u/Androgynouself_420

Like I just learned about this disorder, I finally understand what splitting is and how it’s been affecting me, I finally have something to tell myself when I split that people don’t hate me, and one of my best friends drops this on me. Literally the night after I’m diagnosed with a disorder centered around fear of abandonment and people secretly hating me, one of my closest fucking friends reveals he actually does.

Now don’t jump to hating him, he said it’s not my fault and the reason (very long story) does make sense why it’d create resentment. Still fucking sucks though. We’re roommates too so I’ve just spent the last few days in my room trying not to spiral. Did ok the first few days but the ambiguity here sucks. I’m just waiting with no information beyond “I get it’s not your fault, but nothing will change it so please just leave me alone.”

Like I talk to him about everything, we hang out constantly, fuck I go to family events with him. Now for reasons beyond my control I know for a fact that I’m creating feelings of hate and envy every time I walk by. I don’t know when he’ll get over this, I don’t even know if he *will* get over this. I’d hoped he’d talk to me after seeing his therapist but nope, still hours of silence. God I feel so fucking shitty, I just wanna talk to my friend but I’m starting to split and get pissed.