u/AnonymousCapybara72

I, and I think a lot of men, have known women like (the bad version of) Nikki. Obsessive, controlling, consuming, abusive. My ex used to hurt herself to hurt me, and she used to threaten to kill herself if I ever left her. She wouldn't let me have space or spend time with my friends. I never wished for any of this - I just wished she'd leave me the fuck alone.

So I think it's interesting that the film chose to portray her this way, but have it all ultimately be the man's fault - he wished for her to be like this. She wasn't in control. She had no autonomy. And he was the real villain - all of her abusive and coercive behaviour, he brought on himself.

I also think the discussion I've seen about it is interesting. Because yes, ultimately this all stems from Bear's actions, but I've seen people saying that the way she behaves is out of her control because he wished for her to love him more than anything else. She "needs" him, her whole identity is shaped around him. In the film that is Bear's fault, but in real life there are women who attach to someone like this, have their own warped version of "love", and behave this way because that's what love is to them. And that is not because of anything their victims have done wrong.

I think it would've been a less interesting film without the magical wish stuff, but I can't help but feel a bit disappointed that we can't just have a woman portrayed as an abuser because that's who she is, rather than because a man made her do it and really she's the victim.

I also think the discourse would be very different and much less sympathetic towards Nikki if the genders were swapped.

We all know potholes are a problem. But I think a bigger problem is how many road markings have been so poorly maintained that they're barely legible.

I only passed my test in Feb but I struggle sometimes with spiral roundabouts because the road markings are fucked. Often I can't even know what lane I'm meant to be in without Google Maps telling me. The dashed lines showing you where to move across are sometimes almost completely gone.

Is it just me or is this actually a serious problem?

Purely out of curiosity, why is this? As far as I know every other medication comes in blister packs, but all ADHD stimulant meds come in bottles. Is it a CD thing?

I'm registered with the DBS Update Service. Obviously when I signed up I didn't realise I'd have to provide my original certificate to any new employer (I probably wouldn't have bothered if I'd known that).

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So I'm moving from one NHS trust to another. My original current DBS was just over a year ago, Enhanced with barred lists so covers what I need for my new employer. But I can't find the certificate.

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Is there any chance my new employer could just check the details of my original DBS with my current employer, then check the Update Service? Or is there no way they'd proceed without the original certificate?

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It's not a massive issue because in the worst case I just need to get another DBS, but it'll delay my start date and it's a total pisstake having to pay and wait again when I've been paying for the update service.

I've been an HCA for 6 years now and want to finally progress. I'm starting at a new trust now that does TNA, and an 18 month RNDA for NAs to qualify as RN. I'm thinking maybe this is the right route for me.

Just wanted some thoughts from people here on two things:

1. Is this a reliable route? My last trust cut the funding for the degree course after a load of people had already started doing their TNA, so they had no way to go on to qualify as RN. I don't want to get stuck in that position.

2. Do people who go this route become decent nurses? I have worked with some incredible NAs, but I don't know whether their skills and knowledge match those of nurses who go the traditional route. And I'm also concerned I wouldn't be very well rounded, since TNAs do most of their training in their base dept.

3. Would it be a barrier to progression? Once an NA qualifies as an RN are they treated the same as everyone else, or could I have difficulty moving up to band 6-7 roles?

I've been an HCA for 6 years now and want to finally progress. I'm starting at a new trust now that does TNA, and an 18 month RNDA for NAs to qualify as RN. I'm thinking maybe this is the right route for me.

​

Just wanted some thoughts from people here on two things:

​

1. Is this a reliable route? My last trust cut the funding for the degree course after a load of people had already started doing their TNA, so they had no way to go on to qualify as RN. I don't want to get stuck in that position.

​

2. Do people who go this route become decent nurses? I have worked with some incredible NAs, but I don't know whether their skills and knowledge match those of nurses who go the traditional route. And I'm also concerned I wouldn't be very well rounded, since TNAs do most of their training in their base dept.

I have a lazy eye so effectively only see through one eye. I've recently been trying to shape my beard but it's so fucking hard because I see one side of my face from a completely different perspective and can't see as much of the side.

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The side I can see properly comes out looking good, but the other side never looks right. I've been taking selfies from both sides to compare and then trying to fix the bad side, repeat over and over but I just can't get it looking right.

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From a side pic it my bad side looks less curved and lower down the neck, but from under the line looks higher up the neck.

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Any advice?

My trust started cutting bank last year and it's gotten worse and worse to the point there are almost no shifts at all.

But what's worse is, I'm frequently having shifts cancelled with less than 24 hours notice. I've even had night shifts cancelled on the day, once with about 4 hours notice.

I know trusts don't have to give us bank work, but how the fuck is this acceptable? They don't tolerate staff cancelling at short notice or not turning up, so why do we have to tolerate this?

