u/Basic_Reflection_350

I've been searching "abayas" and/or "modest" "modest clothing"/"modest dresses" as search terms to try to test the availability of modest clothes on various platforms.

• The only second hand online shop (other than Ebay) I've bought from before is ThredUp, which I had a good experience with. I cannot vouch for the credibility of other sites listed. They had a decently good selection of modest clothing when I looked, but not a ton. You can sort by sleeve and skirt length which helps, and there's options <$20 and <$10. A tip I have is that on ThredUp, it will sometimes say no results if you set the max price too low, but it might just not be showing you those results. If that happens, clear the price range and sort by "price low to high"
• I haven't bought from Depop before, but they seem to have the most abayas/veils/hijabs/etc so far/the most promising search results and price range. There were many abayas listed for <$20 and several listed for<$10
• Poshmark had a pretty good selection
• Most of TheRealReal is out of my thrifting price range (occasionally something listed won't be very expensive but it usually is), but I wanted to check anyways. Not any good results for abayas, about two long sleeve long skirt results for "modest dress", "long sleeve long dress" had the best results of the search terms I tried. There were a few results <$30 when filtered by price
• Mercari site felt hard to navigate to me so I wasn't too enticed but they did have some results
• Vinted insisted I give them my phone number before being allowed to do basically anything even after I made an account w my email which I was not wild about and did not do

What online thrift stores have you bought from and what was your experience (ie was it legitimate or scammy)? Have you found any good online second hand stores with a good modest clothing selection?

My sleeves are exactly the right length for me, but they move when I move my arm, as sleeves do. It's why in the outfit pictures I post sometimes my wrist is scribbled out, because I want my wrists covered. The only thing I can think of is a hair tie, although that seems like it would get too tight. Is there some sort of underlayer I can put under my sleeves that won't move as much (that's not compression, compression sleeves don't work for me)? Alternatively, something to put on top? I feel like a wide bangle or bracelet would just fall down my arm too, and I want my hands out so gloves won't work either. Any ideas?

I can't find much online other than it being a sect of Christianity that may have existed that venerated Mother Mary as a Goddess/part of the Holy Trinity. Is there any more that I can learn about it beyond that general sentiment? Thank you!

edit: it’s not the more revealing clothing dictating something, it’s social expectations, but in my experience that was more easily “policed” with less modest dress. Not to say people aren’t “policed” with modesty standards, especially women, which I also disagree with

I knew it was weird beforehand but now that I don’t really show much skin I feel even more strongly about it. Like why do people care so deeply about whether a woman chooses to shave or if the shape of her body fits current “trends”? Why is that even a trend to begin with? Money I know, but still that’s messed up.

I feel like dressed with more coverage now I have more of a choice, which you can tell me I had a choice all along but you can’t tell me people don’t act weirdly or make assumptions if for example a woman doesn’t shave her armpits.

Dressing more modestly also made more apparent the ways in which I was caring more about my appearance than my time or health, like spending so long on my hair (which I now mostly cover) or makeup and having makeup that was not intended to have around eyes on my waterline etc. I still wear makeup once in a while for certain event, but much much less frequently, due to my change in style as well as external factors.

I think there’s more than one way to dress in a way that is in a way “countercultural”, and I’ve been on both ends, having dressed alt (which does not necessarily mean dressing “more revealingly” for everyone, just alternative style) and ”less modestly” for lack of a better phrase to now dressing quite modestly (only my hands, part of my neck, my face, and a little bit of hair showing, not skin tight), I’ve learned things from both.

I’m glad to have experienced dressing less modestly before even if it makes me uncomfortable to think about how I used to dress now because I don’t judge people for how they dress in either direction and I try not to assume things about people based on how they dress

Also, while on the topic of appearance, a big lie we’ve been sold is that your worthiness and whether you are/aren’t in a romantic relationship is tied to your appearance and “attractiveness”. I used to fall for that too until sometime in my teens I realized that if someone doesn’t want me if (insert physical change here), they didn’t love me to begin with, not in the way I deserve in a healthy relationship. And let me tell you I could wake up tomorrow looking entirely different and knowing it was me my partner’s love wouldn’t waver one bit, no matter what that change was. And I’ve had the same long term partner throughout dressing “revealingly”, “very modestly”, showing my hair, not showing my hair, growing it, cutting it, my appearance changing over time, you name it, and have always been supported and loved the same.

