u/your_local_tweekhead

So idk if this counts as a vent but I want to know if it's just me. So I (15F) and my twin (F) are furternal and don't really look alike. I'm just going to be honest, she's conventionally attractive. She's pretty, she's thin, and she has nice hair. While I have mainly dead hair from hair dye (ik kinda my fault), im not very pretty, and I'm fat (she's 120lbs 5'4 and I'm 150lbs 5'1). Plus, she's just genuinly better. She's smart and got certificates for being smart, she has had 2 relationships already, she's more outgoing, and she's just got a better personality. I'm not very smart/unproductive and I got a few c grades, I've had one situationsip and the misogynist kid asked me out after english class, there are scars from self harm littering my body and are generally noticable, and I have a pretty bad personality plus mental health issues that make existing or bathing feel like a chore. I'm gross, im nasty, im perverted, im not good (I sound like en edgelord holy shit). I'm nobody's favorite, nobody even really likes me, she's everyone's favorite and everybody pretends to like me just to get close to her. I'm awful. I wish I was her, genuinly. If I could, I would switch lives with her and just be her. She's good at everything she tries, even some of my Hobbies​ shes better at, so I just stopped showing her my hobbies so she wouldn't be better then me. I just don't fit in anywhere.

So I (15F) have never had very great mental health, I've been on medications for depression, adhd and (not a mental disorder) PCOS for a few months. I dont know whats going on recently, im more moody and upset, I can't sleep for longer then 5 hours, im slightly paranoid, and I've been withdrawing from my friends and family and just rotting away in my room. I don't even really do anything all day, I just lie here on my phone. I don't know what's going on with me or how to fix it, im supposed to me ok by now but I'm not. Every time I try to hand put with people I keep thinking that nobody likes me and they're all uncomfortable talking to me, plus my sisters keep ditching me constantly and leaving me alone. Ive started hurting myself (not in the form of cutting so im technecally clean from sh) but ive started beating my arm with a hanger until it turns red and sometimes bruises. i do fantasize about suicide sometimes, imagining how id do it and what my body would look like, its creepy and i sound like a fucking edge lord saying that. I hate to be alone but I hate being around people, so I'm just constantly unhappy ​with everything and I just feel numb​ in a way (ik that sounds cringe). I haven't spoken to my therapist in a bit bc my next appointment is in July, idk. I just want to be better again. I barely shower, I haven't even seen my hair in a week bc I had it in a ponytail so nobody could see​ it was extremely greasy. my eating has become gross, I've been eating a shit ton lately even though I've been working to try and lose weight. Idk. My sisters and family have even pointed out I'm moody lately, my mom thinks im on drugs (im not, especially after my mom had my family watch requiem of a dream), and my parents blame my sleep schedule which I've tried to fix. Please give me some advice, I don't know whats going on with me and what's wrong.

edit: this might sound jumbled bc it's 2am and I'm tired but can't go back to sleep, I phrased it the best I can.

So I (15F) have never had very great mental health, I've been on medications for depression, adhd and (not a mental disorder) PCOS for a few months. I dont know whats going on recently, im more moody and upset, I can't sleep for longer then 5 hours, im slightly paranoid, and I've been withdrawing from my friends and family and just rotting away in my room. I don't even really do anything all day, I just lie here on my phone. I don't know what's going on with me or how to fix it, im supposed to me ok by now but I'm not. Every time I try to hand put with people I keep thinking that nobody likes me and they're all uncomfortable talking to me, plus my sisters keep ditching me constantly and leaving me alone. Ive started hurting myself (not in the form of cutting so im technecally clean from sh) but ive started beating my arm with a hanger until it turns red and sometimes bruises. i do fantasize about suicide sometimes, imagining how id do it and what my body would look like, its creepy and i sound like a fu*king edge lord saying that. I hate to be alone but I hate being around people, so I'm just constantly unhappy ​with everything and I just feel numb​ in a way (ik that sounds cringe). I haven't spoken to my therapist in a bit bc my next appointment is in July, idk. I just want to be better again. I barely shower, I haven't even seen my hair in a week bc I had it in a ponytail so nobody could see​ it was extremely greasy. my eating has become gross, I've been eating a shit ton lately even though I've been working to try and lose weight. Idk. My sisters and family have even pointed out I'm moody lately, my mom thinks im on drugs (im not), and my parents blame my sleep schedule which I've tried to fix. Please give me some advice, I don't know whats going on with me and what's wrong.

edit: this might sound jumbled bc it's 2am and I'm tired but can't go back to sleep, I phrased it the best I can.