I've just called 101 to report a dead deer in the middle.of a B road. I gave them the name and number of the road, bigger connecting roads and a nearby landmark. The operator said she's not from the area and couldn't find where I mean ??? She asked me to go back to the location and use What3Words which I did.

But last year I had something similar, this time calling 999 to report a domestic (I wasn't involved). I have them the street name, connecting streets, a nearby main road, the general area (quite a big suburb near a city centre), and they hadn't heard of it and just couldn't find it ??? They asked me to download What3Words.

How do emergency services call handlers actually deal with locations? Do they really not have a map they can type a street or road name into?

Never been in this situation but imagine you're driving on the motorway in the outside lane and suddenly you break down. You want to try to get safely to the left lane but you're losing speed.

What do you do? If you put your hazards on, would people recognise that and back off to let you move left?

Seems like every time someone dies there's a mob of the thickest, most useless fucking scum in the country out with their pitchforks to get any NHS worker even tangentially involved.

I keep getting articles about the Valdo Calocane enquiry on my FB feed and I am fucking sick of the comments. These people do fuck all for anyone, they'll vote time after time to gut healthcare (especially mental health services), but when someone gets hurt they're out in droves demanding blood.

Why even work for the NHS? Best case, you get to go home with a wage below the graduate average. Worst case you work your arse off and do the absolute best you can and you get dragged over the coals and personally blamed for people dying.

So I'm on Tinder but rarely message anyone first these days because it's such a performance and rarely goes anywhere. But I matched with a girl who messaged me first, said she's not on here much but add me on Snap.

So I did. We chatted a bit then she suggested going to the gym together. She was obviously a bit nervous but I picked her up and we went to the gym quite late after she'd finished work, and went for a drive after. I dropped her off home and she messaged me straight away saying she enjoyed that. I replied I did too, lmk if you want to go out again. She said she did so just tell her when and we'll plan something.

We ended up going out a few more times. Always at night because she was working late. A few drives to go sit by the river, and she came over and we cuddled a couple of times.

I asked her early on about going out properly on her days off and she seemed enthusiastic about it.

As her days off came around she'd gone a bit quieter. She messaged to say she hadn't been well and was feeling rough. So we didn't go out properly, but we did go for another drive.

At one point I'd gone a bit quiet so she messaged me to ask if I was ok, I said I felt like shit so she suggested going for a drive which we did.

The last time I saw her I picked her up from the gym after she'd been with a mate, we went for a short drive then she decided she was tired and wanted to go home. I tried bringing up doing something when she was next off work and just a vague "we'll see how I feel".

Then she started going quieter again. Then one day she said she's going to A&E and we messaged through the night, she was asking me if she'd be okay, I was telling her she'd be fine, and we called when she got home.

Then the day after I hardly heard from her at all. Day after that I hardly heard from her again but she said she was getting a lift home from work off her mate.

She said "sorry for the shit replies x" and I said "was gonna say are you ok? Just cos you've been quiet" and she said "yeah just tired"

Talked a bit more but then she went quiet again. So I messaged her "can I ask, do you still wanna see me? No worries if not, just cos I feel like things have gone quiet and I don't want to overthink x" and she said "yeah DW it's just me, I go quiet sometimes".

So she started replying a bit quicker again but didn't seem interested really, didn't mention going out, etc. and then a day or two later she said she was going out for drinks with work when she finished.

Didn't hear from her til the next morning, said she got home at 4am and felt terrible. Exchanged a few messages through the day but she was really low effort, low interest. I asked what she was up to and she said going out with a mate.

I didn't reply to that and haven't heard from her for 4 days now.

This all happened over about 3 weeks.

I just don't really understand what happened. She seemed really enthusiastic for like the first week, then she started going hot and cold which I put down to her being tired and unwell. She did show some signs she was still interested, then when it got to a point where I asked directly she said yeah, just she goes quiet sometimes. But then she showed no interest at all after that. Then she's going out til 4am with mates despite being too unwell and too tired to ever go out properly with me.

I feel so conflicted and confused about this whole thing. I don't think anything really changed or happened to make her lose interest like that. And I can't even work out where she started moving away because she kept showing some signs of wanting to continue things??

I guess above all I just feel hurt and a bit upset that things can start so well and someone can be so clearly interested and then it just ends like it was nothing. I feel a bit used as well. The last time I properly talked to her was when she was in hospital and she came to me for reassurance, then pretty much disappeared the day after.

Sorry for the long post, and thanks if anyone actually read it. I think I just want to hear others' thoughts on the situation and what went wrong.

There's a 40mph limit on a stretch of NSL dual carriageway near me. Everyone ignores it. So when I'm coming off the slip road, everyone's flying past at 60+.

What am I actually supposed to do here? Ignore the speed limit so I can merge safely?