u/CV2nm

Just got an offer to study at Bournemouth Uni. Currently surf at the witterings mainly and north Devon a few times a year if I can (usually spring and summer season), and have visited boscombe only the once in winter when the sun set too early to really enjoy it by time I arrived :(

Are there any locals or frequent surfers who can share tips and spots? I know it's a can be flat but work sometimes kinda place, but how often does it work? I'm assuming winter there is more opportunities. Are the locals friendly 😂

...and stop being so damn defensive and argumentive when I bring it up. Like you guys (directed at them) are constantly telling me to reflect on treatment plans, mental health, lifestyle, but you've never reflected on your behavior. I reflect everyday. I'm so hyper aware of my behavior, activities, who I interact with and how, it's impossible to feel free in a moment and not constantly catering feelings of healthier people.

So here are my things:

- stop telling me how busy you are which is why you don't bother. You haven't made the time.

- stop acting like I'm not busy, don't have hobbies, responsibilities, or a life, and I'm just begging you for attention from your so busy lives. No, I'm reaching out to a friend the exact same way I did before, just now it's because I'm in pain, not because my boss annoyed me or a guy im dating.

- stop acting like sending a text saying I hope you're okay is enough to never visit, help, or go a year or two without doing so. It's fine that you don't help, but simply being my friend isn't helping, sure from a wellbeing sense it does, but you're not physically taking me to appointments or helping with my discharge home. You don't come to my aid when I'm stuck on the floor. Hanging out with me isn't helping. Don't reduce your company to a chore or service.

- don't tell me you can't find the time because you only get two days off work when visiting you means hooking a day off work to rest off symptoms the next day. I made it work around my condition. You're not meeting me halfway. I'm not asking too much. You are for always asking me to get sick and have bed rest days in order to spend a day at your house having a cup of tea. The train is 1/2 hours. How can you not book one day for me?

- you need to accept at some point if you don't bother, I'm going to end the friendship. Being sick doesn't mean I deserve a friendship that feels unbalanced, where I feel isolated, lonely and left behind. Where I'm forgotten about unless I'm in good health at the time.

I've been doing a purge over the last few months of people who don't make me feel good inside about my condition. I give people a chance to discuss it with me, and for us both to reflect on changes we can both make before I walk away. But I'm getting tired of hearing "I'm so busy" and realising how little they noticed the effort/toll on my body making all the effort to travel to their place, on their time and schedule, has on my life. Actually, I'm quite disappointed in the friend as I thought they were aware of how much it effects me, but I did it because I valued the time with her.

Anyone else wanna add anything to the list? Let's get it going lol 😆

I'm just intrigued more than anything. had a traumatic life experience recently and picked up the vape after quitting again a few weeks ago, fortunately, I haven't had much issue stopping this week, apart from a bit of irritability and increased neuropathic pain (I have nerve damage and musclar dysfunction which the vape was not helping with).

I'm on day 2/3, it's difficult to tell as I didn't quit, I just didn't buy one, so I can't remember when exactly it ran out and I stopped using it, which is a good sign as normally I can remember the exact hour when I've stopped before 😂 one thing I've noticed is the raging anxiety has stopped and internal sense of dread/doom.

Previously, vaping had always relieved this, but I've found since I stopped being a regular vaper and just keep relapsing for short period, this only last the first few days and then is replaced with low mood, increased neuropathic pain, no appetite and feeling generally crap and a bit of brain fog. But crap in every way, like I felt crap about myself, my self esteem, my body, my happiness, my skin, teeth, gut health, sleep it all felt like the vape took a hit on it. But not as much as it did on my mood and anxiety levels.

The brain fog has pretty much gone now and my mood is lifting. I'm in a bad mood today because of pain, but I feel able to regulate so much better than yesterday, or the day before.

Does anyone know why vaping causes issues with mental health? Id be interested to know if it's just beyond the craving and dependency, as Ive been a smoker in the past and used the tank based products when they were popular years ago over disposable, and I do not remember this experience.

Thank you :)

I'm now carrying a huge weight of having to make a report against someone for an act that didn't happen, but could have happened because they did it to someone else.

