r/olderlesbians

My friends are in the middle of a nasty divorce. I met them as a couple and have known them for nearly 20 years. I’m equally close to both of them.

Despite their marital issues, they were 100% committed to spending the rest of their lives together and working through their differences. They had already been together for 35+ years.

This all started when Friend B started to develop feelings for a client of hers. She was very honest and transparent about her budding feelings from the jump. My friends even discussed opening up their marriage, but Friend A was completely against it.

It turned out that Friend B decided to pursue a relationship with her client anyway. None of this was on the down-low. It was all out in the open in front of her wife, while still living together. It was as if Friend B decided to go ahead with the open relationship idea without her wife’s approval.

In the meantime, half of us (friends) have chosen to remain neutral about the situation and continue to be friends with both parties. However, the other half of our friend group has chosen to side with Friend A and has completely written off Friend B for betraying her wife and destroying their marriage.

While I don’t condone cheating and view it as an unforgivable offense, I’ve chosen to remain friends with both of them for now. I’ve been equally supportive of both friends in their times of need, even though I absolutely hate that Friend B did her wife dirty. By being supportive, I mean I’ve stayed out of their business and have mainly been a listener and a shoulder to cry on.

What would you do if you were in my situation? Would you side with one friend over the other or remain friends with both? I rarely doubt my moral compass, but this is one of those moments. I just need some outside perspective. I’m hoping for some mature, thoughtful comments that give me more food for thought.

Am I the only one who’s genuinely into older girls?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and I honestly feel like I connect with older women on a completely different level. It isn’t just about appearance. It’s the maturity, the confidence, the way they communicate, the emotional stability—everything about them just makes me feel comfortable in a way I can’t really explain.

I dated an older girl once, and I don’t think I’ve ever loved someone the way I loved her. Being with her felt so natural that I never had to pretend to be someone else. I genuinely looked forward to every conversation, every phone call, every little moment we spent together. Seeing her smile would honestly make my entire day better. I wanted to protect her, support her, make her feel appreciated, and remind her every single day how beautiful and important she was. Loving her never felt like a responsibility—it was something I wanted to do because she meant that much to me.

She made me feel at peace. No games, no pretending, no unnecessary drama. I could tell her anything, and just being around her made everything else seem quieter. I’ve never felt that kind of comfort with anyone else.

A while after we went our separate ways, I met a girl my age. She was honestly an amazing person—kind, caring, funny, patient, and she treated me really well. She genuinely deserved someone who could love her with their whole heart. I really wanted to be that person because she had done absolutely nothing wrong. I gave the relationship a real chance, hoping the feelings would grow over time, but they never did. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t build that same emotional connection I’d experienced before.

Eventually, I sat down with her and told her the truth. I explained that the problem wasn’t her at all—it was me. I told her she deserved someone who could be completely sure about her, someone who could love her without forcing their feelings, and I didn’t want to waste her time or lead her on. She understood, even though it wasn’t an easy conversation, and we ended things on good terms. There wasn’t any anger or resentment between us. We just accepted that sometimes two good people simply aren’t the right match.

That whole experience made me realize that it’s not that I can’t love—it’s that I naturally seem to connect much more deeply with older women. At this point, I’m honestly wondering if that’s normal or if I’m just wired differently. Does anyone else feel this way, or is it something people eventually grow out of?

My dogs have been a mess for about a week now. Unfortunately, I am from the state that buys the most and lights the most fireworks. Missouri.

Although it's not my favorite movie genre, I try to watch action movies this time of year. And I turn up the TV loud. Last night I watched my favorite action movie--Atomic Blonde (great music, sapphic love scene, and Charlize Theron!).

Any suggestions for tonight? I have about 2 hours until it starts in earnest.

Update: 8:45 central time.... The siege has begun. Got the loud noise machine going, the washer is washing a load of clothes with the door open, got some 90s grunge on the Bluetooth speaker... up loud, and built a pillow fort on the couch for our extra nervous rescue schnauzer.

