u/Beautiful_Gain_9032

It needed to charge for hours just to get 2 hours of usage. I also had to twist and bend the charger cord to make it charge, and sometimes it would randomly stop charging, and once I got the charger in the eighth way, I had to keep it in its position or else it would stop charging again, all that for just 2 hours of use.

That literally describe me. Neurotypicals are like the latest MacBook plus a state of the art backup generator that can turn on with a flick of a switch. They can work full time, have a partner and kids AND an active social life, and still be refreshed by a simple weekend and maybe a week vacation every year.

Meanwhile I have no friends, work 10 hours a week and I’m having a meltdown because I’m starting ONE college class in a few weeks and I haven’t had 2 weeks off this summer. Sure, work is only 10 hours a week max, but my battery dies at like 3 hours and like my old computer, I never know when I’m gonna be totally charged.

I have some things that help me, but then if something unexpected happens (even minor), that cord was moved and now it’s not charging, so I have to settle down again and start recharging. Who knows when my body will do that.

And I hate this. I have the want and need for the life these NTs have, but I’m already dying just doing 1% of it.

I know there really isn’t anything I can do, but oh my god please tell me there’s something that can help… medication, therapy, CBD, supplements have all done nothing. I hate my life because of this.

I wish there was a flair for progress that isn’t a success story yet lol

But yeah so I finally found a PT who is a miracle worker. By that I mean, she actually understands my body and has provided me so much information about my body that none of the over 8 PTs I’ve tried the past 5 years have helped with.

What she helped me learn was that turns out, I’ve been using all of the wrong muscles to do different activities my whole life. Basically, we discovered that when I walk, my legs are doing almost zero work and instead my pelvic floor and back are doing all the strength work. Using my back was leading to my pelvic floor tightening to compensate,

So I started trying to learn to stand with my legs. This has proven extremely difficult to unlearn my old habits, for something as simple as standing and walking, but I found that if I stand on my tip toes, it’s an easy way to know I’m not activating my back and instead activating my legs. So while I learn to stand “normally” with my legs, I’m doing this tip toe standing thing.

After just a week of this my symptoms were already improving. For years peeing has been so labor intensive, it has gotten significantly easier.

I have also been able to sit without pain, or at least the kind I used to have (this new pain is healing pain, which I’ll explain below)

After a few weeks, now I’ve also had significantly more control over relaxing my pelvic floor. My past PTs would all get frustrated with me because I just couldn’t release anything no matter what I did. I was able to tighten up but never release. Now I can release.

The only “problem” with that has been the rebound effect of the pelvic floor finally relaxing, it means all the muscles that were relying on it to take over their load (glutes, hips, legs) are real mad they were awoken from their slumbers lol, and have let me know by giving me the worst pain imaginable. After that I started tightening up again just to make it through the day, but now I can control the relaxation, so I can implement as much as I want however often I want as I get used to this new experience.

My PT also said the pain will decrease as I build up strength.

Not gonna lie, strengthening has been HARD. Not because of the energy it takes (well, that too), but because as I said, I’ve been using the wrong muscles for all kinds of movements my whole life, so a lot of times she has to catch me when I’m, say, accidentally using my back muscles to lift my leg lol.

So yeah, not a success story yet, but a lot of very positive improvements.

Let this be encouragement to anyone. I have literally been to 8 different PTs, some self pay, some insurance, most of them for 3-12 months each. I had become so depressed and hopeless, I’m still even now a bit skeptical and “ill believe it when I see it”, but I will say, this is the most progress I’ve made in years and the first time I actually have a true sense of hope of getting better in the next year.

If you’ve tried a bunch of PTs, don’t give up. They are not all built the same. Everyone has different skills, you need to find one who understands YOUR body.

Recently in PT I’ve had more success relaxing some muscles I’ve struggled with releasing for a while, and suddenly once I started that my hips have been KILLING me, and my entire pelvic floor (whatever muscles line the vulva/interior of the butt cheeks) kill, and I’ve had nonstop abdominal cramps, similar to period cramps but less nausea (not getting my period any time soon btw).

