u/BusyInspector95

I'm 32 and I feel like I've completely ruined my life.

I was with my ex for 10 years. Ten years without a ring or even serious conversations about marriage. Looking back, I don't know why I stayed. I think it's because he was the first person who made me feel seen.

I grew up in a home where my sister was always the priority. She was loved unconditionally while I constantly felt forgotten. My mother was emotionally abusive, my father never stood up for me, and I spent my childhood trying not to do anything wrong. So when someone finally made me feel special, I clung to him. I excused the emotional and verbal abuse. I lied to my parents to make him look good. I even let him drive my brand new car, which he eventually wrecked.

Last year I found out I was pregnant. I didn't want to continue the pregnancy. There were talks of retrenchment at work, I didn't feel ready, and I had this overwhelming feeling of dread.

My ex (I'll call him John) desperately wanted to be a father. He convinced me to go through with the pregnancy because he thought this might be his only chance. I agreed. Part of me was even happy because I thought maybe we'd finally become the happy family I'd always wanted. Maybe my mother would finally love me if I gave her her first grandchild.

Instead, everything fell apart.

John lost his job. Then I lost mine. Our son was born.

Despite everything, I love my baby more than I ever imagined possible. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

But my pregnancy was incredibly lonely. We lived far away from my family, and John wasn't emotionally there for me. He loved telling everyone he was going to be a dad, but he didn't care much about what I was going through. I felt completely alone.

After we both lost our jobs, we had to move back to our hometown. My mother gave me an ultimatum: leave John or I couldn't live with them.

It caused the biggest fight of our relationship, and we finally broke up. My baby and I moved in with my parents, while John moved in with his sister.

As painful as it was, I honestly think my mother did me a huge favour by forcing that decision. Being away from him made me realise just how manipulative, controlling and emotionally abusive he had been for years. I should have left long ago.

Now I'm stuck in a different kind of toxic environment.

Every time I do something my mother doesn't like, she calls me a whore. She threatens to take my baby away so I'll never see him again. She constantly reminds me that I stayed with "trash" for 10 years. She ignores every boundary I set with my son, and if I stand up for myself, I'm verbally attacked all over again.

To make things harder, John's parents are visiting from overseas. They recently lost their daughter and wanted to meet their grandson for the first time. I genuinely feel for them.

The problem is I have to be present during the visits because when I wasn't there, they ignored every rule I had for my baby. So now every visit means sitting across from John while he undermines me and treats me like dirt. I'm only planning to do this two more times before they leave.

I also have postpartum depression.

Most mornings I wake up only because my baby needs me. He's the reason I keep going.

I'm also struggling to find work. I have two degrees that I worked incredibly hard for. I studied while working and paid for them myself. Right now they feel completely worthless because I can't even get a job. I know the job market is terrible, but it's hard not to wonder why everything seems to be falling apart at once.

I look at my life and wonder how I got here.

I'm 32, unemployed, a single mother, living with my parents, trapped between an abusive ex and an emotionally abusive mother.

I love my son more than anything, and I don't regret him for a second. But I regret not leaving years earlier. I regret ignoring all the red flags. I regret believing things would magically get better.

I'm just so tired.

I (31f) unfortunately was blinded by my first love and I followed him every time he got a new job. We were never married. Because he was 'waiting for the right moment.' Then the 10 year mark hit. And I got pregnant. It was accidental. And I struggled a lot with keeping the baby or not. We decided to keep it because he wanted to be a father.

Come to find out he's been telling everyone that'll listen he never wanted to be a dad. He didn't really want the baby. We broke up for numerous of reasons, but now I'm living with my parents, unable to find stable employment (or any employment at that. We live in a very small town). And I'm suffering with ppd.

I don't know what to do anymore. My mother is taking over being a mom for my child because I apparently don't know how. He's not paying anything for the child but he's threatening daily to take him away from me. So is my mother if I decide to move out.

I'm tired guys. Do you guys know of any resources that can help me?

