u/Barbecuequeen23

Hi Reddit, this will be long so I apologize in advance for

A little over a month ago, I made a post about being suddenly being put on a PIP after a good performance review.

I started at my corporate finance job in February, and my partner referred me as I was looking for a new job after leaving Social Work since working with sexual assault victims had taken a toll on me. I was nervous but excited to take the job, but within 2 weeks of me starting, I felt this uneasiness - like I was wearing a target on my back.
I'll never know why this happened, whether it was because of my gender, or people finding out my partner worked there (separate department, not even in the same building).

Within 2 weeks of me starting, my training manager called me "wreck-less" after using one sick day as I had the flu. I had a doctor's note, medication, everything. She told me "don't be so wreck-less using your PTO. Training ramps up fast and you already get up from your desk every hour." And in that moment I felt obligated to tell her that I have kidney disease, and take medication which is why I get up (to urinate) around every hour. I take prescription diuretics.

The same day, I watched her approve my male teammate's 4 days of unpaid vacation to go on vacation to Georgia. Now, I have no problem with that, but I was called wreck-less for an hour so right away I knew she hated me.

Within my training class, there was only 1 other person (male) and my team had 2 other males. We were all friendly, no bad blood there. I noticed feedback became really inconsistent when during training we'd do mock phone calls and she'd fail me. I'd ask why and she would usually say "well nothing you said was wrong," and somehow it would always come back to me having a fake and squeaky voice. Never heard my male colleagues get a single critique over the sound of their voice, but I got this so often that I became silent. I once told her I probably will never be able to change the sound of my voice, and if me sounding too friendly is a problem for her I'm not going to change it. I like being friendly.

When training ended, I was nervous but relieved. I was placed on a team with some really nice people, but I knew my new manager was best friend's with my training manager.

Things went really well. He was so nice to me, always had great feedback, we sat next to each other for about 2 months. There was one thing though - in every single 1:1, he would compare me to the same three specific men. Nobody else in the department. He would go on and on about their strengths and where I differ, how maybe I'm more friendly and more precise, but not as fast as them. I asked him for advice as we literally sat next to each-other, and he said "I don't want to say be less client-focused, because then you'll do sloppy work. So I don't know. Just keep doing what you're doing."

In my performance review at the beginning of July, he told me I was meeting expectations, had a great understanding of my role, extremely accurate (never a single error), ask great questions, friendly and clients love me. He told me the only reason he couldn't say "exceeding" was because I hadn't been on the team long enough. He moved our weekly 1:1's to every other week because he said I was doing a great job.

Less than one week later, I got a surprise on my calendar. He told me "after meeting with the VP" I actually wasn't meeting expectations, and spoke for about 20 minutes straight about how those 3 specific men were better than me. He never could tell me what I was doing wrong. I even said "they're not even on our team, why are we always talking about them?" The "informal pip" as he called it, even specified ANOTHER male colleague and suggested I "sit with him for the day to see how he does things." I told him I felt extremely uncomfortable with that and was not going to hang out at his desk all day and tell him I'm on a pip. He told me he'd remove that from the pip if it made me uncomfortable, but he kept it in there.

After the meeting he sent me an email that stated "performance improvement" and "corrective action plan" multiple times. He moved the 1:1's back to weekly, and no dates were specified. The task stated I needed to be within the top 5 in the department by September or I'd be "subject to further discipline".

As the weeks have gone on in the 1:1's, I found my manager was just avoiding discussing it. He was asking if I booked my wedding and if I'm excited for my honeymoon, showing me photos of his dogs, etc. Talking like best friends (my manager is married to a man so I'm not suggesting he was flirting here). He would still bring up the same 3 men.
Last week, I finally confronted him. Surprisingly, my metrics rose dramatically as I was put on a PIP after less than 8 weeks on metrics when I wasn't considered "full capacity" yet.

I said to him, "You know, this is just weird now. We are mandated to have these 1:1's, but you know I did nothing wrong. We're showing each-other photos of our dogs. I feel like all we talk about is our dogs, or *the same 3 men."* I asked him if during their 1:1's, they ever hear about me; and I told him something tells me they aren't being compared to me every single week. I even said, you know there's other people who work here.. there's women, other people on the team, why is it always them? I feel like I'm in a one-sided war with them. He asked me if I felt like I was being "sized up" next to these guys and I said, "Absolutely. For months. Should I worry about my own work or be worried about them? Should I be letting them know that all of my feedback revolves around them?" After this I kept going and told him I don't believe this pip came from him, and it sounded like when he delivered it he was "speaking from someone else's mouth." I voiced to him that I feel like someone dislikes me so badly for some reason that I'll never know, and this entire situation was such a shot in the dark. I even reread the performance review. I asked him if there was an end-date for the pip, and he said "I don't really know.. it's just ongoing." And I said, "So my reputation is just tarnished forever? You know this will always follow me. With no end date, you've ensured I can never escape it. There's not even tasks in there. Sitting next to (male colleague's name) is not a task, and I already told you I was uncomfortable doing that." He could tell I was really hurt and almost tearful, and said he could see why I would think this was sudden, and told me he "has to do what the VP tells him." He also let me know I've done a great job being professional about it, and "not telling anyone this is happening." I was like well, what do you want me to say? This has isolated me from the whole group. I barely talk to anyone anymore because I've been so humiliated.