(Im not saying i dislike straight people, im mad about some people as a pansexual demigirl who's rlly opinionated. love all allies who respct queer things as queer, this dosent include u love u <3) So it's pride month, right? All I've been seeing is shit about how we should have an military support month even though there's 35-40 days for military support every year. That's over a fucking month, why would they need an extra 30 days??? There is like active history of queer people not even being able to marry till sometime in 2010. And you'd think queer people have their own spaces online, right? WRONG. Actively being taken over by straight people. Straight women are making videos of their boyfriends with GIRL IN RED AND FUCKING CHAPELL ROAN (two lesbian artists who write abt the queer experience) playing in the background. Plus the trends made for queer people, ie. 'I saw the TV glow', 'I deserve sunshine', 'she got away', 'Andrew in drag', 'we fell in love in october', and much more have all been used for straight people and their partners or to show how oppressed they are as Christians (we deserve sunshine trend). It's so annoying, we can't even have this one fucking thing.

(thank you for the person that corrected me, I was uninformed and I take full accountability for how ignorant that sounded. this is just a rant made by an upset 15 year old, I'll learn to do better before arguing on the internet)

(Tw for sa and sh) I don't even know how to start this. So, I might just get into the 1st and 2nd stories. But for background just know I'm 15 and the 1st one takes place when i was 14.

1. So I've always liked theater but my school didn't have a club for it. In 2025 I found a club a few girls where hosting and decided to join bc I was a techie for a year and 1/2 before, and it was full of people I didn't know. So I asked my friends and they all said they couldn't join, so i was alone for the first few meetings. Then I was introduced to M, she was a friend of a friend and I didn't want to be lonely anymore so I decided to try and be friends with her. She was pretty ok for the first month, but at some point she did take a u quiz in front of me abt her kinks plus she tried to make me take it and that actively made me uncomfortable. So at around 1 or 2 months into club she SA'd me. She usually had her phone out, but this time she found softcore smut on her phone and started talking about my sister, her bf (who im close friends with), and how she wrote smut abt her friends. She would dig her phone into my thigh and shove it in my face so id look at it. I was uncomfortable and looked uncomfortable, but i didnt say no and i had every opertunity to leave but i didnt. After i threatened her over disc and told her to never talk to me again. She threatened to hurt/kill herself the next day. Their only excuse for it is bc she is autistic and has adhd and people baby them for it, plus the just threaten to hurt herself (i have adhd and possible autisum so idk what theyre being threated like theyre made of glass). I told my parents and they wont do anything abt it bc i wasnt groped or touched, im so concidering telling their friends abt it, but i told 2 of my friends and my ex and they're still friends with M so idk if its that serious.

​2. so i was on a chat website and met a guy (i dont remember the user). He said he was 24 and it was ok i was 15. He asked me to sext with him and i agreed to it. It wasnt technically SA bc i consented and wanted it, but aterwards i had a panic attack and i was asking for help on a reddit forum. I was attacked and called i liar bc i made a post a few years ago abt if i had pocd. I was then attacked with hate while i was having a mental breakdown and just started sobbing. I felt disgusting, like a slut or something adjacent to it. I dont really know if it counts as sa, i was consenting, an active participant, and i basically seduced him. I feel like im partally to blame, i was also responsible for it and i was asking for it. I havent told anyone abt this, im too ashamed to. Plus theres nothing i can do, he blocked me immidiately after. I feel gross, i want to cry every time i think abt it. I cant tell anyone bc they might think im a slut and mock me for it. I keep listening to the song prolly by McCaffery or however u spell their name bc it reminds me of it, idk why i constantly play that.

So uhh, tell me what I should do atp bc it's not doing great for my mental health, I should be over it by now bc it was awhile ago but idk. Please give me feedback and support, idk how to feel abt it or what to do. I'll never get justice or compensation for it.​

(Tw for sa and sh) I don't even know how to start this. So, I might just get into the 1st and 2nd stories. But for background just know I'm 15 and the 1st one takes place when i was 14.

