u/AstralWeekss

Silly me. Thought I had made some friends at work, woke up to a bunch of posts of a bridal shower of one of said friends. Im one of the few people from the office who wasn’t invited. Another coworker who has gone out of their way to bully me (told, and ruined the relationship with an old work acquaintance by saying that I was spreading rumors that they were leaving their job, when really all I said this person would be great at a management position that opened up in another company) was invited. Pictures of them all together. I muted all accounts.

I remember congratulating myself on finally being able to make connections. The optimism in thinking I wouldn’t be so lonely anymore. I think so rationally, I’m always one step ahead, I should have known better.

Anyway, thats my pity rant. I wish I could start again and just have one more shot at being normal. I think I’d do better.

Just wanted to caution anyone here that may have come across this subreddit - the content posted on r/VTNEExam is unreliable and inaccurate and appears to be AI generated.

These examples specifically:

• https://www.reddit.com/r/VTNEExam/comments/1vbrek4/vtne_practice_question_of_the_day_emergency/

  • Objectively incorrect answer is given.
  • "This option reflects established emergency medicine principles and clinical guidelines for this presentation" no it absolutely does not
  • No sources are listed, u/Anxious-Artist415 please provide an explanation for where this question / answer came from

• https://www.reddit.com/r/VTNEExam/comments/1v8cosw/vtne_practice_question_of_the_day_emergency/

  • There's some room for argument regarding definitions and how different types of shock are classified, thats not the issue in his question -
  • The answer is objectively wrong
  • "This option reflects established emergency medicine principles and clinical guidelines for this presentation" again no, where did this come from u/Anxious-Artist415?

• https://www.reddit.com/r/VTNEExam/comments/1v7fl4m/vtne_practice_question_of_the_day_pharmacology/

  • It's a weird question, written by someone that clearly does not understand HCM pathophysiology in cats
  • The explanation - I mean yes, "In patients with cardiac disease where hypotension is a concern, this property is advantageous" however the explanation failed to add that in cats with HCM, these exact sympathomimetic effects are directly harmful and this drug combination would be deliberately avoided in real life

The VTNEExam subreddit intends to funnel users towards a paid exam-prep subscription service, this is gross

u/Anxious-Artist415 explain yourself

Diagnosed as a child, mother hurt me in many ways to try and get the behaviors out of me. It worked, but lead to a life of feeling the hairs on the back of my neck stand, chills down my spine, fist and jaw clenched. Now as an adult, in a safe environment (as I was not for many years even in my 20s) I am feeling more and more comfortable being exactly who I am as I am. Currently in the middle of some diagnostics (cancer survivor with some new symptoms) and in the midst of it I begged for a referral so I could get a evaluation.

I have no friends. I have extreme difficulty socializing. Obsessive thoughts, rocking and hand movements to soothe, food issues, sensory seeking.

My first GP said my physical health was going to be the focus, did not refer me. Then a other doctor finally did refer me, but I had to go through a social worker first. Just finished me 1hr+ call but made the mistake of mentioning my alcoholism and the fact I drank when the Knicks won. I was drowning in my alcoholism for much of my 20s because, as Im sure many of is know, it made me feel like I could be what society deemed “normal”. Now I have a drink maybe every other week. Social worker thought this was paramount to the extreme distress I told her about and got me into a recovery program. I asked about an autism assessment and was told my sobriety was more important and that will come in time.

No. No its not more important. It IS important, but I am fully breaking down daily. I am not sleeping. Im isolating. I havent spoken to another person outside of doctors or my husband in over a month. I just want to know. And if its not, if its something else, I just want to get help. I cried to her, said the lines “life is very difficult to endure” and still it is decided the alcohol is the top concern.

The worst part was I knew it was coming. The moment I told her my concerns and she said “well you seem to be talking to me with no problem.” The moment that sentence came out I knew. I wanted to scream OF COURSE. I spent my entire life learning how to act normal so I wouldnt be abused. It has been 34 years of training. This is the only way I know how to survive.

I feel like Ill never get a diagnosis. My husband, who I am in the middle of separating from, will continue to remind me I have no diagnosis and that I’m just messed up. I hate this.

Thank you for letting me vent

I’m the one who asked for the divorce, so I have to be the one to move out per him. Meanwhile, I moved to a car dependent borough away from all my family and friends as someone who doesn’t drive. He makes more than twice what I do and has a mother with a basement apartment - but I have to leave. Because I dared to say I couldn’t do it anymore. Couldn’t be yelled at, couldn’t be denied intimacy, couldn’t have discussions only based on what he was reading on twitter, couldn’t take care of a grown man who couldn’t even be bothered to get all his poop in the toilet (listen, it’s been rough).

