u/Apprehensive-Bad7581

Hi everyone. I'm looking for honest opinions because I'm struggling to see this situation objectively.

I'm 28F and my husband is 29M. We both work full-time. I have a government job (9 to 6) and I'm currently preparing for a very competitive government exam, with my preliminary exam only weeks away. To get uninterrupted study time, I've been staying with my parents temporarily.

A few days ago, my mother-in-law developed severe back pain and has difficulty walking and doing household work. My husband called me and insisted that I return immediately because the family is overwhelmed.

I asked him what he expected me to do if I came back. I would still be working full-time, studying for my exam, and taking on household responsibilities. I suggested hiring temporary help if possible.

The conversation became very heated. He questioned my character, criticized my parents for not sending me back immediately, accused me of having fake concern for his family, and eventually told me to "go to hell."

Later that day, I called my mother-in-law directly. I checked on her health, suggested finding temporary household help, and offered to visit. She was actually understanding about my exams and even told me not to make an unnecessary trip just to see her because she knew I needed to study.

For context, I have no problem doing household chores. When I stay at my husband's house, I do help. My issue isn't with helping. It's that I felt I was expected to immediately leave my exam preparation and become the primary person handling the household, even though I also have a full-time job.

I'm still planning to visit my mother-in-law because I genuinely care about her, but I'm deeply hurt by how my husband spoke to me.

I'd really appreciate honest, balanced opinions. If you've been in a similar situation, how would you have handled it?

I (28F) have been married for less than a year. My husband and I both work full-time. I have a government job from 9 to 6 and I'm currently preparing for a very competitive government exam with a preliminary test coming up soon. I've been staying with my parents temporarily so I can focus on studying.

Recently, my mother-in-law developed severe back pain and is struggling to walk and do household work. My husband called and demanded that I return immediately because everyone at home was overwhelmed.

I asked him what exactly he expected me to do if I came back. My concern was that I'd still have my full-time job, my exam preparation, and I'd also be taking on the household work. I suggested hiring temporary help and later called my mother-in-law myself to check on her, ask about her health, and suggest finding a maid. I also offered to visit.

During the argument, my husband said my parents lacked basic humanity for not sending me back immediately, called me a "lowly person," said no one would care about me in my old age or even about my dead body, accused me of showing fake concern, and eventually ended the conversation by telling me to "go to hell."

I did raise my voice after he started criticizing my parents, so I don't think I handled that part perfectly.

What surprised me was that when I spoke privately with my mother-in-law, she was understanding. She acknowledged that my exams were important, said she wasn't telling people I was neglecting them, and even told me not to make an unnecessary trip just to see her.

I'm still planning to visit her because I genuinely care about her wellbeing. I don't mind doing household chores in general. I have done them before, and I would help if I were living there. What bothered me was feeling like my exam, my job, and my own circumstances didn't matter, and that I was being judged entirely on whether I immediately returned to take over household responsibilities.

AITAH for not going back immediately and instead prioritizing my exam while trying to support my mother-in-law in other ways?

I'm a married woman in my late 20s. My husband and I both work full-time. I have a government job (9 to 6) and I'm currently preparing for a very competitive government exam, with my preliminary exam only weeks away. To get uninterrupted study time, I've been staying with my parents temporarily.

A few days ago, my mother-in-law developed severe back pain and has difficulty walking and doing household work. My husband called me and insisted that I return immediately because the family is overwhelmed.

I asked him what he expected me to do if I came back. I would still be working full-time, studying for my exam, and taking on household responsibilities. I suggested hiring temporary help if possible.

The conversation became very heated. He questioned my character, criticized my parents for not sending me back immediately, called me a "lowly person," accused me of having fake concern for his family, and eventually told me to "go to hell."

Later that day, I called my mother-in-law directly. I checked on her health, suggested finding temporary household help, and offered to visit. She was actually understanding about my exams and even told me not to make an unnecessary trip just to see her because she knew I needed to study.

For context, I have no problem doing household chores. When I stay at my husband's house, I do help. My issue isn't with helping. It's that I felt I was expected to immediately leave my exam preparation and become the primary person handling the household, even though I also have a full-time job.

I'm still planning to visit my mother-in-law because I genuinely care about her, but I'm deeply hurt by how my husband spoke to me.

I'd really appreciate honest, balanced opinions. If you've been in a similar situation, how would you have handled it?