1. So I've always liked theater but my school didn't have a club for it. In 2025 I found a club a few girls where hosting and decided to join bc I was a techie for a year and 1/2 before, and it was full of people I didn't know. So I asked my friends and they all said they couldn't join, so i was alone for the first few meetings. Then I was introduced to M, she was a friend of a friend and I didn't want to be lonely anymore so I decided to try and be friends with her. She was pretty ok for the first month, but at some point she did take a u quiz in front of me abt her kinks plus she tried to make me take it and that actively made me uncomfortable. So at around 1 or 2 months into club she SA'd me. She usually had her phone out, but this time she found softcore smut on her phone and started talking about my sister, her bf (who im close friends with), and how she wrote smut abt her friends. She would dig her phone into my thigh and shove it in my face so id look at it. I was uncomfortable and looked uncomfortable, but i didnt say no and i had every opertunity to leave but i didnt. After i threatened her over disc and told her to never talk to me again. She threatened to hurt/kill herself the next day. Their only excuse for it is bc she is autistic and has adhd and people baby them for it, plus the just threaten to hurt herself (i have adhd and possible autisum so idk what theyre being threated like theyre made of glass). I told my parents and they wont do anything abt it bc i wasnt groped or touched, im so concidering telling their friends abt it, but i told 2 of my friends and my ex and they're still friends with M so idk if its that serious.

​2. so i was on a chat website and met a guy (i dont remember the user). He said he was 24 and it was ok i was 15. He asked me to sext with him and i agreed to it. It wasnt technically SA bc i consented and wanted it, but aterwards i had a panic attack and i was asking for help on a reddit forum. I was attacked and called i liar bc i made a post a few years ago abt if i had pocd. I was then attacked with hate while i was having a mental breakdown and just started sobbing. I felt disgusting, like a slut or something adjacent to it. I dont really know if it counts as sa, i was consenting, an active participant, and i basically seduced him. I feel like im partally to blame, i was also responsible for it and i was asking for it. I havent told anyone abt this, im too ashamed to. Plus theres nothing i can do, he blocked me immidiately after. I feel gross, i want to cry every time i think abt it. I cant tell anyone bc they might think im a slut and mock me for it. I keep listening to the song prolly by McCaffery or however u spell their name bc it reminds me of it, idk why i constantly play that.

So uhh, tell me what I should do atp bc it's not doing great for my mental health, I should be over it by now bc it was awhile ago but idk. If you won't any other info I will tell in the comments, not privately. Also plz be kind, there might also be spelling mistakes so ignore that little bit.

Hi, I (15F) have some extreme mental health issues (listed for context: ADHD, possible ocd, possible autism, depression, anger/emotinal issues, anxiety, suicidal tendencies, some form of possible hypersexuality, and extreme paranoia) that have made it difficult for me to live normally. So, my little sister (M) has always been mean, she's just gotten extreme lately. She's started mocking me for everything I do, like how I talk, how I laugh, how I smell, and​ even how I speak spanish (attempting to learn). She's started hitting me sometimes, constantly tells me to shut up, interrupts me, leaving me out of things, and just being rude when I didn't even do anything. Yea, we mess around, but she's only this mean to me and me alone. I'm tired of it. My twin sister (E) never gets picked on. She's the prettier twin with the good grades and mental health, and I'm the bad twin who can't even get a bf/gf/partner (she's had 3), plus I'm genuinly chopped and fat (5'1 151 lbs) while she's thin and pretty (5'3 120lbs). She hasent said anything about it. When I point it out and yell at her, I'm suddenly being a bitch about it, im destroying the peace, and im overreacting. I'm at my witts end. My parents haven't done anything, somthimes they even laugh at what she says. They know I have mad mental health and a history of SH and SA (they did nothing abt it and said it was a joke. A kid forced me to look at softcore smut on their phone and said they slept and made out with my sister and her bf, they wouldn't stop after I told them to). Nobody will do anything unless I hurt myself, and I dont want to hurt myself for basic human respect.​

Examples:

When I was getting ready for school, she came up behind me and kissed my head (I keep telling people not to be physically affectionate/kiss me unless I initiate. I've had this boundary for over 4 years). I yelled at her and told her not to do that, only to get in trouble.

I was sleeping in the car and a shoe hit me. She said 'it bounced off the wall and hit me, which I think is bullshit. We got into an argument and I got in trouble again.

Today when I got out of school she immediately started mocking how I talk, which has made me insecure about how I talk.

she constantly mocks me for crying at something sad and makes fun of me for it.

