r/DesiGirlDinnerDiaries

I made a post a few days ago about my boyfriend being away for his boys trip and not contacting much. I was told to be patient and so I did. He came back, I had a very warm conversation with him about how i would have appreciated it if he had kept me in the loop. He apologized right away but said they were all very high throughout the trip and that he needs to have a proper space to have a conversation so he couldn't talk, not even to his family much. I let it slide.

He came back. He wanted to see me the day he was back because he missed me. It was a weekday but I chose to visit him because i honestly missed him too.

We spent the entire day together. Didn't really talk much but we cuddled and uk........ overall was a sweet day. He also got me a cute bag from his trip.

The next day, he went mia again. I don't hear from him the entire day. I text him at 10:15pm in the evening asking if he was in the gym or that if he was still at work. He says no but I was kinda busy working but he had come home. I text him saying "u could have at least texted that u re busy with work" to which he replies "I was about to wrap this up and text u" I was mad by then...I text "nvm, good night" which he leaves on seen.

I usually get anxious easily so I called him after sometime and he said he was trying to sleep. I was more pissed because wdym uk i am mad but u still chose to sleep? to which he says but u said good night so i thought u were sleepy. I am super mad now, because what kind of low EQ behavior is this.

I tell him I am done with him not being emotionally available at times and it's not particularly about this incident. One thing led to another and the conversation went to me asking him if he even loved me. There's no answer. Absolute silence. I ask him again...do u care for me or love me? He says he's not sure. I ask him what even is this about. (Context : i mentioned it in the earlier post that he's diagnosed with PDD) He says he has no love within him sometimes to give me or anyone. He feels drained. So, sometimes he feels love for me, sometimes he doesn't. I asked him if he loved his family, he said I don't have love within me sometimes so, not sure if i love them either, when i am not in that headspace.

I have known this guy for a decent few years now. I know he hasn't seen any woman apart from me. I know it. I don't doubt it. But he ain't sure of his feelings. I have always thought of him as my soulmate, as the love of my life. And him telling me that he doesn't love me made me feel deeply hurt. I tried asking him if it's a phase that he's having or if he is really unsure of his love for me. To which he said it's both because when he ain't in his space, he just doesn't have the energy to feel love for anyone including me.

He reiterated that he has been living this depressed, sad life for a while now and that there's a reason why he doesn't let people very close. He thought eventually maybe with me things will be fine because I am happy, chirpy but he thinks my light is dimming because of him. He told me to let go of us. I don't know what to do. I genuinely really love this guy. But I can't deny, it has been very very difficult. I feel unloved, not cared for very many times. And i don't blame him but it's not like any other conventional relationship dynamics.

Last night we decided to end things. I told him we would and should never talk to eo ever again to be able to get over. He agreed. This afternoon I texted him again and asked if he could come over for one last time.

He said he'll be there by 9pm. It's 6pm ish rn. Idk what it is? How do I let go of this? How do I let go of my love? Uk all my life i have wanted a guy who is madly in love with me and I am with him, that's it. We grow together, build our careers and live a happy happy life. But life ain't that easy...Do I let him go? do I hold onto him and help him because what even is love if u let go of them in difficult times? I am really confused.

My husband (married 2 years, been together for 10) and I were sitting on our couch just after having dinner and watchingTV. He was giving me foot rubs and just looks at me and says “please don’t ever leave me cause if you do then it’ll be the end of me” . It was so spontaneous and special cause even though he loves physical touch and acts of service , he is not very expressive with his words all the time except the I love yous and miss you’s. I don’t know what came over him or if he felt guilty as he’s been awfully busy with work lately and I know he has a project deadline in a few days so I have been taking care of most of the household duties like cooking and cleaning but it just made me teary and gooey inside.

In the plate - dal khichdi with masala bhindi, papad and green chili pickle.

So I had this friend with a really orthodox kind of mentality. She had never dated anyone and was very judgy towards other people in relationships. We once had an argument about her believing that someone who has lost his/her (mostly her) virginity before marriage can never be a successful wife/mother or bahu

She is employed ( govt job with some political approach no exam). Single child of a single child ( so property ofc).

(Arrogant/picky/dumb/orthodox she is everything)

I was in a toxic relationship (1st) when I left him she used to judge me real bad, She got a rishta and started talking with him, he is really handsome. My present boyfriend (2nd and hopefully last) is a wonderful human being, she would judge him and make fun of him like "itna patlaa hai vgera mine is perfect". I hate her!!

I just got to know that rishta guy she is talking to was a big pboy of his time, he had a girlfriend when he started talking to her, he compares her to his other girlfriends about everything (looks/body/attitude)

And now she is stuck with him and cannot say no to her family because of her own orthodox soch. That guy has a joint family and she demands him to be a ghar jmai because she don't want to live with them and constantly tells everyone that he is behind her money, she is not married yet and already judges her future in laws real bad. ( who is the better bahu/wife now)

For some backstory: My boyfriend and I have been doing long distance for most of our relationship because I got transferred a month after we met and started dating. We've been surviving by visiting each other, video calling and doing virtual movie dates. He worked American timings so it was really hard

He had been looking to transfer here to my city, and got a job. I flew out to his city, we spent the weekend together and flew back to mine. He'll spend the month in my flat looking for his own place.

