r/AskMenOver40

41M and mine has been gradual enough that I could ignore it for a long time. Then my barber asked if I wanted him to leave the top a little longer because the crown was getting thinner. He wasn’t being a dick about it at all but hearing someone else acknowledge it made it feel different.

Not shaving yet but also I’d just rather not look back in another three years and wish I’d started paying attention sooner.

For guys who noticed it around this age, did you actually start doing something or just let it go? Funny thing is my head is kind of caved in a bit from a accident a few years ago so thats why im not so keen on going bald.

I had been doing well recently, exercise, journaling and mindfulness. But this past week, got knocked down by man flu, worried about the lack of rain and the heat i feel like ive gone into survival mode, not doing anything I should be and just playing on my phone. I know that I can't do a lot about the external things but can try to work on how I let these things effect me internally. Could just do with a bit of a push/someone who's been there before.

I just turned 42 and this feels like the first year I’ve noticed my balls sagging more.

What should I expect going forward? 😩

Hi

I’m a 42M in Sydney. Been here quite a few years but I’m an immigrant and did a couple of overseas stints so i haven’t lived here continuously since I moved here.

I have a high pace exec job and I work out quite a lot. I spend a lot of time with my family and yes I could do better with spending time with my son. But all things equal, I think I do a reasonable job spending time and bonding with my son.

I find that my social groups, which incidentally are very mono-ethnocultural in shape and cliquey, are boring. I must be an odd ball because I don’t want to do what they do all the time. It’s the same old drink whiskey, eat great bbq and talk fkn mortgages and property. Aargh!! I hate it.

I want to go out to festivals, enjoy music, dance (my fkn feminine side I guess), maybe smoke a joint some time instead of fkn my liver up. But I find no connect with the people I hang out with. I’ve asked my friends but they just say shit that makes me feel old.

I don’t quite know how to go about it. My accent also stereotypes me. Not that I give a fk though. I go out to live music venues alone. I do enjoy but I get conscious and nervous every now and then. I tried making my gym my focus. And it is. But I don’t enjoy spending more than an hour at the gym.

Am I mentally not at peace with my station in life? Or do I deserve to be able to live a little? I think this is a typical ‘all work and no play…” situation.

Any suggestions on how to deal with this?

Im ordering some sugar wax paste and linen strips.

Basically, I want to use it on my balls and around my hole, but not sure how advisable this is. Has anyone had any experience of this? Is it dangerous in any way? Will it leave spots around my hole? What about in my dick? Any in-depth advice greatly appreciated.

I have various hobbies like reading, writing, gaming and lifting but I don't really have a desire to turn my hobby into an income. I want to think in solutions, not problems but I honestly don't know where to look.

I'm 31 years old and happily married. My life is okay. But there's always this desire to do something else. I've been a QA engineer since I got my bachelor's in comp science at 25.

Now I'm just going through life waiting for the day to end so I can play WoW and go to gym. It's just the same routine over and over.

Not sure where to go from here.

I just turned 42, and for the longest time, the only numbers I paid attention to were scale weight and my annual check up. But over the last year, for some reasons my energy levels started dipping hard, mostly around mid-afternoon, even though my standard labs kept coming back normal.

So I decided to start paying closer attention to metabolic health and daily energy patterns just to see how different meals, sleep, and stress were impacting my afternoon crash and after seeing those patterns completely changed how I eat and structure my day, and my energy is finally back to where it used to be.

So for those of you who made a noticeable turn in how you feel day-to-day, what’s one single metric or marker made the biggest difference And what have you done to dial it in?

I didn't expect this. I've always enjoyed getting older, I have a lot more money than I did in my 20s and love that I get to see my kids grow. Lately I've felt that I'm going through a midlife crisis...marriage is fine but boring, job is stressful but rewarding and I'm making good money, my kids have some minor issues (like all kids) but things are good. For some reason I just feel off.

I think what's getting to me is the fact that I am finally accepting that I don't have forever. Half of my life is now behind me. There isn't that much time to change things. If I wait 5 years to decide my marriage sucks and I want something better, that's 5 years of my physical prime I'm throwing out the window. I'm feeling a little paralyzed by the fact that if I want to make a major change, I don't have as much time to do it as I used to.

I am self-aware enough to know I'm probably overreacting, but did any of you go through this? Any words of wisdom that can maybe get me to feel less pity for myself tonight would be appreciated.

I'm 46/M. Two years ago I took a state government job that seemed all upside: they offered 30% more than I was then-currently making based on my prior experience in another state. They made it clear that they wanted me based on my expertise in specific areas. I happily accepted and turned down several other offers which, in retrospect, might have been more fulfilling.

Last year my wife and I bought a house. We were able to pay most of it with 14 years of savings and are on track to pay it off in 3 years. My wife really wants to go part-time at work after that.