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I was intimate with a man who injured me during sex, he was pushy, and got aggressive when I withdrew consent. I have endomitriosis and nerve damage and the ordeal triggered a flare, as Everytime he talked me back into trying, my body rejected him more. He knew I was in pain. I'm aware I can report him for that, because if we had stopped sooner I wouldn't have been injured.

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He did however, respect my withdrawal. I left the room to deescalate things when he got aggressive. Today, I spoke with his ex wife, who he claimed had made false allegations against him. She's been beaten. Hit. He's punched pillows to avoid punching her. It could have been me. If I stayed in the room. It could have been me. I feel lucky my instincts kicked in and I got out and he left me alone. Then I feel sick to my stomach thinking if I didn't. Then I feel ashamed I feel lucky when someone was beaten. I feel guilty if I don't help them, the kids will be hurt too. But then I don't know why I have to carry the messy divorce mixed with domestic abuse. I only knew him socially through friends. My entire social club could turn on me for this. I feel evil. Why is that my focus over another womans safety.

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Am I a terrible person? I don't want to go to the police interview. I'm just out of hospital. I don't want to make a report. I wanted to understand the type of person he was to protect myself from. I was hurt too. So maybe I am a victim. I don't know. I don't feel like a victim. I feel lucky. I feel proud of my instincts. I feel like someone, my nan, I always feel her with me in hard times, protected me, and told me to leave the room, make enough noise to wake his dad, stay away from him that night. I barely slept. I knew something wasn't right. But I don't feel like a victim. But I feel like a piece of shit for not wanting to make a report that will protect one.

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Thank you for reading this.

Well I've reached the lowest point socially. Apparently even hanging out now and expecting someone to turn up is seen as a weighted commitment.

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My friend, who is aware I was dangerously unwell in hospital only days ago, couldn't be arsed to check his schedule and make sure he was actually free weeks ago, but this is also my fault because I'm sick right, so I've got nothing better to do than manage other people's schedules. Tbf he couldn't be arsed to visit me in the hospital, or after discharge, help with discharge, and never does. But he hangs out with me. Maybe he'll bring toliet paper with him occasionally. Bring a random new mop I didn't ask for or need (as my problem is actually mopping) and then sing and dance he's the bestest mate ever while using my flat to game, eat takeout and leave the trial of mess behind for me to clean.

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Often, I've suggested things out and about as I'm housebound often for extended periods and appreciate anytime I get outdoors. We rarely do them. My friend has become my former ex in that he now views everything I want to do "impossible due to symptoms" but his idea "safe and unreasonable" usually being the thing, he wants to do anyway.

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Well to top it all off, that was also a service provision and because he's not my boyfriend, I'm asking too much for him to actually check his calendar when making plans with me several weeks in advance. So either, he's been helping to try to become my boyfriend, or he views just turning up to my place and seeing me as doing me an act of service rather than being a friend to me.

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I hate this. I can't wait to move and start fresh where anyone who meets me, meets me as this version of me, and won't pity me, or take advantage of me, or use my weaknesses against me when I'm at my worst health wise. I cant believe a friend would happily decline my requests for help when I was in hospital earlier this week, and then take the higher ground when bailing on me later in the week once I'm settled at home (for plans made even before I had this recent flare) because even coming should be seen as some sort of blessing, bare minimum I'm forced to accept because I'm sick.

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Thanks for attending my rant if you've got this far.

Ended up having a weekend of fun with a divorced man that went sour fast. It was purely physical, although there was a connection, his life was too dumpster fire level to want any involvement, and after him announcing to everyone in our sports club he was doing me, I was ready to opt out after the weekend (I was already staying at his place that night and had alcohol etc to do the long drive home although was sober to consent, driving laws are strict here).

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He'd stayed over at my place prior for a night. I thought it was okay. But clearly me listening (aka. tuning out and daydreaming about my own life) to his ex wife problems gave him the green flag to treat me like her for the evening. I made it clear to him due to some pelvic related health conditions and endo, I didn't feel up for sex tonight, so I'd please him instead. He was insitance on trying when I started and I agreed to try and stop if it hurt. So we stopped after trying. He suggested a cuddle, then wanted to try again, I thought at this point, it would be over soon (how awful that sounds I know and I hate myself for it) but he wasn't even able to maintain an erection and kept pounding, quite hard at some points into me in an attempt to get it harder.