Modesty for me has allowed me to reclaim some of my time and space. On days I’m struggling and my hair is not behaving, I can cover it and deal with it later instead of being worried because I have to go outside and so I should prioritize my hair looking presentable over whatever it is I’m struggling with (ie health issues). Instead of spending hours feeling like I have to shave in order to wear something for a fancy event, I can just wear it. Instead of having to not touch my face all day because I have makeup on I don’t have to have that mental program running in the background. Same with being worried about wardrobe malfunctions all day. I can prioritize taking care of myself and my body over perfecting looking like I do by some external standard

Thoughts? Similar or differing experiences? Etc

I know I should use lotion more often

I hhhhhate the sensation of lotion. I will be thinking about it all day, especially if it gets wet again and gets all slimy. I found a pretty good not too thick one but still.

I was wondering if it would make sense to use lotion kind of like a hair mask, as in put it on, let it sit for a while, take a shower. I don’t know if that’s realistic or if it would just be a waste of product though.

Like could that work, and if so how long would I need to leave it on for? Or would washing it off just defeat the purpose entirely…

Do y’all have any tips for dealing with the sensation of lotion? No matter what lotion or lotion texture I use (and I did find one I somewhat tolerate), it bothers me, it may sound a little silly but it will make it harder to sleep or go about my day so I tend to avoid it

thank you :)

Okay, this is going to sound a little silly, but it’s a genuine question:

I know I should be using lotion, I would like to use it more often, especially during the winter when skin can get dry, but I absolutely HATE the feeling of lotion. Even the type that ”absorbs” into skin. I found one that doesn’t feel thick and weird to me but still, I will be thinking about it during the day, especially if I get water or sweat on my skin and it gets all slimy again. I have the same aversion to sunscreen so I use spray sunscreen otherwise genuinely I won’t end up using it, or at least really have to force myself to.

I was wondering if maybe I could use lotion kind of like a hair mask and put it on my skin, wait a while, take a shower? I don’t want to waste product though if that makes no sense, so I was wondering if that would be feasible to do that and actually get results, and if so, how long would be a good length of time to leave it on for

Thank you!

What are some of your favorite modest pieces/types of clothing, either for layering or just in general? How do you build outfits with/around them?

Just posted about it, but for me that's mock neck long sleeve shirts with lace sleeves layered on top. Great underlayer for anything and everything without bulk, and I don't have to worry about any wardrobe malfunctions because everything I want covered is covered at all times. With dresses I might add a slip as well

I used to be concerned about accidental wardrobe malfunctions/someone accidentally seeing down my shirt, especially grabbing something off the ground. No matter how high the neckline, this was still a problem for me, even with slips. Turtlenecks feel suffocating to me, so that wasn't an option either.

Enter the mock neck. At first it was just a top on its own, then I realized I could start layering things over it without it looking odd, including nice formal dresses. I used to worry about that looking too...unfashionable, less formal, but I found ways around that, including getting lace sleeves to layer on top.

I no longer have to worry about holding my top or dress in place when moving about the world, and that brings me much joy and more mental space not taken up by worrying about it.

Has anyone had similar experiences (mock neck or otherwise)?

Does anyone have recommendations for beautiful but modest nightgowns please?

Perhaps something with the vibes of a long, elegant lace trimmed slip but with more substantial sleeves, but I'm also open to any suggestions of any style. No matter how pretty slips are, the tops tend to move around in the night which I'm not a fan of, so I'd like something that stays in place and provides more coverage.

Looking for something feminine but modest enough not to have to put a robe on top of if I were staying at someone's house, so below the knees, chest coverage, not sheer, sleeves of some sort (ideally long).

Ideally not too expensive ($20 USD or less)

Thank you!

Hello everyone,

I hope this is okay to post, I'm quite nervous to post this as it's quite personal. I'm not Christopagan. I'm also not Christian. Or Pagan, although I am I suppose as one could describe "spiritual but not belonging to any organized religion". I've looked into some Pagan paths before, but nothing I've ever found feels 100% "right". So as aforementioned, I'm neither Christian nor Pagan, but I had, and in a way continue to have, an odd spiritual experience that I thought people on this subreddit would potentially have the best insight on.

