All of my (coturnix) quails go wild for mealworms...except one. No matter how I've tried offering them to her, she just ignores them.
I've been trying to figure out what else I could offer her.
What else makes a good treat for them?
I am not good at talking about myself. I'm even worse at talking positively about my self. After all these years, I still don't even know where to start with a cover letter because I've gotten all of no feedback. All the guides say to write something like "I am excited to apply to blahblah", the utter cheesy insincerity of which makes me physically cringle. We all know I'm not chomping at the bit to apply to an entry level position that I will probably never hear about again - the fact that we're expected to act out this play is almost physically painful. Others say to go into your past experiences in the field, but I'm trying to just get a foot into it!
So what's a bear to do? Am I just supposed to keep on guessing my way through cover letters with cheesy, insincere openings? Yes, I could use AI and edit it, but how am I supposed to know what to edit if I don't know what a good cover letter even looks like?
I'm not good at talking about myself. I'm even worse at talking about myself in a positive light. Now you also want me to make it stand out too? All while begging for a job while not sounding desperate? I can't even tell if what I write is any good because no one gives any feedback!
Most of the online guides tell you to go into how your previous experience, but this is my attempt to break into the fucking field in the first place!
It's been nearly 4 weeks since my grandma died.
Since then, my father has shown me 0 support or understanding. The only messages I got from him were demands that I support my mother, and to berate me for having the "wrong" reaction to the news. I had a crashout and asked why they would tell me such news while I'm at work, at a school, where I don't have the opportunity to break down or leave. I had a lot of emotions and nowhere to put them. I was curled up on the floor of the staff bathroom trying to stop myself from sobbing because I had to get back out there when he sent me the text calling me immature and demanding that I show my mother support.
No thought that I needed support too in that moment.
He made the same demand of me that evening. I responded that if all he was going to do was berate me, could he please stop contacting me at all.
I waited for something. Anything. A response. An "I'm sorry", a "How are you holding up?"
Nothing came.
Eventually I gave up on waiting. Gave up on expecting even the basic sign of consideration.
My friends helped me get through it. I made a new friend at work too who noticed that I was out of sorts. I've been focusing on myself. On them. On good memories.
My mother went to the funeral. Since it was overseas, and especially with current gas prices, it wasn't reasonable to send multiple people - not that anyone even asked me. I asked her to be there in my place too.
Normally, my parents would invite me to visit them once a week. Even when one was elsewhere, the other would still do it. When my other grandma died and my dad went overseas to her funeral, my mom invited me over and we drank to her and reminisced.
There was only radio silence.
I came to terms that expecting any sort of emotional support or understanding from that man was like expecting eggs from a rooster.
After 3 weeks, my mom came back and invited me over. I explained that I'd already made plans for that weekend (They do not tell me about things such as when they leave or come back, so I had no reason to assume that I would get an invitation), and that I had no desire to see my dad because he couldn't even be arsed to send two words (the amount needed to ask "how are you" in our native language) in 3 weeks.
I got called childish for being upset over that.
I agreed to come next week, because I know its important to her.
It's now next week. I don't want to go. I had managed to put myself back together and go on with my life, to accept that expecting sympathy from someone just because they're "family" is a lost cause and will only bring more disappointment. I don't want to reopen that wound when its finally started to heal.
I know though that its going to be reopened. Mom was more upset that I was upset with my dad than that he had upset me. I know that if I don't pretend that it's all forgiven, I will get berated for keeping a grudge. If I show any emotion, I will be called childish.
I'm not keeping a grudge, but I have no desire to fake warmth towards someone who couldn't even do the bare minimum that near strangers gave me. One of the reasons I moved out was so that I could have my peace without suppressing my feelings.
I just want to stay home, cuddle my pets, watch a goofy show with a friend. But I promised I'd be there, so I will be. I told myself that my feelings matter, that I don't have to stay if things get uncomfortable.
It's nice to finally have the ability to up and leave if I feel I'm being disregarded or disparaged, but it sucks that I have to remind myself of that fact.
Looking for a half-decent 250GB SSD to add to a gaming machine. Not Samsung level pricey, but something that will actually hold up for a couple years. Any brands I should look into or avoid at all costs?
My grandma died today. My last grandparent. I never got to interact with her as much as I wanted to because I we were oceans apart since I was little, and Moscow's fucking internet crackdown made even Telegram calls unfeasible.
I found out on the family chat. In the middle of the fucking work day. What the fuck was I supposed to do with that? It wasn't like I could leave - I don't get paid if I'm not there, and I'm not exactly big on savings. I couldn't step away either, not for long anyways. I couldn't afford to break down there.
I was already upset by the news, but the fact that they just had to tell me right in the middle of the fucking work day, when I couldn't afford to get emotional just made it worse, and since I couldn't afford to grieve, I got angry. I snapped in the family chat, let them know that I didn't appreciate such news in this situation.
It was cruel, I know, but so was telling me when all I could do was bottle it up. I had two hours left on the shift. I've had to do this before, and I hated that I had to.
That message got deleted. No nothing, just gone. That just felt like twisting the knife. I tore into them, explaining how fucking inconsiderate dropping this on me when I still had to get through the work day and get home was.
Of course that also got deleted, and I got a dm from my dad, telling me to stop posting in the family chat. No "I get you're hurting, but can you please not?" no offer to talk, nothing. Just a demand that I shut up.
I remembered then why I'd come to be good at bottling up and hiding my feelings. My feelings were an inconvenience ever since I was 8, when my brother was born, and they were just too fucking tired to give a shit about my emotional well being. Why the fuck was I expecting anything else at this point?
I told him how that callousness hurt. I gave him several minutes to say something, anything. Nothing came. So I blocked him. I muted the family chat. I sucked it up best I could and went on with my day.
Someone noticed me coping, asked what was wrong. Gave me a hug. Brought me some chocolate. This person who barely knows me showed me more concern than my own fucking father. That small act of kindness that I could not expect from my own family broke me for a moment.
Oh I'm sure he's comforting my mother. He's always had time for her emotional needs when I was lucky to just be an afterthought.
I made it through the day. I barely managed to make it to my car before breaking down. I broke down again when I got home.
I've muted my phone, got a beer - she'd hate that, but it helps - I don't deal with strong emotions well on my own. I'm not answering any communication attempts, any invitations. I will wall off in my own apartment and tend to my own emotional wellbeing myself, because I need it too. I will drink my beer, I will cuddle with my pets, I will watch a goofy show where people care about one another with my friend, because my feelings are valid too, damn it. I'm fucking done looking for compassion from a man with the emotional intelligence of a rock.