u/Captn_0bv1ous

I did the blood tests that they asked me to do. I received the results by email. I downloaded the PDF and tried to upload it. It's telling me to do it manually. When I do it manually, it's telling me to upload the file. And back and forth, it's stupid. I'm mad, and I don't understand what it means.

It's telling me >52.00 nmol/L is this good? Bad? Too high? Too low? I don't know, and I'm confused and mad.

Just let me pricking put it on there. god damn

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EDIT: OK, so I googled it, and I think it's way too high? Like they told me to do 2 pumps a day. Should I drop down to 1? Or do it every other day? I don't know what the correct thing to do is???

Is this why I'm been having heart issues recently?? I'm terrified of blood clots. I wish it wasn't so fucking hard to get HRT through the NHS if I actually had an actual person helping me with this, this wouldn't have happened. I'm MAD I'm so pissed off and scared.

What do I do??

I said, "Thank you," because it was all I could muster in that moment.

I wish I had said more. It didn't really hit me in that moment how important what you said was.

It was a pivot point in my life, ever so slightly tipped the scales, just enough for me to crawl my way out of the hole I was buried in.

"We all get hungry sometimes," and you handed me some crisps and a brownie and a juice box.

You said it like you knew I'd say I'm OK, like you knew I'd refuse a handout. Said it like you knew I'd feel like a burden taking from you.

You didn't even know me. And I don't know you.

Pregnant with a pram and a young child, busy rushing around. Maybe it was school drop-off, or you were late for an appointment, I don't know.

You put your life on hold for a moment, a few seconds, to show me such a simple act of kindness.

I don't know why.

In that moment, I felt invisible, like I had completely disappeared. I was thinking about ending all my bad days in the most permanent way. Maybe you could see that.

Maybe you could see the sleeping bag and everything I owned in my backpack.

Maybe you could see the weeks of broken sleep in my face from where I moved through the shadows trying to find a safe place to rest.

Maybe you saw the dark cloud smothering me on a sunny morning. I don't know.

I don't know what made you stop. But I think of you often. When the clouds come, and settle on my shoulder.

I think of you when I'm in my kitchen making myself food in the flat I now have.

One I would have never gotten if you hadn't given me those seconds of your life.

I don't know what I should have said, but definitely more than a tired thank you.

I don't know if you knew what an impact that had.

I hope you do.

I hope every day is beautiful for you, I hope you always have warm sunshine and cool nights fit for getting cosy in bed.

I hope you have a restful sleep and warm food.

I hope you always feel loved and appreciated.

I hope you know how beautiful you are inside and out.

I hope you know you are a good person. I hope you are proud of yourself.

I hope life is kind to you and you stay well.

I hope your kids are half as decent as you. They will make the world a better place with your guidance.

Thank you for seeing me. Thank you for feeding me.

Thank you for your kindness. It saved my life.

We all get hungry sometimes.

I don't know if I've used the wrong tag, i think it is probably ok because this is a behaviour thing, but it's not like challenging behaviour?

I (23M) have an 18 month old boy.

When he solo plays, the first things he always goes for are his toy dust pan and brush or his baby dolls. He likes to feed them and rock them. He also has a mini hoover that he drags around the living room.

He loves loading and unloading the mashing machine and playing with his mini kitchen set.

He loves doing pretend dishes and helping when I cook.

If you ask him to help with any task, 85% of the time, he will come running to help. He loves taking rubbish and putting it in bins (the boy loves a bin) he even picks rubbish up on walks and finds the nearest bin to put it in.

At first I thought it was great and so endearing that he likes to help and I know what your thinking, how could this be a concern, he's helping around the house and learning lots of useful skills? But like am I really that boring?

Clearly, he has learnt this from me and my partner, but are we really actually that boring that he thinks this is all there is? Like, sure, he plays other stuff too, but he always starts and ends with doing chores.

He likes chores and playing guitar and riding in his little seat on my bike. Those are all things I do, so I know he's copying me. But is this all I am? The chores, man?

And when he plays with his babies, he does what I do with him. He feeds them, sings to them, rocks them, gives them toys, and then he goes and does chores.

How do I change this while still getting the housework done, I want him to think I'm fun.

I don't want him to grow up seeing me as the chores man who lives in his house. I want to be fun and someone he enjoys spending time with because I love spending time with him, yesterday he was feeling a bit rough with a fever and we sat and cuddled all day and it was great for me because I was with him. Thats all i want is to enjoy my time with him and him enjoy time with me too. I want him to like having me as a dad, not just a guy who does stuff for him and the house.

