u/yvie_of_lesbos

NOOOOO.

i would’ve posted this in the aroace sub, but there’s a ton of fake aroaces there. why is the qpr a solution for everything ?? and i’m sorry, but ACTUAL aromantics and asexuals are VERY rare. there’s a chance i’d get into a qpr and the person would start asking me for sex later down the line or want to do romantic stuff. hell no !!

also why is it that people who are aroace MUST have a partner? no shade to the people in qprs, but have fake aces and allosexuals and alloromantics considered that some of us just want to be alone surrounded by our friends and family and no partner ??

however, a qpr would be nice but because actual aroaces are so rare, the chances of finding someone who may fit my standards and is ACTUALLY aroace is slim to none. i just don’t even wanna bother with one.

location: central florida

hi all. i’ve decided to clean my depression room that’s been getting awful since march. i first noticed the beetles then but didn’t do anything about it because i could barely get out of bed to feed myself. now, i am trying to clean but i’m worried its too late.

i found a food source. i see maybe 1-2 adult beetles everyday and i see the larvae skins at least once or twice a week on any article of clothing or fabric that gets left on the ground for too long. they’re mostly orange. however, today, when i attempted to clean, i moved my rug (i have a small rug on a fully carpeted floor) i think i found the food source as i saw some stuff i cant go back into my room and look because im so scared. some of the larvae (not moving) looked a bit bigger and brown.

i dont know what to do or how to approach this. i’m 19 but i live with my parents and am too scared to say anything because i am afraid they will think i’m disgusting as my room is the only affected area. is this something i can handle on my own? i tried working with gloves and a mask but nothing is working, i really can’t do it. every time i go in there, i think i will pass out of pure fear.

i’m so ashamed of myself for letting things get this bad and i’m currently hiding and crying in my bathroom because i’m too terrified to go into my room. i just want to get this room fully cleaned and vacuumed but i have so much furniture i don’t know if it will work. i wish i had just cleaned it back in march.

TW :: mentions of sex (no graphic sex described but spoilered just in case), my own internalized aphobia

just to preface this, i know this subreddit is for actual asexuals and not specific to aromanticism. however, there is genuinely nowhere else i can go without hearing the “well asexuals can be sex-favourable too !!” or some other fake aroace BS. this is the only space i have to share my thoughts.

anyways, i’m so upset and not in my right mind, so please excuse how messy this sounds. i’ve been crying.

for context, i’m 19 and agender but AFAB and publicly identify as a girl. i am also strictly aromantic and asexual. more context: i live in an immigrant household where 19 is not really considered a fully fledged adult. it’s not as simple as “just move out and cut contact.”

growing up, i never had true crushes. just aesthetic attraction to any gender or fictional characters i liked the idea of dating but would never date that character if they came to life. a core memory of mine was always faking crushes to fit in with my friends, but i have never felt genuine romantic love or attraction to a person in my life. before when i was younger, the adults in my life would jokingly ask me if i had any crushes on the boys in my school. of course i’d say no and then they’d leave it at that.

things have changed now that i’m 19. the adults around me are more insistent that i find a boyfriend and an eventual husband. (i’m trapped in a fundamentalist christian space if that makes any sense.) my older sister who’s in her mid-20s was dating guys at my age. but when i told my godmother that i had never once dated anybody, she was genuinely surprised. i genuinely did not know that it wasn’t normal for someone to not want to date anyone through middle or high school.

my family friends from the church my family goes to have been very insistent about me finding someone. i have made up many excuses and told everyone repeatedly that i’m simply not interested in romance right now and that i just wanna focus on school. but nobody’s accepting that answer anymore. it feels like the walls are closing in on me and i can’t breathe. i actually feel my chest tightening whenever i think about it and it’s getting harder and harder to breathe while i type this. they just won’t back off.

i don’t want romance. i don’t want sex.

have i fantasized about it? yes, i have. do i daydream? yeah. do i consume and sometimes even create media where romance and sex are a plot point? yes. but does that mean that i want that stuff translated to reality? HELL NO.

