u/BearingCostOfPassion

Some people do 7 pheras, some do 4, but that’s not the only difference. There are dozens of other rituals too, and throughout the wedding the pandit keeps reciting mantras. So who actually decides which method is correct and which one is wrong?

I’ve also noticed that many pandits add their own philosophy, analogies, and personal interpretations that may not even be directly connected to the original scriptures or mantras. And even when they mention “sources,” translations and interpretations often conflict with each other.

So how is an ordinary person supposed to know what is genuinely scriptural, what is regional tradition, and what is simply the pandit’s personal explanation?

Edit :- same question for almost all rituals like namkaran Sanskar, yagano Pavit sanskar, antim sanskaar etc-etc... I know these sanskar are mentioned in Hinduism but even within the same family mother's side and father's side do different rituals, and obviously they change in every city,state as well.. now if they aren't consistent can I follow whatever feels suitable to me ? Like Bengal rituals for antim sanskaar and up rituals for weddings??

For example, Hitler...

There are many people, even in the present world, who commit gross crimes, but when the time comes to face the consequences, they end up killing themselves. Maybe Epstein did the same, and even if he was murder. We have thousands of other examples of people killing themselves in jail.

Similarly, abusive people who are toxically obsessed with their victims sometimes kill themselves after murdering them, or when their victims stop obeying or submitting to them.

Obviously, he was very early, or maybe even the first psychologist of his kind, so later we got more understanding about those subjects and framed them more accurately. And in any scientific field, it’s very common for old findings to later be proven wrong or limited once there are new findings on the same subject.

For example, Albert Einstein made us realize that Isaac Newton’s laws were limited, and quantum physics indeed proved that reality doesn’t work the way people once thought.

But most people calling Sigmund Freud straight-up misogynistic are just people who think everything that goes against their feelings is blasphemy. See, for example, you can call Friedrich Nietzsche fascistic objectively, but Freud wasn’t misogynistic in the same way Nietzsche was fascistic. (I’m talking about their work here, I don’t know or care about their personal lives.)

Also, the way Freud put things can be wrong, but many of his observations weren’t wrong. He just didn’t sugar-coat things because sadly he didn’t know that people in the 21st century would become so obsessed with judging history through modern standards.

And I say this as someone who 100% identifies as woke, progressive myself, but I also understand that we can’t expect people from history to be part of a movement that didn’t even exist in their time. And his observations were, in many cases, actually on point, he just phrased them very harshly. Also, I think when we study psychology or philosophy, we need to be a little harsh sometimes. We can’t take away all responsibility from individuals just because faults also exist within society as a whole.

See, I’m obviously not an evil person. I can be ignorant or insensitive at times, and that’s why I’m asking this question, because I genuinely want to understand whether what I did was wrong and why.

For example, we once visited an old man with Alzheimer’s. He kept asking his wife to give us tea, and we kept politely saying no. In India and many Asian countries, people often say “no” at first just to be polite, so it’s common to ask one or two more times to confirm whether the refusal is genuine.

That part isn’t the issue. The problem was that the old man kept forgetting every 10 minutes. He would again ask his wife to serve us tea, and then his wife and my parents would remind him that she had already offered and that we had refused. Every time, he seemed confused and a little sad (embarrassed).

So when it happened the third time, I said, “Don’t worry, we already had it.” Everyone looked at me as if I was gaslighting a person with Alzheimer. I felt so embarrassed that I never even discussed it with my parents afterward.

But honestly, I only said it because I didn’t like seeing him become sad, embarrassed , and confused again and again. Repeating the same explanation every 10 minutes also felt uncomfortable. At that moment, saying “we already had tea” felt like the kinder and shorter answer.

Did I actually do something wrong? If yes, why?

This is just one example, another example is when my grandmother gets Alzheimer's she used to completely forget who I'm, and I didn't care but others used to remind her... He is <my name> , son of <my father's name>... And I never cared like she wasn't going to get healed or something miraculously why giving her more pressure??

See I’m (21M) on the other extreme of this. I never asked out many girls who I know would say yes if I asked them out, because I always thought it would put me in an awkward situation later. Like what if I don’t like her in future? Also I think social expectations make it worse for guys, you kind of have to indirectly confess feelings just to ask someone out.

I feel deeply confused about this because I genuinely believe that if I confess my feelings and ask someone to give me a chance, then I already start the relationship owing them something and it creates a very unequal dynamic from day 1.

I know most people don’t think this way and many friends and family members told me it’s not like that, but I still can’t accept it fully.

But what surprises me more are people on the complete opposite side of the spectrum.

