I feel like using collecting items as a coping mechanism, avoiding cleaning - cleaning made me bored and physically sick like I wanted to vomit or cry. I ended up spending half of my income for 20 years in a row on collecting worthless items that kept me back and were not functional. I also spent five years in a literal cult being brainwashed thinking it was self improvement when it was not.

It is as if hoarding is like a collection of non-functional things!

I bought a house to renovate. I ended up living inside it. My dad was supposed to most of the work, but every time he comes by, for some reason I get very angry and don't want to any work. It is turning into something that is very slow unnecessarily. I did get a new roof and attic insulation and he installed a heat pump and water heater.

I had a job where I lived in one of the apartments in the building. My coworker was the lead maintenance technician and he was monitoring my life. It was kind of his job to monitor me, but he kept commenting in ways that made me feel watched, on guard, made me avoid him, and not feel free to go about my life.

For example, the first time he came to my unit, he said, 'Why do you live here with such people? Your life is bad. I make less money than you, but I go on vacation and my life is better. He also asked why I work at night and with elderly people.'

He often sort of had this friendly laugh when he saw me working kind of laughing at how I was doing things. I left some notes for the next guy to move in my unit and he laughed at that. He saw me use the bush trimmer to test it out and laughed that I was doing it the wrong way, and said 'Why haven't you called and asked me?'

He was in my unit and said, 'I was in your sister's unit and she lives in a very messy and dirty apartment. Why do you live like this? How can you like living like this.'

I took a vacation but did not go anywhere. He saw me and said, 'What? You haven't gone anywhere? You are on vacation!'

Finally, I had a leaking washing machine which I turned off and reported by email. He called me and said, 'The vendor is here and they say they tested it and it doesnt leak. They are experets and they are saying it doesnt leak.'

This put me in a difficult situation because if I said fine and thank you, it would mean I approve of his decision. And if I dispute it, then it is like I am telling him how to do his job. It also felt like he was shifting responsibility to me by calling me and just saying like as if it could not be an intermittent leak and what to think if it leaks again and floods the unit below.

I would call him for work and he would pick up and say, 'Oh but I am on vacation!' even though nobody told me that, like I was supposed to already know.

I ended up going nuts, going on anti depressants, going manic, lost my job, and then I was the bad guy in the situation who yelled at people at work and got fired for it.

SOLVED: this was just a small fee for not paying estimated taxes in MA

I sold stock with like 100k of profit. This pushed my income into like the 200k category. I paid 20k in Federal tax, but MA state tax was only 6k doing it with HR Block myself. Now I got a letter from MA that I underpaid by 10k.

Do I go to a tax accountant, pay it, or try to redo it?

My hmom had this anxiety about us going to school and getting hair cuts, so she would covertly restrict us from them. I would go without a hair cut for two years, having this overgrown hair on my head, it felt like carrying a two story building on top that would swing and get into my eyes.

She would also suggest I not go to school on some Fridays, and sometimes it turned into skipping 2-3 weeks of school at a time, since it was scary to return to school into the unknown and she would encourage me to stay home for a few more days if I don't want to go.

She did not think not going to school every day was an issue and that as long as she tricked our doctor into giving us a doctor's note, it was fine. Obviously, she did not keep track of our grades. She expected us to just get decent grades and go to college and become doctors on our own.

In 10th grade, she found a younger bf and secretly rented a house and moved out ghosting us, which was amazing, because without her occasional presence, on my own, I stopped skipping school and started going regularly. My grades improved after she left!

I turned my life around, got into college magically, got a job and made a career.

She made skipping school and not getting hair cuts sound so natural and reasonable - projecting her own anxieties and control issues onto her kids. She did the same with her next kid - refused to give him hair cuts, except once like every 1-2 years and then 'just a little bit along the edges because HE doesnt like it.'

We once talked him into letting us take him to get a hair cut, and she threw a fit and a tantrum to punish us because 'we LIED to him' and he 'did not want and wasnt ready for a hair cut without her permission and we should never lie to her kid without her knowing'; the kid became scared and started to tow her line and saying that he doesnt want a hair cut and then she started saying 'see! ask him, he will say HE doesnt want it.'

the kid was legit convinced off of her anxiety that there was something scary about hair cuts and he doesnt want one.

but it is so impractical and irrational - when you get a fresh hair cut, you feel amazing, confident, happy, and outgoing. with over grown hair, you feel the opposite.

going to school without skipping unless you are actually sick - that just makes life stable and predictable and much easier. how can staying home alone in a hoarded house with golf or tennis or jerry springer playing on TV be better than school - as long as you are not being bullied or endangered in school, it is better to be there than alone at home.

the thought of being obligated to go to her house keep her kid company kept popping in my mind; i would come, she would make it difficult for me to come, then gaslight me pretending she was unhappy about us living separately (even though she initiated it), we would have conflicts and she would kick me out and claim she doesnt have time to sit for 1-2 hours feeding me a meal (which i never asked and she forced on me) so she doesnt have time to accomodate me so i cant come.

