u/BuyerOk7769

When I was younger I tried cold approach for the first time. It went so badly I decided that I wouldn’t purse a woman unless a connection was already established. Shortly after this I was at a trampoline park with some friends. I was sitting down a beautiful and a woman more confident then most sat next to me and just started talking. She complimented me and we talked about school music and anime. After words we exchanged information and she just walked off. I didn’t realize what just happened till my friends walked up and looked at me like I won the noble peace prize.
This isn’t the first time this happened. When I was in middle school a girl just confessed I was her boyfriend without even asking.

I don’t understand why this isn’t normal it’s literally a low risk high reward. For a man it’s a high risk high reward due to the fear of being labeled a weirdo creep pervert and if it’s your coworker it can risk your job. I understand a lot of women value assertiveness in a partner but come on. You can tell from a first glance if you’re into someone or not. I thought women want to go against gender norms, women up and don’t be scared to make the first move.

A lot of this sub is just men complaining about women so I’ll give you all the floor. What do you actually want in a man? Whether it be looks, personality, hobbies or even income. What are some red flags what are some green flags and what should men do more. I implore you to be direct and maybe just maybe dudes can actually benefit from this post.

My dad died recently at the age of 52. This hurt me worse than anything I’ve ever experienced. For some context I’m 20 and was born with a stutter and I have serious social anxiety because of it. He was really the only person I talked to on a regular basis. My parents got divorced and I was living with him for about two years in an old trailer. These past few months have been a lot. Moving in with my mom, figuring out where his stuff is going, the funeral the cremation finding a job so I’m not a financial burden on my mother. I endure all this with no friends. It’s to much to bare and then it hit me”why should I keep going when I’ve always been so miserable?” I never had these thoughts before but now it’s all I think about. I don’t want to work I don’t want to sleep on a couch I don’t want to do anything.

There’s a quote from a anime called Vinland Saga. “Do people only leave because they’re scared to die? All the years of my life nothing good has ever happened to me.” I think about this often.

I was talking to my coworker about and she said. It’s crazy how little effort most men put in there looks and I agreed. Then I thought about it after work and I came to a conclusion. I use a cleanser, moisturizer, hair oil and conditioner for the hair on my head and beard, Toothpaste mouthwash and cologne etc, I also weight train. After all that i still feel extremely average and rarely get compliments. All this things I assume most men do to be perceived as normal. I’m aware men don’t use makeup but not all women do either and very little women work out consistently and count macros and calories. So my conclusion is that men should put equal or at least a close amount of effort in their appearance. Could be completely wrong.

I’ll start with a personal experience, when I was a jr in high school I meet a girl at a trampoline park. She wasn’t exactly my type, I’m biracial and I normally date people with a complexion similar or darker than my own and she was white as snow. Yet she was nice and complimented me, plus I was single so why not. The affect of this was a relationship that lasted all the way through high school and beyond tell she went to college in a different state and decided that long distance wasn’t the move because how young we were.(I was heartbroken.) since then dating has been horrible for me for various reasons. From spending my paycheck on a date just to be ghosted to being in a short lived toxic and frankly abusive relationship it has gotten to the point we’re I’m tired of people yet I can’t stand being alone(and watching porn.)

That’s enough venting. There’s an old statistic from 2009. This statistic was women to find 80% of men to be unattractive on dating apps. I am aware this is old and taking out context, but the point still stands. I believe that most men either don’t care about standards or treat them like your favorite meal. Everyone has a favorite meal, but if you’re hungry, you’ll eat about anything. Yet from what I experienced it seems most women have a very specific idea of what man they want and everything else is a bore. I’m still in my early 20s not financially stable which is normal for people my age yet that’s not good enough for most women. Which is why I believe women tend to date up and older.

So in conclusion…the best relationship I had with a woman is a my cat cinnamon , And my mom

I think it is objective that men have it have it worse for a variety of reasons. for example, on dating apps (which is the most common way people meet their partner now) theres a study that shows women find 80 percent of men to be unattractive. further more the second most common way is through friends. Gen Z has the lowest reported friends compared to other generation des the internet. finances, men are objectively judged heavier by women for being “broke.” I believe no man has ever berated and mocked a woman for being broke and if so has he’s a moron. we live in a time of economic uncertainty yet men even young men are looked down for it even though a large number of mid 20s adults male or female live with there parents. truly sad.

My dad died on July 11, It still feels absurd to admit.
He was 52 and had a moderately successful pool remodeling business where I worked when I got out of high school. After a failed job that sucked up the company’s finances and my mother divorcing him because I guess 3 kids and a house wasn’t enough for her, me and my dad moved into an old trailer. After months of hard work(that I rarely got paid for)
And failure after failure I watched one of the most motivated and sure man turn into a bitter resentful person. Yet he always said,” if we could just endure, make enough money, and get enough clients everything will be fine and this we’ll be put behind us.”that day never came. He was found face down in an empty pool in 90 degree weather. After going through his belongings or lack there of, I inherited 300 dollars and a decent laptop. Now I have to move on find a job and live the rest of my life without him, i miss him so much. Thoughts? 😁