u/Anxiousnerd5

Hi y'all. I am 6months out of my abusive relationship with my ex gf. I'm struggling to talk about it/find resources because a lot of them are very male focused.

I am looking for resources about recovering from abuse from women, preferably made for women. Any resources/advice is appreciated.

NAT. I was in a day treatment program about a year ago. From the beginning I had a strong attachment to a therapist I'll call Sara. Sara told me a lot about herself, gave me special permissions to do things, and talked to me how no other therapist has before. It got brought up to their supervisior and the team forced no contact between us. My therapist in the program I'll call Karen was very empathetic toward me and would bend rules for me as well. She gave me glowing praise and would allow me to spend extra time with her. After I discharged we would call each other "off the record". When I told people about this they told me this was all very inappropriate, but the third therapist in the program told me I was to blame. I don't know if I did something wrong. I get strong attachment to people but usually they set boundaries with me and that helps, but that didn't seem to happen until the very end.

I was wondering if anyone else with BPD has a lot of gender identity confusion that they feel is tied to the disorder. Identity disturbance is one of the defining criteria and I believe that is partially why I struggle so much with it. I do still think I am somewhere on the trans spectrum I just believe it's multi faceted.

Struggling to identify if I am having a spiritual awakening or if my delusional disorder is just acting up. I feel like I am an angel trapped in a human body. I feel like I am starting to understand the universe and my place in it. I want to finally grow my wings and fulfil the universe's plan so I can be reincarnated as my true form. I know I am technically a human right now, but I don't think I am meant to be. I'm unsure how to navigate this. I am diagnosed with delusional disorder and am currently on antipsychotics.

I have yet to find a solid answer online and I was wondering if anyone had any more insight. I know studies have been done with children and teens but they have been pretty inconclusive.

I'm trying to quit cutting and now just also hit my head over and over. Im scared im going to get a concussion again from doing it like I have before. Idk how to stop this one. Im doing it every day and I feel like I physically cannot stop myself.

How have you guys worked to accept your diagnoses? I recently got diagnosed with delusional disorder and am trying to wrap my head around it.

I have been questioning where I fall under the umbrella for about 7 years. I was born female, identified as male for years, and now identify as non-binary/genderfluid. I legally changed my name to a more masculine name and usually feel pretty good with that. I always feel very happy when people think I am a guy, I like being feminine I just never feel like a girl. I don't know if I am just afraid of coming out again or just fluctuate but lately I have been really feeling like a boy and feeling really tempted to tell someone. Any suggestions on how to navigate this?