I (28F) have been married for less than a year. My husband and I both work full-time. I have a government job from 9 to 6 and I'm currently preparing for a very competitive government exam with a preliminary test coming up soon. I've been staying with my parents temporarily so I can focus on studying.

Recently, my mother-in-law developed severe back pain and is struggling to walk and do household work. My husband called and demanded that I return immediately because everyone at home was overwhelmed.

I asked him what exactly he expected me to do if I came back. My concern was that I'd still have my full-time job, my exam preparation, and I'd also be taking on the household work. I suggested hiring temporary help and later called my mother-in-law myself to check on her, ask about her health, and suggest finding a maid. I also offered to visit.

During the argument, my husband said my parents lacked basic humanity for not sending me back immediately, called me a "lowly person," said no one would care about me in my old age or even about my dead body, accused me of showing fake concern, and eventually ended the conversation by telling me to "go to hell."

I did raise my voice after he started criticizing my parents, so I don't think I handled that part perfectly.

What surprised me was that when I spoke privately with my mother-in-law, she was understanding. She acknowledged that my exams were important, said she wasn't telling people I was neglecting them, and even told me not to make an unnecessary trip just to see her.

I'm still planning to visit her because I genuinely care about her wellbeing. I don't mind doing household chores in general. I have done them before, and I would help if I were living there. What bothered me was feeling like my exam, my job, and my own circumstances didn't matter, and that I was being judged entirely on whether I immediately returned to take over household responsibilities.

AITA for not going back immediately and instead prioritizing my exam while trying to support my mother-in-law in other ways?

I (28F) have been married for less than a year. My husband and I both work full-time. I have a government job from 9 to 6 and I'm currently preparing for a very competitive government exam with a preliminary test coming up soon. I've been staying with my parents temporarily so I can focus on studying.

Recently, my mother-in-law developed severe back pain and is struggling to walk and do household work. My husband called and demanded that I return immediately because everyone at home was overwhelmed.

I asked him what exactly he expected me to do if I came back. My concern was that I'd still have my full-time job, my exam preparation, and I'd also be taking on the household work. I suggested hiring temporary help and later called my mother-in-law myself to check on her, ask about her health, and suggest finding a maid. I also offered to visit.

During the argument, my husband said my parents lacked basic humanity for not sending me back immediately, called me a "lowly person," said no one would care about me in my old age or even about my dead body, accused me of showing fake concern, and eventually ended the conversation by telling me to "go to hell."

I did raise my voice after he started criticizing my parents, so I don't think I handled that part perfectly.

What surprised me was that when I spoke privately with my mother-in-law, she was understanding. She acknowledged that my exams were important, said she wasn't telling people I was neglecting them, and even told me not to make an unnecessary trip just to see her.

I'm still planning to visit her because I genuinely care about her wellbeing. I don't mind doing household chores in general. I have done them before, and I would help if I were living there. What bothered me was feeling like my exam, my job, and my own circumstances didn't matter, and that I was being judged entirely on whether I immediately returned to take over household responsibilities.

AITAH for not going back immediately and instead prioritizing my exam while trying to support my mother-in-law in other ways?

I'm struggling with something I never thought I'd say.

I don't want to love my husband anymore.

Not because I hate him. I don't. I wish I did. It would probably make this easier. I just can't keep carrying this pain.

For a long time, I kept hoping things would change. I kept telling myself that if I was more patient, more understanding, or waited a little longer, he'd eventually choose me the way I wanted to be chosen.

Instead, I've often felt like an outsider in my own marriage. There have been times when I felt dismissed when I was hurting, like my emotions were an inconvenience rather than something my partner wanted to understand. Every time I tried to hold on to hope, something else happened that made me feel unwanted again.

The worst part is that I still miss him. I still yearn for the version of him I believed existed or the husband I hoped he would become. I don't even know if I'm grieving the person he is or the future I imagined we'd have together.

I'm exhausted.

How do you stop loving someone when your heart hasn't caught up with what your mind already knows? How do you let go of hope without becoming bitter?

I'm not looking for people to tell me to "just leave" or "just stay." I'm trying to understand why it's so hard to move on from someone who has hurt you and whether anyone has actually come out the other side of this.

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've been through something similar.

I'm struggling with something I never thought I'd say.

I don't want to love my husband anymore.

Not because I hate him. I don't. I wish I did. It would probably make this easier. I just can't keep carrying this pain.

For a long time, I kept hoping things would change. I kept telling myself that if I was more patient, more understanding, or waited a little longer, he'd eventually choose me the way I wanted to be chosen.