i made a great life, making a lot of money, but then i became bored, got my own obsessive habits, and ended up ruining the life i had built!

then i told her to go to he**, verbally and emotionally abused her, and cut her off.

now i am at an empasse - i cannot cooperate with my mom because i alienated her and she will want revenge and re-establish her moral righteousness and dominance, but i also ruined my career and my independent life too.

not where i wanted to be at 40 years old!

so i had this cousin who is 8 years younger.. first he bullied me in the car as a teenager.. then he demanded and nagged me into going out to eat at restaurants when that wasnt interesting to me (which lead to an expensive eating out habit for me).. convinced me to get a smart phone which ruined my sleep and lead to more internet addiction.. then he convinced and forced me to take anti depressants, which made me go manic and made act erratically at work.. i started losing my job and housing.. he started saying that since my company is being sold he for sure knows that i will be fired and started saying that i am 100% guaranteed to get fired and then suggested i file an anonymous report in vengeance to get my company in trouble after i leave thus burning bridges.. then he started that i work in a bad place and that only stupid people work in such places and therefore i work with idiots.. he said my job is a scam and that he learned about my industry in college and that is a scam and doesnt work.. then once i got fired due to being manic and acting erratically, he was happy and excited that finally i have no choice but be his room mate which he wanted.. once i got to his apartment, he said that i cannot be sleeping in my room during the day when he is not sleeping because he needs to be able to use the whole apartment just in case.. he also had one single he wanted us to share which meant me waiting at home for him to get home from work and picking up the key and returning it.. i then went out and made a copy and texted him about it, which he interpreted as me copying his key without his permission and demanded it back immediately.. he then went on a smear campaign making all my family members mad at me for copying his key without his permission.. i have been under-employed ever since since the manic state induced by the anti depressant never fully went away.. now he has an amazing life, and at family events he finds funny embarassing photos of me and shows them to other people to publicly humiliate me.. he now has a hot gf whom he brings to all family events like the symbol of his success that he made it.. he has these hungry eyes like he is hunting for personal benefit like a coyote.. like a wolf.. and his favorite thing to say is, 'I havent decided what I will do because I havent figured out what is the most advantageous thing for me to do is yet.'

He wasnt a friend - he was using friendship to use me for whatever advantage he saw in me: emotional support for him, companionship, audience to show off too, praise, advice, guidance, car rides, etc.

I once asked him for a car ride and he told me that he blocked off his time to enjoy his vacation weekend with his family and friends and doesnt want to miss out on it by giving me a ride and told me to get an Uber; meanwhile he would call me up any time of day or night to give him rides and i had once stayed up for 36 hrs to drive him to another state for him to buy a used car.

Has anybody's personality gone to shi* after CT an SSRI and been like that for years?

I am extremely mean, can't handle stress, keep doing the same bad habits over and over as before, can't focus at work, and can't improve my lifestyle or talk to family members. I have been sabotaging and stonewalling family. It all started with me thinking I had no future at work and me bullying my coworkers and managers and doing angry erratic things over things I worried and disagreed about. It has been five years and it did not go how I expected. I had problems before, but now I have my old bad habits on top of this..

Mom is on welfare in section 8 housing;

Dad makes 90k/year and lives in his gf's house.

Sister makes 5k/month, her rent is 2.5k/month, she has like 150-200k in college, credit card and medical debt and is 42yo, has a kid and her bf makes like 2k/month. She lives paycheck to paycheck.

My family has become very dysfunctional.

My aunt/uncle's family is very functional but they're superficially nice dicks - as in they are emotionally abusive, but they fund my mom's lifestyle and have cosigned my younger brother's 200k worth of college loans.

I centered my life around a younger cousin, who brainwashed me so much demanding I go to his gym and hang out with him, quit my job, move states, takes psych meds, etc.. that I ended up rage-quitting a job where I had free rent and a monthly stiped on top of my income in order to be with him, then he dropped me with other plans when he got a gf and denied ever telling me to move to live with him.

They keep expressing judging and disappointment about my job, calling me fat, and inviting me to all their family events and vacation house - where it is their schedule and their rules and I am expected to adjust and come to these events on the fly, then they emotionally abuse me even more.

I feel like my family is headed to a financial and family home economics cliff.

Me, my mom and dad and my sister are all mildly severe hoarders too and are not good with money.

My 250k in savings are in two stocks - Nvidia and Petrobras. I know it is a bad strategy, but I have decided to gamble this way, whala, not going to change that now.

I was in a group therapy cult. Ther therapist was a devious psychopath who combined therapy, narcissistic abuse, brain washing, cult tactics, group dynamics, bad life advice, Attack Therapy, and his own psychopathy. 15 years later, I still think about this guy and his group every day and still copy and emulate his anti-social detached fake induced behavior with people. It has permeated every area of my life form family interactions, to going on dates with girls (I repeated something he said which made my date feel unsafe and cringe with emotional pain in response), with coworkers and even friends.

Am I going to be like this for life now?

