u/0_-Gee-_0

idk where else to ask this so here i am! im currently in the middle of picking a college/6th form and my first choice is purely vocational and will set me up with a degree apprenticeship within their facilities once ive finished my course (most likely a T level so it wiuld be difficult to go uni with that course anyway, plus being already set up with easy access to firther education feels like a nice bonus) but my second choice was to do A levels and then go to uni. I know uni probably has better networking opportunities that could prove useful down the line, but at the same time, i feel like a degree apprenticeship would set me up in my career better due to getting actual experience.

so do your magic and help me decide my future!

(if it helps, I want to go into tech, probably software development)

I found a book. the cover had creases, like battle scars. the pages were torn, some missing, others loosely slotted. the hand-written ink was smudged, like mascara after shed tears.

I read the solemn chapters. picturing pain. a life unwanted. and yet it was created.

I near the end of a chapter, the pages fall loose from my fingers, dropping to the ground with a finality, the ending now unknown. I dont bother to look, after all, this isn't a book written by me. so why would I care what could have been?

I peek at the most recent chapter in this unresolved novel. this one's different. happier. bright. I glance at discarded pages, resenting their torturous nature. but i return them. because this writer knew.

a flicker of light is only seen in the darkness.

(I couldn't figure out formatting on here, so where you see punctuation is supposed to be a new line)

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/IYqLdyOBTp

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/w61zN0aXT7

"You're getting so big!"

they said with joy to a child still so small.

id grin and flaunt my stature,

standing on my tippie toes,

prancing around my mother.

I loved being told I was growing up

after all, what else could "big" ever mean?

"She's getting so big..."

the words echoed in my head.

they ring all wrong.

suddenly, the meaning changed.

it was an insult.

something disgusting.

subhuman.

I dont quite remember how it disappeared.

just fuzzy memories.

ones that built up over time,

of being disgusted by food,

missing meals,

counting calories.

they plague my mind,

with no clear start

and no foreseeable end.

now I lay exhausted.

skeletal frame.

head spinning.

stomach hurting.

afraid.

But at least what i was is forever my secret to keep.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Xt0in4LRrg

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/YfpXnjg9px

I remember the days when we were two.

The same.

when you would play that foolish game.

Or was it I?

When you would tend to my illness.

Or was it me tending to you?

You were my world.

My only friend.

The outside shall not matter

As long as you keep me safe.

However i thought i was built to fly?

I remember the days.

When empathy was taught.

When tears were shed.

But in the end, all that mattered.

Was your peace of mind.

Never the turmoil in mine.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/73nt9aD7YS

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/vUnyJiP1xA