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I suggested stopping, saying it hurt and he wasn't erect anyway, and he told me to shut up. I left the room and stayed in his daughters bed, who his ex wife currently has custody of. The next morning he explained his ex wife had pressured him in the bedroom, and accused him of being rough also in the divorce case to get custody of the kids. I was starting to see how her accusations had come to light, as I believe I saw that night, how he treated her. He even tried to stop me sharing photos of myself (not him) taking a walk in their village Incase she used it against him in the case. I ended things at that point.

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Since the sex, I started losing the ability to urinate and open my bowels. It got worse as the day went on. He was aware I was in pain, but seemed unconcerned, and once hospitalized, I found out he had gone to the beach, knowing I was in hospital having my bladder drained from the injuries. He started gaslighting me, continuing too as the morphine set in, provoking me from afar as I lay in a hospital bed out of it. He's now using this to claim I'm also a crazy woman, like his ex. I mean he could have swung that theory at that point. Then the heavy bleeding started, pain. Fatigue, sickness. Fevers from swelling. I was finally able to tolerate an examination. My doctors have confirmed sexual trauma, and have supported me making a report if I want too. I've been encouraged to make one.

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I've known this guy only a couple of weeks. We're part of a shared social club, that he dominates as I visit it from out of town. I do not wish to drag myself into divorce court trauma, been shunned from the group, but I am also feeling that this dude will do this regardless of what I do at this point. First, I saw it as a misadventue, but this dude knows I'm coming home from hospital to an empty fridge (as he cleared it with false promises of buying takeout) and it all feels very wrong.

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I really like to hear from someone on here.

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Thanks.

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Born in Coventry in 90s. Moved to South West of england for university before returning for 2/3 years in my 20s and then heading off again. Despite living overseas, in several places of the UK, I got caught off guard yesterday (south of UK) asking a friend for a bacon batch and was met with the confusion for the first time in a while (I guess I haven't ordered one or people have just gone along with it!) by what I said. Immediately asked did I say bap? Because it's called a roll 😂 the confusion just continued when I explained that we don't say bap either.

For the first time in a while i missed my hometown. Coventry has not been home for me for many years, but it's always nice to remember the little parts of it you take with you after you leave 😂

A dude in my sports group and I got chatting more frequently on our clubs group chat, but have never moved it into a private chat between the two of us. We spoke in passing before, but this was the first time we really spoke properly and joked with each other etc.

Then he started liking every photo or post I put up, stories on social media. I had some foxes (UK based) essentially start a brothel/orgy in the back of my garden and it's been a running theme on my social media a few weeks, the noises they make are pretty hilarious. In this time, he also has now adopted a fox, and started posting about it pretty frequently. If I respond to his post, the conversation is barely more than a message or two. It's 1/2 months of this, and id like a mans perspective if possible please.

I'm 33, so this school kid orbiting stuff went from flirty and fun to blue balls pretty quick (despite not having balls I know), so I made an effort to go to the next social he went too as the club is based out of town for me so I can't go as often. We hugged for the first time (I sound about 12 I'm aware), and he hung out with me in the group, and chatted for a bit together. Then his friend introduced himself and got caught up chatting over a similar injury we had, so he goes off to do something else.

I managed to catch him again before the end of the activity, but as he's a coach, I didn't want to distract him either from his job once the activity had started as he was technically working. He shared something personal/sensitive about himself while doing part of the activity together with me, and we spoke about it. I thought finally we were getting somewhere and the blue balls of likes would end.

No. He makes an effort to find me when he's leaving to say goodbye. Within 30 minutes of him leaving - back to liking photos. I've tried messaging him directly, but he doesn't reply. I'm going to see him again at some point, as his mate has basically adopted me now as his injury buddy (purely platonic, we've discussed that element already as I didn't want to give the wrong impression to him when I'm interested in someone else).