Essentially, I've struggled with mental health for years, and slip into really difficult places. It's perpetual but fluctuates. Recently, I felt extremely unwell and pretty much completely stuck in bed, like even if I wanted to get up to get a cup of tea I was craving I found it extremely extremely difficult and was in a fog of deep depression. For quite a long time, I lost track of the days. This isn't too unusual for me, and I'm constantly exhausted. I'm on meds, et cetera, and it's still like this, meds help to a certain extent but nothing else really does, and it feels like I've tried everything... that is, until I both decided to see if I could reach out to the divine about it (which I believe I've done before on this issue to no avail) and happened upon Salve Regina | Traditional Latin Hymn sung by Francesca LaRosa.

I don't know why, but I turned it on, and it felt like spiritual energy just washed over me. I played it on loop. I fell asleep listening to it. I woke up feeling better than I have in a long, long time after days of doing nothing more than what I had to to survive. I still don't feel great, but I was in full survival mode and then felt significantly better, overnight. As the days go on, I still keep listening to that song, and continue feel better. However, either the feeling of spiritual energy washing over me as the song plays has lessened over time or I've just gotten used to it. Still, this song is directly correlated to how I've felt these last few days, I've even felt a difference between when it's playing vs when it's not. Some even quite good non-religious songs sound a bit emptier than they did before this discovery somehow.

I really, really do not know what to make of this. It's such a profound spiritual experience, but I am not Christian. I hope you don't mind my expressing so, but I find the Bible to be contradictory, and historically inaccurate, and God is written as acting in ways that are anything but loving in my mind. I strongly don't believe in hell, and don't believe that Jesus Christ died for our sins. I don't believe that Adam and Eve were the start of the world. I don't believe that some people are saved by being a part of a certain religion and others aren't. I have had some experiences that make me believe in a higher power, and sense what I believe to be spiritual energy beyond what is "normal", but I really don't believe in very core Christian ideas (salvation, hell, it being the one true religion, the Bible as an unwavering Godly text), and I cannot "make myself" believe something that I don't truly believe. I feel and believe things very deeply to my core, I will feel it somatically if I'm going against what feels right. Admittedly, I haven't read the Bible in its entirety, but I did take a Biblical Literature elective with a Biblical scholar, and the more of the Bible I read and discussed, the more it felt contradictory and that its portrayal of God was unloving and it generally did not resonate as true.

That makes it hard to reconcile Mother Mary even as a possible deity through a more Christopagan lense, because there's still the Christo element of Christopagan there. I considered that maybe there are deities that got absorbed into the image of Mother Mary over time? But no other written about deities feel right either, really I haven't happened upon any religion or pantheon that "feels true" to me. But at the same time, I don't feel like one religion is the "one true path" and everyone else is doomed. I don't know how I feel about the existence of individual Gods and Goddesses instead of a broader higher power/spiritual energy/universe in general. The thing is, this experience is so directly tied with songs directed to Mother Mary, especially the one I listed, but to a degree others as well. It's a consistent theme.

Maybe it's the intention so many people over so many years have imbued the hymn with, like a spell? But that still feels like it's missing something.

I tried to pray about it, but I got no response other than an increase in spiritual energy in the room, which also happened when I turned on the song. I don't believe it's placebo, or affecting me in the "normal" way music does. It feels very specifically energetic.

If it's pertinent, in the last few months I've also felt called to veil, and have followed that intuition, so maybe some sort of spiritual force is trying to get my attention, but I'm still very confused about who/what/why/what to do in response.

Any interpretations, insights, suggestions, guidance, et cetera would be much appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read this, I hope the rest of your day goes well

edit: I am noticing I am getting downvoted. If I have phrased something incorrectly, I apologize! I do not wish to offend, which is why I wrote this post to begin with. I checked all related posts and the rules to make sure questions from non-Muslims were allowed before posting.

Hello everyone!

I am not Muslim, but I cover my hair, usually with 1-2 inches of hair showing in the front. I use Christian-style veils, hijab-style scarves, et cetera despite being neither Christian nor Muslim. I have previously researched whether it is okay and how to be respectful of religious communities that cover their hair when doing so (including reading the related posts on this subreddit) before I began and as I continue doing this. I already know from that research not to call my head covering hijab, as this extends beyond the scarf itself, so I do not use this term even when I am wearing head coverings sold as hijab scarves.