After this, business continued as usual. I've secured a part-time job of about 30 hours a week. It's a significant pay cut with no retirement benefits, but I'm so relieved. I'll have some more time to apply for remote or other full-time roles now, I've missed social work more than I expected.

Yesterday I handed in my notice. Normally, they walk people out same day (due to financial information) but he wanted me to stay the 2 weeks, surprising considering I'm on a PIP. He asked how I wanted to say goodbye to the team and I told him I don't need to. After a few hours of thinking, I let him know I no longer feel comfortable staying another day after what has happened to me since I got here. I thanked him for his efforts, and told him I think he tried to be nicer to me than some others and he nodded in agreement. I handed him my keys and said, "Bye, it was nice meeting you." And left.

I feel so scared but so free right now. I'm sitting on my couch with my dog, watching TV. Babysitting for my neighbors kids later for $100. Starting my new job later next week. I have no clue what's next for me.

Editing to add: We have saved a decent chunk of cash and paid off 100% of our consumer debt to prepare for this.

Hi Reddit, this will be long so I apologize in advance for

A little over a month ago, I made a post about being suddenly being put on a PIP after a good performance review.

I started at my corporate finance job in February, and my partner referred me as I was looking for a new job after leaving Social Work since working with sexual assault victims had taken a toll on me. I was nervous but excited to take the job, but within 2 weeks of me starting, I felt this uneasiness - like I was wearing a target on my back.
I'll never know why this happened, whether it was because of my gender, or people finding out my partner worked there (separate department, not even in the same building).

Within 2 weeks of me starting, my training manager called me "wreck-less" after using one sick day as I had the flu. I had a doctor's note, medication, everything. She told me "don't be so wreck-less using your PTO. Training ramps up fast and you already get up from your desk every hour." And in that moment I felt obligated to tell her that I have kidney disease, and take medication which is why I get up (to urinate) around every hour. I take prescription diuretics.

The same day, I watched her approve my male teammate's 4 days of unpaid vacation to go on vacation to Georgia. Now, I have no problem with that, but I was called wreck-less for an hour so right away I knew she hated me.

Within my training class, there was only 1 other person (male) and my team had 2 other males. We were all friendly, no bad blood there. I noticed feedback became really inconsistent when during training we'd do mock phone calls and she'd fail me. I'd ask why and she would usually say "well nothing you said was wrong," and somehow it would always come back to me having a fake and squeaky voice. Never heard my male colleagues get a single critique over the sound of their voice, but I got this so often that I became silent. I once told her I probably will never be able to change the sound of my voice, and if me sounding too friendly is a problem for her I'm not going to change it. I like being friendly.

When training ended, I was nervous but relieved. I was placed on a team with some really nice people, but I knew my new manager was best friend's with my training manager.

Things went really well. He was so nice to me, always had great feedback, we sat next to each other for about 2 months. There was one thing though - in every single 1:1, he would compare me to the same three specific men. Nobody else in the department. He would go on and on about their strengths and where I differ, how maybe I'm more friendly and more precise, but not as fast as them. I asked him for advice as we literally sat next to each-other, and he said "I don't want to say be less client-focused, because then you'll do sloppy work. So I don't know. Just keep doing what you're doing."

In my performance review at the beginning of July, he told me I was meeting expectations, had a great understanding of my role, extremely accurate (never a single error), ask great questions, friendly and clients love me. He told me the only reason he couldn't say "exceeding" was because I hadn't been on the team long enough. He moved our weekly 1:1's to every other week because he said I was doing a great job.

Less than one week later, I got a surprise on my calendar. He told me "after meeting with the VP" I actually wasn't meeting expectations, and spoke for about 20 minutes straight about how those 3 specific men were better than me. He never could tell me what I was doing wrong. I even said "they're not even on our team, why are we always talking about them?" The "informal pip" as he called it, even specified ANOTHER male colleague and suggested I "sit with him for the day to see how he does things." I told him I felt extremely uncomfortable with that and was not going to hang out at his desk all day and tell him I'm on a pip. He told me he'd remove that from the pip if it made me uncomfortable, but he kept it in there.

