u/11miIe

I’m truly not good at anything. Nothing I do is done right. It seems like I’m exaggerating but I couldn’t be more serious. I have nothing in my life that makes me happy anymore or is even going remotely well. Each day is a reminder of how pathetic and useless I am to everyone around me.

People say “pick up a hobby” but lmao that doesn’t help. I tried getting into music production but all my songs are trash and people love to tell me so, and despite putting so much effort into them, I’m still not good enough.

What’s the point of living when there’s nothing positive going on in my life at all? I have nothing in this world. I’m alone in every way, and I always have been.

I can’t get therapy or any sort of help and I really just don’t know what to do anymore.

I’m not allowed to leave my house for any reason solely due to the fact that I’m a woman and “women shouldn’t leave the house.” I don't wanna give away too much in the body text so i'll be answering everyone's questions in the comments. Feel free to free to ask anything.

I don’t know if I can even call myself a producer because I just feel like my music is not good enough. Is anyone who uses a DAW and makes songs on it a producer or do you have to have a certain level of expertise..? I just feel like someone who gets on logic pro and makes beats it doesn’t feel official. Sorry if this is a dumb question lol I agree it kinda is 😭

Both my parents absolutely couldn’t care less about how I feel, to the point where I’ll literally have a suicide attempt and they wouldn’t bat an eye. They’ll never get me any form of help, despite knowing that I need this help as a suicidal self harm addict. They know my legs are covered in scars but they don’t care, in fact they’ll tell me to kill/cut myself.

They don’t care if I eat, sleep, get enough water, etc. Just as long as I’m doing my chores.

I’m 17 and live in the US. I’m not allowed outside the house for any reason (and by outside, I mean I can’t even go out to the backyard or open the front door). They believe women shouldn’t leave the house. I’ll never be able to drive, get a job, etc. I have no bank account, no ID, I can’t get anything I need like a birth certificate, social security card, etc. They genuinely believe I’m like 8 years old.

I can’t talk to them. Whenever I try to say ANYTHING to my mom, she’ll act like she can’t hear me and purposely ignore me. My dad treats everything I say as unimportant, as if it was said by a small child just playing around.

My mom doesn’t allow me to shower unless I convince her. And even then I can only shower once every few days. And I can’t shave.

I have no money to buy myself basic necessities like toothpaste or face wash, and even if I did I can’t go to the store and get that stuff cause again, “women shouldn’t leave the house”.

My mom has been trying to marry me off since I was 14. I’m going to be married off to some old guy I don’t know and shipped to Saudi and that’s it. That’s gonna be the rest of my life.

My dad watched my cousins (38 and 42 years old) lock me in my room all day without food pretty much every day, punch and beat me daily, strangle me, tie me up with my hands behind my back and throw me on the hardwood floor and continue beating me and spitting on me for hours and did nothing. Matter fact, he enabled them. I was 11. Every day when he picked me up from my mom’s house, he’d take me to the laundry room and punch me in the head several times and then when we went to a part of the house that had security cameras, he’d hug me and tell me I was a great daughter.

I can’t help but feel like I’m overreacting. Other people have it worse than me. Maybe it’s all in my head. Maybe these are just normal teenage problems and I’m seeking attention by feeling neglected or telling people I’m not okay. Maybe I’m an attention seeker for cutting myself. Maybe I’m a burden and I really should die.

Both my parents absolutely couldn’t care less about how I feel, to the point where I’ll literally have a suicide attempt and they wouldn’t bat an eye. They’ll never get me any form of help, despite knowing that I need this help as a suicidal self harm addict. They know my legs are covered in scars but they don’t care, in fact they’ll tell me to kill/cut myself.

They don’t care if I eat, sleep, get enough water, etc. Just as long as I’m doing my chores.

I’m 17 and live in the US. I’m not allowed outside the house for any reason (and by outside, I mean I can’t even go out to the backyard or open the front door). They believe women shouldn’t leave the house. I’ll never be able to drive, get a job, etc. I have no bank account, no ID, I can’t get anything I need like a birth certificate, social security card, etc. They genuinely believe I’m like 8 years old.

I can’t talk to them. Whenever I try to say ANYTHING to my mom, she’ll act like she can’t hear me and purposely ignore me. My dad treats everything I say as unimportant, as if it was said by a small child just playing around.

My mom doesn’t allow me to shower unless I convince her. And even then I can only shower once every few days. And I can’t shave.

I have no money to buy myself basic necessities like toothpaste or face wash, and even if I did I can’t go to the store and get that stuff cause again, “women shouldn’t leave the house”.

My mom has been trying to marry me off since I was 14. I’m going to be married off to some old guy I don’t know and shipped to Saudi and that’s it. That’s gonna be the rest of my life.

My dad watched my cousins (38 and 42 years old) lock me in my room all day without food pretty much every day, punch and beat me daily, strangle me, tie me up with my hands behind my back and throw me on the hardwood floor and continue beating me and spitting on me for hours and did nothing. Matter fact, he enabled them. I was 11. Every day when he picked me up from my mom’s house, he’d take me to the laundry room and punch me in the head several times and then when we went to a part of the house that had security cameras, he’d hug me and tell me I was a great daughter.

I can’t help but feel like I’m overreacting. Other people have it worse than me. Maybe it’s all in my head. Maybe these are just normal teenage problems and I’m seeking attention by feeling neglected or telling people I’m not okay. Maybe I’m an attention seeker for cutting myself. Maybe I’m a burden and I really should die.

I’m not allowed to actually leave my house because “women don’t get to leave the house”. I’m from the US. I don’t have a car, bank account, any ID whatsoever at my big age nor can I get them. I need a job to be able to afford a car to finally leave my parents house cause otherwise I’ll be married off to some old guy I don’t know and never be allowed to step foot outside my house. It sounds like an exaggeration but it really isn’t. I’m 17 if that helps.

Edit: I have a Paypal connected to a Greenlight card (little kid’s debit card) that I can potentially get paid on.

I cant even walk to the mailbox in front of our house to get my mail because “women arent allowed outside the house”. for context im 17 years old and live in the US. im not allowed to stay in the car by myself, not even in front of our house because apparently thats “unsafe for a woman.” we live in a very safe part of the suburbs.

im treated like a child. I dont have a bank account yet of course and I won’t be able to get a car because “women shouldnt drive”. i dont know what to do. I cant even go out into my back yard or open the front door. They make it seem like they’re so lenient because they let me have a phone (which I wasn’t even going to get until I graduated high school).

the only places I CAN go, im forced to go with them and I have to wear the hijab the entire time, which I hate. I cant even wander off at the grocery store by myself or else theyll start screaming my name in front of everyone asking me where I am.

i’m conflicted because part of me loves them to death and wants to make them happy but the other part of me cannot keep living like this. I don’t want to have to leave them or get them in trouble but I genuinely have the same freedom as a 6 year old, maybe even less.

I can’t even look forward to turning 18 because im not treated like a child for being young, im treated this way simply because im a woman. I’ve had 7 suicide attempts because of this and of course I can’t get therapy or medication. I used to be able to sneak out of school to go on walks. that was my only source of freedom, but yesterday my dad found out ive been doing that and now I can’t even do that.

I see kids playing outside and it breaks my heart because literal 8 year olds have more freedom than me. I look out the window and feel like crying because I’ll never be allowed outside. I’ll be married off to some old guy from Saudi who dictates everything I do and that’s it. My mom has been trying to get me married since I was 14.

I can’t get a job because 1. I don’t have the identification required to make a bank account and 2. I can’t leave my house. I don’t know anyone who could possibly help me.

What do I do? Does this count as abuse?