However, as I continue on my journey, I had two questions specific to being respectful of my Islam when doing so, which I'm hoping someone will be willing to answer.

1. I feel drawn to those instant hijab undercaps with neck coverage. I do not normally cover my neck (although I am feeling more drawn to it over time), and may not always wear it. I may also pair it with a veil typically used by Christian women, to provide coverage since those are often times sheer. As mentioned above, I also have 1-2 inches of hair showing often. An underscarf with neck coverage would cause more people to wonder if I'm Muslim I assume, so would wearing one, including wearing it in any of the ways listed above, be offensive? When someone asks me why I cover my hair (which is very personal and spiritual to me and I don't want to tell strangers), I usually say "It's a long story" for the conversation to move on, but if anyone asks me if I'm a certain faith (such as Catholic or Muslim) I clarify that I am not
2. I have many hijab tutorials saved on Pinterest that I think are absolutely beautiful and creative. However, when I wear scarves, I don't follow specific hijab tutorials, just drape as I can figure out myself, and as mentioned above do not call my head covering hijab. Would it be okay to follow a hijab tutorial, having my scarves styled exactly that way, as a non-Muslim, and continue to not call it hijab? Is it okay if I do this with hair showing?

Thank you for taking the time to read this, I hope the rest of your day goes well!

If you're someone who chooses to cover hair, did you have a "moment" where you experienced something that led to you deciding to cover your hair? Was it a series of events? An internal pull? Did you start covering your hair first or get into other forms of modest dress first? Regardless of whether it was religious or secular, how was that final decision made?

Personally, I felt this persistent pull to covering my hair despite not belonging to an organized religion that felt like it wouldn't go away. I researched if it was offensive for me to start wearing mantillas and messaged some Christians who veil directly, all who gave me the go ahead. After trying it, I realized I felt much spiritually and emotionally safer at the end of the day when my hair was covered in public. That extended into a pull towards progressively more modest dress due to change in comfort level and wanting to extend that feeling of energetic protection. I also eventually added other forms of hair coverings in addition to mantilla veils to my rotation, and the practice of covering my hair, as well as modesty more broadly, has become quite meaningful for me in many ways.

For me veiling came before many other forms of modest dress, which I assume isn't as usual. What was your journey like?

Disclaimer: This is not a prayer request or what religion should I be, per the subreddit's rules.

I've been really struggling lately but honestly for several years now with the same issues, no matter what I try to do to get better, and I feel stuck. I want to potentially try praying, but am exhausted and don't quite know where to start. I also like learning about other cultures and practices. I'm curious what other folks do to pray, and if that practice is open to folks outside the religion or if it's a closed practice

Wondering if this was an ADHD thing. I don't think I've ever met anyone else who still finger types as an adult. I just do it really fast, you wouldn't notice unless you were watching me closely for whatever reason. The traditional typing set up I found difficult and it never quite clicked in my brain, and finger typing was efficient. I was generally very good at academics in elementary school and very obedient, it was this (and having an extremely messy desk) specifically that I deviated on.

EDIT: Might be useful to someone to add what I said in a reply to someone else:

"Important note, I used to finger type with my wrists bent up so they made a little "mountain" shape between my hand and my arm all throughout my life and that may have contributed to me developing wrist issues as a teenager. I still finger type, just without my wrists bent, I'd just watch out for that :)"

For me:

Positive:

-I worry less about beauty standards, my body is no longer "part of the outfit" to the same extent

-Less sunscreen on a sunny day

-Compliments on my veils/head coverings

-Saving time on doing my hair + rarely doing makeup nowadays (which became more comfortable with my new style among other factors)

-Not having to worry as much about wardrobe malfunctions

-Feeling less drained at the end of the day bc I feel like I have a barrier between myself and other people's negativity

-Learning about others' cultures, religious beliefs, etc that inform their modesty standards is interesting to me. The opportunity for this keeps popping up ie looking at posts on this subreddit

Negative/neutral:

-At times quite personal questions (sometimes repeated until a "desired answer" is provided) about why I cover my hair, my religious beliefs, and my ethnicity, usually from strangers. Often as the first thing they say to me

-Not knowing what to do with some of my old clothes

-wanting old photos deleted off social media

-Wanting to be progressively more covered over time, even when that starts to become difficult to achieve

-Trying to balance modesty with practicality for certain activities (ie swimming, martial arts)

What is your experience?