(Tw: im for censoring anything bc I think that takes away its meaning, so beware for gross depictions (or what i atleast think is graphic).)

Hi, I (15 F) have a few instances where I think I was sexually abused/assaulted, but idk. (This is a vent and a genuine yap session. This is long as hell 😭

1.i yoused to be in a theater club, I didn't know anyone there and one of my friends friend was in the same club (I'll call them M for privacy), so I figured it would be a good idea to try and befriend them so I wouldnt be alone. M was fine until a few weeks later. They usually had their phone out and would slam it into my leg till I looked at some cringe thing on their pintrest, but this time it was just softcore smut (written) they found on pintrest. They made a gross joke abt how they slept with my twin sister and her bf (who I've known for 3+ years), then said they wrote smut abt all their friends. I kept telling them to stop and that I was uncomfortable, but they kept digging their phone into my thigh until I looked at their phone and gave a half hearted laugh and listened to what was going on. It didn't stop till I left. I know this was easily avoidable, I should've moved and avoided them forever. They did keep trying to talk to me, I threatened to beat M's ass if they ever spoke to me again (spoilers, they didn't stop till I made another threat). They are till friends with my friends, even my ex. If I was SA, I know they will get away with it anyways bc they are autistic and have a friendgroup that forgives them constantly and acts like M walks on water. I'm thinking about telling a teacher or the dean, but nothing will happen. My parents won't vouch for me bc they didn't inappropriately touch me, plus ik they will try to threaten to kill themself again (ik it sounds mean but I hope they actually go through with it). It's almost been a year, I want to scream at them every time I see them. I know this was probably SA, but when I told my parents they treated it like nothing and like it was a joke bc M didn't grope me.

2. I would flirt with​ multiple men online, most of them where over 20. I still feel gross abt it, ik, I feel like a slụt abt it, I just liked the attention. At some point, I did end up sexting a 24 year old. I feel gross abt it, even though I consented and encouraged him. It was some weird stepdaughter thing, I don't rlly want to talk abt it. I feel gross, I can't even hear the term 'happy-go-lucky' normally anymore bc that was my username. It wasn't that serious, so idk why im so upset abt it. I liked it. He made me feel pretty, like all of them do. I felt wanted (context: I'm plus sized and not very attractive, so I've never felt sexually 'wanted', my ex was aroace so that helped.), like I wasn't filthy anymore, but now I feel filthy thinking abt it. It wasn't that big of a deal, so idk, I just get upset abt it. Its been 2 months since, and idk if I was actually sexually abused. I wasn't touched, I wasn't sending photos, I didn't even face any reprocussions.

(Graphic parts)
I've never rlly had a great relationship with sex in general, I am possibly hypersexual bc of exposure to porn at 6 years old and partaking in self pleasure way to young. I also do possibly have Pedophilic/incest/zoophelic​ OCD (plz google it and dont hate) that has ostracized me from most of my family. I can't tell if this is normal or not. I just need to know for the sake of my own mind.

(Tw: im for censoring anything bc I think that takes away its meaning, so beware for gross depictions (or what i atleast think is graphic).)

Hi, I (15 F) have a few instances where I think I was sexually abused/assaulted, but idk. (This is a vent and a genuine yap session. This is long as hell 😭

1.i yoused to be in a theater club, I didn't know anyone there and one of my friends friend was in the same club (I'll call them M for privacy), so I figured it would be a good idea to try and befriend them so I wouldnt be alone. M was fine until a few weeks later. They usually had their phone out and would slam it into my leg till I looked at some cringe thing on their pintrest, but this time it was just softcore smut (written) they found on pintrest. They made a gross joke abt how they slept with my twin sister and her bf (who I've known for 3+ years), then said they wrote smut abt all their friends. I kept telling them to stop and that I was uncomfortable, but they kept digging their phone into my thigh until I looked at their phone and gave a half hearted laugh and listened to what was going on. It didn't stop till I left. I know this was easily avoidable, I should've moved and avoided them forever. They did keep trying to talk to me, I threatened to beat M's ass if they ever spoke to me again (spoilers, they didn't stop till I made another threat). They are till friends with my friends, even my ex. If I was SA, I know they will get away with it anyways bc they are autistic and have a friendgroup that forgives them constantly and acts like M walks on water. I'm thinking about telling a teacher or the dean, but nothing will happen. My parents won't vouch for me bc they didn't inappropriately touch me, plus ik they will try to threaten to kill themself again (ik it sounds mean but I hope they actually go through with it). It's almost been a year, I want to scream at them every time I see them. I know this was probably SA, but when I told my parents they treated it like nothing and like it was a joke bc M didn't grope me.