They literally beg the other person to give them a chance, act desperate, simp hard, sometimes even use philosophy, poetry and emotional talks to convince them that they feel something very deep… and then somehow later become controlling, manipulative, dominant and sometimes even abusive.

Like how?

How do you even reach that point? On day 1 you were begging for a date, and for weeks or months things stay like that, then after a relationship starts and some time passes, you somehow turn the whole table around.

You are not just becoming distant or losing feelings, you straight up become demanding, manipulative and controlling.

And how do their partner slowly start treating them not just equally but with more importance, tolerating or entertaining their demanding and toxic behaviour?

See I’m (21M, Indian) on the other extreme of this. I never asked out many girls who I know would say yes if I asked them out, because I always thought it would put me in an awkward situation later. Like what if I don’t like her in future? Also I think social expectations make it worse for guys, you kind of have to indirectly confess feelings just to ask someone out.

I feel deeply confused about this because I genuinely believe that if I confess my feelings and ask someone to give me a chance, then I already start the relationship owing them something and it creates a very unequal dynamic from day 1.

I know most people don’t think this way and many friends and family members told me it’s not like that, but I still can’t accept it fully.

But what surprises me more are people on the complete opposite side of the spectrum.

They literally beg the other person to give them a chance, act desperate, simp hard, sometimes even use philosophy, poetry and emotional talks to convince them that they feel something very deep… and then somehow later become controlling, manipulative, dominant and sometimes even abusive.

Like how?

How do you even reach that point? On day 1 you were begging for a date, and for weeks or months things stay like that, then after a relationship starts and some time passes, you somehow turn the whole table around.

You are not just becoming distant or losing feelings, you straight up become demanding, manipulative and controlling.

And how do their partner slowly start treating them not just equally but with more importance, tolerating or entertaining their demanding and toxic behaviour?

Genuinely, I can’t.

Maybe we can say that most natalists are ignorant and genuinely believe what they’re doing is right, but ever since I was a child, I never really understood the point of having kids.

I love kids, and kids usually love me too. I enjoy playing with them and being around them. And obviously, as a child, I had ridiculous ideas about how pregnancy worked. I used to believe that God made women pregnant when He realized they had feelings for a guy. 😂

I thought this because I witnessed a pre-marriage pregnancy drama in my family when I was very young. I was confused about why everyone was angry at the woman, because in my mind, God only gave babies to married people. Then I came up with the theory that maybe God could somehow sense when a woman has hots for a guy who wasn’t her husband and makes her pregnant with his baby...and that’s why everyone was upset. 😭

But the moment I realized that people reproduce biologically to have children, and that they can also avoid it through contraception, I became genuinely confused. If suffering is inevitable, then why willingly bring a new life into existence? What exactly do people want from having children? Is it simply because babies are cute, playing with them feels good, and people enjoy taking pictures and creating emotional attachments?

I know it’s obviously not about sexual pleasure itself, but still, creating an entirely new conscious life just because raising children feels emotionally fulfilling, while knowing that this person will inevitably suffer in countless ways, has never made sense to me.

Tl;dr:-

The point I’m trying to make with this long story is that I didn’t need philosophy books or antinatalist literature to arrive at this conclusion. Even as a child who had just learned about reproduction and sex, my instinctive reaction was: “Why would anyone do this?”

What confuses me is why that reaction doesn’t come naturally to everyone else.

Note: I’m talking specifically about personal accounts and personal content , not professional/business accounts, meme pages, fan pages, fan edits, political commentary, or people creating content as a career.

I’m 21, and I mostly use Reddit during exam breaks because I’m too busy for a proper job or social life. I recently made an Instagram account only because people ask for it when we meet. I see it more as a digital biodata than “social media.”

But something I genuinely don’t understand is this: if someone already has a spouse, kids, a full-time job, and family responsibilities… why spend so much time maintaining an online image?

A lot of social media feels validation-driven. That makes sense when you’re young, single, or trying to build connections. But after marriage, what validation are people still looking for?

I especially notice people constantly posting their kids, vacations, relationships, achievements, etc. Sometimes it feels less like sharing happiness and more like proving that their life, marriage, or family is “perfect.”

Maybe I’m wrong, but it feels like many people end up performing their happiness online instead of just living it.

Am I overthinking this?

Edit:-

Also maybe it’s a generation gap after all. The version of social media older people grew up with was way less thirst-trap-driven, so they probably associate it with a more wholesome internet culture.

I genuinely think Reddit should hide upvotes/downvotes from everyone except the person who made the post. The algorithm can still rank and recommend content the same way internally, but users shouldn’t immediately see whether something is already popular or unpopular.