I really don't know what is going on with this guy. Can a man give perspective of why their is so much dedication to social media engagement with me, but texting me on a one-one chat is not possible!?!? 🤣😂

A dude in my sports group and I got chatting more frequently on our clubs group chat, but have never moved it into a private chat between the two of us. We spoke in passing before, but this was the first time we really spoke properly and joked with each other etc.

Then he started liking every photo or post I put up, stories on social media. I had some foxes (UK based) essentially start a brothel/orgy in the back of my garden and it's been a running theme on my social media a few weeks, the noises they make are pretty hilarious. In this time, he also has now adopted a fox, and started posting about it pretty frequently. If I respond to his post, the conversation is barely more than a message or two. It's 1/2 months of this, and id like a mans perspective if possible please.

I'm 33, so this school kid orbiting stuff went from flirty and fun to blue balls pretty quick (despite not having balls I know), so I made an effort to go to the next social he went too as the club is based out of town for me so I can't go as often. We hugged for the first time (I sound about 12 I'm aware), and he hung out with me in the group, and chatted for a bit together. Then his friend introduced himself and got caught up chatting over a similar injury we had, so he goes off to do something else.

I managed to catch him again before the end of the activity, but as he's a coach, I didn't want to distract him either from his job once the activity had started as he was technically working. He shared something personal/sensitive about himself while doing part of the activity together with me, and we spoke about it. I thought finally we were getting somewhere and the blue balls of likes would end.

No. He makes an effort to find me when he's leaving to say goodbye. Within 30 minutes of him leaving - back to liking photos. I've tried messaging him directly, but he doesn't reply. I'm going to see him again at some point, as his mate has basically adopted me now as his injury buddy (purely platonic, we've discussed that element already as I didn't want to give the wrong impression to him when I'm interested in someone else).

I really don't know what is going on with this guy. Can a man give perspective of why their is so much dedication to social media engagement with me, but texting me on a one-one chat is not possible!?!? 🤣😂

I stupidly got back into vaping on and off after a period of bad health (not caused by it but one of those well I'm screwed up already and never getting better so screw it) but I realised it makes my nerve pain worse after using it consistently like a regular vaper for a bit. I've "accidentally" got rehooked for various reasons for short period, one being right now.

After being told by my consultant last week I'll never make a full recovery and always have on/off nerve pain, I literally have to stop or I'm self inflicting neuropathic pain lol 😂 so anyway, I'm on day 4. Day 2 I didn't sleep. Day 3 I was too sleep deprived to care. Day 4 even being stoned and dizapem ain't making me happier (I'm prescribed these for my injury). My nerve pain is worse, always rebounds on day 4/6 of quitting after an initial relief from pain, almost "cure" entirely followed by a crash when I'm fully nicotine empty in my body.

Today I cannot stop crying. Im just crying constantly. I'm already upset by the news, and yeah, it probably wasn't the best time to quit, but the reasons justified the discomfort for me, although I'm reconsidering that now.

The only thing getting me to the end of today is knowing I have a sleeping pill (the doctor basically threw them at me after my sad diagnosis last week when I cried AGAIN, I won't STOP), because honestly the mind is going to some dark arse places. Every nicotine withdrawal off vapes is different. It must be what is in them. I'm looking forward to passing the first week and feeling the benefits of the neuropathic pain easing (sadly doesn't remove it totally quitting) and feeling more healthier for rehabilitation.

Oh I also ate an entire share bag of chocolate bars. And then cried. Help me lol.

So you're living with a chronic medical condition, which maybe makes the standard trips/holidays away, activities out or booking overpriced therapies already a nightmare to navigate. So why is it always the ones organizing the overpriced therapies, the wellness retreats, the people obsessed with yoga, meditation, mindfulness that they turned it into a career, that then seems to be the ***holes.

I've just left early a wellness retreat, focused on mobility, strength training, yoga and surfing, eating healthy food, calm, quiet location etc. All that jazz because the host spent my birthday, and remaining days at the property berating me because my medical condition disrupted her vague schedule of overcharged activities she had planned for me and other more able bodied guests. Apparently i can't feel my left leg when I put weight on it after her yoga class arranged wasn't a good enough reason.

