I think I might love my friend, but I'm not sure what that means and I don't really want to do anything about it.
I've thought I was aroace for a very long time. However, recently I've started to wonder if I just never felt safe enough to consider being intimate with someone. And now that I'm really starting to trust this person, there's maybe some curiosity around the idea of more.
But I don't know if that's actually romantic/sexual attraction, because it's not necessarily a desire for it, but I think I'd be open to something if he wanted it. But I'm also perfectly content with everything staying platonic. I wouldn't be heartbroken if he wasn't interested in me like that. It could be nice for deeper connection, to express affection through physical contact, and I can understand now why people might want that, but emotional closeness is more important, and unreciprocated advances might mess that up. I wouldn't want to make stuff uncomfortable/awkward, and I don't need things to be different. Except hugs, maybe. I'd like for us to hug. And I kind of want to wear his hoodies. But that's not specifically romantic, I don't think. It's more like sensory attraction? Some touch, gentle pressure, soft fabric, warmth, and comforting scent.
I guess that might mean maybe I'm still aroace? Just no longer fully sex-repulsed, more sex-neutral/sex-positive if it's someone I feel very safe with. Maybe that's demi- or cupio- or reciproromantic, maybe it's queerplatonic or alterous attraction, I don't know.
I just really, really like him, and admire who he is as a person, his kindness, and appreciate his interests and hobbies, and I enjoy being around him and spending time with him very much, and I would be so sad if he wasn't part of my life anymore, and I feel like that's love?