u/Alphawolf2026

Even though I was 100% confident my daughter had autism, the verbal confirmation over the phone today had my tears rolling.

My son was diagnosed in February of 2023, and I've held the mental load of that alone from day one (his dad isn't around except for play dates twice a month).

My daughter has a different father, one who's involved and lives in the home, thankfully. But I'm really unsure of how he will handle this role. I hope we can make it through this journey together.

Although I'm aware it's "not my fault", I will always carry guilt for having a second child. Now I have two children with high support needs. It's just so heavy. I haven't told my partner yet, he wasn't home when I received the call.

I just hope we can make it through this together as a family.

"Coparenting" with my son's father is basically non-existent, because his father isn't involved in his day-to-day life, hasn't had him overnight in over 3 years, rarely has stable living conditions and no drivers license.

Important to add - our son is nonverbal autistic and requires a lot of extra care, therapies, appointments, etc.

His father sees him about twice a month, for a short visit at some play place for about 2 hours. I am the one who drives my son to and from these visits (due to him not having a license).

His father reaches out about once a week and asks how my son's day/week is going, how speech therapy is going etc, but that's as far as his questions go. He has no idea the amount of time, effort, patience, etc it takes to manage all of these appointments on my own, nor does he understand what goes on during these appointments.

We legally have 50/50 custody, despite me wanting to file for full - I have tried and nobody could find him to serve him so I gave up.

I guess my question is - how do I bite this bullet and "coparent" respectfully with someone who puts in zero effort - financially, physically and otherwise?

He asked about my son's school "meet and greet" and that he wanted to go. I was half tempted to tell him I didn't want him there, as he makes me uncomfortable and he isn't involved enough to join me on things like this.. but I don't want that used against me when I am finally able to take it to court.

I know, I know, stop worrying about the future and live for today. I try my best to do so, for my kids. But fairly frequently, I dive into the darkness of what the future will hold. My 6yo is still very minimally verbal, we're having a hard time with potty training. He's not a bad kid to deal with 90% of time, and I know others that have it much worse.. but..

We're a family of 4 on one \*average\* salary. We don't qualify for SSI due to my partner's (not my son's bio dad) salary. I have no idea how I'm going to "retire" or live later in life if my partner were to somehow pass away or leave etc. I can't work due to my kids needs. We make too much for any assistance from the state, but not enough to save any money. I can try finding a part time job in the mornings once he starts school, but we would still only be scraping by - AND, my daughter (getting her eval in a few days) will likely need therapies during the day starting soon, which would also affect a schedule I could work.

I worry about puberty and whether or not my partner and I will be able to mentally / physically handle what aggression may come with it.

I worry about my kids being put into state-ran group homes as adults when I'm too old to care for them - and what if there isn't any openings?

I carry so much guilt for having these kids. Bringing them here just to struggle and then to be abandoned as a vulnerable adult. So much guilt.

I know, I know, stop worrying about the future and live for today. I try my best to do so, for my kids. But fairly frequently, I dive into the darkness of what the future will hold. My 6yo is still very minimally verbal, we're having a hard time with potty training. He's not a bad kid to deal with 90% of time, and I know others that have it much worse.. but..

We're a family of 4 on one *average* salary. We don't qualify for SSI due to my partner's (not my son's bio dad) salary. I have no idea how I'm going to "retire" or live later in life if my partner were to somehow pass away or leave etc. I can't work due to my kids needs. We make too much for any assistance from the state, but not enough to save any money. I can try finding a part time job in the mornings once he starts school, but we would still only be scraping by - AND, my daughter (getting her eval in a few days) will likely need therapies during the day starting soon, which would also affect a schedule I could work.

I worry about puberty and whether or not my partner and I will be able to mentally / physically handle what aggression may come with it.

I worry about my kids being put into state-ran group homes as adults when I'm too old to care for them - and what if there isn't any openings?

I carry so much guilt for having these kids. Bringing them here just to struggle and then to be abandoned as a vulnerable adult. So much guilt.

I am a lover of spicy foods. Add hot sauce to most food items, even deli sandwiches lol

But the Buldak Spicy Ramen (Habenero Lime) has me in literal tears! I was NOT expecting this to be so spicy lol

My daughter (turns 2 in September) is still babbling and doesn't have any intentional language (doesn't call me mama, doesn't make animal noises, etc).