After the meeting he sent me an email that stated "performance improvement" and "corrective action plan" multiple times. He moved the 1:1's back to weekly, and no dates were specified. The task stated I needed to be within the top 5 in the department by September or I'd be "subject to further discipline".

As the weeks have gone on in the 1:1's, I found my manager was just avoiding discussing it. He was asking if I booked my wedding and if I'm excited for my honeymoon, showing me photos of his dogs, etc. Talking like best friends (my manager is married to a man so I'm not suggesting he was flirting here). He would still bring up the same 3 men.
Last week, I finally confronted him. Surprisingly, my metrics rose dramatically as I was put on a PIP after less than 8 weeks on metrics when I wasn't considered "full capacity" yet.

I said to him, "You know, this is just weird now. We are mandated to have these 1:1's, but you know I did nothing wrong. We're showing each-other photos of our dogs. I feel like all we talk about is our dogs, or the same 3 men." I asked him if during their 1:1's, they ever hear about me; and I told him something tells me they aren't being compared to me every single week. I even said, you know there's other people who work here.. there's women, other people on the team, why is it always them? I feel like I'm in a one-sided war with them. He asked me if I felt like I was being "sized up" next to these guys and I said, "Absolutely. For months. Should I worry about my own work or be worried about them? Should I be letting them know that all of my feedback revolves around them?" After this I kept going and told him I don't believe this pip came from him, and it sounded like when he delivered it he was "speaking from someone else's mouth." I voiced to him that I feel like someone dislikes me so badly for some reason that I'll never know, and this entire situation was such a shot in the dark. I even reread the performance review. I asked him if there was an end-date for the pip, and he said "I don't really know.. it's just ongoing." And I said, "So my reputation is just tarnished forever? You know this will always follow me. With no end date, you've ensured I can never escape it. There's not even tasks in there. Sitting next to (male colleague's name) is not a task, and I already told you I was uncomfortable doing that." He could tell I was really hurt and almost tearful, and said he could see why I would think this was sudden, and told me he "has to do what the VP tells him." He also let me know I've done a great job being professional about it, and "not telling anyone this is happening." I was like well, what do you want me to say? This has isolated me from the whole group. I barely talk to anyone anymore because I've been so humiliated.

After this, business continued as usual. I've secured a part-time job of about 30 hours a week. It's a significant pay cut with no retirement benefits, but I'm so relieved. I'll have some more time to apply for remote or other full-time roles now, I've missed social work more than I expected.

Yesterday I handed in my notice. Normally, they walk people out same day (due to financial information) but he wanted me to stay the 2 weeks, surprising considering I'm on a PIP. He asked how I wanted to say goodbye to the team and I told him I don't need to. After a few hours of thinking, I let him know I no longer feel comfortable staying another day after what has happened to me since I got here. I thanked him for his efforts, and told him I think he tried to be nicer to me than some others and he nodded in agreement. I handed him my keys and said, "Bye, it was nice meeting you." And left.

I feel so scared but so free right now. I'm sitting on my couch with my dog, watching TV. Babysitting for my neighbors kids later for $100. Starting my new job later next week. I have no clue what's next for me.

Hi Reddit.

My fiancé and I are planning to honeymoon in Italy, around Christmas time. We are flexible within any week of December and plan to go for 9-10 nights.

Our priorities are romance, and delicious food. We want to really relax and not rush from hotel to hotel, and be in walkable areas as we are both very active and this will be one of the biggest vacations of our lives.

We've narrowed down to Rome and Florence as our must-stay spots and would like some hotel recommendations that are good for couples and have beautiful holiday decor.

Thank you!

Editing to add we're budgeting around $8,000.

Hi everyone,

I know this is a controversial post but I wanted to share my experience and see if anybody (specifically women) have experienced anything like this.