In the past two years, the staff budget at my work was slashed dramatically due to the state budget crisis, and rather than look at overall productivity (there are many here who are genuinely unproductive), they started putting more duties on the more productive staff. I was asked to take on more and more duties, until now, where I am doing the equivalent work of three jobs, without a promotion or non-incremental pay increase.

There was an open spot for a position staffing the area I have expertise in, which I applied for. Frankly, no one else in the office knows this area well, so they asked me to staff the area the past two years as one of my three roles. Instead, they filled the position with a young staffer with no experience in the area, who will now be my supervisor but will basically rely on me for much of the work. If they had selected me, they would have had to increase my pay to the next category and let me do one job instead of three. By selecting this staffer who earns significantly less than me, I suspect it was purely a cost-saving move. They made a B.S. excuse to me that it was because I did not volunteer for this mentorship program last summer whereas this staffer did.

I have been looking for other jobs but the market is much smaller than a couple of years ago. I have one offer on the table and possibly another that I think I can get, but both would require a 10-15% pay cut from my current salary. Of course, there is no guarantee that the new job will be better, but I've lost all motivation at my current job.

My wife is supportive of me taking a new job at such a pay cut, but it will delay the time when she is able to cut back at her job, which is stressful for her.

Do I suck it up and keep doing this job? This year I became pretty depressed and stopped socializing outside of work because of it. I basically spend all of my free time shut in at home.

Appreciate advice from others who have been down this path. Thanks.

M50 - friend is M48, wife is about the same age.

I’ve known my friend since around high school (we went to the same school). We reconnected a few years ago, and have worked together on some different community projects (he’s run for local government and I’ve served on a couple committees and done some behind-the-scenes work).

He had some issues with alcohol years ago, and no longer drinks. Every few months we will meet up and have a drink - he drinks NA beer or a Coke, and has no problem if I have something.

His wife comes off with a bit of… snobbishness, perhaps? It’s a short “hello” when I see her and then she moves on. Rarely any engagement or actual conversation… and if so, it’s very high level. I don’t need deep or personal, but genuine would be nice.

I have seen her be “genuine” with other people, so I feel like there’s something I’ve done, or she thinks I’ve done, but I have no idea what. I was not around my friend during his drinking days, so she can’t blame me for that. He drinks NA beer with others - including her - so check that off the list. I have a solid reputation in the community, so nothing there. I’m just at a loss.

I bring this up because two nights ago I attended a local fundraising event. I was talking with two friends when I saw my friend, his wife and their daughter walk in. I waved to them and eventually they headed over. My friend said hello and we chatted for a couple minutes… the wife stayed quiet and the said hi and then walked away. She’s not one to be shy around people, so she either didn’t want to talk to me or something was up (like they had been in an argument or something).

So… anyone else have friends where the wife just isn’t that into you? How do you manage that? Any tips?

Gentlemen, do you look forward to the weekends? Do you plan them out? Do You look forward to having some down time? Do you have hobbies/interests that you like to take part in on weekends? I don't generally like to commit to anything on the weekends. I am one of those people who really doesn't mind when I have nothing to do. I like that I can sit on the couch all day and watch tv or go for a drive or do whatever I want. Generally, I would say saturday's are for cleaning and running errands. Sundays I might meet up with a friend for a meal. Other than that Im pretty open. How about you?

I’m 45. I’ve been feeling pretty terrible for the last 4 years despite lifting weights, walking a lot, eating well. Basically as if I’ve given up and I’m just going through the motions. I had my t
Levels checked and it was basically at the very
lower level of normal for a man. Has anyone had a similar experience and chosen to have TRT. What were your experiences. I feel like I need to get my drive back.

I just want to hear your stories about being dragged in to family drama to save adults from their own laziness, stupidity, and general irresponsibility.

My own situation is related to dealing with a house abandoned by relatives who were hoarders. They are almost ready about to pass and now "what to do with the house" has trickled down to the next generation, myself included. No one is stepping up but everyone is causing drama about it.

I'm so sick of dealing with other people's bullshit.

Give up corporate, get a job on a parts desk or at a bar. Fuck the marriage, not getting laid anyway. Start smoking. Trade in the 3 row SUV for a German sedan. Pretty sure that’s a standard midlife crisis thing right?

40m- anyone feeling more irritated and have less patience later in the day?

I work in sport management and have been in a new director-level role for about 10 months. My goal over the next 3 years is to put myself in a position to move into an Executive Director or similar senior leadership role.

For those who have made the jump into executive leadership/management, what professional development or skills helped you the most?
Were there any courses, certifications, governance or financial training, leadership programs, or other opportunities that you felt actually prepared you for the next level?

I’m interested in building the right skills and experience. If you were in my position with a 3-year runway, what would you prioritize?

I'm just wondering what guys over 40 think. I know it's mostly going to be Jordan but I wonder if anyone chooses LeBron