u/whatawynn

obviously this is not something you all can fully decide for me but my hope is yall can gimme some insight/perspective.

TL;DR got assessed for adhd and diagnosed with anxiety instead and recommend lexapro. never tried it and now it’s been haunting me for years, should i? see also: my pro/con list at the bottom.

long version:

my senior year of high school i went to get assessed because i nearly didn’t graduate because of major motivation issues despite me genuinely wanting to get things done. after one of my teachers and my mom filled out some forms it was determined i didn’t have it but i did likely have anxiety/depression.

my doctor then suggested i maybe go on lexapro. during the appointment i was very on board with this because the way she was describing it all sounded great (very few side effects, it’s easy to come off, etc) but then almost as soon as i got home i went down a rabbit hole of people whose lives got ruined by lexapro and had a whole major meltdown and never picked it up and ghosted what was supposed to be the follow up appointment about it and have not been to the doctor since out of shame.

finally have decided to go back ~two years later for just a normal checkup and after stewing on it this whole time i’m kinda considering asking to go on the lexapro.

why i think it may be good:
- i have a very very hard time making myself do things, even things i want to do, and i would like to do more with my life.
- i feel like a hysterical crazy person. i have hysterical sobbing fits at things that are not hysterical sobbing fit worthy
- i have a genuine medical phobia and so i think maybe the deep dread i feel is more about that than anything.

my concerns:
- i think it may ruin my life either with terrible side effects or because i function best when things are imminent and without the fear of the thing i may not do anything at all.
- i think once im on it it’ll be so hard to get off it even if it’s ruining my life because of withdrawals (also addiction runs in my family and while i know this isn’t like that im still like aaaa)
- i don’t have panic attacks so i worry that instead of fixing something like that it would just take away all my emotions and my life would become dull and nothing.

so if anyone has actually made it to the end of this, make my choice please 🙏 the appointment is tomorrow

i LOVE romaine lettuce and yet i had never gotten a caesar salad because years ago i was told caesar dressing is kinda like ranch and i really don’t like ranch.

accidentally ended up at a steakhouse the other day without steakhouse money and so in a sort of panic i ordered a caesar salad because it was the cheapest thing and omg my life is changed.

the caesar salad was so delicious and i feel like a new world of has opened up to me. literally everywhere has a caesar salad, im so excited. especially with summer coming i think having a chicken caesar wrap on the beach will change my life, im already picturing it.

my life felt similarly changed after trying butter chicken for the first time a few years ago. this is your sign to try both of those if you have not before.

graduating college tomorrow, realized last night my gown and dress are both incredibly wrinkly. quickly obtain the cheapest handheld steamer i can find and am like perfect, i am such an adult, look at me go steaming my outfit.

let the steamer gear up for a second and then proceed to without thinking check if it’s warmed up enough by putting my whole hand right in front of it and burn the fuck out of myself, drop the steamer and also burn the fuck out of my foot.

which in immediate hindsight i was like why did i do that? but also i didn’t even think about it because i feel like in my memory steam even when you’re boiling something isnt that crazy hot. but turns out it can be.

TL;DR steam gets burning you levels of hot and also don’t touch things to check if they’re hot. you think you know that until you’re burning yourself.

long time cozy game player trying to diversify a bit and i just picked this one up since its on sale on steam.

just finished the first chapter and while im having fun, unfortunately i am terrible. dutch yelled at me for being bad at driving the horse, i didnt even see the guy running that i was supposed to shoot, the wolves bit me, etc.

so i was just wondering, does it matter?

because i dont think i mind continuing on if dying and stuff just means ill have to try whatever section again but if me being too slow at things is gonna get everyone killed forever/lock me out of things i was thinking about trying mods or something to maybe make it easier.

please let me know! i appreciate yall 🙂‍↕️

had my first therapy session a couple days ago and in hindsight i’m just so confused.

had an intake appointment a couple of weeks ago where i mentioned some specific goals i had for therapy (i have a phobia + a lot of driving anxiety) and then there was accidentally a big gap because i had finals and she had to reschedule one appointment.

and then when i actually met with her for the first time i was still kinda in finals hell so all the things i mentioned before didn’t really come up and it was basically just me talking about how i was super stressed and worried about finding a job after i graduated and stuff like that.

and really the only things she said was saying things back to me that i said to her? like i was in tears say i feel super overwhelming with college and she would just say back i see you’re feeling very overwhelmed. like yeah?? i just said that 😭😭 repeat that for the full session, plus she gave me some packets with coping skills.

is that normal? or did that just happen because i didn’t talk about what i said i was going to talk about so she couldn’t be prepared? if that is what most therapy is, why do people like it/find it helpful?