I’m ASSUMING this could be maybe because those muscles are so used to being tight and supporting things, now that they’re let go the surrounding muscles, which are very weak according to my PT, are like “woah, where did our supports go? Guess I’ve gotta support myself”, then my body uses muscles that haven’t been used In a while, and so the soreness comes from that, and ideally will subside as I improve my overall strength. This is all a theory though, maybe this isn’t how it works idk.

I have a combination of paruresis and pelvic floor dysfunction, and I have autism. For a while I thought it was all paruresis, until I finally met a pelvic pt who has been a godsend, she made me realize I’ve been standing wrong my whole life (standing “with my back” instead of my legs, making my back and pelvic floor tighten). This made peeing SUPER HARD even at home, since my pelvic floor was super tight. She also taught me to drink more water and it made peeing at home significantly easier. But it was still hard in public- cue paruresis?

Not exactly, atleast I wonder…

I began trying to pee in the bathroom at her office. First few times I couldn’t. The next time I could, but only got like 1/3 of it out and it didn’t relieve the urge, and had a lot of hesitation. The next time, I got almost everything out, but still a lot of hesitation and still uncomfortable after. Third time was the most recent, I could pee with a little but very tolerable amounts of hesitation, and got nearly almost as relieved as when I’m at home.

Nothing about the bathroom changed, but what I did notice was each time I went I became more familiar with the bathroom. I learned it’s lighting, temperature, smells, etc. and became accustomed to it. New sensory experiences especially in high-stress situations like peeing with paruresis cause me to get overwhelmed fast. And what happens when I’m overwhelmed? I tighten up, thereby making things harder.

The noise level/chance of people coming in didn’t change each bathroom trip, just my familiarity. I’m wondering now if this bathroom problem could be linked to my autism too. Because when I tried to go to a totally different bathroom in the same building, I couldn’t go.

This would explain why going to random bathrooms in public sets me off, but once I get familiar with one I can go. Granted, I still can only go in relatively low traffic bathrooms, but it’s still better than before.

Sorry I’m rambling now, does anyone have ideas on a link between autism and paruresis?

I’ve always wanted to explore the world, but I’ve had to accept I never will be able to with my autism. I can’t sleep unless I’m in my very specific bed. It becomes hard to use the restroom outside of my own home, I burn out FAST without my routine, and my routine relies on surroundings plus my safe foods as well. I so badly wish I could take a road trip and see so many places, but I simply can’t because of this.

It also makes dating so hard since literally everyone I see has “I love traveling” on their profile and I just can’t relate. I’d love to travel if I didn’t get overwhelmed by the change of routine, but because I do, traveling is so hellish. Why would I want to sleep (or not sleep) on a strange bed??? Why would I want to totally change my surroundings and sensory levels???? It’s like asking for a bad time, and spending money on it. I hate that I’m this way.

I am just starting to learn about this drug and it seems to have some promising science behind it for some subsets of autism. Idk if any of you know about it or can share more. I feel like this is the only place to feel safe talking about wanting to “cure” autism because I truly hate being autistic I just want to function. Hearing some stories of people who took it makes me hopeful but idek where I’d begin to find a doctor to get it to try it or even test if I have the deficiency.

- Country
USA

- Budget
$600-800, possibly $900. I am a college student with a student ID and email so feel free to include student deals/discounts (if a laptop you’d recommend is $1000 but only costs $800 for students, suggest it!)

- Are you open to refurbs/used options?
Only if it’s refurbished by the manufacturer (so an HP laptop fixed by HP, dell by dell, etc.

- Screen size
14" preferred, but I could deal with 15" if that’s all there is.

- Weight limit
Any

- Purpose
School work, researching, video calls and light business work

- Form factor
Regular laptop.

- Intended usage

Lots and lots of tabs. I research things a lot so I can sometimes have 30+ tabs open. I will be taking online college classes via zoom and using blackboard and other general college platforms. Basic spreadsheets, Google drive, my only “gaming” is Webkinz (downloaded version), flashpoint and geoguessr. Occasional Krita and Silhouette Studio use.

