u/73738484737383874

Yesterday I went to an event and I wore my black rose ring enchanted for Lucifer’s protection out. The ring itself broke in half near the end of the event. Does anyone think this might be a sign that Lucifer is done with me? Or possible that someone gave me the evil eye/was jealous and I didn’t notice? I also saw a small piece of the black rose had chipped off and it wasn’t like that when I left yesterday.

It could be the quality of the ring, but I really loved it and I wanna try and have it repaired.

WELL to be fairly honest yes, it is the only thing in my life that sparks me joy, positivity, and makes me feel a sense of belonging in this world. I get so damn bored and when the sauce hits and I feel the burn, I suddenly feel like I have no cares left in the world. Everything is happy, bright, the music sounds better and my body has the peace is truly deserves. I could care less, and I finally feel great again. So hands up, chairs and let’s celebrate this day today!

🪑

So the last few times I’ve gone on a bender and binged I get really HORRID hangovers after that last for like two days like I mean I get like violently ill. Puking non stop, trying to keep down like water, Gatorade or pedialyte but it doesn’t stay down for very long until it comes back up again. Even lately even just drinking like smaller amounts still makes me extremely tired and often really sick. I also get EXTREMELY cold it feels like I have some horrible flu and alls I wanna do it sleep. So I’m not sure if my body is starting to straight up reject be degenerate behaviour or if something seriously wrong is going on inside like my body and organs slowly shutting down and rejecting the poison altogether. I haven’t gotten anything tested and I’m afraid they might throw me in the hospital if my liver or kidneys are way up there.

I gotta admit I’ve sat down with myself and really thought that at some point I just gotta lose the booze if I don’t want to kick the you know what. But it’s hard to just stop and I do want to get to a point where I only drink socially but I’m such a cripple that I pound down the vodka anytime I get basically. I’ve been sick all day today after pounding down drinks with a friend last night I tried to eat something but that came up too. But it’s starting to take a toll and I’m starting to get very ill anytime I drink basically. I like the fun and freedom it gives me but this is starting to make me think more seriously about what I am doing. Being sick as a dog all the time is not fun..

I’ve just been wondering. After being rejected I’m kinda in limbo lol and I’ve wanted to.. “explore” more I guess. Does anyone have any precise rituals on this? Should I reach out to Lillith perhaps or Asmodeous? Just generally curious on anyone’s take or advice!

And I really am done being here..like I have no purpose, no soul..nothing to hope for for the future. Everything has been destroyed and therapy is NOT helping me at all if anything it’s making me worse. Like lol what’s the point. I’m gunna be 34 this year and I just feel that I am a fucking waste of time and space. I work a job I hate, I’m an alcoholic, my parents don’t give AF about me my greedy ass dad even cut me off my grandmas multi million dollar will and said I’m not getting a cent, I’m not “favoured” by any of my friends..I have nobody else loving me like at all. I’m really done here and I’m just so, so tired. I’ve gotten hammered off my ass and lashed out at a few people I’m really disgusting lmao very embarrassing. Like why… this is all so pointless. 🤦🏻‍♀️