u/Arvorezinha

There are studies about that, by the way. I stopped taking trazodone 50 mg for insomnia a few days ago, I can't sleep. They gave me a lot of meds. I'm autistic but I was their lab rat before. I had a lot of wrong diagnoses.

I will tell you something, it destroyed my twenties. I got traumatized. Getting out of all those meds was hell. Clonazepan was the worse. I felt like a drug addict. I wasn't myself for almost ten years.

I didn't cry when my grandparents died. I didn't cry, or dreamed, or had sex for years. And I will never be the same. Don't follow this doctors blindly, they don't really know what they're doing...

32 years and I just want to live like a normal human being. Without having to go to the doctor periodically just to be able to sleep. I can't sleep. I'm restless, anxious, paranoid, disfunctional.

That's enough. This is torture. I'm getting free.

The message comes like an intuition, a gut feeling that I can't ignore. I feel I'm more sensitive to people's energy since I attempted sui... a while ago.

Tonight I felt that I should get away from my family. Specially my narc mom. And that it would all be fine because my father would cover me.

It was a very strong feeling and I almost had an anxiety attack because of it. Couldn't sleep anymore. Then my pupils dilated and I felt like I could deal with anyone that came my way. I looked at the mirror and felt dangerous.

Now, this is a big decision. Do you ever went through something like this? I can't ignore the urge to get away from my mother and protect myself.

Eu tenho um que comprei na Oktoberfest e nunca usei muito, mas tenho foto. Sendo descendente de alemão na minha família isso nunca foi associado com nazismo. Era pra ser uma parte fofa e afetiva pra quem quer honrar as partes boas da cultura alemã. Não nego que ela é uma ridícula e jamais votaria nela. Mas é triste ver uma coisa lúdica dessas, que faz parte da nossa cultura como imigrantes ser associada a uma coisa tão pesada.

• Zinc: 74 µg/dL
• Vitamin B12: 331 pg/mL
• Serum Iron: 78 µg/dL
• Ferritin: 57 ng/mL
• Vitamin D: 39 ng/mL

Só deus sabe o que passei pra chegar nesse diagnóstico. Foram anos, mais de 5 só com esse psiquiatra. Remédios, internações, tentativas de...

Tudo que eu queria era conseguir fazer terapia específica, poder falar sobre tudo que eu passo e passei por causa do autismo abertamente. O quanto isso afetou e afeta minha vida.

Mas duvidam do meu diagnóstico. Pediram pra eu fazer avaliação, mas é caro e tenho certeza que minha mãe vai mentir porque ela não quer que eu tenha nada.

Desde que entrei na escola chamaram ela pea dizer que eu não me misturava com aa outras crianças mas a maluca agora jura que eu vivia cheia de amigos.

Eu nunca tive suporte, eu nunca tive nada. Só diagnóstico errado, minha vida dando errado e todo mundo me julgando. Estou cansada.

My sister has epilepsy, so we always slept with the door open. My parents always made noise having sex and we would hear it at night and they didn't take care about the kind of content they were exposing us so I started masturbating very little. I waited for my sister to sleep and didn't make noise, but my dad would sometimes show up at the door. I could see his shadow and it was odd. He would stay there and I would pretend to sleep.

Then, when my body started to develop, there was a time I woke up in the middle of the night and I was uncovered and my clothes were up to the neck. After that I would sleep holding my bed sheets very tight and sometimes cover my intimate parts with my hand kind of subconsciously.

Then my dad started to enter our bedroom after we showered. It happened very often, he didn't knock and one time he entered my bedroom when I was just with a towel and hugged me tight. I didn't want to and he kind of forced me. Both me and my sister asked him to stop doing this. I started changing in the bathroom after shower because there I could lock myself in.

Then, my sister liked to sleep without clothes and when he realized it he lied on top of her just the sheet in between. She asked him not to do it and to get out and he did as he pleased. When my sister told me this slowly spiraled and told some people asking for help and everyone turned against me.

Then my dad made my life a living hell and tried to make me unalive myself. He literally kept saying this to me. They ruined my life, I became severely depressed and stayed in bed a lot. I tried to unalive more than once. They would trigger me than go on vacation and ignore me.

I couldn't lock my bedroom and then when my mom traveled once, my dad entered my room in the morning and started to touch my breasts and pretending he was waking me up. It was so sick, I feel sick even remembering. I started to shut down and couldn't move and it freaked me out. It was so traumatizing I moved to another town with almost nothing to start from zero.

Then I had to come back, tried to unalive again and he did it again. I think it was to destroy me inside, because it did. I never felt to helpless and humiliated. And I just paralyzed. The only thing I could do was to take off his hand and look at the ceiling for hours. Now I know it's because I am autistic and it was too much for me to process.

I want to know what you think, if you ever went through something similar, anything. I just want to talk about it. I've been silenced for so long and suffered so much retaliation for this. I lost everything.

Honestly, can you share some positive outcomes? I am feeling kind of hopeless. I lost everything and they keep trying to put me down.