u/xanthology8

im 19 and i want to start transitioning medically. i don't know what to get first but i do want to get injectables due to their effectiveness (despite hating needles) but what should i get first: estradiol, progesterone, antiandrogens ? what do i need or what should i do first ?

i wish they sang this song live, maybe one of the original demos.... so good, especially with how they're doing live shows. dark night castle is like the more aggressive version of it tho

apparently lamm and her split ways so no rap album.... but i was hopeful for that song, ive been waiting for months T-T

ofc correct me if im wrong but that seems to be the case

im thinking that they're posting the ir2 songs from last to first, idk

tw// emotional abuse, low self esteem, growing up in an unstable family, money

(you can comment/say your opinion if you want to)

as the title says, i feel like im being eaten away by my lack of intimacy and fear of commitment, and you wanna know how i know/feel that ? i just calculated that from February to this precise moment, I've spent $388.10 in porn (OF, Fansly, Patreon) just to feel satiated and pleasured.... yet i feel awful and disgusted because younger me would've never done something like this.

im almost 19, last year i got kicked out of my house and had to spend the last 3 months of high school figuring out things on my own, luckily i graduated and now i have a steady job at a call center (it sucks but wtv). im also trans mtf (haven't started physically transitioning) in a pretty homophobic and transphobic country so take that into consideration.

idk, maybe im just looking into the wrong zones (like always) and i want something that ive been longing for since i was a child. my household was not the nicest, my grandma abused me and also my mom was pretty abusive too, more into the psychological/emotional part than physically (latin moms, what can i say), despite supposedly being the favorite child. from a young age i learned to give up and to hide out and throughout life, i grew up to be more self conscious and shit. but then i discovered porn at 9/10 yrs old and about a year later, i started jerking off to feel good and it hasn't stopped since. sometimes i used to imagine myself being used like a toy because that was my worth and that was it.

now that im a young adult, living away from my family, having my own money, idk what to do anymore, i just know that i feel so isolated and need to be physically comforted. my first and last relationship so far lasted almost 2 months because of me, i broke off our relationship because not only was i still dealing w residuals of the memories from the day i got kicked out but also i didn't see myself with this person for a while, despite being a wonderful person and deserving of all the best.... but i couldn't continue forwards with a mask. we're still friends but we were both in similar situations, and it's not the best when i need stability and security.

i still remember as a child i was trying to be cute and sexy for others' attention, despite (again) BEING A CHILD. ive hypersexualied myself to a point that I can't undo what ive done and said before. i miss the child i was before my near preadolescence. i would save her in an instant if i could.

it's 3am where im at and i work today so ill just log off and continue forwards, i guess.

if i remember something else, i might edit this and continue...

im exhausted, from everyone and everything.

xoxo

tw// emotional abuse, low self esteem, growing up in an unstable family, money

(you can comment/say your opinion if you want to)

as the title says, i feel like im being eaten away by my lack of intimacy and fear of commitment, and you wanna know how i know/feel that ? i just calculated that from February to this precise moment, I've spent $388.10 in porn (OF, Fansly, Patreon) just to feel satiated and pleasured.... yet i feel awful and disgusted because younger me would've never done something like this.

im almost 19, last year i got kicked out of my house and had to spend the last 3 months of high school figuring out things on my own, luckily i graduated and now i have a steady job at a call center (it sucks but wtv). im also trans mtf (haven't started physically transitioning) in a pretty homophobic and transphobic country so take that into consideration.

idk, maybe im just looking into the wrong zones (like always) and i want something that ive been longing for since i was a child. my household was not the nicest, my grandma abused me and also my mom was pretty abusive too, more into the psychological/emotional part than physically (latin moms, what can i say), despite supposedly being the favorite child. from a young age i learned to give up and to hide out and throughout life, i grew up to be more self conscious and shit. but then i discovered porn at 9/10 yrs old and about a year later, i started jerking off to feel good and it hasn't stopped since. sometimes i used to imagine myself being used like a toy because that was my worth and that was it.

now that im a young adult, living away from my family, having my own money, idk what to do anymore, i just know that i feel so isolated and need to be physically comforted. my first and last relationship so far lasted almost 2 months because of me, i broke off our relationship because not only was i still dealing w residuals of the memories from the day i got kicked out but also i didn't see myself with this person for a while, despite being a wonderful person and deserving of all the best.... but i couldn't continue forwards with a mask. we're still friends but we were both in similar situations, and it's not the best when i need stability and security.

i still remember as a child i was trying to be cute and sexy for others' attention, despite (again) BEING A CHILD. ive hypersexualied myself to a point that I can't undo what ive done and said before. i miss the child i was before my near preadolescence. i would save her in an instant if i could.

it's 3am where im at and i work today so ill just log off and continue forwards, i guess.

if i remember something else, i might edit this and continue...

im exhausted, from everyone and everything.

xoxo