I’d love it to be faster with more tabs so I believe more ram would help, but my current laptop (16 ram) is still good if this is too much of an ask for my budget.

- Desired battery life
Not a strong preference, mainly use it at home but i might have a few IRL classes that are 3-4 hours so I guess that’s good, but I’m really not picky since I’ll rarely be away from my charger.

- Please list, in order of most important to least important, the priority between Size, Weight, Performance, Battery life

1. Performance
2. Size
3. Battery life
4. Weight

- Info/Requirements
This is gonna be my first laptop without a specific right-click button. I like to rest my finger on the left click and when I tried modern touchpads many years ago (ones without separate buttons), it drove me crazy by always trying to open windows just because my other finger happened to be touching it. I hope some laptop has a way to program the pad to act like an old school mouse. I want a touch pad that doesn’t act wonky, with a good response.

I really like my current laptop, but it’s starting to die and it’s time for a new one. Hoping I can get one better now that it’s a few years old, but I’d still be fine with one similar if that’s all I can get.

For reference, here’s what my current laptop is:

Processor: AMD Ryzen 3 3250U with Radeon Graphics (2.60 GHz)

Ram: 16 GB

Graphics card: AMD Radeon Graphics 2gb

Storage 238gb (213 used)

64 bit operating system

14” screen

Brand: HP

I can’t drive. Ok then, public transit!

There is no public transit here. Ok, move somewhere where there is!

I can’t handle the sensory overload of living in crowded places. I already have meltdowns when my neighbors have a cookout once a year, I could never live wall to wall with someone else. Oh, and with what money? I have to live with my parents.

Take an Uber! I have no money

Get a job to get money! 1. I can’t get to any IRL ones, 2. I have tried remote ones and I shut down because my brain won’t function at home.

Do a remote job from the library/other public place! HOW WOULD I GET THERE????

I can’t win. Every solution can’t be done without another problem. What’s worst though, is that when I ask people for advice, they give me these similar answers. That’s not the bad part, the bad part is when I not just say “that won’t work”, but explain in detail WHY that won’t/hasn’t worked, they’ll always say “you never take my advice”, “you clearly are just looking for excuses”, like NO I AM LITERALLY TELLING YOU WHY IT WONT WORK. WHAT AM I GONNA MAGICALLY MAKE A TRAIN APPEAR OUTSIDE MY FRONT DOOR? AM I GOING TO MAGICALLY GET A MONEY TREE?

I’m terrified for my future. My parents are the only reason I’m alive and have a roof over my head and food in my stomach. I save 95% of my income (only a couple thousand dollars a year through selling my art) in an ABLE account, but at the rate I’m going by the time my parents die I’ll only have enough in the account for 1 year of mortgage payments/food/medical etc. and that’s if I keep working at the pace I can now.

I think I’ve been in a shutdown for over a year now. I’ve been incredibly fatigued and stressed and my house is a mess and I simply can’t clean it because I have no energy and will snap if I have to do it. And I hate it because the mess makes me feel even worse. I get maybe one burst of energy every two months where I try to work on it but I can’t do any more.

I’m just a mess of anxiety, stress, and I’m having end myself thoughts. But I can’t see a therapist because first of all, every therapist I’ve been to has been the exact same as those other people; they’ll say I’m just being difficult and “don’t want to get better”. Also, it’s unsafe for me because since I’m suicidal and have a tendency ti overshare and not hide how I feel, if it comes out I will for sure be locked up which would be a sensory hell. I can’t sleep outside if my own bed, let alone in a psychward environment. Because of that I’m stuck venting online with no support. I don’t know what to do.

Just had this happen. I’ve struggled so hard to age out of the teenager attire I’ve been wearing for 10 years since I was in highschool. I FINALLY found some dresses that are SO COMFORTABLE and immediately had to buy as many as they had because it’s so rare to find something comfortable. Now I have a variety of dresses to wear!!!! And I look good in them!!!! It feels so nice. My old outfit is super comfortable but really unattractive and sloppy. I have really gotten into fashion lately and I’ve been dying to get a more “mature” wardrobe so it felt so amazing finally finding something that’s not only comfortable BUT LOOKS GREAT ON ME.