2. I would flirt with​ multiple men online, most of them where over 20. I still feel gross abt it, ik, I feel like a slut abt it, I just liked the attention. At some point, I did end up sexting a 24 year old. I feel gross abt it, even though I consented and encouraged him. It was some weird stepdaughter thing, I don't rlly want to talk abt it. I feel like a whore, I can't even hear the term 'happy-go-lucky' normally anymore bc that was my username. It wasn't that serious, so idk why im so upset abt it. I liked it. He made me feel pretty, like all of them do. I felt wanted (context: I'm plus sized and not very attractive, so I've never felt sexually 'wanted', my ex was aroace so that helped.), like I wasn't filthy anymore, but now I feel filthy thinking abt it. It wasn't that big of a deal, so idk, I just get upset abt it. Its been 2 months since, and idk if I was actually sexually abused. I wasn't touched, I wasn't sending photos, I didn't even face any reprocussions.

(Tw: im for sensoring anything bc I think that takes away its meaning, so beware for gross depictions. #3 is just a vent)

Hi, I (15 F) have a few instances where I think I was sexually abused/assaulted, but idk. (This is a vent and a genuine yap session. This is long as

1.i yoused to be in a theater club, I didn't know anyone there and one of my friends friend was in the same club (I'll call them M for privacy), so I figured it would be a good idea to try and befriend them so I wouldnt be alone. M was fine until a few weeks later. They usually had their phone out and would slam it into my leg till I looked at some cringe thing on their pintrest, but this time it was just softcore porn they found on pintrest. They made a gross joke abt how they slept with my twin sister and her bf (who I've known for 3+ years), then said they wrote smut abt all their friends. I kept telling them to stop and that I was uncomfortable, but they kept digging their phone into my thigh until I looked at their phone and gave a half hearted laugh and listened to what was going on. It didn't stop till I left. I know this was easily avoidable, I should've moved and avoided them forever. They did keep trying to talk to me, I threatened to beat M's ass if they ever spoke to me again (spoilers, they didn't stop till I made another threat). They are till friends with my friends, even my ex. If I was SA, I know they will get away with it anyways bc they are autistic and have a friendgroup that forgives them constantly and acts like M walks on water. I'm thinking about telling a teacher or the dean, but nothing will happen. My parents won't vouch for me bc they didn't inappropriately touch me, plus ik they will try to threaten to kill themself again (ik it sounds mean but I hope they actually go through with it).

2. I would flirt with​ multiple men online, most of them where over 20. I still feel gross abt it, ik, I feel like a slut abt it, I just liked the attention. At some point, I did end up sexting a 24 year old. I feel gross abt it, even though I consented and encouraged him. It was some weird stepdaughter thing, I don't rlly want to talk abt it. I feel like a whore, I can't even hear the term 'happy-go-lucky' normally anymore bc that was my username. It wasn't that serious, so idk why im so upset abt it. I liked it. He made me feel pretty, like all of them do. I felt wanted (context: I'm plus sized and bit attractive, so I've never felt sexually 'wanted', my ex was aroace so that helped.), like I wasn't filthy anymore, but now I feel filthy thinking abt it. It wasn't that big of a deal, so idk, I just get upset abt it.

3. Ik this isn't a form of SA, but I need to get this off of my chest. My mom has been venting to be abt how she was raped multiple times, starting from 5 years old to 14 (last time she did it). She would vent abt her mom's bfs, a party (I dont want to describe that), and other stuff. I can't listen to townie by mitski bc it's very simmilar to one of her experiences and i love that stupid song. I can't watch porn (yea ik, 15 and watching porn, im aware its not healthy) without thinking someone victimized my mom, I can't listen to that damn song without thinking about what she went through. It's ruined my life, I've been her therapist for years and I feel guilty for posting this but I've kept this bottled up for years. I yoused to be a mama's girl, I was her crutch for years and I feel guilty saying I just don't care anymore when she vents to me about stuff, I just dont care anymore. I know she needs someone to talk to, but she still has my dad.

Srry for rambling, I just needed to vent.