I have a small group of friends that all met through various Jewish groups in college. 2 of them are observant, and I'm reform- raised in an area with no Jewish presence in the deep South. My family is from Brooklyn but we have Italians in our family as well and everyone is blended. My family also doesn't come from money, all blue collar and I'm the first to go to college fully on a scholarship.
I am engaged to a Christian man, and we own a home in the South in an okay but not fancy neighborhood. Neither of us have received any money for a downpayment or towards a wedding- we both work really hard for what we have and we're really proud of ourselves. My fiancé is a financial advisor and I work in financial services. We put most of our money towards saving anything we can, repairs for the home, and bills. 😂

So this weekend, one of my friends who is very observant is getting married. My partner needed to do something for work and stayed home with the dog and my other friend from the group came together. Our friend just bought a fixer-upper so we went to a welcome party there and it was a beautiful home, everyone mingled and I was the only person from the South there so definitely some comments on my accent. I'm 27 but I'm kind of a small person like 95 lbs, so multiple people asked if I was a teen or young cousin and I always say nope, I'm just short! Everyone was asking what schools everyone went to. I went to a state school, you'd think I committed a horrible crime! Everyone was discussing law school, med school, and salaries of 600k to 1 million per year. To put it in to context, my household makes about 190k per year and we think we live a pretty good life, especially I grew up on the brink of poverty so I've worked my ass off. Everyone was discussing Judaism, saying no non-Jews will be at the wedding. Then stuff got super weird.

A couple of old men kept commenting I am cute, adorable, so pretty. Multiple times it was said there will be very wealthy Jews at the wedding who will love a cute, skinny thing like me. A man in his 70s began telling me about his private jet, I was just trying to be polite said that's hilarious and said I'm sure my single friends would be thrilled but I'm happily engaged!

As the night came to a close the bride suggested my friend and I get a ride back to the hotel from her uncle instead of paying $100 for an Uber. We figured her uncle would be really harmless as he seemed like a nice man. Well, in the car first he told us about how he hasn't had sex with his wife in 25 years. Then, at one point he pulled the passenger seat forward, and looked at me and said "Hey *my name*, you see my gun under there?" I looked down and there in fact was a gun. I was really shocked and my heart started to pound and I said "uh huh" and he goes, "do you mind just handing me my gun? Just don't pull the trigger there's bullets in it." I froze and said nothing, my friend goes "I don't think either of us want to touch the gun." Then he pulls out his wallet and shows me his gun license and says "see, i have a license, can you just hand it to me?" I said "I believe you, everyone where i'm from carries. I just don't want to." My friend ended up handing him the gun and we just sat in the car the rest of the way back while he had a gun in his lap. I was terrified. I don't know why I didn't just jump out of the car I just froze so badly. He kept asking if I wanted to stop for dinner like a nice steak, said no I'm not hungry just wanna go to bed. Laughed at his jokes. Told him his $5 million house and jet sound cool. The ride was 4 minutes but felt like a lifetime.

My question is has anyone had a scary experience like this? Yesterday I felt like fresh meat. Nobody cared that I have a partner, I was like a young, Jewish piece of meat for a rich man. It was an awful experience. The wedding is today and I'm still shaken from this thing.

Hi everyone,

My husband is 30 (going to be 31 soon) and I'm 27 and lately I've been finding myself in existential panic due to neither of us having retirement savings.

He makes $125k salary right now, bringing in $6,600 net per month + a $10k-$12k bonus in June and December.
My salary has been a bit less stable, as I job hopped last year and have found myself absolutely hating my current job to the point of severe depression. I make $55k a year but right now I'm looking to leave. I'm currently applying to part time nanny positions which would be a pay-cut ($2k monthly), and remote positions.
I've had a tough year and some things at work have really taken a toll on me and I find myself spending money to fill the gap of my depression.

Right now, we feel okay living on $8k a month if I go to part time. We own a home ($400k), but the neighborhood is not great and we worry it won't gain much equity for a while. This is not a forever home for us. Neither of us have any student loans or credit card debt, I got full scholarships due to aging out of foster care. We both do have Corollas - mine has about $13k left on it and his has about $5k on it, and my credit score is around 780 and his is similar.
We currently have rebuilt our savings since buying the house last year to about $20k cash too.

His job offers great retirement benefits, but between furnishing our house in cash, trying to do some repairs, and trying to make sure we're having fun we have not prioritized it and we both know we need to try. For me, I chose not to contribute at my 401k at my current job since within my first month I knew I could not see myself here long term. I just truly hate the environment so much. It takes 3 years to be fully vested and the thought of staying for that just isn't worth it for me.

Anyways, how screwed are we? Where do we even start here to get our shit together?
Should we open a joint brokerage, a Roth? What's the best move.

Thank you!

Hello,

I'm feeling humiliated to make this post. I'm 27 years old and for the first time in my life was put on a PIP.

I work for a Financial Advisory firm, and started in February. I was in training until May, and then became independent.
I work an operational job, creating documents, facilitating transfers ($1,000,000+ AUM per client), and completing a lot of calls with clients to assist them through the onboarding process.