I have a degree in criminology and psychology but I'm struggling to get into the masters program.

Edit to add: I know this is my own fault and doing. I woke up way too late

As I'm watching See You at Work Tomorrow, I realised this might end up being another drama I drop. I usually give every drama five episodes before I decide, but the first two episodes have been a struggle to get through.

It also got me thinking... how does Seo In-guk keep ending up in dramas that don't really let him show what he can do? He's such a good actor.

For me, Cafe Minamdang is still where he shines the most. He was hilarious, emotional, chaotic—you really got to see his range. And then in Project Wolf Hunting, he completely switched gears and absolutely nailed that unhinged, terrifying character.

I don't even think it's his acting that's the problem. I think he's been picking weak scripts lately. His last three dramas just haven't done his talent justice, which is disappointing because I know he's capable of so much more.

Maybe it's just me, but I really want him to get another role that reminds everyone how good he actually is.

Hey there!

I'm 31, from the Free State, single and mom to a little one who's currently running the show. I'm hoping to make some genuine friends to chat with throughout the day.

Before becoming a mom, my hobbies included:

Star Wars (the original movies—the new ones are crap)

Gardening when the weather cooperates

Embroidery

Painting

Jogging

Collecting James Bond model cars

These days, though, most of those hobbies have taken a back seat to nappies, bottles, and trying to remember what uninterrupted sleep feels like.

I'm happy to chat about pretty much anything—movies, games, parenting, hobbies, or just how your day's going. If you're looking for a new friend too, feel free to send me a message! 😊

I've been seeing those cake picnics on Instagram where everyone brings a cake, pays a small fee, and then gets to try all the different cakes people brought. It looks like such a fun way to meet people and do something a little different.

Whenever people ask this question, the answer is usually "just use Meetup," but I've lived in a few places where Meetup isn't really active, so that's not always a realistic option.

I feel like so many social activities revolve around going out drinking or having a braai, and while there's nothing wrong with that, I'd love to see more unique events and ways to meet people.

What do you feel is missing in your town or city? More hobby groups? Creative workshops? Sports leagues? Game nights? Food events? Festivals? Places to meet people that don't revolve around alcohol?

I'm curious what other people wish existed where they live.

Hate is a strong word but at this moment I don't know what to say. I love my baby boy. More than life itself. I think I'll actually kill for him. He's such a bright light in my life. I love his smile, his giggles, his everything. He's now 5 months old and the way he eats his hands is at the moment my favourite thing to watch.

But I hate the fact that I had to get an emergency c-section a month and 4 days before his actual due date. I hate that he's behind in all of his milestones. I hate that we were told to ot feed him solids until 7 months because then he'll actually technically be 6. I hate that his niece that was born the same month as him but on her due date is so much more ahead of him in her milestones. I hate this.

And I know babies will get there when they get there. But honestly I think I'm putting too much pressure on myself to show my parents that I'm a good mom, because apparently I'm not and I know nothing. So him being behind, feels like I'm a bad mom. Feels like I'm not doing enough. My parents are judging me and my friends are questioning me of I'm doing all the excersises I should with him.

I hate that no one listens too me when I tell them no he's a premi he shouldn't be doing that and just judges me. I just hate everything about this.

I sometimes wish I could take my child and live on a farm far away from everything and everyone. That it could just be us and the chickens and the whatever we have on our little farm. Where no one judges me for him not reaching a milestone and for me not to feel so terrible about myself constantly.

Let me just say this again. I LOVE my son. With everything that I am. I've never loved anyone or anything this much. I just hate the situation.

I don't know if I'm the only one who feels like this.

When I'm pumping, something changes. I feel vulnerable. I feel exposed. I feel stuck. I can't just get up and walk away when I need space.

Maybe it's the sensory overload. Maybe it's the fact that I'm already being touched by a machine. Maybe it's because pumping is so physically and emotionally draining.

