone?) and don’t really have anything to base her off of other than our texting and couple calls. I also made a couple assumptions because when I ask her questions she doesn’t give me direct answers kinda just dances around them so I just get left with vague answers. I basically responded and said there was no need to be rude like that when it was supposed to be a joke that got escalated too quickly (we had a lot of banter and sarcasm at times) and she just left me on read. A part of me wants to apologize because my sense of humor can be hard to read at times but after what she said I feel like it’s hard to come back from that.

I talk to women off of dating apps mainly. The issue seems to be that they drag their feet on going on an actual date/meeting up. Majority of them I don’t end up meeting because they just stop responding. I’m not the type to ask within the first couple messages because I do like to get to know someone a bit before but usually if we’ve been talking for a week or so consistently I’ll bring up a date. It seems like most women I encounter want to talk for a long period of time before meeting like a month or so.

I get being cautious but a month seems like a long time especially when it’s not due to a scheduling or a distance issue. I don’t want to be pushy but I get after a few weeks just texting gets monotonous. The handful of dates I have went on we texted a month before meeting. It gets a bit exhausting trying to keep up with conversation without meeting yet but I don’t want to make them uncomfortable either.

TLDR: On average, from the moment you start messaging until you meet in person usually how long is it?

I’ve noticed recently people are more people are asking for a phone call before a date. I personally prefer to just meet someone in person vs a phone call before the date. I’ve done the phone call thing and it didn’t really make much of a difference. Some were the same and others were a 180 from how they were on the phone. I don’t really think it’s necessary but there’s one girl I’m getting to know that won’t meet until we have a phone call. Like she’s very adamant about it.

I started talking to a girl at the beginning of this year off the app. We met in March and it was a nice hang out. She asked me to hang out again but I was out of town and told her we could make plans when I got back and it never happened. She ended up getting back with her toxic boyfriend and said she was busy with him. In June we tried to make plans a couple times but one she canceled because she had to work and then the other she just didn’t respond the day of and apologized because something came up. We ended up talking about the app again and she said she has met other people on there and hung out with them. Which confuses me because she has yet to follow through with plans with me even though she texts me pretty much everyday. I don’t know if I should cut it off with her or try to make plans again?

I’ve been getting to know a woman for several weeks. In the beginning it was good. We had good communication, had fun on our dates, she initiated things, bought me flowers, sent good morning texts, etc but over the last couple weeks things have changed. The last date she seemed distracted which I took note of but didn’t say anything.

We were supposed to go on a date last week but she ended canceling kinda last minute. We also haven’t been texting as much. She used to text me throughout the day but she will go long periods without responding. I also have to initiate most of our phone calls. We rarely talk on the phone now. I asked her if she wanted to talk tonight since it’s been a few days and she said “Yeah if you want to” but when I called she didn’t answer.

I feel like I’m initiating things majority of the time. She doesn’t say she misses me anymore. We haven’t talked about being exclusive but we both said we are only interested in each other and not talking to anyone else. I asked her where she sees this possibly going and she says I’m trying to rush things and she isn’t sure yet because we’re still getting to know each other. I’m not trying to rush but just want to get a better understanding of where her head is.

I’ll ask her yes or no questions and she gives me a vague in between answer. I went back on the app we met on and saw she updated her profile. It kinda made my heart drop a bit. Of course we aren’t exclusive so she can do what she wants but it’s a bit disappointing because she told me she is only interested in me. I asked her if everything was okay and she said yes. She said I’m used to chaotic relationships and I’m overthinking things. I am used to more intense relationships but something with her now feels off. It’s crazy because she used to accuse me of talking to other women/still on the app when I told her I wasn’t. Advice?

I had an interview today. It was supposed to be at 12:30 but I didn’t get interviewed until 1:15. I overheard another guy that was interviewed interviewer tell him to look out for an email with drug testing information. The lady who interviewed me actually owned this particular location with her husband. The interview was well I think. She asked more questions than I thought (I see people say they basically just ask if you have a license on here) but I was asked a lot of scenario questions, job history, and future plans. After the interview she said someone would reach out and that was it. I’ve read a lot of people got hired on the spot so I’m feeling unsure if I got the job or not.