I have no finance experience. I was previously a social worker and loved it, but had a really difficult rape case and became extremely burnt out so I left. My husband put in a referral for an entry level job where he works, since I was kind of bored at home and I took it.

Training was okay. I knew I was not as good as the other person I trained with, and I did feel a target on my back.
The training manager once cc'd the VP of our department on an email because I shut my computer at 5:27 pm instead of 5:30 pm one day, and said I didn't meet expectations by getting up to leave 3 minutes early. I just laid low and did my training until I was off the team.

The department runs heavily on metrics by volume. We have so many meetings about accuracy rates and being client-focused but the bottom line is really just push sales make the company money. Originally, I was told I'd be eligible for the June bonus period within the department, but at my performance review (2 weeks ago), despite being told I was meeting expectations on performance and exceeding expectations on accuracy (never had one error, 100% accuracy rate) I was told that my colleague in training performed higher and I would not get the bonus. But I would be considered for the August raise.

Last week, meeting was told "not to be disappointed if I don't get the August raise". I bluntly asked is this your way of telling me I won't get it, and was told "I just want to prepare you so you aren't upset if you don't get one".

The department currently has 20 people. We had about 50 in February, but some have quit and others moved departments.

I've had my new manager since I got out of training and every 1:1 has gone well so far. He always tells me I meet expectations, and sits right next to me and can hear me on the phone with clients all day, sees me working, the only reason I get up is to use the restroom and I have a medical accommodation on file because I have Chronic Kidney Disease and the training manager once mentioned this and I had to uncomfortably let her know that my kidney medication that I need to stay alive, makes me have to pee.

I was told May and June metrics were considered a grace period, as your first month on metrics you are at lower capacity than your peers so it's an unfair game.
Well, I was Q4 for May and June. We're midway through July now and my boss schedules a sudden meeting on my calendar- I had a bad feeling. We went in and he started asking about my weekend plans, my husband, blah blah. Then suddenly starts going on about a PIP. I just sat there and yes'd him. He pulled up my colleague's metrics and how mine weren't meeting expectations. He told me the VP came to him with some concerns about me (funny, cause VP is always giving me weird compliments on my outfits when I walk by).

I got a follow up email that stated if I am Q4 once in the next 3 months I'll be "subject to further discipline". I was also told if I'm not Q1 by August I'd be subject to further discipline. He wants weekly meetings too. After this I did say, "Respectfully, you've sat next to me for 2 months? What do you think I'm doing wrong? Did you see me on the phone for 2 hours helping a client, and you see that my documents are always perfect? I've gotten reassigned cases from people who left the firm and had to correct every single error they made with no metric credit, what can I be doing? You've also seen I get client shoutouts every week." And he said, "I do see you working, and I hear you. You're very client focused and they all like you, and you're never distracted. I think you are extremely focused on accuracy and it slows you down, I don't want to tell you to focus less on it because then your work will be sloppy. I do see you working." And I asked him if he told the VP that. He didn't say much after.

Anyways, how doomed am I? Should I just resign? And how do I cope with this? I feel like such a failure.

Thank you.

Hello,

I'm feeling humiliated to make this post. I'm 27 years old and for the first time in my life was put on a PIP.

I work for a Financial Advisory firm, and started in February. I was in training until May, and then became independent.
I work an operational job, creating documents, facilitating transfers ($1,000,000+ AUM per client), and completing a lot of calls with clients to assist them through the onboarding process.

I have no finance experience. I was previously a social worker and loved it, but had a really difficult rape case and became extremely burnt out so I left. My husband is a financial advisor at the firm and referred me to the job, and I got it despite not knowing much about finance. He has a great team and is really happy in his role, I work in a separate building and all.

Training was okay. I knew I was not as good as the other person I trained with, and I did feel a target on my back.
The training manager once cc'd the VP of our department on an email because I shut my computer at 5:27 pm instead of 5:30 pm one day, and said I didn't meet expectations by getting up to leave 3 minutes early. I just laid low and did my training until I was off the team.

The department runs heavily on metrics by volume. We have so many meetings about accuracy rates and being client-focused but the bottom line is really just push sales make the company money. Originally, I was told I'd be eligible for the June bonus period within the department, but at my performance review (2 weeks ago), despite being told I was meeting expectations on performance and exceeding expectations on accuracy (never had one error, 100% accuracy rate) I was told that my colleague in training performed higher and I would not get the bonus. But I would be considered for the August raise.

Last week, meeting was told "not to be disappointed if I don't get the August raise". I bluntly asked is this your way of telling me I won't get it, and was told "I just want to prepare you so you aren't upset if you don't get one".

The department currently has 20 people. We had about 50 in February, but some have quit and others moved departments.

