r/AutismIreland

Most people would never guess I have autism, even after knowing me for years. I used to be proud of this fact but now I realise how much I have damaged myself.

I do a lot of conscious and subconscious camouflaging that I think has prevented me from being emotionally vulnerable or emotionally available. My connections with people are very surface-level. I have friends but I don't feel particularly close to them. I go on dates with women sometimes but things rarely get past the third date.

I'm in a period of my life now where I just feel extremely touch-starved and partnerless. Before, the interactions with my family could stave off this loneliness but not anymore. A huge compounding factor is that the lonelier I get, the more tired I get; this tiredness then prevents me from going outside and keeps me in bed.

I'm stuck. I've tried a few medications and I go to counselling once every two weeks but none of it seems to be able to tackle any of problems in a substantial way. I got diagnosed, also, with ADHD a few months ago but the stimulant meds haven't helped with my tiredness. I just never thought I'd get to a level of loneliness that would actually make me feel so tired all the time. It's like there's no reason to strive for anything or to put effort into anything anymore. And what's worse, the older I get, the more hopeless I become.

Im afraid of committing to anything like a job or a course I cannot do. I know I’m not good at art, computers stuff like that or anything to do with my hands. I’m on disability allowance I would love to do something with my life but at the same-time I’m afraid of losing my only income.

First of all, I want to apologize for coming in out of nowhere, especially since this is my first time posting here. If this kind of post isn't appropriate for the forum, please let me know and I'll remove it. If it is, I'd really appreciate any help.

I don't really know where to begin. I don't hate myself exactly, but I can't stop thinking about wanting to be in a relationship, and it's driving me mental.

I know nobody is entitled to a relationship, and I know nobody owes me affection, especially when I don't really put myself out there. I don't go out much anymore because I've had so many bad experiences that I eventually just stopped trying.

When I was younger, I only ever had online relationships, and they never went anywhere. I always felt like I was putting much more into them than the other person was. Around the same time, I also put a lot of my later secondary school years into trying to focus on academics, and that didn't really go anywhere either. I failed most of it, and I'm honestly surprised I even managed to get into a PLC course.

When I did start trying to meet people romantically in person, I struggled badly because I'm terrible at reading social cues. I've known my whole life that I have difficulties with that. I've been diagnosed with ADHD and autism—back then they called it Asperger's, although I know that term isn't really used anymore, and I probably need to be reassessed.

I'm jumping around a bit, but I suppose the main point is that I'm lonely. Really lonely. For the past four or five years, it's been a constant thought in my head, and it's becoming crippling. I feel like I can't connect with anyone.

Sometimes I start wondering if I'm not actually autistic at all. Maybe I'm a psychopath, or a sociopath, or some kind of covert narcissist. I don't know. I don't feel like I deserve love or affection, but at the same time I can't stop craving it. I desperately want that kind of connection, and it's driving me mental.

At the same time, I know that anyone can find love. I see people with ADHD, autism, other disabilities, chronic illnesses, physical disabilities, different social backgrounds, and all body types finding loving relationships every day. I know those things don't make someone unlovable. That's part of what's making this so difficult for me. I don't think it's because I'm autistic or because I have ADHD. Instead, I keep thinking that maybe I'm just a fundamentally horrible person deep down, or that I've simply had such consistently bad luck that it's become crippling.

That's also why I'm asking for advice. I know there are plenty of people here who have healthy relationships despite facing similar challenges, and I'd really like to know what helped you. If you've had better luck than I have, what advice would you give? Is building relationships something that eventually just clicks for people, or is it possible that some people genuinely struggle to form attachments in the same way? I've heard people say that before, and I honestly don't know anymore. I feel like I'm going insane trying to figure it out.

I've had the occasional one-night stand, but it's always just that. There's never any emotional connection, and that's what I actually want. It's not really about sex. I just want to feel like I can genuinely connect with someone.

People tell me to make friends first. I used to have friends, but they've all drifted away, and part of me worries that's because there was something fundamentally wrong with me. Maybe I really was the problem. I don't want to be that kind of person, but I don't know.