Maybe it’s just me but I hate when guys ask me to go on a date within the first few messages. We know basically nothing about each other. I’d rather talk for a few days and get to know each other a bit before a date is established. See if we actually interested in each other/discuss any potential dealbreakers.

I’m curious to know what other people do. I come across a lot of womens profiles that I like but don’t have their sexuality listed. They don’t have anything indicating that they’re into women either. I kinda assume they’re straight and ultimately swipe left since I’m not sure. My friend says she she swipes right if she’s interested in their profile regardless if their sexuality is listed because if you’re seeing them that means that they they have their preferences selected for women even if they’re not forthcoming about it.

I’m a 28F living in the midwest. I downloaded Hinge for the first time a few days ago. I heard you get to send 8 likes out a day with the free version. I noticed I only get 4 before it tells me I’m out of likes and offers me to get hinge x or hinge+. Is this something new? 4 likes is such a small amount.

This is kinda inspired by my last post of asking if I should put lesbian on my dating profile or not (don’t worry I did). I noticed a lot of people said they only swipe right on women who have lesbian in their profiles. So how do you guys feel about the label queer especially in a dating profile? If you’re a lesbian is it an instant turn off or it doesn’t really matter? I have a couple friends who identify as queer. They primarily date women but occasionally will date men. They don’t feel it’s right to call themselves lesbians but also feel weird calling themselves bisexual if they have a heavy preference for women.

I decided to download Hinge today (wish me luck lol). I’m still in the process of creating my profile but I’m debating if I should put my sexuality which is lesbian on my profile. When I had Tinder last year I did and I feel like it attracted a lot of bi curious women or women that wanted to have a threesome with me and their man. I’m not ashamed of my sexuality at all but I hate how it’s a challenge for some people and they don’t take it seriously. On the flip side I want people to know that I am into women and having my sexuality is probably the easiest way to signal that. I was also just considering putting the pride flag or a rainbow in my bio.

I’ve been receiving unemployment since March and I learned I can doordash or do any side gig as long as it’s less than half of what I’ve been getting on unemployment. So I’ve been doing that every week since. However I haven’t reported it when I certify my unemployment every 2 weeks. I thought it didn’t matter as long as I stay below the required amount. Now I’m afraid I’ll get charged for fraud. Help?

So I’m curious about how much you guys spend on maintenance a month. By maintenance I mean hair (braids, quick weaves, retwists etc), lashes, nails, brows etc. Whatever you consider maintenance. I see so many other women who always are 100% put together and wonder how they do it. Some get new hairstyles every couple weeks and spend $200+ on them. I’m currently unemployed so I haven’t been even getting my hair done which sucks. I just wonder how people can keep up with everything especially when it adds up so quickly. Also can you also say your age?

I had the app for a few months earlier this year but deleted it because I got busy with work and honestly was not using it much. I did meet some decent girls who hopefully will be long term friends but I do want to expand my horizon a bit more and get back on the app since it’s summer and I have more free time. The issue is I don’t know how to word my bio. I know to put stuff about my hobbies, interests etc but I’m looking to actually met people to hang out with regularly. A mistake I made on the app was getting into “pen pal” mode with people and just texting for months on end without going anywhere. A few I did meet but it took months (1 I met last week for the 1st time after we started talking in December 💀) to finally meet. I’m trying to attract people who want to go out and do things not just text all day. I’m trying to figure out how to say it though. What does your bio say and how do you come off more intentional?

I was in the army 7 years ago. I got out after a year basically due to an adjustment disorder and them finding a letter between a friend and I talking about suicide (I never attempted). I have had no mental health issues since then, kept a job and have been in pretty decent shape. I’ve been wanting to join the air guard for about a year and finally went on their website and did my application. A recruiter called me not even 5 minutes later and talked about my application. He ended up saying I’m not eligible because my discharge is general under honorable conditions. He said I would need uncharacterized or honorable to join. I never heard this before. Is he being honest or is it because of my prior history? Also is there a way I can talk to a different recruiter?