I've had my new manager since I got out of training and every 1:1 has gone well so far. He always tells me I meet expectations, and sits right next to me and can hear me on the phone with clients all day, sees me working, the only reason I get up is to use the restroom and I have a medical accommodation on file because I have Chronic Kidney Disease and the training manager once mentioned this and I had to uncomfortably let her know that my kidney medication that I need to stay alive, makes me have to pee.

I was told May and June metrics were considered a grace period, as your first month on metrics you are at lower capacity than your peers so it's an unfair game.
Well, I was Q4 for May and June. We're midway through July now and my boss schedules a sudden meeting on my calendar- I had a bad feeling. We went in and he started asking about my weekend plans, my husband, blah blah. Then suddenly starts going on about a PIP. I just sat there and yes'd him. He pulled up my colleague's metrics and how mine weren't meeting expectations. He told me the VP came to him with some concerns about me (funny, cause VP is always giving me weird compliments on my outfits when I walk by).

I got a follow up email that stated if I am Q4 once in the next 3 months I'll be "subject to further discipline". I was also told if I'm not Q1 by August I'd be subject to further discipline. He wants weekly meetings too. After this I did say, "Respectfully, you've sat next to me for 2 months? What do you think I'm doing wrong? Did you see me on the phone for 2 hours helping a client, and you see that my documents are always perfect? I've gotten reassigned cases from people who left the firm and had to correct every single error they made with no metric credit, what can I be doing? You've also seen I get client shoutouts every week." And he said, "I do see you working, and I hear you. You're very client focused and they all like you, and you're never distracted. I think you are extremely focused on accuracy and it slows you down, I don't want to tell you to focus less on it because then your work will be sloppy. I do see you working." And I asked him if he told the VP that. He didn't say much after.

Anyways, how doomed am I? Should I just resign to save my husband's reputation? And how do I cope with this? I feel like such a failure.

Thank you.

Hi,

I have been working in Onboarding (client-facing) for an Investment Advisor Firm for about 5 months now. Prior to this, I was a burnt-out social worker and the change on me has been tough.

Yesterday, my supervisor did his monthly audit for me and threw a meeting on my calendar for today, since a few things were not completed in time.

For reference, there's about 20 of us total (were about 50 when I started), and some have quit and many have transitioned to higher-level roles. I have about 60 clients currently that I'm in charge of preparing documents for, contacting financial institutions, and initiating transfers for. Each client has over $1,000,000 under management.

To give some context, the past week and a half I've been on the phone daily. Most clients are retired and need my help walking through technology, and many 401k rollovers require additional paperwork in order to be completed.
I also have gotten re-assignments from people who left the firm, two of which were so bad that I needed to redo all of the documents 2 months later because the previous person put tax-exempt funds in a Traditional IRA. Metrics go off of how much work is done, not the accuracy of work. I have never had a single error on any of my accounts or transfers, but I get let done. And it's tough.

My supervisor literally sits next to me (open-office) so not only can he see me working, he can hear me on the phone. On Tuesday I was stuck on the phone with a client for 3 hours since they needed a lot of assistance and we're told client comes first.

Additionally, I took a planned PTO day on Monday and my supervisor made an error. When OOO, your profile is supposed to be turned off to new clients but he forgot so on Tuesday I was bombarded with 90 emails and multiple new clients with time sensitive requests. This week, my work has been delayed trying to play catch-up from that. I've also had multiple clients change funding after full documents were sent, so I had to redo all of the paperwork when they wanted different accounts brought on.
Last caveat, my entire team transitioned so my team is now just me and my supervisor. I'm supposed to be able to ask another team to cover me when needed, but they never respond so I've been having to ask my manager to cover me or assist me with things teammates normally do for each-other since I have nobody to help anymore.

Yesterday in my audit, my supervisor pointed out 3 account reviews that were not done, and one new account that i hadn't looked at. He also sent me a laundry list of other tasks, multiple of these tasks were completed and documented a week ago but he did not look.

We are expected to respond to the audit email. Is it so petty that I documented in the email everything I did yesterday, with time-stamps of when it was done? I did not have capacity to complete all 9 tasks on the audit yesterday, as I had more urgent tasks (2 calls, multiple time sensitive documents, hard copy documents, 5 sets of documents received from clients that i need to check for accuracy). In my email I just wanted to make it clear that I'm not doing nothing, and also made sure to relay that I had to do time sensitive docs that were assigned when I was out of office and accidentally left on for new clients?

Pretty sure I'm getting written up today. Any tips on surviving? I work so hard but I just can't seem to do this corporate show correctly? Thank you.