For the record, there is ZERO shame in what I used to wear, this is purely my own experience and I’m only doing this because I want to. Don’t let anyone shame the clothes that let you function easier in the world (well, unless it poses a serious hazard to people lol)

I just wanted to share this win with other people who could get it. I feel so nice about myself, I can finally shed my teenage self, a period I hated in my life. I feel like I’ve grown a lot today and it feels nice!

Therapy didn’t work for you? “You just didn’t put in the work”. If a real doctor ever said this to their patient about any treatment? everyone would agree the doctor is a horrible doctor who isn’t doing their job. But if a therapist says it, cue the therapy apologetics: “well you need to want to get better”, “you have to want it enough” “I know it’s hard but you have to try” “I know you’ve been to 20 therapists, but you just have to find the right one!”

Real medicine doesn’t work like that.

Give someone a pill, as long as they take it for the instructed time, they should see results by a certain point. If they don’t, then everyone agrees the treatment didn’t work for them and move on. But not therapy.

If you try therapy for the instructed amount of time, do everything they say, and you still don’t feel any better, no one will ever say “ok therapy didn’t work, let’s find something else”. No, these people believe in therapy religiously, so by saying it didn’t help you are challenging their literal dogma. It CANT not work, therefore YOU must be wrong, YOU must have done something wrong. Therapy HAS to work!!!

Not once in my chronic illness has a doctor assumed I didn’t genuinely try a medication even after saying it didn’t work. Meanwhile I have never found a therapy advocate accept that “yeah ok therapy doesn’t work for you”.

Therapy supporters have so many similarities to the cult I escaped. Their “logic” went “we KNOW (insert belief) is true, so if you think it’s not you are literally crazy and just don’t want it to be true”. Or if I said “I don’t believe in (insert claim)”, they’d say

“you better have read every single argument in favor of the belief or else you’re just lying to yourself” kinda like therapists “you need to keep trying therapists until you find the right fit”. Just like the arguments, there are an INFINITE number of therapists, so many that I could never see them all in my lifetime. But that’s the point. They KNOW you can’t every single one, which means under their “logic”, they can never be proven wrong.

5’4”, female, 165lbs, side sleeper. I had no pain with my current sleeping situation until this year when I started getting pelvic and neck tension. For texture I like, I love a little sinking in but with good response time. i have tried so many mattresses with no luck.

I despise all memory foam. I like a SLIGHT sinking in feeling, but I HATE the delayed response. I want my mattress to puff up and respond right when I move, not 10 seconds later. I’ve tried countless memory foam mattresses and toppers, thick and thin, and I question humanity when I use them (it’s fine if you like it, I just don’t know how anyone can lol)

I tried a sleep on latex 3” topper, hated the sensation of it pushing back at me, felt like I had to work my muscles to be allowed to sink into it if that makes sense. Did not like.

I tried a 6” HD36 foam by mail foam mattress with Dunlap - way too hard even after months of trying to break it in.

I tried a polyfoam futon both on the floor, on the carpet and on a bed.

Normal innerspring mattress - waaaay too bouncy

The only two places I’ve managed to sleep in 8 years are:

- An old couch with polyfoam cushions that give in a little and respond rather quick to movement.

- 4 of those cheap multi-texture poly foam mattress toppers you get at Walmart stacked up on top of each other on the floor. Not the best, wouldn’t wanna sleep there every night, but MUCH closer to what I’m looking for texture wise compared to any mattress I’ve tried in a store. And unlike all the others, I was actually able to get some sleep on them. Meanwhile the rest just left me wide awake.

This couch I’ve been sleeping on has been getting old and gross so I need something new, and used couches are the best bet I have found, although it would be really nice to be able to sprawl out on a queen sized bed of my own lol. I’m really tired of sleeping on a couch, no pun intended.

I’ve also tried stacking these elements up sometimes (latex topper on the foam by mail mattress, or the Walmart toppers on a normal innerspring mattress, all types of combinations) with no luck.

