u/A_Girl_Has_No_Name58

Hi. This is the link to my original post detailing my current situation with uBPD Mom: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbyborderlines/s/5urIESIweb

After the events in the post above, I attempted to call my Dad four times this past Wednesday morning when my Mom was at work. Shortly after doing so, my mother texted “FYI, your Dad is fine. I’ll have him call you when I get home.” so I responded with “Can you please let X (his caregiver) know I’m trying to call so he can call me back now?” … she didn’t answer. I asked directly “Does he no longer have access to/ability to use the phone?” then she responded “He has access to a phone and can use it.” I asked her in interest of Dad and I talking for more than the 20 minutes that would be allotted after she got home before they ate dinner if my Dad and I could talk during the day.”…
…. After a few round robins, I asked directly “Why can’t I speak to Dad between the hours of 8-5 M-F?” and she wouldn’t/won’t give me an answer. Said “I’m not comfortable with this line of questioning.” and then told me “this is what works for us and you’ll just have to accept that.” (Shocker that my Dad would wait until my Mom wasn’t home to tell me about all the horrible shit going on with her when no one is around to witness it.)

Basically, she made the decision that my Dad can only have supervised phone conversations, namely with me. She didn’t have the courtesy to tell me this at the outset, and it took me a few months to even figure out she’d turned on call-forwarding when she leaves the house. I thought my Dad’s dementia had just escalated to his not registering the phone ringing. My Dad used to confide things that he couldn’t say around my Mom. My Mom says that anything that comes out of his mouth is a lie. She’s paranoid and thinks we’re colluding or that I have some nefarious ulterior motive. I really just want to talk to my Dad. I’ve already been told I’m not allowed to go visit him, so I can’t see him, and now I’m prohibited from contacting him on the phone without my mother observing the phone calls. He has no access to e-mail, text or any means of conveyance.

WTF do I even do here? This is painful, absurd and every other word that means disgusting and horrendous. My therapist says my Mom is dangling my Dad like a carrot. I’m starting to think that my only recourse is to completely cut my losses and I hate it.

Hi, all. I haven’t posted in some time because things have been well in my life. The VLC-NC with my uBPD Mother has gone about as well as I could’ve hoped for. However, I screwed it up and it has messed with my head and my heart.

Time passed, and I started to reminisce about the good mother part of her. The one who was patient, kind and eclectic. The one who gave sweetness and joy. The one who taught me to believe in fairies and to talk to the plants and trees. The one who played board games. The one who gave me the gift of music.

In a moment of emotional weakness, a moment of longing, I texted her a song that really got me in my feels. It reminded me of our relationship. She responded kindly, and although I know it’s best to keep my distance, I felt something akin to relief, and it felt good- so I then felt a bit emboldened. I reached out again…

… I asked to come home to see my Dad. He has aggressive dementia and other comorbidities. (My Mom has always been dodgy about my presence in my childhood home which is why I haven’t seen him in over a year.) Now, he’s at the point where he cannot dress himself or bathe himself. Every time that I speak to him, my heart is wrenched by the state he’s in. He also had a procedure scheduled for clear out his carotid artery, but the surgery randomly disappeared from his schedule (more on that in a minute.) I want to see him, laugh with him, let my child spend time with him, etc. I miss my Dad. I didn’t think asking to see him would be a big ask. Wrooooong.

First, my Mother said “Of course, it’s your home too.” but over the span of two hours, her emotions switched so quickly to irrationality contradicting statements. Mentioned something like “Your presence here gives me too much anxiety. Why do you want to come now? What changed so much? We never thought we’d even hear from you again, except maybe for me to let you know when your Dad dies. You need to have accountability.(She spoke to me less than a week before very sweetly) I won’t spend time with people who don’t care for me and put me through emotional slaughter. Plus, I don’t know if the home Nurse would be comfortable with your presence.” (This was after telling me how much the nurse and I would like each other.) She went on the say that no more surgical procedures would happen because it’s not what Dad would have wanted, and that she was looking into palliative care to hospice care. This doesn’t sound right to me at all and is complicated immensely by my Mother’s instability. (She’s also a practicing LPC… go figure. She actually asked me to never contact her at work again because it wasn’t conducive to her healthy working environment. Guys, I simply texted her that day about going to see my Dad, but it was a single message with a ‘no rush’ notice. SHE called me while she was waiting to see a client and then made like I ruined her day.