A lot of people subconsciously follow the crowd. If a post already has thousands of upvotes, people are more likely to agree with it. If it’s heavily downvoted, many dismiss it before even thinking about the argument itself.

Hiding the numbers would encourage people to actually read, think, and form their own opinions instead of participating in herd mentality.

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First of all, I don’t think it’s possible to have a crush on someone and for them to have absolutely no idea. If that’s the case, you should probably try talking to them first, ask them out casually, or at least become friends.

But obviously, this statement is more about people who develop feelings for a friend or an acquaintance. And from what I’ve observed, most people usually know when someone likes them.

Now, if they like you back too, they’ll usually make things easier for you. They’ll comfort you, give you time and attention, and make you feel safe enough that confessing doesn’t even feel scary.

But if they keep ignoring your efforts, avoid obvious signs, or make things emotionally difficult, then there are usually a few possibilities:

1. They don’t like you back, but they also don’t want to lose the attention you give them or they don’t want the awkwardness of rejecting you before you confess. (I’ve been in that situation myself. Sometimes you know you’ll never like someone romantically, but it feels strange to reject them when they never actually confessed.)

2. They think they’re some kind of prize that you have to chase and earn. And honestly, that usually means they don’t respect you enough.

3. They simply aren’t ready or interested in dating right now, or they may already be seeing someone else. (They themselves have a crush on someone else lol.)

In any of these cases, there’s no real point in endlessly chasing or confronting them. It only makes you emotionally vulnerable.

And even if they eventually say yes, there’s a high chance the relationship dynamic will stay unhealthy, like you constantly have to prove yourself just to earn their affection.

The best outcome in this situation is probably when you confess and they brutally reject you. And believe me, most people, including me, don’t even have that courage. Most will say something like “we can still be friends” or “you can always talk to me.” And if you’re not mature enough to let go of that obsession, it only gets worse from there.

Hear me out,

My definition of a sex worker is someone using their body as a service that gives other people sexual pleasure (for example: porn stars, OF creators, strippers, escorts, models for erotic paintings, and prostitutes). I think escorts who don't have physical relations with clients would not count as sex workers.

Now Hollywood films and web series, including nude scenes, bathroom scenes, and sex scenes, also come into that category. (Especially unnecessarily violent and gross scenes)

I'm not saying sex work is morally right or wrong. I don't know. I just know that I don't like other people being treated as objects. That's why I stopped watching porn years ago, and now I have even stopped watching films.

It's sad that we can't make good films without unnecessary sex scenes. I don't like voyeuristic pleasure.

Not watching films is my personal choice, (and other people can decide not to do same) but I also think I can judge people's moral values if they watch films or shows involving teenagers in such dynamics, like GOT.

(edit:- "selling" didn't feel the appropriate word so I changed it by "using".)

I’m not Christian lol. I’m an atheist, but I still believe in universal brotherhood and loving people even if they aren’t perfect.

That being said, as I grow older, I’m realizing most people, almost all people, suck.

1. Literally no one loves without conditions or personal gain.
2. Most people aren’t even intelligent enough to question their own beliefs.
3. People hero-worship other humans as if they’re gods.
4. Humanity still clings to superstitions that should’ve become outdated centuries ago, whether in the 5th century BCE or five centuries ago.
5. History was never “glorious.” Human civilization has always been filled with misogyny, slavery, casteism, classism, violence, and exploitation.
6. We aren’t living in the “best” times, just different times. Technology and bureaucracy increased resources and productivity, but also increased exploitation of the Earth. Standards of living improved mostly because total resources increased, not because humans suddenly became morally better. Distribution is still deeply unequal.
7. Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. I work on a university student committee, and even volunteers at small events become arrogant once they get a special ID card and a little authority. So can we really be shocked when presidents and world leaders become egotistical?
8. Most people are deeply materialistic.
9. We don’t even truly love our partners or families the way we pretend to. Infidelity is common, abuse is common, and many relationships are built more on convenience, fear, biology, or dependency than genuine love.(Around 30% of men physically abuse their partners simply because they are biologically stronger, and nearly 60–70% of people repeatedly cheat on their partners.)
10. We kill and eat animals mostly because we can and because it tastes good, not because it’s always necessary for survival or health. We rarely think about the suffering behind it.(We literally overeat non-vegetarian food because it tastes good.)
11. Almost all police officers, politicians, and bureaucrats become morally compromised once power and money are involved. That’s why organized crime, drugs, illegal weapons, and underground prostitution exist in almost every country. Laws often exist more on paper than in reality. (I don’t support criminalizing prostitution, but I also don’t support exploitative illegal networks around it.)
12. And politically, on any given day, at least 30% of people in the USA will support leaders like Trump no matter what allegations or scandals exist around them (Epstein files or what erve). In the last election, almost 50% voted for him.