I don’t know the first thing about mattress biology, so I don’t know how to do this. My budget is as low as possible, although I am desperate. I’m disabled and pretty poor so that makes it pretty hard. But if something has good return policies and/or a good chance of working out I’m willing to try it.

I’ve been down this road countless times. I’ve seen countless PTs and my current one I have been seeing for four months is the best I’ve had; my pelvic tension has gone down significantly and my tension-related symptoms have all decreased AND YET, even with improvement in tightness and those related symptoms, my difficulty voiding is the exact same. Which is making me wonder if something else is going on.

And frankly, the difficulty voiding has never been touched by any relaxation techniques. Breathing, manual work, suppositories, some of those helped the urgency and tension, but none ever helped the difficulty voiding.

I had been going to a urogynecologists for years, but she has slowly become lazier and worse. She gave me all the things like the suppositories and the suggestion of pelvic PT, but the past few times I’ve went reporting no improvement with the voiding she has just repeated the same “just keep going to PT”. When I asked about possible other things it could be, she kept saying “just keep going to pt and it’ll get better”. Mind you, she has never run a single test on me besides one pelvic exam at our first ever appointment. And the tension she felt at that appointment is largely gone thanks to this PT.

I have kept going to PT, and kept hoping it would fix things until my most recent appointment where I asked about focusing on the difficulty voiding and anything else we could do, and the PT flatly said that there’s nothing more she can do for that symptom besides what we’re already doing, that the way it acts is bizarre and she doesn’t understand why it isn’t responding to treatment like all the other symptoms.

So I’ve decided to seek out a second opinion with a different urogynecologists, I definitely want a different approach, but I don’t know what tests to ask for.

I have never had any pelvic imaging during any of this; a pelvic MRI, CT, ultrasound, nothing. No tests either. All my old doctor based her suggestions on was one quick exam and my personal reporting of symptoms.

I also tried advocating for looking into my hormone levels with my normal GYN, because vaginal estradiol help my symptoms of urgency and when I stopped using it for a short while it came back. But she refused to do any sort of testing. My cycles are all over the place (one might be 25 days while the next is 55 and the next is 40). I’ve wondered if something hormonal could be impacting this all too.

So I’m not sure what to ask about, what to advocate for, what I should ask them to look into. With my difficulty voiding what might be good to have them look into? What kind of tests should I advocate for with this new provider?

For me, these two take the cake:

My parents, when they went to couples counseling due to the stress my disability was putting on them. The therapist suggested they put me in foster care.

When I shared with a therapist the details of my fathers abuse, and that the reason I was overweight was because I’d over eat as a coping mechanism to mentally escape from the anxiety of being near him, her response was “oh wow so he forces you to eat all that food”, I said no, she then says “oh, so he doesn’t actually make you eat the food”, and basically went on to victim blame the whole time. Oh, and she was hired BY child protective services, and continued to advocate my father get custody despite me giving graphic accounts of his verbal and physical abuse 🙃

What kind of insane advice or comments have therapists given you? I know I’m not the only one

I’ve seen a lot of PCs online lately, on various websites, crying about abortion pills no longer being accessible by mail. In those comment sections, I see a lot of people sharing their plans to break the law and make illegal transactions/mail illicit substances to people. I reported all of the ones making plain statements that they will mail them. I hope these websites take care of these illegal activities being planned out on their platforms!

My PT gave me some info that seems to make sense of what I’ve experienced. Upon my exam, she said that just laying down I’m not hypertonic, but the second I did something (such as do a kegel, speak, do anything that tightens me a little), I struggle to release THAT tension.

She doesn’t think things like medications are good for long term since I need to learn how to relax it myself, since that’s my issue.

I’ve been doing all the breathing and stretches, but often they don’t feel like they’re touching much. And when they do, the tightness just comes right back the second I lose focus and start doing my daily activities again.

Idk what to do or how to keep everything relaxed when it is relaxed. Once things are tight, they feel impossible to let go. Any advice on learning to relax them? It seems like no matter what stretches or breathing I do I can’t get them to release

Another big problem I noticed is most of what’s causing my symptoms are surrounding muscles, my core and hips and glutes are super tight