All I know is that when partner touches me while I'm pumping, my whole body wants to pull away. I tense up. I feel trapped. And he just f doesn't get it. Too him it's just a touch. To me it's a overwhelming sensory overload. My fight or flight response kicks in and we usually, always fight about just one touch.

Does anyone else experience this, or am I alone in feeling this way?

I’m genuinely curious because my family is dealing with something similar at the moment.

My mother has had the same domestic worker for about 4 years and the same garden helper for over 10 years. She’s always been incredibly generous with them. She gives them old clothes, brand new clothes, shoes, pots, household items — basically anything she no longer needs, bought too much of, or thinks they could use. Honestly, sometimes I joke that she spoils them more than me 😅 She also regularly buys them food staples like 10kg rice, potatoes, and other groceries at least once a month. On top of that, she pays them above the usual rate.

Recently, though, she’s started feeling hurt because they don’t really say thank you anymore. They just take the items as if it’s expected.

The situation that upset her the most happened recently with some of my baby’s old clothes. My mother planned to give them to a friend whose daughter is expecting a baby boy. The domestic worker saw the clothes and just took them, assuming they were meant for her.

When my mother asked what she was doing, she said she thought any old clothes belonging to the baby would automatically go to her. My mom asked whether someone in her family was expecting a baby, and she said no. My mother then explained that the clothes were already intended for someone else, and the worker became upset and didn’t come to work the next day.

Since then, my mother says she doesn’t feel like giving them anything anymore. And honestly, I understand why. But at the same time, she has helped them a lot over the years, especially with food, and I’d feel bad if that suddenly stopped completely.

I’ve also given them quite a few things myself this year. For example, I bought the garden helper’s daughter a really good quality school backpack with all her supplies. It wasn’t cheap, but I wanted to buy something durable that would last for years. A while later, he cornered me and asked me to buy another bag because this one had apparently broken. I asked him to send me a photo because the bag has a 2-year warranty, so I could replace it if needed. He never sent the photo or showed me the damage, but he kept asking for a new bag until I eventually said no. Since then, he’s been ignoring me.

I feel like my mother may have unintentionally created the expectation that they’ll always receive extra things, and now it’s becoming uncomfortable for everyone involved.

So I’m curious how other people handle this. Do you give domestic workers gifts, groceries, clothes, etc.? Has it ever become awkward or expected over time? Or do you think it’s better to simply pay fair wages and keep things professional?

I literally posted today about how MIL kept posting photos after I told her to stop. And asking advice how people set the boundaries about grandparents posting.

My parents luckily don't have social media and FIL as well. So I basically had to have the talk with MIL AGAIN! (Father of LO is an asshole and a mama's boy and just says yes to everything his mother wants. That's why I'm not turning to him to talk to his mother. )

I told her firmly I will not tolerate her posting photos of my baby. She came back with the most shit response. If she can't post photos of the baby then they'll be missing out on seeing the baby grow up.

I was like excuse me how is your math mathing? I didn't say I'm not sending you photos anymore. I'm asking you to use your brain and stop posting photos on your social media.

She then came up with this thing about if we still send her photos over WhatsApp the location can still be tracked so she doesn't understand why I don't want her to post photos if I keep sending them.

I send her 99.9% of the photos. I told her of she keeps giving me these shit answers and trying to cross my boundaries she'll never see a single photo of my baby again because her son DOESNT TAKE PHOTOS OF THE BABY or send her. He asked me to do it every time.

She came up with something else. Like how are all her family members going to see. And I said Sheila you're done (name not Sheila). You've just lost the privilege of photos to your grand child until you can tell me you understand my boundaries.

I even sent her videos on this. Of the porn that's being made with these photos and she still comes with this shit .

So now I'm apparently very mean and cruel and I said fuck you and blocked her again. I'm so mad right now. Why is it that they don't understand our boundaries

My ...... I don't know what he is anymore. But any MIL is post happy. I don't have social media but I was recently informed AFTER I discussed it with her that she still posts on Facebook LO photos. Her most recent photo she posted was one of me mere hours after giving birth. One I did not consent even to be sent to her. I don't know why this woman thinks it's okay to post my or my child's face on social media.