That’s why I’m slowly losing faith in humanity.

I still believe in loving humanity. I’m just losing faith in humans.

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Weddings cost a fortune, and honestly, if you need 100+ people treating you like royalty for one day just to feel special, maybe that’s a self-esteem issue.

I always hear people say:

“I want my wedding to be perfect.”

“I’ve dreamed about this since I was little.”

And society supports this mindset with things like:

“Don’t take attention away from the bride/groom.”

But the reality is most guests are there for food, socializing, family obligations, networking, or maybe even finding a potential partner for them selves, not because they deeply care about making you feel special.

Spending massive amounts of money for one “special day” feels childish to me, especially when most couples end the day stressed and exhausted anyway. You’d probably make better memories traveling with your partner or spending that money on shared experiences instead.

And people getting angry at kids for “ruining” the wedding is ridiculous too. Children aren’t going to understand that everyone is expected to emotionally perform for you all day.

If you truly want attention and admiration, achieve something meaningful in life. Become President of the USA and reporters will follow you everywhere while thousands attend your rallies. A wedding shouldn’t be treated like a coronation ceremony.

If your partner is overly obsessed with having the “perfect wedding,” you might need to reconsider the relationship. It’s not just a childish fantasy, it’s a childish fantasy that costs thousands of dollars.

And if someone spends all that money only to end up angry, stressed, and exhausted instead of actually enjoying the moment, then you really need to rethink your choice.

Weddings cost a fortune, and honestly, if you need 100+ people treating you like royalty for one day just to feel special, maybe that’s a self-esteem issue.

I always hear people say:

“I want my wedding to be perfect.”

“I’ve dreamed about this since I was little.”

And society supports this mindset with things like:

“Don’t take attention away from the bride/groom.”

But the reality is most guests are there for food, socializing, family obligations, networking, or maybe even finding a potential partner for them selves, not because they deeply care about making you feel special.

Spending massive amounts of money for one “special day” feels childish to me, especially when most couples end the day stressed and exhausted anyway. You’d probably make better memories traveling with your partner or spending that money on shared experiences instead.

And people getting angry at kids for “ruining” the wedding is ridiculous too. Children aren’t going to understand that everyone is expected to emotionally perform for you all day.

If you truly want attention and admiration, achieve something meaningful in life. Become President of the USA and reporters will follow you everywhere while thousands attend your rallies. A wedding shouldn’t be treated like a coronation ceremony.

If your partner is overly obsessed with having the “perfect wedding,” you might need to reconsider the relationship. It’s not just a childish fantasy, it’s a childish fantasy that costs thousands of dollars.

And if someone spends all that money only to end up angry, stressed, and exhausted instead of actually enjoying the moment, then you really need to rethink your choice.

I'm serious, please don't flood the comments with sarcasm and gifs... (Edit:- Hey this can feel like dumb question but I would really appreciate the answer if you have any, I'm really curious about this thing...)

Think about it, every other pan shop sells alcohol, there is one baraati in every wedding who is high, and in almost every apartment building or society there are uncles doing “party/betahki” every night...

And it's literally illegal in Gujarat. Almost everyone knows alcohol is being sold where in which area. What am I supposed to do if I become a police officer? Should I ignore it? Is it even legal for me to ignore it as a police officer? Am I supposed to make arrests? Can I realistically make such arrests? (How many arrests would I have to make in a day? And wouldn't it be weird if I start arresting people on the first day or first month of the job lol, life isn't a south movie obviously I know you can't do it...)

If someone in your family is in the police, please tell me how they deal with it. I'm an atheist, but isn't it against the dharma, morals, iman, or whatever you believe in to ignore it if you are a police officer, regardless of your position?

I seriously mean everything I said. I'm not trying to be cool or sarcastic. Personally, I won't be able to sleep at night knowing I'm taking a salary from the government while ignoring an obvious crime...

Also, I wonder what would happen if you actually arrested these people. Will your seniors seriously tell you not to do it? And what are you supposed to do if your senior tells you not to do it?

I'm really confused...

Ps:- Also, if you ignore such stuff, how do you know which crimes you are supposed to ignore and which crimes you are supposed to act on? Do they teach this during the training period? I think they must teach such things, otherwise how would a fresher get a grasp on these unwritten rules?