For context, he is not biologically or legally mine he's my partners son, but I've been in his life since he was a line on a pregnancy test. So, I know some of this comes from feeling like a bit of an outsider to this family. I just don't want him to think I'm boring.

People are complicated.

Good people can do bad things.

Bad people can do good things.

I guess we just have to decide what we can put up with?

I can appreciate what you did for me when I needed the help.

Homed me, fed me, watered me.

But I can still feel disordered by all that you did to me. The bruises healed quickly, but I still feel your fingers digging into my skin.

Seeing you again after all this time feels like being threatened with an unloaded gun.

I know you can't hurt me, but I'm still afraid of you.

I still feel my heart skip when you speak.

Afraid to put one hair out of line.

I know you were just doing your best. You worked with what you had, but that won't take away my experience of you.

Maybe I need to get to know you as a person. Maybe I need to move on and move forward.

I do try to move forward.

The past keeps catching me up.

You are like a ghost now. You can't touch me, but my hair stands on end. I feel cold chills running down my back.

I wish you had told me you were coming. Not so I could run away and avoid you, but so I could prepare. To me my childhood was shaken about, to you, it was Tuesday. I guess you just don't understand how you made me into the person I am today. You don't understand that this is not a compliment.

People are complicated.

Good people can do bad things.

Bad people can do good things.

I guess we just have to decide what we can put up with?

I can appreciate what you did for me when I needed the help.

Homed me, fed me, watered me.

But I can still feel disordered by all that you did to me. The bruises healed quickly, but I still feel your fingers digging into my skin.

Seeing you again after all this time feels like being threatened with an unloaded gun.

I know you can't hurt me, but I'm still afraid of you.

I still feel my heart skip when you speak.

Afraid to put one hair out of line.

I know you were just doing your best. You worked with what you had, but that won't take away my experience of you.

Maybe I need to get to know you as a person. Maybe I need to move on and move forward.

I do try to move forward.

The past keeps catching me up.

You are like a ghost now. You can't touch me, but my hair stands on end. I feel cold chills running down my back.

I wish you had told me you were coming. Not so I could run away and avoid you, but so I could prepare. To me my childhood was shaken about, to you, it was Tuesday. I guess you just don't understand how you made me into the person I am today. You don't understand that this is not a compliment.

The chords are C, G, F, C, G, Am, F, and they use an island strum. I can't remember if that's all the chords or not. I wrote it down a long time ago when I was first learning, and I'm trying to remember what the song is.

Edit: listen everyone I'm self-taught in my free time, and im not very good, I had no idea that was a popular chord progression. I thought maybe a handful of songs. I think it might be somewhere over the rainbow, but I will have to listen to it again and play it through to see if it sparks memories, which I can't do until my baby is awake again or I'll wake him up.

Generally, at the time, I was listening to a lot of elvis, and I really like that song. I lava you, but I KNOW it's not that one

As the title says my son who is 17 months is very high energy and on the go all the time, from the second he wakes up to the second he drops asleep and he's intelligent so gets bored very quickly with repetitive things. I take him on evening walks so he has some running around time, and we look at bugs and birds and trees and everything and he loves to listen to facts about them but I just need some advice on how to keep him entertained and nourished during the day especially at the moment because it's too hot to have him out at the park all the time, (it's like 30°c by mid day for the past 2ish weeks).

I know he's just a baby and just being a baby when he's running around crashing into things but we live in a small flat and I find myself getting overstimulated and frustrated which is not fair on him.

If anyone has any advice on activities to do, that would be amazing, I want to encourage his mind while also having an outlet for his craziness.

Sometimes we play rough and tumble which he loves to do and keeps his energy contained to one space but when he gets over exited he bites (we are working on it, he now bites by accident and then goes to find a chewy toy which is a massive improvement from when he used to bite and draw blood).

He goes to baby clubs during the week and a toddler gymnastics club, but I just need more things to do with him at home as he gets bored so quickly with things like puzzles and blocks and playing cars or dolls.

He often does cooking with me, which is the longest I can get him to stand still, but if it takes more than half an hour, he gets bored and needs a crash about break.

Really, I just need something constructive to put his energy into so that he's not hurting himself running into walls, and I'm not getting frustrated with him crashing around and pulling everything apart.

Some times I feel as though I am stuck in the margins. Just outside of everything. What do you do when all you can do is watch? a spectator to your own life. I feel as though I am trapped inside myself, screaming to be let out, Thorns grow inside me tangling and pricking my skin from the inside, rooting me in place.

