r/INTP_female

From my perspective, I always communicated about the reason why I wanted to end relationship or connection, and made sure they understand. So the breakup or ending of dates were always peaceful, clear and no drama.

But months later, they still came back, checking on me, or saying they miss me, some openly seeking possibility to build something more.

I’m always open to be friends with ex, and they were the ones who didn’t want to be friends, so I respect the silence after breakup. Still sooner or later they would look back.

Is there any problem in my way of ending things? Or this is a common situation in dating life?

Thanks for your advice!

It’s so difficult to want to build a deep connection with someone, but not know how to do it... whether because I’m afraid the person won’t want that connection back, or because I simply don’t know how to create a connection with someone I genuinely want to get closer to...

Nowadays, my best relationships are with people I met in random and fun ways, where I simply wasn’t putting any pressure on myself while getting to know them, so in those situations I was able to slowly show little pieces of who I really was, and over time I built incredible connections...

But first of all, there are very few people with whom I have that level of closeness and comfort to truly be myself, and second, when I’m interested in someone — maybe in a more romantic sense — I simply can’t relax. Everything feels too intense, I overanalyze everything, and I get really self-conscious...

And that is TERRIBLE, because why the hell can’t I just be myself and create a connection with the exact boy I think is amazing, the one I genuinely want to know deeply and build a bond with?????? It makes me really upset! I almost start acting like an idiot around him, AND I HATE THAT FEELING!!!

Anyway, I don’t know if you relate to this, but that’s how it is for me...

Hi everyone, I made a video about being an INTP female and maybe some of you can resonate. It's a bit long, you don't have to go through the whole thing. It's a bit of a ramble... unedited and I did not really plan this but whatever. Enjoy :-)

A few days ago, I had just left university. I'm 19 years old. It was 5 pm, so I went to the bus stop to go home. While I was waiting peacefully, a car stopped right where I was. I thought he was picking someone up, but he looked at me and seemed like he was going to talk to me and I just looked away, ignoring him. A few seconds later, he drove off.

Now that I think about it, I think he thought I was a prostitute. It's worth noting that I was wearing a simple t-shirt, oversized jeans, and a denim vest for warmth, with makeup on. I wasn't showing any skin, and I wasn't wearing anything vulgar, so I can't understand how he could have insinuated or assumed that, since I didn't flirt with him or say a word to him at any point.

I hope it doesn't happen to me again...

important

I had an assessment and apparently it’s social anxiety.
But I feel autistic around outgoing confident people then realise I’m not autistic when speaking to an autistic person lol.

It’s hard to explain. I’ve studied with him for 4 years, and since the middle of last year I had been “interested” in him, but it was something more subtle, you know? I could easily push the feeling aside... I don’t think I had ever really liked someone before, and at first I don’t even think I truly liked him; it was more like a feeling that probably appeared out of boredom. So honestly, it was something very manageable and easy to rationalize, if that makes sense. It was like: one week I was really into him, but the next week I would shut myself off and completely stop thinking about him.

That was before... Recently, I think I genuinely started liking him — the little details about him, his personality, the person he is. I really would like to know him more deeply.

And that’s where the issue begins. Like I said, we’ve been classmates for 4 years and we were always just that: classmates. So I never thought something more could happen between us. Especially because he’s not the type of person who dates around (he has never dated anyone), and neither am I. We’re both in our last year of school and completely focused on entrance exams and university applications... so it feels difficult for something to happen. But at the same time, even though we’re not extremely close, we’re still classmates, you know? We have a lot of inside jokes, we talk about class topics, questions, random things... Sometimes he understands things about me that not even some of my closest friends understand.

And this “closeness” between us seems to have increased a lot over the last two months... Also, even though he’s very extroverted, he’s still VERY reserved. Most of his friends don’t truly know him either.

Another thing: I had never looked at it this way before, but two of my friends (who I became close with this year, but who already attended prep classes with me and this guy last year, and to whom I NEVER even mentioned him) asked me, at different moments, whether we were dating, because apparently we seemed to have a certain “chemistry” that he didn’t seem to have with anyone else. Lol, I was honestly shocked because I had never thought about it from that perspective before. I always assumed it was all in my head.

But the thing is, I have absolutely NO idea what he thinks about me. We’ve had many interactions over the past few months, and I overanalyzed every single one of them — and I still have no idea. And I just wish I could get an answer already. I wish I could simply stop liking him... it would be so much easier.

I can think of many reasons why he might not like me back: even though we seem to have this “chemistry,” we’re both still very focused on our studies and maybe this just isn’t the best time for something to happen; we have different religions, and that seems like the kind of thing that matters a lot to him; and in the past few years, one of his close friends liked me a lot and I didn’t feel the same way — although that friend is dating someone else now anyway. And there are many other reasons too...

If he actually liked me, even if he’s an ENTJ (which doesn’t necessarily mean much), I don’t think he would tell me, because he’s very reserved. Just like he probably has no idea whether I like him or not, since I don’t show it at all and I don’t have the courage to, because I’m afraid of rejection.

Anyway... what should I do?

I'll update this with more descriptions of myself if someone even cares

Me: Intp with isfp,enfp, esfj as cognitive functions (from my last test too lazy to do a new one)

I yapp a lot and initiate conversations first so don't be ashamed of being dry. If I know u try, I'll stay.

Oh yeah and I have adhd

Games? Roblox, Honor or kings, idek I'm mostly on socialmedia

Age: minor and a female (obviously)

Interests:Psychology, neuroscience, astronomy, conspiracy theories and theories about the universe and before & after life...erm.. chemistry, biology, any sciences, quantum physics (interested only zero iq on it) philosophy, nature... Anything science at this point.

Music taste:

I listen to alot of songs where idk the artist, so im mostly mixed

-Lana del Rey (top 1 artist),grimes, crystal castles

• 2000s to 2019 songs, esp 2014-2016 and 2000s -eurodance music some scene girl musics

I ignore if u have weird creepy intentions

Edit: If u wanna be friends, just ask me my Instagram so we could be moots ;)

I can't seem to connect with anyone. They say I speak in a very rigid or structured way. I also haven't found anyone who's my type. I actually connect more intellectually, then emotionally, but generally people don't have the patience for that; they prefer "chemistry" to stability. When it should be the other way around: with stability you build something, then chemistry naturally develops. If it's the other way around, chemistry doesn't guarantee a stable relationship. What do you think?

I like both, but the first one completely sends me