r/transOCD

So i'm a 18M bi guy having severe TOCD about past experiences that might be interpreted as AGP or "sign of being trans". I used to have TOCD this year's January after a trans person on threads tranvestigated me, then felt better and recovered but starting to question my own sexuality about am I really bi or is gay with comphet (read that lesbian masterdoc), note that i felt myself as a boy in that phase. After I recovered from HOCD which takes me 3 months my brain started introducing the TOCD again but this time its more severe day by day with more rumination.

Just in case the worst thing happened to me and I can't fight this anymore, can I transition and still be a guy?

Not sure if i've AGP since i'm not sure did I inserted myself into the characters or just think about them. Also, I did have at some points, gender euphoria as a boy.

Please don't respond if you come here just to say I'm trans in denial.

I’m so depressed from the time I wake up till the time I go to bed. I see all the other girls so happy living their life and it breaks my heart because I want to be one so bad. All I can think about is that I’m a liar fraud and in denial. I constantly feel like I’m faking being a girl even though I never felt like this before ever it’s heartbreaking. I truly think there is something going on with my gender even though I truly don’t want it to be. I went to the store today picked out a blush that I felt would make me feel beautiful then I kept thinking why am I getting this I’m not a real woman anyway why do I need this. It’s to the point now that I feel that I am a man inside like I have a complete mismatch with my gender I am so sad. This has to be real if I was cis I wouldn’t even question it I wouldn’t feel like a man I would know I was a women I miss my life. I want to be a women but how am I supposed to pretend to be one my whole life even though it’s what I truly want :(

this is definitely a form of compulsing but idc rn i dont think my state could get worse. when i was little i had thoughts of being a girl and i hung out with the girls at school. but i haven’t felt that way since like 2nd grade! since then ive taken a pride in being a male, wanted muscle etc typical boy things. go back abt 1 year ago and i joined a discord server for a channel team. and there are so so many transgenders. theres an lgbtq+ channel and i seldom checked it. untillllllll earlier this year where a BUNCH of people coming out that i knew in a short span and even some non lgbtq ppl were posting poctures of themselves in womens clothing. so i tried crossdressing. i did like it i wont deny that. but it was just a fun thing not who i am not what id want to wear in public. but since then the ocd thoughts just go allllll day long. when im having a good time i feel more like a man but with classes back i just wallow in thoughts all day. now of course if i transitioned my life would be 100% over my family would not speak to me again. but also, hell even more importantly id lose myself. i normally related to male teachers, male chatcaters, the male parent… i wish i could just go back. another thing is i keep thinking “transitioning isnt a choice” so maybe im super repressed and have internal transphobia or whatever the name is and that its gonna happen to me whether i likeit or not. and also because ive liked a few “girly“ things like idol animes but its not allat. At this point i deadass miss my previous ocd obsession which was about being perfect and perfectly disciplined. also i feel dumb because my ocd was clearing up and i told my therapist to switch to biweekly but now i wish i didnt.