What do you do when all you know comes crashing down around you? I lose myself so easily, One second I'm here, the next I'm gone. I wish I knew where I was. Where to start looking.

How many rainy days will I have to go through before I feel the sun burn against my skin? My thoughts rush over me like a rapid, My skin peels away and I can't recognise myself. I look back on how it used to be, It will never be that hard again, nor that easy.

I look for the herbs and flowers, They grow wild and free inside mistakes. But I still see the world crinkle in the rain. My herbs and flowers are drowning. It is still my rainy day.

When you left, that's what I was told. "It takes time". It takes time to learn, time to heal, time to grow.

They tell me "it takes time", as if time isn't the one that takes. Time will take and take from me until there's nothing left. Nature's most prolific thief. It took my childhood, my innocence. It took my joy, it took my family, my friends. And then time took you.

"It takes time", there's so much time between moments that feel real. "It takes time", there's never enough of it to do anything worth while. Time will take and take until my bones are frail, until my mind is warped, time will take the sun from the sky and dry up the oceans. Time will take me too.

Time marches on forward always, never looking back. It hurts to think about how much of it has passed since you did. When you went, time lied. It stood still for a moment that felt like many. Then it jumped and life went on around me. Time will take my baby and turn him into a man. A man you will never meet because time left you stuck in yesterday's. Time does not care for the past, it takes that too.

Time never leaves us with enough of itself to realise it's ticking by until it's too late. Time took my childhood and replaced it with this. It takes time to come to terms with time moving forward and taking and taking.

I see a glimmering bluer-than-blue orb fly by at great speed. I come to the realisation I am watching a kingfisher hunt at dusk. The clouds roll over like waves and the light is fading. River rushing below the orange glow of the sun setting past the trees and hills and towering warehouses. A king fishes in the stream, I am gold flowing. A half moon creeping between the branches, flowing in the sky connected, flowing in the water, I can feel them breathing. Millions of insects breath, eat and sleep beneath our feet, thundering and crashing.

Delicate is not in human nature, I am thundering across bridges, over fields, searching for a place. A feeling. Where a lake stands proud at the feet of titans, mountains stretching to the sky, touching stars, splitting clouds. Trees shroud me from outside forces, a waterfall trickles by in the not so distant distance.

But, I am here. Watching a stream under a sun set. I am here and I have been here since the dawn of reality and I will remain until the sun sets for the last time. My bones will rest in the endless night, stars and moon - my only company. The earth will reclaim what it gave me, skin, bones and the breath I breathe.

I will tattoo my consciousness with gratitude for the oxygen that fills me and the paper I write this on. I am connected to all that was or will ever be, this is the burden we must carry.

The fish flicker, silver and fast.

The water is most still before the fall. Crashing around the rocks, the willow gently caresses the surface, calming a raging beast. It's calm. It's violent.

I was not born with resilience.

I was not born with resistance.

I had to learn that.

To earn that.

Giraffes are too tall to seek shelter when storms are.

Rabbits have burrows, and foxes have dens.

Giraffes don't have a handler handing out jackets their size.

What else is there to do, but whether ever bad day is thrown my way?

I get drenched every day.

The cold soaks my bones, same as you.

My head is in the clouds, and they're always grey and rumbling.

Like a giraffe, I stand every storm thrown my way

The wind and hail still hurt, but there is no shelter built for me.

The rain pours, and I get drenched, as you would too.

I can't give up. Lorn knows I've tried.

But every day, the sun rises, and I, alongside,

Every night, the sun sets, and I fall into bed.

Do you know how much pain it takes to be kind?

How many times you have to break to learn to be broken?

I had to build this brick by brick.

I became a giraffe.

I found a small broken body laying on the concrete.

Fragile bones and feathers still wet.

It lay there, the image of a future that drifted away with the breeze.

Maybe the storm was too strong, maybe it was too weak.

Maybe it couldn't open its eyes yet to see the ground getting closer.

Wings couldn't reach out and hold the air.

This is what's left of the titans that roamed where we built our homes.

Their bones became rock,

their children lay on the concrete after a storm.

Baking in the heat.

Maybe their ancestors did, too.

They once stood tall, the kings of it all, living lives we could never see to understand.

And now they fly above us, nest around us, and lay broken at the base of a tree.

I don't know what the future would have held for this bird.

If it would have gotten bigger but still small and fly from tree to bush and back.

Would it have circled the sky, a master of the wind.

Would it have found a mate and made more fragile bones, defenceless to the elements.

I don't know.

All I know is that it was there now.

Those tiny bones, skin barely covering them.