anyways, now to the actual point of my vent, i actually think that i might just have to end up conforming and finding someone so that my family leaves me alone. the thought of being in a romantic relationship is scary, but the thought of sex terrifies me. but knowing my family and the circle i have, i might have to just dissociate and try to bear it while me and my future husband have sex. the thought just makes me want to cry. it would be so unfair to my future husband to be in a marriage with a girl who despises everything about it, but i have no other choice if my family and family friends won’t leave me alone.

my family and church family friends are all i have. they’re my biggest support system and i love them deeply. i love being around them and they’re really not all bad. but i just can’t handle this.

i’m not asking for pity, sympathy, or anything like that. i just have no one to talk to. maybe if i was a normal kind of queer like a lesbian, i would have more people to talk to. but i’m so alone. nobody understands how i’m feeling and how awful it feels to tell people you’re not interested in romance and then hear “well, there’s gotta be somebody !!” i get dismissed by straight people and dismissed by allo queers and fake aroaces who think that a QPR is a solution to everything. it would be nice, but a QPR just wouldn’t work for me realistically because so little people in the world (who would fit my standards for a partner) are actually both aromantic and asexual.

sorry, i’m sorry, that’s all i have to say. i’m done.

what the hell is it with people and garlic bread. 😭 sorry if this is a stupid question, but why do aces, especially fake aces on other subs, do the whole “garlic bread” bit ??? and why do allos bring it up whenever i say i’m asexual? it happens to me just now and i just “lol” but i don’t know what it means and why people, especially allos tbh bring it up so much in relation to us. didn’t want to ask this in the others subs btw.

hi again everyone !! trying to fix my internalized acephobia and arophobia by actually talking about it.

i’m wondering if anyone feels the same way about sex that i do. for starters, i’m asexual, but i actually really LIKE and WANT sex—

JUST KIDDING I’M JUST KIDDING, put your guns down. no, but did i get you ??

okay, but seriously. i am asexual and i would say i’m generally repulsed by the idea of having sex in real life. i think if i actually tried, i would become very scared and distressed. i also have a non-existent libido, so i don’t have a need for it. however, i’m not repulsed by it in theory or fiction?

like i don’t like viewing pornography at all. but i will read an erotic fan fiction. sometimes, i can even discuss sex but only to a certain extent.

i don’t know, i feel weird. but because i am like this, many fake aces and allos like to take this as a sign to say “see, all asexuals are super freaky !!” or they take it as me saying that i actually am curious about sex and might be open to having it in the future.

however, when i reiterate that the idea of having sex with another person is revolting to me, a lot of these “sex-favourable aces” get genuinely upset with me and act as if i’m rejecting them and their very existence. they get so upset and say “you can be sex-averse, but stop acting like sex is some disgusting thing.” when that’s too what i was trying to imply. they get very mad if you yourself are disgusted by it but don’t mind reading or occasionally hearing about it. i don’t even know anymore.

am i the only one who feels like this?

hi all !! i’m an aroace person and just wanted to ask a question. i always hesitated coming to this subreddit as an aroace person who isn’t interested in having sex myself because i was told this place was “bigoted” and “aphobic” by other asexuals. however, i have scrolled for a bit and have seen that this is not the case. i hope you guys can welcome me !!

anyways onto my question. i have always wondered why asexual people who have a sex drive and want to have sex don’t just identify in the greysexual range? i feel that there are many different microlables that can be used. i have a friend who can’t necessarily describe her sexuality, so she identifies as pomosexual. i myself experience no libido but i know many people in the asexual community do despite not wanting to have sex because for people that sort of thing is not controllable. but having sex is.

i hope i am making sense. i’m always hesitant to even discuss or think about asexuality due to my own internalized aphobia towards myself. whenever people say “asexuals can have sex too !!” i have just kind of nodded and agreed because i did agree. but now i am thinking more after reading this subreddit. i know that people who identify as asexual and still want to have sex must feel some sort of way that is not allosexual. but if that is the case, then why can’t they just identify as greysexual or somewhere on the greysexuality spectrum? like i feel that greysexual would perfectly encompass what many people who identify as asexual but still have sex are feeling. not allosexual but still want to have sex.

