u/verdentcompanion

Every person i broke the news to that I am dating have told me that I dont have to have sex if I dont want to and they look terrified at the thought of me doing it!

I give off too much innocent vibes. People see me as a sexless creature but I am far too old to have that image placed on me.

Im starting to get upset. I dont want people thinking about my sex life but knowing when they look at me or i bring up my girlfriend that thats all theyre thinking about in the back of their mind is so disturbing to me.

My family is so dysfunctional and doesnt know how to plan or meet each other in the middle. Im constantly reaching out trying to make things happen but im met with apathy or "oops im busy..."

BUSY?! EXCUSE ME? YOU KNEW YOU WERE MOVING MONTHS BEFOREHAND AND IVE BEEN TRYING TO HELP YOU!!! YOUR LEASE IS UP. YOU BETTER START CARING.

"I need boxes..." Okay lemme organize this. Wait, you need to participate!!!

"I cant do this tasks..." Okay lemme help you!!! Wait where are you going?! I need you to participate!!!

"When is this thing happening again?" Ive been trying to do something about it for months. Youre ignoring me.

Im running around carrying this mental transport truck of caring and organizing and no-fucking-body wants to actually make an effort besides "oh, did you need help?" Then not showing up.

Im trying to configuring everything together and nobody gives a shit.

Id give up, but unfortunately I am tied smack dab in the middle. My important things are apart of it as well.

Hes never had loose fibers in his tank and I want an informed decision to make sure he doesnt hurt himself. He loves to climb and gets hyper. Something easy to clean because he doesnt trust me yet and I dont want to stress him out. Slowly starting to give him a new tank!

Nsfw tag only because it may be sad for some people to hear

I am genuinely help seeking, please be kind.

This gecko is 14 years old so I dont want to stress him out. He has zero enrichment and his light was on 24/7 prior to me having him. My main concern is slowly changing things around without making him angry or scared due to his age and making him trust me.

If he was young I would feel less worried about changing things up, but this is all hes known, so ive come here..

I got him from a family member who's moving.

Adhd comes with a lot of cons. A lot. But at least I make a good neighbor!

I wear headphones all the time so u never hear my games, music or television, and if I do have my TV on i can only watch if i have it super low with subtitles.

I walk on my tip toes or in soft padded slippers bc the floor is lava and I hate it.

And i dont have loud guests or parties because I dont have friends!

[ just having some lighthearted fun :3 ]

This might seem chronically online but there is a genre of people who treat mental illness or trauma inflicted characters as something totally fictional for plot or personality differences within a group.

They're usually the same people who are loud about inclusion (I am too) but when it comes to complex characters they think they're terrible without any nuance into their role or reason for acting the way they do.

They treat it as a trope or character trait that is only surface level and will loudly shout about their distain for them as if it isnt a representation for c-ptsd individuals. (the well done representations)

Yes this is about digital circus, and no this isnt a new gen phenomenon, people have been drooling to hate on complex/multi-layered characters since the dawn of dawns. I saw a lot of it towards Catra in the she-ra reboot.

It just irks me because im not gonna spend energy explaining shit to someone who has proven they dont see that experience as real or worth giving care and attention to through analysis. OR that is a very real thing that happens and theyre proudly shitting on a marginalized group of people because they cant understand angst deeper than "my mom yelled at me once as a kid"

I dont date or make friends so whenever I meet someone and theyre just regularly kind I cant stop the daydreaming and scenarios my mind puts me through.

Its so annoying! It used to be really bad to the point I felt obsessive without indicating or acting on anything (thank god). But now that im in a better state of mind, the thoughts are just so embarrassing.

Someone says hello to me and my brain generates 500 thoughts of us living happily ever after and I just have to wait for this infatuation to fade so I can face them and not feel like a creep!

All this being said, im sure its just a deep desire to have a partner who has their shit together and I can rest easy without stressing all the time, but Im afraid they can read my mind and see all the involuntarily romances we go through... geeeez

I got in touch with a childhood friend a couple years ago and we havent really hung out in person a lot. They also have trauma and work full time so we're both busy but... sometimes I feel so rejected.

I want to be closer like we were but how much can I put myself out there and be sure im not being weird or making them uncomfortable. I never learned how to authentically be myself, especially when im anxious.

They are great. I trust and believe them when they say im missed, but I still have that nagging feeling that everyone secretly dislikes me and im such a fool for wanting to be friends.

I convince myself of this so much im worried I withdrawal and make THEM feel like im rejecting them.

Is it socially acceptable to say "hey, I have been struggling a lot with socializing and I want to be close like we were as kids. Please tell me if im doing too much, but I want to speak more casually with you and I want you to do the same. I value you and our friendship and want to communicate that with words because my mannerisms and shyness sometimes get in the way"

Does that sound appropriate? I have adhd and am very neurodivergent so it sounds okay to me... but may be off putting to others.