r/LyricWriters

It’s on the tip of my tongue
Just an arms length away
The same as it was last year
When I crossed a whole ocean
To try to feel the intangible 

The highs never reach my heart
The strings though they pull
Ring out like a choir
A moment of beauty
And then there’s only quiet

There’s no dark clouds
No jarring thunder
It’s just quiet
Oh so quiet 
All the fucking time

I once found myself inspired
Sure in the moments of beauty
Positive they held the answer
Broken each time they slipped, true
But certain I’d find what I longed for

No longer do I hold such fantasies
I am not certain
I can’t know if I will find a lasting beauty
But god almighty 
I truly hope I do

It still feels so near
As if I already have everything
Everything I should need
So why does it sit on the tip of my tongue?
Is this a mirage I'll never get to reach?

One day I might find it
So I just keep looking
Keep reaching out blindly
Hunting for a morsel of beauty
While the quiet slowly kills me

I’m still alive
I still have a voice
When there’s no choir
And I’m engulfed in silence
I must remember to sing
I must…

I usually write poetry but tried making some lyrics any feedback is appreciated. For reference the rhythm I have in mind is similar to laufey’s music.

Time to love
The clock is ticking
Telling me it’s time for love.
I refuse to listen,
Turn away and shut it off.
The time for love is ticking away
I still see us laying on the bay
Remembering the past
Reminiscing the present
I can’t forget to miss us
And I keep crying
Making a fuss
When I recognize
That even in the end of times,
I know I can’t have you by my side
(no) I can’t, I can’t, I can’t
(no) I can’t, I can’t, I can’t
Thought I desperately want to
I’m not the right fit for you
(Yes) I know, I know, I know
(Yes) I know, I know, I know
Now I’m foolish, but I’m aware
Gained consciousness, came out of my head
You don’t love me, but I do
I love myself
More than I love you.

To give a for example, say you want to write a spaghetti western like Marty Robbin’s Big Iron or Bob Dylan’s Knocking On Heaven’s Door . Does anyone else put together a rough idea or string together a few lines to build off of?

I wrote what felt like the best bridge I'd ever come up with at around midnight last week. I was genuinely excited about it, saved it, went to sleep. Read it the next morning and it was honestly kind of embarrassing. I don't know if nighttime me has worse judgment or just lower inhibitions, but this keeps happening and I can't figure out if I should trust the late-night version or the morning version. Does the time of day actually affect the quality of what you write, or is one of those versions of me just wrong about everything?

Stay with me until the end.

Don't leave me now, don't leave me then.

You make me feel full of light.

Please don't make me not so bright.

I'll make you feel the as me.

I just want you to be free.

Title: Suja — looking for feedback on the lyrics/concept
I’m working on a song called “Suja.” The song is written as if I’m talking to a person I’m falling in love with, but “you” is actually the drink. The bigger theme is restoration/replenishment after bad habits have left me feeling depleted and uncertain about what I want.
I’d especially like feedback on:
• Whether the metaphor comes through naturally or feels too forced
• How well each line flows into the next
• Which lines feel strongest/weakest
• Whether the chorus feels like a satisfying payoff
• What you think the song is about before knowing the metaphor

Verse 1 (how Suja found me )

Gave me a new lease on life
I was going through it
Bad habits left me bad batches
Didn’t know what I was doing

Sacrificing my energy
Leaving me with less
Sacrificing my energy
Until nothing left

Thought I knew what I wanted
Thought I knew what was best

Drowning in too many options
Leaving me to second guess
But I know I’m sure with this

That’s why you should know

Chorus

You replenish me when nothings left
When it comes to you I must confess
Knew what was wrong, made everything right
Suja baby you know you the best

Do you think you'll face more judgment from an audience when you use deranged lyrics in genres like sad RnB and Pop than you will in dancehall and riddim?

Tropical fish girls in bikini suits swim to sand castles water proof

Crowded room safeplace when im in my head passing through can't cause me harm eyes are closed padded room

jeans baggy dont fit my waistline hourglass figure you can tell the time

Night lights if your brave enough to see monster eyes

Innocent fresh to life gold teeth i like to smile right ghost tracked by satellites every star manufactured lights

Search bar screen light big waves deep dive

Gps guiding light heart means im a good guy

silver tongue worth more than your life charisma can stop time

Shades inside reality in dimmed lights

Ice cubes steel tomb dont resurrect light the candle transcend to another level watching with my many eyes

PLAY DIRTY

I don't believe in you, don't be mad / When I say this to you, don't be sad / It's true, I don't believe you and why is that? / Do you believe in me, in my vision / Please don't lie to me, words have eyes / I've seen them many times, many webs / I must admit, you look better on the grass / Than you in the kitchen

I kick the back door down / The sun is out and it would be a sin / To stay inside until it gets dark / Are you in? I want to play like this

Come out and play tag / Three lies and one truth, baby choose / If I tickle your foot, would you laugh / Or are you gonna push me into the pool / And then I grab your arms and whoops! Splash!

