u/Charli_damelio69

M23 I am new to boating, bought an old bass boat off a friend a few months ago and had only been able to take it out a few times due to not knowing how to back up a trailer or load and unload a boat. Because of this Ive only been able to go out when I’ve had friends available that could do one of the steps for me as the only ramp I had known about did not have a dock.

This saturday I found another ramp with a dock, however since I am not too experienced with tying up a boat I decided to beach it at the sand nearby which was not around at the previous dock.

I unfortunately made a mistake while launching by myself and that was forgetting the plug, I did however spot this mistake before it was too late(the boat was bilging like crazy and I still had my hull hooked up to the trailer), I quickly pulled the truck up the ramp and let it drain before putting the plug in and beaching the boat.

I later met up with a buddy of mine and tied up to his boat and I gotta say, finally learning the basics while having no one to teach me or instruct me feels very empowering. At the beginning I was very intimidated by all the responsibility and due diligence needed for the whole process but I imagine my next weekend out will be a piece of cake.

Long story short, I went from being overweight, a pretty lazy person, and someone who had never had a gym routine in their life to someone that lost over 40lbs gained some muscle and got lean.

Part of the reason I was making so much progress was because I was not gainfully employed at the time, worked less than 20 hours a week at a job that paid barely anything while I was trying to find a job with my degree.

I was going about 3-4 days a week in the beginning with good cardio sessions each time to going 5-6 days a week near the end.

Once getting my job stress and busy schedule took over, while I was now happy to have a job I was almost more anxious and stressed than when I felt like bum for not having one. Within 3 months I had to deal with a bunch if financial things and develop a whole new routine with my new living situation. This unfortunately caused me to self medicate with alcohol fairly often. I stupidly tried to fit alcohol into my macros to justify it, I also kept going to the gym but was no where near my old strength and honestly did not have fun while in it.

Last week I took control of the drinking on weekdays and this helped marginally with my gym sessions, however I did let myself drink on the weekend socially but I unfortunately took advantage of that and went overboard.

Today is monday, woke up very hungover and tired and decided to take a sick day. I slept for many more hours and woke up feeling great, something I have not felt in awhile. I then got ready, did some chores I had been putting off, took my pre workout and hit the gym in the early afternoon, a similiar time to when I was unemployed.

I had finally had fun in the gym that I hadnt had in months, the pre workout was hitting great, gym was not busy, and I didnt feel rushed or that this was just some requirement that had to get done.

I feel confident I have regained self control in terms of alcohol, however, will the gym ever feel as good as this when I have to go after work?

Considering I havent been doing my best and have been under heavy stress the entire time ive had the job, i dont have a very good baseline for what “normal” feels like.

Maybe I’ll get this feeling if i start going on sundays in the future. But Im hoping that less anxiety, better sleep, and the overall satisfaction of regaining control of my life might make the gym more fun.

On the bright side of things, while I am a bit weaker in some areas compared to my “best gym days” I have retained my leanness and the recent use of creatine has made my biceps look bigger, could be placebo though, Ive also noticed a lot more veins showing and leanness in areas such as my hands or forearms.

For context I was in a small frat in college, I was fat, a bit childish, and didnt have the best social life outside of sanctioned events, meaning I didnt have a gf, and didnt have too many friends outside of the frat. This caused me to overvalue connections that were just surface level since they were all I had at the time and I saw these people as superior to me due to who I was at the time.

Fast forward to now, I was unemployed for about a year after college and underwent drastic changes after becoming self aware of being overweight, not respecting myself, not having good social etiquette etc.

During this time I didnt talk to people from the frat or from college very much and just focused on myself and finding a job etc. Around 3 months ago I landed a decent job and was looking for a place to stay, I put something out in my old frat groupchat and was offered a place with a guy that I didnt know very well but never had any issues with. The other guy living there was a complete stranger to me, but I went into this with an open mind.

It is now my second week living here and so far no one really interacts within the house, everyone lives in their rooms and not the common areas.

Today I asked the roommate I did not know if he planned on going to the bars tonight, he said yes, I asked if we could uber together if our times aligned to save money and he said hed let me know when he left. A number of hours go by and I see he randomly left, not a big deal but I was hoping he wouldve mentioned to me wether or not he was going.

I then go to the bars myself to meet up with one of my coworkers however, my coworker stopped responding to me and I did not know which bar he was at(he ended up blacking out and called me once he got home to say why he didnt answer me) in the meantime I figured Id see who was around. I walked into a bar I usually dont go into and saw my roommate along with some former acquaintances from college. I asked if I could sit with them until I heard back from my coworker, my roommate said “sure” I then tried to small talk and catch up with the other people and I felt like I was getting very shortwinded shitty answers and felt like I was not wanted there, they end up leaving and my roommate tells me they are going to a different bar to meet someone and word it in a way that I am not invited. I told him to hit me up if he needs a ride home since I drove and I left shortly after.