I know I'm jumping around again. I think, fundamentally, I feel like I'm a bad person who doesn't know how to connect with people. At the same time, I'm desperate for a relationship, even though I feel incapable of forming one. I don't blame anyone else for that. I blame myself and whatever's wrong with my brain.

I don't know if anyone has any social skills advice. I don't want to manipulate people or learn tricks that feel dishonest—that feels fundamentally wrong to me. I just don't know how to improve.

I do try going to social groups, but whenever I develop romantic feelings for someone, whether they're a man or a woman, they're either not interested or they're already in a relationship. It seems to happen every time. Maybe I get attached too quickly or invest emotionally far too early. I don't know.

I'm just miserable. I really need to improve my social skills, or honestly, I just need some advice. If anyone has any, I'd genuinely appreciate it.

I apologies if this came more off as a demented rant than a cry for help.

Thank you all for reading, and I hope to talk to you more here.

Hi guys!

My son has just turned 2, I’ve suspected Autism for a long time now, but as he gets older it’s becoming more obvious.

He’s a happy funny little guy but has very little communication and speech.

He says open, ball, go but only when he feels like it and will sing certain Ms Rachel songs in baby talk.

But he doesn’t answer to his name, couldn’t care less about other children and won’t follow instructions. That’s just a few things.

I’m at home with him all the time and I feel completely out of my depth. He’s in speech therapy privately which has been helpful but other than that I just feel so sad and stressed all the time trying to help him. He’s on the assessment of need waiting list.

I guess I’m just looking to hear from other parents who have been through this? Any tips? Anything I should be doing? I try do the speech therapy with him at home but it’s difficult to keep his attention.

Thanks guys

I have AuDHD and I've been working for the same company for almost 5 years. During that time I've had 4 different managers.

With my first 3 managers, I had a lot of flexibility. As long as I met my targets and my work was done, nobody cared exactly when I worked. We didn't track time, and I often worked around my energy levels.

For example, I'd sometimes work in the evening or on a Sunday so I could have a slower start the next morning. Other days I'd step away for an hour or two and make the time up later. It was never an issue because my work was getting done, and I was a top performer for 4 years.

Then I got a new manager.

She expects me to be available throughout the entire working day, even if my workload is under control. Trying to force myself through low-energy periods instead of working with them eventually contributed to burnout, and I've now been off work for 4 months.

I tried explaining how I'd worked successfully before. She said, "That's fine, as long as you let me know."

But that doesn't really solve the problem for me. If I do 15 minutes of work on a Sunday evening and then tell her I'll start 15 minutes later on Monday, it actually adds more mental load. Now I have to track every minute to make sure I still hit exactly 40 hours.

The truth is, I honestly don't know if I always worked exactly 40 hours before. Sometimes probably more, sometimes probably less. I never counted because my work was done and I consistently exceeded expectations.

I'm due to return to work in 2 weeks, and I'm thinking of asking for an accommodation where my performance is measured by outcomes rather than constant availability.

My worry is that they'll hear, "I don't want to work 40 hours," which isn't what I'm asking at all.

I just want the flexibility to work around my energy levels again without constantly worrying about whether I'm online every minute of the workday.

Has anyone successfully requested something similar? How did you explain it?

Hi all,

Does anyone have any recommendations for autism-friendly therapists?

I have tried Inner Voice Inner Journey, but stopped using them given that I was assigned therapists who weren't fully accredited.

Online preferred.

I am 18 just finished the leaving cert and just got employed for 14:25 euro per hour just wondering I collect disability allowance and full payment. I am going to be working full time and then when college starts part time. My parents said they will cut my disability allowance if I work full time and it will take a while the whole application process for me to receive disability allowance again when I start school is it true or no? Also was wondering how many hours should I work and what should I say with my employer?

Are there any neuroaffirmative OT’s that would do house calls? My daughter really wants help but struggles with leaving the house and is not keen on video calls

Does anyone else hate the term 'neurospicey', to me it just feels reductive somehow......

She has been in hospital maybe twice ,but they are looking for last admission and discharge dates ?

I sent everything to back this claim and this is what they come back to me with 😞