Let's play dirty, baby mama / Let's pretend there's no grown ups / Let's hide in my car and play Mana / Spanish tongues, our and their songs / Let's sneak into an R-rated romance / They can judge our teenage-like choices / Because right now, all we care about is us

Drink another one, I'll be the driver / But you wanna drive my car, well let's fight / For the stick, let's see who grabs it quicker / Ouch! Not that one girl, damn that's too tight

Baby let me explain, adult life is great / However if we keep on this way / We lose the innocence days

So then we lose the moment when / I found you attractive when all I wanted to do / Was play on my PlayStation, then you— / So let's rewind the cassette

A small announcement / Hide and seek, and don't cheat / Don't hide in the basement, you know I'm afraid / Don't get get it twisted, I love your breakfast

I just don't like how you work hard / And you barely get the chance to be scandalous / So lets drop our calendars and play dirty

I wrote this song during the lowest point of my life. It’s a sonic shelter for the midnight overthinkers, and anyone trying to remind themselves that sometimes surviving is enough.🤍

I notice that a lot of (mainly upbeat pop) songs have kind of nonsense lyrics. When I write it often turns melancholic soon which is not my intent.

Do you guys and gals have any tips on how to write fun / upbeat lyrics?

You picked me up
And placed me inside the memory
Of my mother’s sing-song voice
Humming lullabies
As a feeling long forgotten
Resurfaced
I recollect
A time
When your belief in me
Sparked a fire
That I thought pools of my lifeblood
Had put out
You placed your faith
In my palm
You spoke words
Soaked in warm honey
And my heart beat anew
Even though you were
But a second among the billions
I would eventually experience
Your visage
Is burned into my dreams
An image flashing across my vision
Upon waking
Merci

VERSE 1

You talk about my body,
Like that it has no hair.
I know what you are,
But I don't think I'm scared.

You smooth your veiny fingers
underneath my skin.
You scare me when you touch me,
But I'm already there.

PRE-CHORUS

I'm praying to like it now,
But sometimes I—

Tell me I'm useful,
Say you need me.

You encourage my consent,
Saying, "It'll be fine."

CHORUS

I'm the toy you don't want your friends to see,
You're too old to be playing a fantasy.

To get your age,
I'd have to count mine twice.

You encourage my consent,
Saying, "It'll be fine."

I'm your dirty little fetish
That you keep at night.

VERSE 2

You tell me that it's fine,
No one will know, it's alright.
You tell me you're losing your mind,
That I should come over tonight.

You got me a taxi,
You're so kind.
You say I'm just what you like—
I thought you liked me, not my type.
Photos couldn't see those lifeless eyes.

You were so kind, that's why I said yes—
A yes I'd take back for the rest of my life.

CHORUS

I'm the toy you don't want your friends to see,
You're too old to be playing a fantasy.

To get your age,
I'd have to count mine twice.

You encourage my consent,
Saying, "It'll be fine."

I'm your dirty little fetish
That you keep at night.

VERSE 3

I took a bus home in the morning,
You said you had a flight, I should go.
But you said it wasn't boring,
We could meet again, I should let you know.

But I didn't though.

Blocked your number
As soon as I got home.
Took a bath,
Got the smell off,
Else I couldn't cope.

BRIDGE

You still text me sometimes,
Asking to meet again.
You linger in my head
Like a snapshot of regret.

I grind my teeth,
I bite my tongue.
I'd bite yours too—
But you'd like it, huh?

I'd slap you,
But you'd find it adorable.
You'd think it's cute.

I can't hate you,
But I do.
I hate you
As much as I hate me too.

MANTRA / OUTRO

You seemed nice and friendly,
Light in your eyes.

You seemed nice and friendly,
It was a disguise.

You seemed nice and friendly,
But I was just your type.

Saying yes made it fine,
But it was never right, was it?

Here We Go Again

Verse 1

Too close, too far,

The feeling I still feel apart.

Only you could still be here with me,

With you I still feel deep within.

If I could make a choice,

I'd still choose you,

Right here, right now.

Chorus

Oh, I fall in love again,

Here we go now, here we go now.

Would you hold my hand?

Here we go now, here we go now.

Would you still understand

How much I love you?

And we'll last again.

Verse 2

Every moment, every dream,

You're the light that I still see.

Even when the nights grow cold,

Your love is the one I hold.

No matter where this road may lead,

You're still everything I need.

If tomorrow starts today,

I'll never walk away.

Bridge

If time could stop for just one night,

I'd keep you here until daylight.

No second thoughts, no looking back,

You're the only heart I have.

So if you're willing, stay with me,

Let's write the story we're meant to be.

[Final Chorus]

Oh, I fall in love again,

Here we go now, here we go now.

Would you hold my hand?

Here we go now, here we go now.

Would you still understand

How much I love you?

We'll make this last again.

Oh, I fall in love again,

Here we go now, here we go now.

Too close to let you go,

Right here, right now.

Forever starts with you.