Update: Got a written warning (I did not sign anything) and was told I'd be placed on a PIP or fired if my metrics are not Q1 by September. I was told I pay too much attention to detail and am too client focused, and it's slowing me down. Manager acknowledged that he sees and hears me working all day.

Hello,

My fiancé and I met last January and things were really good. I'm not going to go into a whole spiel about every great thing/memory, I'll just point out a few things.

When we first met I was still living with my parents and working as a social worker, and I told him this literally in the first 10 minutes of us meeting, and he laughed and said "why would I care about that?" so that was out of the way.

I was not very experienced in dating, as I experienced some sexual trauma as a teenager and felt very uncomfortable through all of college to date. Our relationship was incredible for a while. He brought me on beautiful dates and treated me like a princess in every way. Even my friends were jealous of the amazing man I found. I was and still am very in love with him. He was very traditional, unlike me. Told me he thought a stay at home mom is the best gift on Earth. He wants to be a provider. All that stuff.

I saw subtle signs, like him making fun of his mother for being "broke" after the divorce (she was a SAHM, and left her husband because he became addicted to drugs even though he provided for the family). She doesn't have much money but divorced once the kids turned 18 because she was unhappy with the drug use. My fiancé would say she did nothing when he was a kid, and I'd point out "she took care of you, that's something".

My fiancé makes $130k per year and I was making $50k as a social worker. In July, he brought me to Tiffany to look at rings and I found one I loved. It was the smallest diamond (0.4 carats) and I don't love the sensation of jewelry on my skin, and I just loved it. For months he would hint at it as if he bought me that ring to propose to me.

We also started looking at houses and found a beautiful house. The problem was because we lived in opposite directions, the house was at the mid-point making my commute about 45 minutes and his about an hour. It was the perfect house for us. 400k with a $180k yearly income. A gorgeous pool, a fence, not the greatest neighborhood looking back but that's okay. Our offer was accepted in under 24 hours and we moved in a month later.
Shortly after, he proposed and I felt deep disappointment. He did not get the ring I chose, which was okay but I was confused about all of the hints leading up. Additionally, he proposed in a super public setting with no photographer. The only picture I got was a random lady who took a photo on her phone. I was confused about this as well since in the past he had asked me what my dream engagement would be, and I said somewhere private with just a photographer to capture the moment. It was like he did the opposite. I almost cried on the car ride home.

After we moved in, I had a bad encounter at work (was working with felons, we were short staffed, i was working 16 hour days). I resisted the urge to leave despite things getting bad. One of my coworkers had recently been followed home by a client. My fiancé promised me if I quit we'd be okay financially, and I did with the intention of finding another job ASAP.

Well, as soon as I got home, he began to yell at me everyday. He would yell at me about the commute, about his back hurting from driving, about how I sit around all day and do nothing. He began to make fat jokes at me (for reference I am 5'3 and 99 pounds). I started becoming so stressed I'd get hives everyday. I began asking him on dates and he'd decline. I began buying groceries on my credit card since I felt too ashamed to ask for money or use my savings.

His solution to all of this was to then get a dog. A very sweet dog, who got me through my depression. Then, he went online and applied for me to get a job at his company and I got the job in February. It's a finance job and I have a psychology degree, but I've done okay at it. The building I work in is 30 minutes from his though, so now we're both in the car for 3 hours a day. That means the dog is also alone from 7 am to 7 pm. I get up at 5 am for some peace and to unload the dishwasher and lay with her because I miss her so deeply. She cries everyday. My mom, comes to check on her everyday and I appreciate it. It's exhausting though. I still am preparing all the meals and doing 80% of the cleaning. I have to beg him and nag him for any help.

Now I'm making $60k a year but I am still miserable. He wants me to quit again but I've become acclimated to the misery. Additionally, my family cannot help pay for a wedding and I've asked him to please stop nagging it's unfair to them. I'd rather elope than make them feel guilty for not having the money.

He never wants to go on dates with me. The other day I packed my things and tried to leave, cried in the bed for hours and he told me i was hot and we had sex. Why does he want to have sex when I'm crying and saying I want to go to a hotel for the night? Why doesn't he just want to go out with me? I told him even though he wants a stay at home wife he can't afford one. He says we can, if I basically just give up every joy. He told me we could trade in MY car for a Tesla to make his drive better, and I could take HIS car (less safe model, i dont feel comfortable driving it). He brought me an itemized list of every cent I spent on groceries last month and Amazon purchases and I gave him an itemized breakdown. It was all cleaning items, dog food, period products for me. The only thing I bought myself was one sweater. He told me I can cut out the energy drinks I told him no way, I'm on 4 hours of sleep I'll fall asleep at my desk without one. He asked me why I spent $3 at Chick Fil A multiple times before work (I drank lemonade). I don't think I should feel guilty for buying laundry detergent and getting myself a lemonade once a week before my 12 hour day. I told him why would I trade being miserable and having money, with being miserable and not being allowed to buy myself a coffee or an energy drink? It's not fair considering the groceries on the joint account are for both of us, and he's a foot taller than me so eats way more calories than me at 99 lbs.