Instead, I've often felt like an outsider in my own marriage. There have been times when I felt dismissed when I was hurting, like my emotions were an inconvenience rather than something my partner wanted to understand. Every time I tried to hold on to hope, something else happened that made me feel unwanted again.

The worst part is that I still miss him. I still yearn for the version of him I believed existed or the husband I hoped he would become. I don't even know if I'm grieving the person he is or the future I imagined we'd have together.

I'm exhausted.

How do you stop loving someone when your heart hasn't caught up with what your mind already knows? How do you let go of hope without becoming bitter?

I'm not looking for people to tell me to "just leave" or "just stay." I'm trying to understand why it's so hard to move on from someone who has hurt you and whether anyone has actually come out the other side of this.

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've been through something similar.

I (28F) got married less than a year ago. Before marriage, my husband and I were very close, but things have changed a lot since then.

My husband is extremely attached to his parents. He has told me himself that he has never gone against them and always does what they tell him. In practice, that means he often needs their approval even for things like taking me out or spending time with me. I constantly feel like an outsider in my own marriage.

Whenever I try to explain how lonely or hurt I feel, I don't think he takes me seriously. Recently, I was visibly upset, and when he asked what was wrong, I told him I was sad. Instead of comforting me, he told me to call my dad and ask him to take me home. That really hurt because it felt like he was telling me to leave instead of trying to understand why I was unhappy.

There have also been other incidents that damaged my trust. He has compared another woman's body to mine while discussing buying her a birthday gift, even though he knows I've always been insecure about their friendship. Small things like this keep happening, and each one chips away at me.

The biggest issue right now is that I'm preparing for a very important state civil service exam. I work full-time, and the syllabus is huge. I genuinely feel that staying in my husband's house is affecting my mental health and making it difficult to study because I'm constantly emotionally drained.

I've told him how I feel several times, but nothing seems to change. Recently, I sent him another message explaining my feelings, and he simply left me on read.

Because of all this, I'm seriously considering staying with my parents for a few months so I can prepare for my exam in peace. My husband may see that as me abandoning the marriage, but from my perspective, I'm trying to protect my mental health and my future.

AITAH for wanting to leave temporarily to focus on my studies and my well-being instead of continuing to live in an environment where I feel unsupported?

I (27F) have been married for about a year to my husband (29M), and I'm struggling to understand whether my marriage is going through a rough phase or whether there are deeper issues that I should be concerned about.

We were together before marriage and I was deeply in love with him. In August 2024, we went on a trip together and I lost my virginity to him, even though I had originally wanted to wait until marriage. After that, I started noticing changes in his behavior. He became more dismissive, less affectionate, and often seemed irritated with me.

Since marriage, I have felt increasingly lonely. One of the biggest issues is that he seems unable or unwilling to make decisions independently from his parents. He needs their approval for many things, including spending time with me or taking me out. I often feel like an outsider in my own marriage, as if the real family unit is him and his parents, while I am just expected to fit in.

Whenever I express unhappiness, my concerns are often dismissed. Recently, when I was visibly upset and not smiling, he asked what was wrong. When I told him I was sad, he told me to call my father and ask him to take me home. It felt less like concern and more like he was telling me to leave.

Another recurring issue is that he seems insensitive to things that hurt me emotionally. There is a woman I have always felt insecure about because of their closeness. Recently, he commented on her body and compared her size to mine while discussing a gift for her birthday. He knows I struggle with my self-esteem, so this felt particularly hurtful.

I am also preparing for a very important state civil service exam. The syllabus is huge, and I have only a limited amount of time. Living with his family has become emotionally exhausting, and I genuinely feel that staying there is affecting both my mental health and my ability to study. I have considered staying with my parents for several months so I can focus on my exam preparation.

What confuses me is that whenever I raise concerns, I end up feeling like I am the problem. He often acts as though I am overreacting, being dramatic, or imagining issues that don't exist. Over time, this has affected my confidence and self-worth. I sometimes find myself wondering whether I am actually asking for too much, even though all I really want is emotional support, respect, and a sense that my husband prioritizes our relationship.

At this point, I feel emotionally detached and exhausted. I still care about him, but I don't feel secure, valued, or supported in this marriage.

For those who have been in similar situations, does this sound like a marriage that can realistically improve if both people work on it, or are these signs of deeper incompatibility and unhealthy dynamics?