She kept pressing why I wanted to see my Dad, like I had an ulterior motive/negative intentions. She was being verbally erratic and mean, pushing me to the absolute limit of my calm. I finally told her that I just wanted to see him and to bring my family because the last time I talked to my Dad, he lamented how much he missed his family and I personally think it’s important to spend quality time while he still has some of his faculties.

Finally, she blew up entirely. The contradictions of herself were insane. She told me that my family/family values are false and amount to nothing, that my Dad wouldn’t know if I even came or wouldn’t care to see me if I did, that he’d never expressed wanting to see me with her, further announcing that I would not be allowed in her house. She said if I wanted to see him, I’d need to pick him up and drop him off. To be quite frank, I don’t think it’s wise because he’s a health risk and my Mother would do something wild like sue me if anything happened. She already thinks that I’m out to do harm.

I’m frustrated and sad. I never should’ve sent that text. Do I cut my losses and move on? My Mom said “Sorry it didn’t work. You take care”

This question isn’t about me, it comes from a different post in another sub.

Basically, a person was seeking advice on how to proceed with their spouse after the spouse forgot their six year old daughter at a public park, and people were defending the spouse who did so, claiming it no more than an innocent mistake or lapse in memory.

The couple has three kids, twelve, eleven and six. The two older kids had different sports practices at the same time on opposite ends of their town. The wife took the twelve year old to his practice and the husband to the eleven year old to his practice with the six year old in tow. Husband let the six year old play in a park adjacent to the sports field while he was with the eleven year old at practice.

The couple arrive home at the same time. Wife asks the husband “Where is insert child’s name?” The husband looks back at his car and realizes that he forgot the six year old at the park. At this point, it’s getting dark, and the Mom hauls ass to find their wee daughter. She found the child sobbing, trying to walk home, having crossed multiple busy intersections at dusk on her own after being forgotten and left, obviously completely traumatized. Now the wife is expressing trust issues with the husband, and I think rightfully so.

Here’s what I want opinions about: An angry mod locked the post in the Dad’s favor after multiple people commented that forgetting your small child in a public space isn’t just a simple mistake that should be glossed over. The mod cited that anyone criticizing the actions of the Dad were unhelpful, brigading assholes. People were calling into question why he felt comfortable leaving the six year old alone in a park while he participated in his son’s sports practice. However, others were defending the Dad, stating that everyone makes mistakes and that it is normal for things of this nature to occur. I am personally dumbfounded over it, because losing keys… sure. Forgetting your child? I don’t think that’s something to be glossed over. I’m no perfect parent, but I cannot fathom completely forgetting my child and leaving them alone and terrified, whether intentional or unintentionally. What do y’all think? Is this something people with multiple kids consider normal? Is this actually no big deal?

I am a pianist. I can usually fish out what piece I’m thinking of by a few measures, but I have a melody in mind that has me stumped. Here’s my bad vocal recording of the melody:

https://voca.ro/1lNZk7ciOk5H

Any help is greatly appreciated. This is driving me nuts!

I love when the queens do drag on a dime. I think it’s one of the best showcases for spontaneous creativity. Who do you feel wore drag on a dime the best?

If a language model generates a post on Reddit complaining that it is tired of LLMs using its own posts to formulate answers, does that mean the model is having a human crisis, or is it just the first step in the machines using our own data against us?

My contribution counter reflected a complete count of my activity on Reddit before a temporary 3 day ban. After the ban, my contribution counter reset and only reflected activity after the ban. Karma remains the same. Is there a way to fix this?

If you had to pick one single song from the complete discography of Disney to be the *only* Disney song you can listen to for the rest of your life, which one would it be? (If you can’t pick a single one, you can have a max of three.)

My little girl is obsessed with Darlene Mitchell. At her behest, we wrote a fan letter to Darlene. What are the chances that she’ll even see it, let alone reply? (We don’t use IG or other socials.)