I don't know what to do. I've been avoiding my family and friends.

TLDR: my fiancé changed when we bought a home together and now wants me to quit my job and is complaining about every penny i spend. he finds me pretty when i'm crying hysterically.

Hi there,
My (27F) fiance (30M) and I have been together for a little under a year and a half. We own a beautiful home together and were planning on eloping, then family wanted to pay for a wedding, now doesn't seem like that's happening so back to elopement we go. We had a beautiful and loving relationship and for the past few months things went South, I don't even know what's happening. I don't want to get too deep into how amazing things once were as it wouldn't really help to explain here.

When we moved into the house we had two incomes- he works a good finance job making about 125k per year, and I worked in social work making 50k. The work for me was very dangerous, draining, and my clients were starting to become really violent. He stated he could take care of me if I left, and while I was hesitant, I made the decision to quit after I had a violent encounter with a client and knew it was time to go.

One thing I want to mention is the house is about an hour from my fiance's office, and we had initially chosen this spot with my old job in mind since we worked in different counties. Adjusting from a 15 minute commute to an hour each way was hard for him, and when I first left my job he came home everyday in an angry mood because of it. He would yell at me, tell me I never try to do anything, and made me feel so bad. I spent my time home trying so hard to be good for him, making him meals every night and leaving the house clean. He also decided to get a puppy during this time, and while I didn't want a puppy her and I bonded heavily. I also want to mention that even though he was paying the mortgage and utilities, I was paying for my car and groceries and was worried about my savings going down. Eventually we combined and it made things easier since I didn't have to use savings anymore.

About 3 months later, he put in a referral for me at his company and I ended up landing a job there. Problem is, I'm in a different office that's an additional 30 minutes further than his. This totals a minimum 3 hour commute per day. I was really nervous to start but thought maybe he'd stop being mean to me if I got a job again. The dog was also being left alone a lot more and her behavior has been terrible. She's only 5 lbs, but literally cries the entire day except for when my mom comes to pet-sit her for an hour or two each day.

Within a few days of me starting he told me he hated this arrangement and that he wanted me to quit. I told him we need the money (I make 55k, not much but still) and he started becoming agitated that I'd imply he can't take care of me when he can pay all the bills. What really got me agitated is that I still do all the household chores, and that I didn't even want a dog and then bonded so heavily with her, to now never get to see her. I wake up at 5 am every day, empty the dishwasher, feed the dog, then get ready for work. We commute together, leave at 7, get home between 7 and 7:30 pm. He goes to the gym and I stay back with the dog. I can't even go to the gym anymore he will guilt me for leaving her and the dog hates me now except for on the weekends.

I shower, cook dinner, and fall asleep- usually crying. My boss is also a lot stricter than his as I'm in a lower position. For example, I was 5 minutes late once due to traffic, called in advance, and got written up. She's even criticized me for using the bathroom too frequently (I have kidney disease) so I had to give her accommodation paperwork filled out from my doctor to shut her up. I'm very irritable at home, if I drive by myself that day (fiance gets to occasionally work from home) I cry the whole way home. I do so much laundry and cleaning, life doesn't even feel real.

All my fiance and I do is fight where he tells me to quit and I say no I'm not blowing through my savings to pay my car. He says if I'm worried about insurance we need to get married at the courthouse next week. We are like roommates, barely ever sex anymore, last weekend I slept in the guest room I was so tired of fighting over this. He says I'm choosing work over my family but I'm scared to struggle financially. I told him I can't quit, I'm scared he'll do what he did before, come home every day berating me about job applications.

Another thing, he never defends me. I'm a different ethnicity than him and last weekend his sister was on the phone and made a racist joke about my ethnicity. She didn't know I could hear her. He didn't even correct her. I went to bed without saying a word to him. He also kept making fat jokes and recently stopped after I told him I'm down to 99 pounds now, since I'm too depressed to eat much anymore.
How do we overcome these issues? Thank you.

TLDR: I started a new job with a very long commute, now my partner and I are barely home and when we are home we are just arguing because he thinks me quitting my job is for the best.