I had this younger cousin who I supported emotionally. He pulled me into his orbit so my life revolved around him. He demanded and convinced me that we are best friends. However, he would make fun of my friends, sabotage my job, car, put down my parents, and evaluate my gf's based on looks. Like I was supposed to date based on his approval of the girl.

One time, he said, 'Give me your date's number, I will date her because you are a shmuck and I am elite.' He would also embarrass and humiliate me publicly during family events.

Not only is it annoying that he now has a gf at family events, but I also try to act in a way that will make her feel included and not judge our family badly. For example, I asked what was her country's national dish which they really liked as a question.

It is such a toxic dynamic where he made me think I am his life partner and best friend, only to just use me when he needed me and then wall off from me after sabotaging and destabilizing my life for personal entertainment; and that he would not treat me with respect in front of my gf but would probably subtly humiliate and dominate me publicly in front of her, whereas I do the opposite pretty much for him.

I had moderate depression, was bad at spending money, spend all my money on eating out and hobbies, did not buy real estate and was very much afraid of getting a mortgage and buying a house. I was also avoiding helping my dad with him home service business.

Then.. I took Lexapro. Became like manic. Life was okay, still, "just" lost my sex drive.

Then I decided to stop it abruptly not know that was not allowed. Well, actually the prescription would not refill, I did not know who my PCP was now, who to call to refill, and decided to just cold turkey it.

At first it seemed fine, then I started missing it like a cup of coffee before work. I then called and refilled, but decided to taper off by cutting off random parts of a pill and skipping days. Thinking it is a light medication like a vitamin.

What followed was rage, paranoia, nasty, emotionally abusive behavior to people, erratic behavior, aggression, decision to get myself fired over worries at work then desire to revenge it by getting my boss fired.

My life.. a 20 year career.. my housing.. my reputation.. support network.. all gone within two months of stopping Lexapro.. or a year after starting it.

Mind you.. I somehow lived my whole life without such problems without taking any psych meds.. and my psychiatrist only said 'If you want it, I will prescribe it.' No other info or instructions was given other than 'Take once daily as prescribed' on the bottle

*avoided humiliation rituals at a family dinner and prevented ncousin from asserting control and superiority over me!

I've had a long road with various narcs and psychopaths violating my boundaries. Finally at age 40, I was just at a family dinner and I avoided about 6 humiliation rituals by not taking part in the routine they were wrapped into or checking people as they approached me with, 'Wait five minutes please, hold that thought, and I will get back to you at the end, is that okay?'

Or, 'Can we not talk about this right now since other people are not really onto this subject, we can talk about it later privately.'

And the best, 'Ncousin, if you show my embarassing photo to everyone on your phone, there will be a slashed tire on your car - not from me, but from your neighbors, and on your Tesla it is - think about it - a $1,000!'

Ironically, my ncousin loves this, finds this approach to him interesting and is saying how he had a great time, misses me and wants to be friends even more.

I replied, 'Nice try, Diddler! My friendship is a quid pro quo service! You would need to cook sweet potato fries and chicken wings for me if you want me to continue.'

Alright, nasty degenerates. You remember my old idea: buy Petrobras $PBR on margin, think war and oil prices will pay my interest. Very smart in my head at the time.

Now I upgrade.

Infinite Money Glitch 2.0:

I buy $PBR on margin. Big size, like 100k. Risk management? I don’t believe in this.

Then I sell covered calls for 2 days out. I get like $200.

https://preview.redd.it/3c4r4c633y0h1.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=298b09d89667c0bea2805b807c37c54839737d67

Okay.. you may have heard of my (I was the originator) idea to buy Petrobras PBR on margin counting on the divinities to cover the margin interest (barely) and the Ruzzia war-conundrum squeezing oil and gas price.

Here is my Infinite Money Glitch 2.0:

Buy Petrobras PBR on margin for 100k, then sell covered calls two days out for $200.

Wish me luck as I am investing my for my grandma!

I was impressed with the Intel stocks grandmother-grandson collaboration posted her above and decided to follow them in their journey!

So I had an established life with free housing, a stable job, and hobbies. My cousin went to college out of state in Bloomington, IN, which he thought was a lot more fun and seemed to have the time of his life there.

He started trying to convince me to abandon my job, housing and everything and 'just buy a house next to him and move there.'

Needless to say, a year later, he graduated and moved back home, had I moved, he would have left me stranded there.

Was his point to undermine my achievements (job, free housing situation); dismiss and discount my stable life? or to benefit from having me nearby for his own needs for companionship and support since he was lonely? Or was it a naive spur of the moment not thought through advice?

https://preview.redd.it/47y7qq1itdzg1.png?width=1842&format=png&auto=webp&s=27b3ba45c2600dfae0022533ad7e0e009e87a684

I have 1800 PBR Petrobras shares.. I want some quick cash by selling covered calls a year away.. the price now is 21 and the option I sell is only a dollar more - 22 to get the higher fee. When the price hits that mark, will I lose my shares and not get the dividends before the end date?

I am asking because I did the same thing in Robinhood and even though the call option hit the price selected, I still own the shares as the end date has not been reached.