Naturally the stay from hell ended up triggering a flare up, so the staff and host laid on thick how unaware they are were aswell as inappropriate it was for me to engage in a wellness retreat when symptoms reach a level that impacts my mobility and engagement in activities (despite being controlled now and many flares being manageable) despite me disclosing it upon booking and discussing it at many times, where they appeared disinterested in listening to me explaining what my problems where and what I could do and couldn't do as a result during my stay. They don't listen. They are just like everyone else, except now, these are the people offering solutions and answers, who actually, aren't even listening to know if what they're offering is suitable for your condition.

As a accommodation described as "place where you can slow down, gain trust and clarity, and learn to listen to your intuition. Take a break and just breathe." The very opposite seemed to happen when the host wasn't able to make commission off the various wellness activities they intended to milk rich sick people from, which the staff enjoyed discussing the perks of at length, infront of said sick people. I left the second day she sent workmen to start drilling for the day the moment the overpriced morning yoga had finished, leaving the property inaccessible (great when you can't feel a body part) and feral dogs chasing guests making the nearby area also dangerous. After spending the day before in hospital with a guest attacked by a dog, (which was also my birthday) I was feeling the opposite of well, and very very unwell instead. The host was nowhere to be seen after the dog attack.

I honestly feel so hurt, offended and worried for the disability and chronic illness community, as the popularity of these things continue to grow, and more sick people look for answers in holistic living and approaches. I really don't like the idea of being seen as a cash cow to milk until my condition becomes an inconvenience more than a profit. But it really sucks when the staff don't even try to hide it. This new, growing, wellness industry sucks.

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I solo travelled to portugal from the UK for my birthday to go surfing. Surfing can cause pain for me and flare ups, but I've been making my up own adaptive equipment that helps sometimes. I didn't even get to surf. This could possibly be the worst part. My flare up was from a yoga lesson run at a the guesthouse. Yoga of all things. The gospel of the chronic illness and pain world. (It does help in certain postures for me!)

My host is grilling me for 4 hours over Whatsapp for cancelling surfing because I cannot use my left leg properly and it's going numb on/off. I have nerve damage. Like hell am I getting into an uncontrolled environment if I can't use a limb properly. I tried to reschedule, find a resolution but it was clear this was a hostile situation when angry 3/4 minute voice notes where being sent. At this point, I'm in tears, on my birthday, as she's turned the hotel into a worksite, making it impossible for me to rest there, and now is hasrrasing me when I'm at the beach watching other people do the one thing I can't, and her also, reminding me of this every 10/15 minutes for the entire day over Whatsapp. Stress, like most medical conditions makes mine worse, so you can imagine how things are going inside.

My symptoms are getting worse and I decide to head back and endure the worksite, hoping some rest will be enough to get me out later to enjoy what is left of my birthday. But no, when I arrive, I learn the other guest has now been attacked by a dog, and the host is nowhere to be found, leaving me with the only transport to get her to a clinic for a shot. I spend the rest of my birthday at the clinic, with the girl who left me in a clinic due to a flare the next day.

I got a refund confirmed at the hotel the next morning, but now, I'm bleeding abnormally. It's been investigated currently so it's not an emergency situation but more a "need to stop and rest" one. The host is trying to force me out and saying I either need to leave or go to hospital in an ambulance. Great. My condition affects 0.12% of the population, with the nearest specialist in the UK or France. I don't fancy (no offence to the healthcare system here, it seems great) being admitted if I can avoid it and get home, so I reason a hotel is a better shout. But my body gives in before I can find one suitable for my accessibility needs. The girl staying at my hotel offers to join me in the town for a coffee when I said I was going to find one. She leaves immediately after coffee, wanting alone time.

Two Portuguese women find me crying on a pavement when I can't get back up after visiting two without lift access. The kindness of strangers was overwhelming in a good way today and I was truly amazed, despite the girl from my hotel and host. After staying with me, trying to call my accomodation (as I had made it clear I would not accept the refund and check out until I found somewhere) they located two Irish men, who firemen lifted me to a private clinic. The private clinic saw some of my medical notes, and let me take my meds and rest free of charge, before cancelling their appointments to free up the space. We agreed id try to see if the meds work before calling an ambulance, even helping me get up and down to walk to the restroom and asking if the bleeding was easing each time to check up on me. The girl I spent my birthday with to get her medical help, did not walk the 5/10 minutes from the beach she went too, to come to the clinic I was carried into.

