u/Brilliant-One-9553

I've known I was neurodivergent for a little over 2 years now and learned about the CPTSD about a year ago. After learning about it I started my healing journey by looking at my relationships. I realized I was reliving the same traumatic environment that caused the disorder. I left that environment and faced my biggest fear: the parent that caused so much trauma. I don't wish a dysregulated, narcissistic, neurodivergent parent on anyone. It's interesting. My whole life, this person treated me like I was a burden and neglected all of my needs including things that would have helped me thrive as a neurodivergent person.

They claimed they changed but they are the same person. They recently claimed to be neurodivergent as well and have been requesting accommodations from me nonstop. However, when I ask for the same, not anything special, just basic stuff like wearing headphones while they are in shared spaces so I don't have to hear loud conversations, I get treated like I'm asking for too much. They still gaslight. They are still verbally and psychologically abusive behind closed doors. I came to the crushing realization that I never deserved it and much worse...they knew. They knew what they were and are doing. They don't do it around other people. They only do it when I'm alone with them. I'm trying to save up to get away from them. This time, I don't intend to ever come back.

***Long Post***

Hi, I (34f), recently moved back home after a traumatic roommate experience. I moved back in with my narcissistic parent. Before I moved in, I sat clear boundaries that I could contribute to bills, I didn't mind providing food or making meals or doing some of the chores. Before I go any further, my roommate at the time, broke the bathroom door so it wouldn't lock or shut completely, was 'uncomfortable' with me locking my door at night. There were other things that happened that I am not posting here.

When I was moving, the parent accompanied the moving crew to the house where I was living and did nothing but look around. They made no effort to help. In hindsight, that should have been a red flag but I didn't think about it at that time. That night, I returned to their home for the first time in 15 years. I had told myself I would not come back again. Through the years, I had been in situations that were difficult but no matter what I stood by my decision not to go back. Until this.

Let's just say, they had misrepresented the conditions of the home and their underlying requirements. Still, I thought I could make it work. But, I guess I fell back into the role of the fixer. I would spend more of my paycheck than I should have getting necessities. There were several things that she didn't have. Certain cleaning supplies, trash bags, trash can, toilet paper, self care stuff. I thought that if I bought those things and I organized, maybe it would be easier for us to co-habitat. It wasn't. They started treating me like those things were my responsibility. They stopped cleaning up after themselves. They would use a dish and just leave it in the sink for days. When I moved in, I said I would help with the cleaning but after seeing the condition of the kitchen, I realized I was in over my head. I am neurodivergent and some environments are incredibly overstimulating. The kitchen was that kind of space. They had said okay. I would take out the trash but I asked that they not over fill it because it became too hard to get it to the outside trashcan. They had said okay but never stopped overfilling the trashcan. To maintain the boundary, I said, "If you can't stop overfilling the trashcan, we can take turns taking it out." They again said okay, but then proceeded to leave the trash in the trashcan until maggots and sludge settled at the bottom. I refused to clean it.

During this time, I still had a job that I was determined to keep. I worked in a closet at night. I was trying to save up to move out but the cost of keeping up seemed to keep me in a perpetual state of saving and spending what I saved. I was also trying to continue school. I had started when I was still living with the roommate and had signed up for Spring classes before the behavior escalated. I was struggling and no one could see it. It felt like my parent was saying without saying that if I wanted to stay there it would be my complete responsibility to take care of them and their house.

I got super depressed. Like, the level of depressed that creates...health issues. Long story short, we started talking about funerals after I went to a holistic festival. We were having a conversation with other people who said they didn't know if they wanted to be buried or cremated. I said that I would want to be cremated and scattered some place nice. My parent then piped up with dark eyes and said: "I'll scatter your ashes for you." It is not normal for a parent to contemplate out living their children. She said that wasn't how she meant it when someone else pointed out how weird it sounded but the damage was done.

I moved out after that. I stayed with a family friend. I started taking care of myself and seeing a therapist. I started taking classes again after I showed someone some of my work. For the first time, I felt like I could make something of myself. Just as things started to get better, she came over. The friend said she would only be there for a few days. It's been 6 weeks and she is still here. I lost my job after developing heart palpitations while I was still at the parent's house. I'd run out of PTO and the day I called out for the last time, I had a panic attack and a pain developed under my left breast that got worse when I breathed deeply. I've been looking for a job. Trying to develop a portfolio as well but I am often triggered by her. She forced body doubling sessions even though I do not consider her a safe person to body double with. It is more for her benefit than mutually beneficial. She oversteps boundaries. She disrupts my sleep schedule with loud noises. Moves items around the house without telling anyone. The worst thing is the mimicry. If I told you the full extent of it, I'm sure you would think this has to be a joke. The friend has noticed that I do not talk to my parent. They've also noticed that I refuse to be alone with her or help her. They have said in so many words that she is my mother and I should help. I'm contemplating complete no contact at this point. AITA for wanting to completely cut off my parent and the family friend?

Hi, I'm still fairly new to this landscape but I wanted to ask a question that has been plaguing me for ages. I have a Youtube channel that I use to publish my journalistic content along with my Substack but I also want to share poetry there. I'm not sure if I am creating more confusion by putting them both under one banner or not. Should I have separate blogs and channels for both? From a writer's perspective, what do you think would be the best course of action?

Hi, I'm still fairly new to this landscape but I wanted to ask a question that has been plaguing me for ages. I have a Youtube channel that I use to publish my journalistic content along with my Substack but I also want to share poetry there. I'm not sure if I am creating more confusion by putting them both under one banner or not. Should I have separate blogs and channels for both? From a writer's perspective, what do you think would be the best course of action?