u/BuyWonderful

"If someone really wants you dead, there's nothing you can do to stop them."

I was 5 the first time I remember my mother telling me that, and although I didn't really understand the implications of death at that age, I could tell by her eerie sing song voice, that it wasn't a good thing.

She repeated this manta throughout my childhood, usually whenever she set up one of her games for me. The games, I shudder to call it such a thing now I'm an adult, but the 'games' really just consisted of me staying alive.

She would set up trip hazards on the stairs, leave the toaster teetering on the edge of my running bath, put bleach in my cereal, and one of the worst, setting fire to the house with me inside it.

My dad never suspected anything sinister, he was entranced by my mother and according to her, I was simply a clumsy child, and at times, a dangerous one at that. He left it up to her to reprimand me and when he left for work, she would give me a wink as if we were in this conspiracy together.

I never told anyone because who would've believed me? I moved out as soon as I could at 17, and basically went no contact with my family. Well I would have, but since I've been on my own, strange things have been happening and I'm thinking of reaching out to my mother for help. It sounds crazy to even write that down after everything.. but.. things aren't good.

Firstly, I've been hearing that damn mantra. I swear I'm not crazy, I don't hear voices as such.. but those words are constantly ringing in my head.

And secondly.. I've had a lot of near misses. My slow cooker soup was filled with what smelled like paint thinners, I found rat poison in my coffee cannister. The breaks on my car were cut, but I was lucky and only hit the power pole at low speed. When I checked out of hospital, a car swerved to hit me, and drove off before I could see who was behind the wheel.

I'm scared. I feel like my nervous system is frayed. Between being extra vigilant, double checking everything I'm eating and drinking, I have barely slept.

I want to ask my mum why she was preparing for me to die my whole life.

But when I call, and my dad answers, he tells me over the phone in a perplexed voice that he's never had kids, never even been married, actually.

I wonder how come they changed it?

Sunday morning here, I'm enjoying a coffee in the quiet with a candle, my dogs snoozing and snoring on the couch next to me.

Eventually I'll get up, open the curtains and let in the sunlight (when it rises). I'll unload the dishwasher, make some brunch, more coffee.

A load of washing to wash and hang, another load to fold and put away.

A bit later on, I'll get the slow cooker going, I really love the smell of delicious food cooking all day and making my home smell amazing. Plus then, all I need to do tonight, is serve. Easy :)

I'll take my dog for a stroll around the block, sit down and plan the week ahead and write down my goals and to do's. Have a hot bath and read some of my thriller book

I love a slow Sunday. What's everyone's plans?