After things settled a little, I got back to my hotel, where one of the workmen sympathized for my situation and drove me and my rental car to the airport to sort a flight home and a hotel close by for the evening to rest up, where I'm now happily resting for my morning flight home, where I'm hoping being found in a street abroad due to a flare up with be enough for social services to stop saying I'm dramatizing my symptoms. Things are feeling better, and I'm taking a win today that I avoided a hospital admission, and should be hopefully well enough to get home. I am intending, when I have settled the losses with travel insurance due to the accomodation chaos, to send a thank you (however they accept it, cash, gift card etc.) to the clinic and workman who helped me today, as without the kindness of them, I would likely have had to opt for a hospital trip to Lisbon an hour away from me at the time. Sadly, I didn't get the name of the people in public who found me, or who carried me to thank them. If anyone is local to the area Ericeira in portgual, I would love for you to comment so I can help locate them and send my thanks.

Anyway, here's to trying to be normal. It doesn't always work out, but I mean, what's the other option in a world that doesn't understand or adapt to your condition 🤷‍♀️ for the first time today, I felt like I regained control in one of the situations I feared the most, a flare abroad. Some lessons have been learnt from the experience. It was my first one alone abroad since the injury that left me with this condition. I knew there would be some obstacles, and as much as it sucks that the girl didn't come sit with me in the clinic and repay the gesture today, that somebody helped in the same way I did for her yesterday I guess...

For the past month, my upstairs neighbour has decided to wake me up every morning they are working. They work part time. I freelance, but as I'm returning from sick leave, it was adhoc. This is my first client since returning back, who I lost this morning because of this.

I thought originally they were getting revenge for a chaotic week I had with my former kitten, who got sick and was yowling for a few days early in the morning (6/7am) and late evening (7/8pm), but after a few weeks I realized this response was going beyond a few days of disruption from a sick pet.

Every other morning from 4/5am, my neighbor wakes up and slams every door in their flat, stomping around, puts the washing machine on, maybe calls someone, slamming the door downstairs (which I'm opposite of) on the way out. This happens everyday without fail of the weekend, and random day's of the week. I'm assuming they've recently got a new job with an early start. They cost me mine in the process.

I've called up to ask them to be quiet, I've gone upstairs at 5am and explained the washing machine is very loud at this time of the morning to have on a full spin cycle. She's got the lady above her on a strict on no cooking/washing past 11pm, due to noise travelling to her place and shut down a party whilst I was away at 1am on a Saturday, but has no issue waking me up in social hours. After a month of this, I've resorted to napping in the day to catch up on sleep, or Id be living off 4/5 hours. I can't go to sleep earlier due to my work (although I could now I've lost my job) and that I live beside other people who are up until 11pm/12am who are the vast majority over this woman who wakes 4 hours later and wakes me up. I'm the only one sharing the walls and ceiling with her enough to be impacted. I got sacked for not making deadlines due to the naps and small mistakes due to being half asleep. Yeah it's been a rough and tiring few weeks. I actually look forward to going away because I don't have to use noise cancelling headphones constantly at work.

What should I do.

My ex and I were together for 8 years—he was my best friend and partner in crime. We traveled and lived abroad together, and despite separating 4 years ago, we have remained friends. He’s always been there for me, helped me move out when my last relationship ended and called me weekly to check in on me.

We originally split because we couldn't align after my fertility diagnosis at 28. I was so heartbroken I wanted him to have all the answers, and really he was grieving too the life we potentially couldn't have together. Recently, we had a disagreement over some old joint accounts he had agreed to close, I was hurt about it too. But he put in so much effort to fix it and even came over yesterday to help with household tasks I can’t manage right now due to my sciatica. He seemed really concerned about the impact his actions had on me, and making sure things were resolved between us.

While here, we talked. He apologized for not being a better friend during my recent health struggles, and we reflected on how we've changed over the years. I pointed out that our timelines for settling down were never actually that far apart, though I recognize now that back then, it genuinely wasn't the right time for us to have kids.