i dont know. i feel bad for saying this, but i dont know if asexuality is necessarily a spectrum? as it means without or the absence of it. greysexuality feels like a nice spectrum that i think more people should explore before sticking with the asexuality label.

ah but genuinely, i would like to know what stops people from simply going with greysexuality when it describes them better than asexuality? is it wanting to be cool? wanting to be apart of a minority? is asexuality trendy now ???

i hope this post made sense. i’m very tired and my brain is overheating from the floridian heat. also as i said, i try not to discuss asexuality and aromanticism, but i’m trying harder to get better about this. thank you if you read to the end.

edit: just to add, i’m aware the people i’m describing in my posts are not asexuals. my post was simply focused on why these people don’t abandon the asexual label and explore something more fitting such as the greysexuality spectrum.

happy sabbath y’all !! if this post breaks the rules of this subreddit, i apologize !! i’m so sorry but i’m gonna yap a lot. also don’t mind the em-dashes, i’ve been using them long before ai snatched them from human writers.

now, i’m 19 and haven’t believed in god since i was 12 or so. that said, i do enjoy christian movies and cartoons mainly due to nostalgia. i like veggie tales and stuff but i also really, really, really love the prince of egypt— i rewatch it very often, no notes. i also appreciate biblical stories as sort of mythology? like biblical mythology? even if i do not agree with it many of the stories and i think that they can have many plot holes and such, i do enjoy them as stories and nothing more.

i’ve yapped a lot but anyways, i watched that animated david movie that came out recently and to be honest…??

i appreciate the animation. down to the fine hairs on the cheeks of the men and women, the arm and hand hairs, even the dirt in the fingernails of each character— like i could gush about the animation forever. i was genuinely enthralled the entire time. but now to the point of my post.

the main villain in this movie is king achish. my heart immediately sank when i saw him to be honest. he’s shown to be wearing what looks like subtle eyeshadow and red lipstick with lots of jewelry including dangling earrings. he also acts in a very queer-coded manner and talks and behaves very flamboyantly. villains being queer-coded is nothing new— disney’s done it a ton of times with their iconic villains.

but this was so on the nose, that it hurt. i remember when he came on screen, i almost laughed and said “he looks like a drag queen !!” and then it hit me. it felt intentional the way this christian production had made the villain look.

genuinely, am i overreacting? a christian movie, in this day and age, portraying what they think a drag queen looks like as the villain to what’s probably a bunch of kids and families watching this felt so disheartening. i can’t properly put into words how i’m feeling. i just feel really sad as a queer person myself.

i shared this with an acquaintance (who is adventist) and she kinda laughed and told me i was being too woke. i feel like i’m not crazy though. literally look up what he looks like in the movie— it feels too intentional. i know fundamentalists hate queer people, but portraying the villain as a diet drag queen was too on the nose.

that’s the end of my long vent. but if anyone feels the same way or has any other thoughts to share, please share them !!

you’re not supposed to be fat, because that’s disgusting. but being skinny is also bad because if you’re skinny, you’ll get called anorexic.

what the hell are we supposed to look like ?? like genuinely? i’m so sick of seeing people hate on fat girls while simultaneously saying that they aren’t going to subscribe to “skinny propoganda.” what are we supposed to look like?

like i’m genuinely pissed off. are we supposed to be skinny? should we be fat? maybe we should be just the right amount of skinny and fat? some people are naturally skinny and others are just naturally fat. but both are horrible according to men and even according to other girls. i don’t even know what i’m supposed to look like.

i’m a bad person for wanting to get skinny but when i DO try to love myself and work with the body i have, i’m called a pig? for reference, i myself am 5’2” and 128 lbs. i’m just so done. i’m going to do whatever i want without caring about men what other women and girls think of me.

i wish i didn’t have to eat to live