I have a really stressful, hectic and demanding job, and its been so nice to come back home to him and hang out. I know we'll probably drive each other a bit up the wall at some point but it's been nice. Were helping adjust his sleep cycle, cooking together and doing chores. I almost don't want him to get his own flat (but he will, and I do want him to have that). It's honestly just nice to be together after spending so much time missing each other.

He went out with a friend yesterday and I didn't join (too sleepy), and he just texted me "I don't think i realised how much I love being in your company" and yes, I think I didn't realise how much happier and less stressed I am to have my partner next to me.

I was friends with this girl I got to know around February/March. Since we both needed to change our respective PGs, we decided to move in together.

Honestly, I knew she was a bit unhygienic, but I didn’t think it would be such a big problem. I’m usually able to keep my surroundings clean even with difficult roommates. But this time, I think I’m done with PGs altogether.

Here’s what happened.
Leftover food was never thrown in the garbage. Utensils with leftovers, no matter how big (read: aam achaar ka dabba), were left in the sink for me to wash. Banana peels were left on the table.
I spoke to her about the kitchen, and things improved to some extent.

But the real problem was something I hadn’t even noticed yet.
Our washroom used to stink terribly, and I assumed it was a drainage issue. Then one day, I realised she doesn’t flush after peeing. We have an Indian-style toilet, so I hadn’t noticed it earlier.
I called her out on it, and she admitted that she doesn’t flush. But that very same day, she did it again, and I had to remind her to flush.

Imagine having to ask a 27-year-old woman to maintain basic hygiene. Lord.
I’m moving out. 🙏 I’ve genuinely had it.

I really need solid advice on this.

I’ve been dragged into drama since a year and in total of three relationships/ situationship that I’m starting to wonder whether I’m the problem here.

So first was that I was dating this person for few months. He was from my work and yes I know worst thing to do. And yes I did learn my lesson gravely. I came to know that he was cheating on me with two different women and one of them was from our workplace as well , married. So she harassed me a lot until I had to get the authorities involved. So I got out of that hell hole and the relationship.

And then my colleague shared her situationship experience with me. She was also involved with one of the coworkers. She told me this because she thought I’ll empathize and my first advice was that “girl don’t. Learn from my experience” and I left her to that. Well her partner started asking me out after we all met for our annual Christmas celebration and despite telling him I wasn’t interested he wouldn’t budge. So I told my colleague about him and they broke up. He blamed me. Whatever. Classic. Not surprised lol. But he kept dragging it. Send me reels through her about me being snake and all. Whatever. I cut them off.

Now this is the latest one. My childhood friend got involved with someone who was older than her. She already has a bf and she told me later that she was seeing this other guy or something. Nothing clear. I told her this is not something I support nor entertain and please do what is right. Well few weeks ago she came to me crying saying she was being harassed by this guy and I told her to inform her parents or someone and maintain distance. And then my friend , I’m still in shock btw , goes and tells him that I told her to stay away from him. And so the guy wanted my number to talk to me and then threatened he will come to my house because I was the reason causing issues in their relationship.

I was hurt. My mentor got involved because he works in the same office as my friend’s and he protected me. Since then I haven’t talked to her nor I want to. I know that girl for more than ten years. So yeah. I’m very numb.

But I don’t get it. Why has this happening to me? Do you girls have any advice how to stray away from these things? I don’t really have friends much. The ones I have are out of state. I hangout with my mum or read books at home. Idk what this has to do with anything, but still. I would really appreciate some perspective or insight.

EDIT: spelling errors

Yes, I couldn't finish it all 🍧

How do you deal with the fear of not finding anyone better than your ex?

How do you deal with the fear of not being loved so much again?

How do you get back to yourself again?

How do you not get the first thought of him as soon as you wake up in the morning?

How do you deal with the guilt of the past?

How do you forgive yourself?

How do you get the motivation to not rot in your bed and be energetic and excited like before, before that relationship even started

How do you love life again?

How do you get curious and want to explore the world again?

How do you get the undefeated self again?

I wish I could erase and forget 2023-26 like it never existed

Everyone says to move on, do you think I don't want to? Do you think I want to stay stuck in my past? I try to move on but I can't even lift a finger sometimes

Strange but I feel like I'm still not ready to let go of my past or I just can't? Idk..... Idk anything anymore

Idk...... But ig I want my spark back, that jolly and bubbly girl I used to be, I was childish but I was aware of things around me....people, emotions, and the world around me, I used to fear no one and I was always upfront, I had that light in me that I could see and so did people around me....

Somehow this feels like the end of the world

My(25F) entire adult life, I’ve been running after romantic love/ connection/ affection. And it’s getting worse since a few months. I didn’t have a childhood filled with affection or anything like that. I don’t want to go into it but things never felt safe at home.

I started dating at 19. Literally every guy I’ve dated, serious, casual has ended up dumping me. I have gotten into physical stuff a few times even when I wasn’t completely into it just to get the guy’s affection.

I do a lot of things for myself, I have hobbies, I have an interesting social life,I have friends, I do self care. If you ask me my honest opinion about myself, I will tell you I’m great. Yet this need for romantic connection reeks of low self esteem.

The fact of the matter is - I’ve never felt chosen by anyone in my life. Friends, family, boyfriends. And it has become a need at this point which I am consumed by.

I just want to feel safe and seen.

I know things always work out, I will find my person but how do I deal with this meanwhile?