It made me realize that through those difficult circumstances, we lost a truly healthy, happy relationship. He’s been with his partner for 3 years now. I’ve met her and she’s lovely, I would never try to split them up or encourage it. However Im also aware they haven't moved in together or put down deep roots yet in their relationship. I can't help but wonder if he is also struggling with connection because of our ties, and if my presence in his life is holding him back from fully developing his relationship. All I want is for him to be happy, and I honestly don't know if I can offer him a happy relationship now anyway with my health issues even if I wanted too.

I’m moving out of the area soon and I’m at a crossroads. Once the last of the admin is done, do I make a clean cut or try to stay friends? It’s breaking my heart deciding. I don't want to make this decision without his input this time, like I did when I ended things over my fertility diagnosis before giving us both a real chance to reflect.

I don’t know how to navigate this except to walk away, but after 12 years, walking away feels impossible. I really care about this guy, and I want whatever outcome to be the best for both of us. But I think we've dragged out our breakup essentially by 4 years by being friends.

Can anyone offer wise words of wisdom? I'm 32 going on 33f. 😊

Long story short, my neighbour offered to feed my cat. my cat is sick and in the animal hospital, it is not clear when/if shell be coming home (very sad). My neighbour has had issues with a guy in a block keeping her awake with noise, leading to health issues for her. She said its very serious, noise is constant etc. I offered as she would be hopefully/eventually entering to feed my cat, (with payment for doing it fyi) to trial her coming into the property and doing some light chores in return for a quieter place to crash at night if the neighbour got to loud. I said she could enjoy on THE NIGHTS SHE HAD TO STAY. She did the opposite. Shes just taken over my home the moment I leave.

We booked in two seperate occasions for her to use the place if the noise was bad on weekends i was away. The first one, she called daily, text multiple times a day. Moaned about noise of my neighbours, moaned about the condition of my fence, did random botch DIY jobs with my tools/materials and then claimed i'd need to re-do them when i got home. We got mice, for the first time. She brought a friend over. Claimed she never cooked or used the utilities, but did her laundry and still had a fridge full of food and things everywhere the moment i got home. She hoovered, but didnt empty a single bin, wash cups she used on the final day, put away items she moved to make herself comfortable or be out of my place in time for my arrival home after a 5 hour drive back. So the hoovering didnt really level up to the house work required to return my home to normal in her depature.

We had one more weekend, to keep the peace I went ahead, as last thing i need is a neighbour warfare - fully intending to sack her after, (despite the fact right now she was not even doing anything for me, and just freeloading in my home). This weekend, before I've even left the city, I finish my college class to 3 missed calls and a string of angry texts I'd left without making key arrangements. She quickly calmed down when realising she'd loss the offer for the weekend, but full on took the p*** the moment I went away. Shes ignored my directions to keep the garden door closed to prevent mice, leaving it open to enjoy the breeze in the property. Despite her not sleeping there (which is the thing shes meant to use it for if the neighbour is loud) because the mice make her uncomfortable (SO WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOME?) shes happy to let them in, for when I return tonight and have to physically remove them like I did last weekend she let them in. When I asked her why she was in my flat regardess if she wasnt sleeping there and using it as agreed, she claimed I'd always let her have essentially free reign to my property for full use when I'm not there.

Last night, while I'm at the family event I've spent £200 to travel/stay in the area for, I've got my stupid entitled neighbour complaining the bin smells too much, complaining the neighbours had another party, complaining that the wildlife in the garden are too brazen. And not 1/2 texts, this is CONSTANT, 5/6/7 message streams, like I'm a hotel service not addressing the needs of an angry customer. I mute her messages after telling her to leave, and come back to my hotel after the family party to more messages and her leaving the key in the communal hallway, accessed by other residents, making a point I'm unclear about my key directions, just like use of my garden. This is a 50/60 old woman, who is hated by everyone else in the block, who has essentially abused my home as an extension of her own and is now throwing a tantrum over it.

The worst part? She admitted prior to sending ranty messages, disturbing my trip away while free loading my home that her dates don't line up to even feed my cat.