u/Bubbly-Deal8418

I don’t know what I am doing. I am trying to figure it out but it’s just a confusing mess. Trying to find structure is the greatest challenge and it hinders a lot of progress. This is what I feel.

I studied biochemistry ages ago, I feel detached from it to a certain degree, and now studying computer science, I am trying to get a job. I am just trying to keep up with the gym. So many things I want to do and I have learnt to whittle it all down but I feel lost , confused and scared that all of it will be for nothing. That by next year I will be at the same place. In my parent’s house, still trying to break into tech (even then I never feel like I am learning enough). Today I had lot of doubt. I just wish I could speak to someone. A mentor even or just something. External.

I feel very tired and yet I wake up and study and try to build projects. I am tired. Recent heartbreak is not making it easier anyways. I am fighting to hold on to hope but it’s challenging.

I guess I am wondering if anyone has been in this position of trying and feeling like it is useless and not knowing where to turn to or who to talk to.

How did you hold on? Career-wise what did you do? Any advice is helpful

Someone I used to date recently told me they wanted to go no contact because staying in touch was making them sad and preventing them from moving on.
The thing is, I wasn’t really surprised. Before they even said anything, I’d already assumed the last time we met would probably be the last time we’d see or speak.

We spoke about the future and life. It sounded like I was included which I wasn’t sure about.
It just felt like the natural end of that chapter.

I am sad, but I’m not devastated. I don’t feel angry either. I don’t feel the need to convince them to stay or change their mind.

It’s more like… acceptance.
I don’t feel the need to block them on every platform or erase every memory. I also don’t feel the need to keep checking on them. It just feels like, as life carries on, they’ll slowly become part of my past.
The closest way I can describe it is that I won’t ask the universe for something that they’re no longer asking for.

I won’t try to fix or change things but accept them as they are. People come into our lives, introduce us to new lessons. If they are meant to stay, they will. If not, then it is also fine. Someday, I do hope there’s maturity and freedom for us to be friends, but I won’t hold onto that until there’s evidence.

Has anyone else felt like this? Did the acceptance last, or did grief hit you later? I’m interested in hearing other people’s experiences rather than being told what I should or shouldn’t feel.

I’ve reached the point where I genuinely don’t know what direction to take.
I have a BSc in Biochemistry, a Diploma in Full-Stack Software Engineering, and I’m currently doing an MSc in Computer Science. I have mostly worked in education as a teaching assistant.
I’ve built projects in Python, Django, SQL, APIs, data analysis, etc., but I don’t have commercial tech experience.
I’ve been applying for:
Junior Software Developer
Junior Data Analyst
IT Support / Service Desk
Technical Support
QA
Graduate roles
Apprenticeships
I’ve also applied for admin and office jobs because I just need to earn a living, but I don’t want to get stuck if there’s a better path into tech.
The problem is there are so many entry-level job titles that I don’t know which ones are realistic for someone in my position. Some junior roles want 2–3 years’ experience, while others seem to overlap so much that it’s hard to know where I fit.
If you were starting today with my background, which entry-level tech roles would you focus on?
What job titles should I actually be searching for, and which ones are a waste of time?

I don’t even know what skills to leverage anymore.

At this point I’m less concerned about the “perfect” job and more interested in getting my foot in the door and building a career from there.

I’m studying computer science, and my long-term interests are data analysis, and software development.
One piece of advice I constantly see is, “Just start building projects.” The problem is… I genuinely don’t know what that means when you’re a beginner.
I don’t know what I’m supposed to expect of myself. Should I already know how to build an application? Should I be following tutorials? Should I be Googling everything? Every project idea I come up with feels either too simple or way beyond my current ability.
On top of that, I have ADHD and anxiety, which makes it easy to overthink whether I’m learning the “right” things instead of actually making progress.

For those of you who remember being beginners:

What did your first projects actually look like?
How much did you already know before starting?

Did you constantly look things up, or were you expected to know most of it already?
How did you decide a project was small enough to finish?

What mindset and how did you find a community of Computer science enthusiasts to explore with?

What about your approach to tutorials???

I’m not looking for shortcuts—I genuinely want to become good at computer science. I just feel like I’m missing the mindset that turns what I’m learning into actual projects.
I’d really appreciate hearing about your first projects and what you wish someone had told you when you were starting out.

I’m looking for perspectives from other gay men because I’m trying to process the end of a relationship and understand what I can learn from it.

My relationship recently ended after a period of stress, anxiety, and what felt like growing mismatches in values and needs. There wasn’t one single reason it ended, but one recurring point of tension was the topic of open relationships.

When we got together, we were both on the same page about being exclusive. We became committed, and I invested in the relationship with the expectation that we were building a monogamous partnership.
Later, my ex told me that he was open to the idea of non-monogamy in general. He wasn’t saying he wanted to open our relationship at that time, but he wanted to have
conversations about it. From my perspective, those conversations didn’t feel like purely hypothetical discussions. They felt more like probing whether I might change a boundary that I felt was important to me.

I don’t think open relationships are wrong. I know plenty of gay couples have healthy and successful open relationships. I just don’t think it’s the kind of relationship I want for myself.

From his perspective, he felt that I had a negative view of open relationships. From mine, I was simply trying to communicate that it wasn’t something I wanted. As the conversations continued, I found myself repeatedly reaffirming that boundary, and eventually I started reacting with frustration because it felt like we were having the same conversation over and over again.

Looking back, I’m wondering whether this was less about open relationships themselves and more about compatibility. Were we simply two people with different relationship values, or is this something couples can usually work through?

The other thing that’s made me reflect is that I also have my own curiosity about sexual exploration. I don’t think that means I want an open relationship—I think I’d rather explore while I’m single than within a committed relationship. Part of me is curious about understanding myself better and having experiences I haven’t had before.

That has left me with mixed feelings after the breakup. I genuinely cared about him and I’m still grieving the relationship, but I’m also aware that I feel some curiosity about this next stage of my life. I’m not sure if that’s making the breakup feel a little easier, or if it’s simply too early to know.

I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve been in similar situations.
Have you dated someone whose views on monogamy and non-monogamy differed from yours?
Did it end up being a fundamental incompatibility, or were you able to work through it?
If you’ve been curious about sexual exploration, how did you distinguish between wanting to explore and wanting a different kind of relationship?
Looking back, do you think these kinds of conversations are healthy to have early, or can they unintentionally create insecurity?
I’m not looking to blame either of us or argue that one relationship style is better than another. I’m genuinely trying to understand what happened and what I want going forward.

Hi,

I am looking for a space in London to practice my Spanish speaking. I’ve learnt the basic and all other necessities but it feels a bit isolated. So is there any space or groups where I can go to immerse myself regularly?

Thank you