Tried to keep it as cordial as possible, so we followed each other back on instagram. Well, unfortunately instagram has that feature now where you can see what all your friends like - and he’s liking thirst traps and “call me a good girl” posts. Its infuriating. When we got together I made it clear I was extremely kink positive, sexually active, and that sex and my sexual expression was a huge part of my life. It took a year or two, but eventually sex fell off completely between us. He would only go as far as Blue Chew, refused to talk to a doctor, could never keep it up and never even spoke about sex. Before I decided on divorce we had had sex once in 4 months - I am 34. He never, in the entirety of out relationship, brought up sex on his own but was VERY actively looking at porn. To now see him go online and play this part, when I’ve been throwing ass his way for years with no response, is sad/hilarious/upsetting. Especially because I had breast cancer. Especially because he has always chosen porn over me. I thought my surgeon did a pretty good job, and I’ve felt pretty attractive my entire life because I was blessed with a nice figure and (from what I’ve gathered from others) a good personality, but for whatever reason he finds me repulsive I guess.

Worst part about the whole thing is I couldn’t even think of going out for a night, hooking up, or anything that brings me back to who I was before because he is in the house. At the rate of my pay I won’t make it out for months.

Im just venting, I don’t expect anyone to actually read this. Im just very upset at myself and my decisions today. Thankfully his mother has our son today, and he is working, so at the very least I can play video games for a few hours for the first time in years.

Figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask. Long time in vet med (10+ years) , currently in school for my LVT. Just waiting for my hospital to open, but in the meantime wanted to stay active in clinic for 1.money, of course and 2. I love animals and not working with them just doesn’t feel right! And maybe just a little bit of cabin fever. Looking for just filler shifts, nothing permanent as my hospital is likely to open in July, if any clinic is looking for any extra help - even kennel! Would be happy to share resume and LinkedIn to give a better idea of who I am and what I can do. I can also confidently cover reception shifts, and very comfortable talking to clients. Most confident in GP settings. Shoot me a message if any interest! Also open to pet store/grooming/anything animal adjacent.

But I’ve been up since 5 (its now 8). Stage 3 ER+ when I 28, now 34. Yesterday I noticed my oncologist changed my appointment summary from “follow up - start tamoxifen” (which I never did, for too many reasons to explain here and all I regret) to now “problem”. I was supposed to get my results via portal earlier this week, but they have been held by my oncologist until I see him.

Mid April I weighed 186. Today I weigh 168. I haven’t tried at all, and my diets actually been worse than usual as I just started a new job. Every other day I feel like I have a stomach virus, I’ve vomited more in the past 3 months than I have in my entire life (and I’m a recovering alcoholic!). My DHEAS and testosterone were significantly high on my last blood test.

My husband tells me stress can do many things to my body and I’m holding onto that. But my hands are still sweating and I can tell from my breathing I’m panicking.

I know there are many of you who know exactly how this feels, and I think that’s why my brain made me run here. Because goddamnit, this sucks! This sucks so bad. I am so upset at myself, at my luck. No one else in my family for GENERATIONS has had cancer. I want to stomp my feet, I want to shout, I want to cry.

I know the results arent here, and Im getting ahead of myself, but Ive already been told *something* is wrong - cancer or not. I was just about to start a huge career journey that could lead me to a place I’ve been working towards for the past 18 years. There’s been so much pain and sorrow, loss, in my life. I just was hoping I was finally getting a break.

Sorry for rambling, I know so many are struggling. Thank anyone who gave me their time. If you have the space for me in your heart today, I will happily nestle up. Wish me luck.

My doctor sent my blood work out to a second lab for another test and said nothing is confirmed yet, but I know what they say about secondary locations. I texted you yesterday but you never responded, just sent some money and left me on read. It’s helpful, because I haven’t been able to work. I still can’t pay rent, but I rather figure it out somehow than ask you.

You didn’t visit me at all the first time I had cancer. You didn’t even call. Four texts in 8 months. I know you said it’s because you don’t want to drive into the city but I moved closer to you so maybe you’d want to see me more. It’s only a 30 min drive now, opposed to the hour before. New Jersey to New York, I thought it would be easy. But you still aren’t visiting, and you still aren’t calling or texting. You send me pictures when you go visit my cousins in states hours away, sometimes cross country, the cousins you don’t want to know me because I remind you of my mother. You send me pictures of the family events I don’t get invited to. I don’t think I’ve ever felt like I belonged in a family. I dont think Ive felt like I’ve belonged anywhere at all.

I still tell everyone you’re my hero. I still talk about you all the time. I tell people that you always used to tell me to go off the path on our hikes, so we could see the real magic, and that’s how I look at life now. I recall the food we’d eat, the trips, the excitement you’d have to see me. I think you really did love me once. I wish you could love me now, because I’m scared. I haven’t spoken to mom in 2 years, I kept working even though I was sick and I’m gonna start working again as soon as the tests are done sick or not. And I have a 3.8 GPA, even with all the appointments! I’m not weak, I can push through. I can be someone you would be proud of. I’m gonna beat this again if I have to, and then you can say your daughter is a two time cancer survivor! Im not gonna give up on you, Dad.

I know this sub is generally not to write to your actual Dad, but I needed to get it out. Im stuck at home with nothing but my grievances. Thank you for giving me a space to let it go.