Im talking bout a kiss and a hug or cuddles not even anything intimate…just some closeness and warmth…

I’m writing a story surrounding 2 girls in the early 80s. One who knows she is gay, and the other who denies the whole idea. These girls are also in their senior year of high school.

If any lesbians who were present during this time could help me out it would greatly be appreciated! I have tried looking into other subreddits, amongst other things, but can’t find much details or anything about how girls who liked girls had to go about being a lesbian especially in high school.

What is my sexuality? I need help figuring it out. \[F 22\] I'm 80 percent attracted to women and 20 percent attracted to men I'm mostly attracted to women and feminity in men and women. but would date all genders. What is this called? Very rarely trans and non binary people

Specifically, Zaragoza, Logroño, León, Oviedo, Gijón or A Coruña!

I was just a pre-teen when this was happening. I had no idea!

A few years ago, I shared a house with another woman who behaved strangely towards me, as if she hated me but at the same time felt attracted to me. I would drop hints to her, like we'd be good together, but she would get uncomfortable and distance herself. However, when I distanced myself from her, she would come looking for me to talk. I noticed she was also jealous of me when she saw me with a guy she was seeing or talking about other women. Besides that, I noticed a tension/nervousness on her part when I was closer, or a gleam in her eyes when she looked at me while we talked. I sometimes felt a flirtatious vibe between us, but I always thought it was just my imagination because she insisted she was straight and even made homophobic comments that irritated me. It could even be that she liked feeling desired by a bisexual or lesbian woman, and that fed her ego. So I decided to distance myself as much as possible, only speaking to her when absolutely necessary. Since we lived with other people, we could minimize our interaction, which is what I did, especially because I started to like her, and whenever that happens with a straight woman, I distance myself.

But she wouldn't leave my mind, and when we were already living in different houses, I mustered up the courage and sent her a message saying that I liked her and that I thought she felt the same way about me. She called me ridiculous, crazy, rude, said I bothered her, and even said that we were never friends and that she didn't want me in her life. I didn't understand why she was reacting like that, but I had already noticed a certain anger on her part towards me (maybe for trying to be friends with her, I think, or out of pure homophobia). Anyway, the more I tried to talk to her, the worse the situation got… I haven't seen her since, but sometimes I still think about her.

hi!
looking for wlw audio recs about coming out late in life in contemporary romance genre. appreciate any recs!
thanks!

Me, 39 lesbian from Wisconsin, keep having a super hard time finding women who seem to be seeking the same things in life.

Typically I lean more towards ladies who are a few years older than me as in the past I’ve discovered that I tend to have more in common with them.

The catch? It seems like all of the ladies I’ve been meeting over the last two years are either still married, newly out, or have no idea what they want.

Is this common where you live? I was hoping to be married again by 40. (Been divorced from my ex wife since 2014.) At this rate I’ll be fortunate to even have one decent woman who I’m getting to know at that point. It just hurts my heart.

I have a career, own a house, drive, have a great family, and I’m constantly told “you’re so incredible! How’re you single?” 🙄 it’s frustrating.

Any tips?

​Good day, wise ones!

​We often hear about the early stages of dating , the meet cutes, dating, the casual hookups, and the initial spark. But I want to hear the stories that come after.

The real, enduring ones that everyone aspires to have...... the relationships that last.

​For anyone who is married to their person or has been together for over a decade..

What does it actually feel like? Did you have to sacrifice a lot to get to where you are now? Do you have shared routines or a special activity that you’ve kept alive for years?

​Thank you in advance for sharing your wisdom!

Hi everyone,
I’m really struggling after things ended with someone I was dating and could really use someone to talk to.
I’m usually pretty secure, but this connection brought out a level of anxiety I hadn’t experienced before. There was a lot of ambiguity, and I often found myself trying to figure out where I stood instead of feeling secure. I kept trying to understand what was happening as she gradually became more distant while still sending mixed signals.
I was finally starting to make peace with the lack of closure, but she recently removed me from social media, and it unexpectedly reopened the wound.
I know we probably weren’t the right match, but that doesn’t seem to make it hurt any less.
If anyone is available to chat for a bit, I’d really appreciate it. Please feel free to DM me❤️