+ why or why not?

i guess this question is only applicable to atheists but as an atheist i’ve been thinking about it and i think i would. i am someone who worries a lot about whether or im a good person/my actions are moral and i think a lot of my trouble with it comes from the fact i feel like my my moral compass isn’t tied to anything.

i really like the idea of having something like the bible to point to for those kinds of questions + the guaranteed community that something like church brings though most major religions lose me as soon as we start talking about faith or the supernatural.

just curious if other people feel the same way about it or if yall enjoy not having any ties to a religion. i think it could be somewhat of an interesting conversation.

i graduate later this month and then shortly after i will hopefully be starting my first ever full time job. i am genuinely very excited about the opportunity and very grateful to have a job related to what i got my degree in lined up for so soon after i finish school

but also i feel like people always say that starting your first full time job after college makes you miserable and that 9-5s steal your whole life, so as someone planning on working in a field that only really has 9 to 5 jobs for the foreseeable future im concerned.

especially since while i find like getting my degree i went to a super small community college and didn’t really make friends so i have a very very had time accepting that those were supposed to be the best years of my life and its all downhill from here.

any advice to mitigate that would be very appreciated.

interviewed monday, got called today to ask to send over my references and after i did i got another call an hour later asking if i could come in tomorrow.

i’m currently in finals season at my college which is also over an hour away from where the job is and so while i could manage coming home for an interview i said i don’t think id be able to come back in person until after i graduated/finished with my student job on may 20th. i said i could do something over zoom and the person i was speaking to on the phone said she’d ask and get back to me.

and then she hasn’t gotten back to me :( what do you think thats about? do we think i totally blew it here?

this is going to be my first serious job so forgive me if this is totally naive.

a couple months ago me and my friends planned a four day trip (tuesday-friday) for the end of june. things are payed for and i’d only be able to get a partial refund.

if i get the job i am currently in the process with (i interviewed monday and they asked for my references today so🤞) i would be starting may 20th. it’s a paralegal position at at trusts and estates firm but from my interview the office does seem kind of casual.

i was just wondering if there’s any way i could make it work without totally killing my career there? if so, how should i go about it? would even asking be a terrible idea?

thanks in advance!

first of all i literally interviewed with the whole firm 😭😭

i arrive and i do a short little interview with the receptionist which was basically just my availability and some small talk-y type questions and after she sends me to a room with four of the firm’s paralegals from one department (it’s an elder law firm so they do wills and also medicare stuff) and they do a pretty standard interview.

and then they send me to another room with another panel of four paralegals from the other department and there’s just such a clear vibe that they don’t like the attorney of the firm 😭 like they keep saying things about how they work hard so the attorney doesn’t have to, he doesn’t even know how much goes on behind the scenes etc. in between that i do basically the exact same interview as with the previous group and then i’m sent to go interview with the attorney.

and he’s doing a rubix cube, leaned all the way back in his desk chair and the first question he asks me is how many manholes i think are in the city outside of the suburb i said i live in?? and so i panic and say at least a dozen and he’s like 🤨 and so i update and say actually that’s way too few, probably hundreds. and he just writes something down and moves on to a few normal interview questions before he ends up talking about ai and how while he really needs more paralegals around here but he’d never hire another attorney because ai is already more competent than many lawyers he’s met.

finally i finish there, i say goodbye and thank you to everyone and i’m told to take a shortcut out to the parking lot through this scary dark staircase where i find the door at the bottom of the stairs locked and the door i just went out locked behind me 🫠🫠 and so i have to call the front desk and say heyy im locked in your staircase.

so like… is any of that standard or? i’d also love to hear if yall have similar experiences lol