She's getting her official evaluation in two weeks. Her speech therapist has told me they haven't noticed any red flags for autism (but as a parent to an autistic son, I'm more observant of certain things, plus it's genetic). My daughter presents much differently than my son did at this age, and the only BIG red flag is her speech delay and maybe a slight sensory sensitivity to certain textures.

I'm just curious - for those of you with level 1 children, did they have a speech delay or any noticeable autistic traits at age 2?

TIA 😁

Both male and female names.

Ones that come to mind for me -

Female: Sloane, Megan, Poppy, Piper, Patricia, Olga, Waverly, Sherry, *Oak- names*, Collins (😩)

Male: Terry, Dustin, Jaxon, Caden, Brayden, Jayden, Finley, *Oak- names*, Payton, Claude, Christian, Xander, Xavier, Easton, Colson, Brooks, Bentley.

Just a vent.

I'm overwhelmed with grief and some regret.

My son was diagnosed with autism at age 3.5, but I "knew" by 18 months. I was pregnant at the time of diagnosis (different dad).

It's pretty clear that my daughter is also on the spectrum, as she's 21 months and still isn't talking, pointing, or waving. She isn't presenting like my son did, but we all know, every autistic kid is different.

I am praying that she talks soon. I'm praying that both of my kids will learn to have some type of independence through adulthood. I'm terrified and saddened.

I feel regretful for allowing myself to get pregnant again, knowing my son was likely autistic. I was not educated enough in the subject to realize it was likely hereditary and came from my side genetically.

Now I have 2 children who will likely need lifelong support, and that means going into state care when my time comes to an end. It's heartbreaking and so unfair. 💔

I feel like karma should have had my back and not done this to my children. I've been a good person. Why do my children have to endure this life?

I love my kids the way they are and that will never change, but I needed to vent today - as I'm more sad than usual.

My daughter has her evaluation in August.

I don't mean smoothly as in, NO ISSUES, I just mean like, your child didn't get extremely violent / hostile?

I have another 6 years or so before I really have to stress about this, as my son is only 5.5, but I am truly worried about my gentle, loving son turning destructive and tearing our family apart. I'm terrified that's our fate and I need someone to talk me off the ledge.

I'm a SAHM of an almost 2 year old (21 months) and a 5 yo. My oldest is autistic (youngest might be too but that's not really important here I don't think) and he pretty much entertains himself for longer periods of time, but I feel like I'm not doing enough with my youngest. I'll read to her sometimes, she plays with her blocks, I put her favorite show on for a couple hours (30 minute blocks), she'll color or flip through her books on her own etc. But there are spans of time that I feel like the TV is doing my parenting because I just don't know what to do with them! I don't always have the energy to go for a walk (and it's not always easy with both of them by myself) but we will occasionally go for walks. I know it's summer and we can go to the park, but what are other things you mom's are doing at home with your Littles?

I've been feeling so bored / burned out lately - so I feel like my kids are feeling the same and I feel like I'm failing and not using this time to my advantage.

Any advice?

It really sucks having a blended family with an autistic son (5). My partner (not bio dad) does try, and helps out a lot... but his patience is just too thin.

Right now I'm a SAHM due to my son's needs, and i also care for our own daughter, who's almost 2.

Our daughter is very likely autistic as well, I'm just in a hard denial right now and extremely depressed due to the thought of me bringing TWO disabled children into this world.

Partner has said that if needed, I may have to work full time or part time again so we can make ends meet, but the fact that he can't even handle my son's behaviors for 2 hours on the weekend before throwing his headphones on and locking himself in our room, shows me that he wouldn't be able to care for him if I found a part time job.

I don't know what I'm going to do without my partner. He's the main reason I have some sanity left. I see my friends twice a year, and that will slowly dwindle once my son gets older/stronger and my parents can no longer babysit. He's my best friend. But I also understand why it's hard for him.

How are we going to survive 2 autistic children with one income? Or how will I handle this life alone? Because that's the choices I'm facing. I'm scared as fuck, currently crying, and just want a damn hug tbh.

Does your level 3 child follow simple instructions? Ex. "Go throw that in the garbage." Ex. "Close the refrigerator door." Etc.

I'm trying to figure out what led the evaluators to deem my son level 2, after his original diagnosis (at age 3.5) of level 3 (he's 5.5 now).

I'm not upset that my son has progressed, I'm just genuinely curious as to what differentiates the levels, as the evaluators aren't super specific in why they make their decisions.