How did you handle continued crossing of boundries? Her son will still probably send her stuff so not sending her stuff won't work.

My fiance and I have a 4 month old son. Unfortunately like so many he changed so unbearably much once the baby was born. And I'm done. I can't anymore. It's been coming for a while anyway.

But what can I do?

He lost his job recently and we're stuck living with my parents.

What are my legal rights with my baby and everything. He keeps threatening to take my baby away because he doesn't like my parents and what they do.

I don't want to take the baby away from him but he's also a drunkard and I don't want the baby to be left with him unsupervised.

Do I have to go to court to fight for custody? Does it have to get legal?

I think I'll have to make it a legal thing. Because he threatens the police as well.

I don't know what to do. I feel so devastated and lost. We don't have any assets that are both of ours. Just baby.

I also want to change my baby's surname to mine.

Can anyone give me any advice

My sister bought me and LO matching shirt and onesie saying our first mother's day. She gave it to us a few days before. Partner thought it very cute and sent photos to his mother (without us in it).

On mother's day MIL video called us. (She lives in another country) Low and behold she has on the EXACT same shirt as the one my sister got me. (Sister bought it from Temu. So it was very easy for MIL to get the same shirt and they deliver really quickly in her country. Before anyone tells me it's sweat shops and and and. This isn't about that right now)

I was flabbergasted. Partner was surprised too but laughed and said the shirt didn't fit her at all.

She asked him, because I left the room but I could still hear her. To send her a photo of just him in the onesie so she can 'AI it so that it looks like they are together and that they are matching'. Partner said he'll ask me cause his phone cracked. They even called on my phone. Partner asked me. I said I'm not doing that and he just said ok. He thought it was weird. Asked him why he didn't tell his mother that. Said he didn't want to cause trouble on mother's day.

The day went by without anything much. Monday aswell didn't hear anything. But yesterday MIL messaged me. Saying how disappointed she was in. Me that I didn't sent her a photo of him. She wanted to do a special MD photo with him and I robbed her of it. I just told her its my first mother's day with him she can't just steal everything. She sent a ton more messages but after that I blocked her. Partner said he's not even going to go get his phone fixed.( He does have a business phone he uses until he can get to the shop to fix his personal but Mil doesn't have that number) Because he knows he'll have 100 messages complaining about something stupid.

My sister(28f) is my (30f) baby's godmother. She doesn't have any kids of her own. This was my first mother's day with baby. So my mom's first as a grandmother and my sister's first as a godmother.

I obviously got my mother something. My husband got me something too. And then I was surprised to receive 2 gifts from my sister and one from my mother. I wasn't expecting that.

My mother then asked where my sisters gift is because she's his godmother and this is her first mother's day as such. I was like omw I didn't know I should buy her something because in my mind she's not a mother and I'm not her child nor her partner.

My mother then said but she got you something and I said while I appreciate it she bought it out of her own free will and I didn't ask her to get me anything.

My mother said I'm an asshole for speaking Bout my sister that way and to make up for what I said I should buy her a gift

I just.... Don't want too. Her birthday is also next month and I have a big surprise for her the. Which is already a huge chunk of money for me. And now I have to get her something because she's godmother too???!!!!

I suddenly hate my husband even going in for a hug. It's the most frustrating and sad feeling I've ever felt. I hate when he cuddles me in bed or when we do smexy time. I hate him holding my hand or even breathing close to me. I absolutely hate having him in my personal space these days. Even when I play with baby and he's there I hate it

I hate feeling trapped by his arms in a hug or a cuddle. I would much rather sit with my baby screaming in my ears than being lovenly touched by my husband.

I'm curious to know. I've been EP from the beginning (so four months). The longest I've pumped was 45 Min but that was when the milk just didn't stop flowing. So now I just pump between 15 to 30 Min. Depending on my time.

I'm a just enough-er so the milk kinda just stoops at 25 Min anyway