r/McLounge

Warning: this is gonna be long , + mention of self-harm
So I (21F) started working in McDonalds (France) last month. It’s my first ever job.
For context, I’m like…. Really unsociable. I’m fully aware of how unapproachable I look, and how I have the “resting bitch face” most of the time. I also barely talk.
It’s just who I am, I’ve hated it everyday of my life.
and most of the time I dont have the energy to put on the fake “social” mask.
Also I’m an international student here, have been living in France for 4 years, so French is my 3rd language.

I found this job because I was desperate, and also thanks to a friend (same nationality as me). Sometimes we work at the same shifts, and I find myself laughing or having more fun when he’s around.
The first day of my work in Mcdonalds, for my second shift, I was left alone in the kitchen (chicken section) all by myself and there came the evening rush hour. Like I can’t believe they left someone who knew none of the recipes yet to prepare all the orders.
I work only on the weekends so… I am just now starting to “remember” the recipes, and also all the restaurant / McDonalds related “slang” and words in French.
Now back to my main subject…

Today at the end of my shift my manager just pulled me over and basically told me that everyone is constantly complaining about me, saying that I’m slow, even thinking that I dont speak French , not understanding anything, that I have trouble with the recipes, that I look like I dont want to work (respectfully, I wanted to say “duh, I’m only here for money ? Like what makes you think I wake up excited to go work in McDonalds?”)
Yes I know nobody probably “LOVES” working in McDonalds…. But still…..
My manager said that my co-workers even compared me to my friend, saying that apparently he speaks better than me even though he came to France later than me. (I know as a fact that I speak better than him if not the same level, but whatever)
They probably meant that he socializes and communicates better than me, and yes, that I can agree on.
My manager wanted to know what was wrong so he could fix it….. and apparently he had asked my friend to talk to me about this but … he never mentioned anything to me last time we worked together.
I really didnt know what to say… I just told him that I had trouble with the rush-hours in the kitchen, and that it took me a while to understand all the new words and slangs I’d never heard in my life before…. But that I’m starting to get hold of it….

And that’s pretty much it.
Yes I know the problem sounds like I’m really making it obvious that I dont like working, and that’s it’s also probably affecting my performance? I don’t know.
Now every time I go to work , all I’m gonna think about is my co-workers’ view and thoughts on me. What they think about me, and how they’re judging me.
But in my mind right now the “sociability “ part is what’s bothering me the most, because I hate it. I hate that I’m unsociable, that I just cant naturally be talkative , ESPECIALLY IN MY THIRD LANGUAGE. That in front of strangers I just act like a robot and talk only if necessary…
I’ve hated this part of myself ever since i was a kid and now it’s following me into adulthood. Hell, it’s probably autism or something ,I don’t know.
But I’m finally seeing how I’m perceived by other people, and it’s wrecking me.
I’m also very sensitive and right after this discussion with my manager, I wanted to cry and harm myself.
Um…. I dont think there’s anything you guys can say to help me, probably say that this is not the right job for me and to look for something else, or just “present myself better and do better..”
i just wanted to share this anonymously cause I’m ashamed to talk about it with people who know me and who know where exactly my problem lies…
Thanks for reading this far.