I then get home an hour later and shortly after he gets home, I hear some talking in the house and then they go outside to the patio and I can see through the window its the same people that were at the table at the bar.

Now Im in my head about it, and I was tempted to go out there and say “hey” but then I remembered how things felt at the bar and how they interacted with me. So I ended up staying in my room, there was no text sent or a knock on my door to come hang.

Now I want to know if im overracting since I know all of these people yet I feel uninvited and like an outsider in my own home, I would not be feeling this way if these people were complete strangers, but even then, Ive had many people introduce me to their roommates when visiting their home.

This next topic is a bit less important, but somewhat related, the day before all this happened I went to the bars on my own and ran into the roommate I actually knew along with other people from the frat, no one seemed to really care that I was there, they would hardly pretend to seem interested in my life, yet they acted like my buddy at social functions or gatherings when in college and this whole group I ran into was a big clique. Ive known these people for years but felt so out of place.

Idk, I feel like I would at least try to show some “basic respect” to my old frat brothers or my new roommates by hanging out here and there or at least making conversation without it seeming like an inconvenience to me or that I was just “tolerating” them.

This could also be a me problem in expecting too much, or maybe the old “chubby guy that cant read the room and seemingly has no future” is stuck in their heads or they are mad that I changed my life.

That last sentence is a bit egotistical but I could see it happening since I have made some social media posts surrounding my newly gained fitness, job, and new possessions like a nice truck and a boat.

After almost a year since we had our date she finally unadded me on all platforms(she ghosted me a week after our date when we had another planned).

She had unfollowed me on instagram a few months after the ghosting and after she started a relationship with a guy.

She then continued to constantly view my instagram stories. Over time I had upgraded my life(I dont know exactly why she ended things with me but I feel that my less than desirable life situation possibly played a part, I was making very little money, lived with my parents, and had very little going for myself a year post grad from college).

She on the other hand was very smart(on track to going to med school) was trying her best to be fit(constantly talking about the gym and had slimmed down some from being a big girl).

I had felt totally inferior to her after she ghosted me and I could not simply say “fuck them”, they were successful, smart, etc. and I was a bum. I then went on to change my life, moving out, getting a good job, developing a gym routine and leaning out(even noticing her in the same one a few times), redefining who i am based on how i dress and present and demonstrating all that through my story posts on Snapchat.

The other day I had posted that I moved into my new place, she viewed the story like she always does.

Her bf did not make a post of her for the national gf day.

I look to see if she viewed my post from today, and i notice she unadded me.

I’m genuinely curious as to what happened, in my mind either things were going well with the bf and her mental picture of me was no threat and she had just genuine curiosity towards always viewing my posts.

Or… my progress in my life had changed so much, or her relationship, or life situation began to change in a less desirable way(probable since they never post each other and she went from a “successful pre med student” to someone spending a gap year to study for the test again since they didnt do good enough the first time and all their friends moved away and their now “old” in a college town).

I genuinely wonder if she went through all the trouble to go from stalking my shi to unadding me because I was becoming almost more successful than her and she was starting to stall out, or if she regretted ghosting me, or if she didnt want to be seeing guys that outshined her bf, or if she was suddenly satisfied with him and wanted to close the door on all other guys.

Plz help me pick the most logical explanation. I get some of this sounds arrogant but its my genuine thought process.

If you want more details you can look at my previous posts on here.

I 23M went on my first ever formal date with a woman near the end of october last year(so around 9 months ago). I wasnt really THAT into her before I met her in person however it felt like it went pretty well especially since I was so nervous and inexperienced. We continued to talk and scheduled a second date before she ghosted me.

I then hit limerence super-hard, thought about her 24/7 went over a million schemes and reasons in my head over what happened and why it happened, it felt like my brain woud just be in auto-pilot doing whatever task, activity or even interactions with other people while I was focused on and about her in the meantime. This lasted up until early april of this year.

One of the conclusions I came to about why she ghosted was because of the life situation I was in at the time. I was about a year out of college with a simple part time job, living with my parents, was out of shape(skinny fat), was self conscious etc. However she had her shit together, ate healthy and hit the gym regularly, and had plans of going to med school. It wasnt just the fact she ghosted me that I now felt like shit, I also became self aware instead of constantly distracting myself with parties, hanging with friends, and alcohol.

I then started to change my life, through my personal style, eating/gym habits, putting real effort into looking for a job and centering on one field. The progress was slow but heavily compounded over those months.

Around the time I got my job in april the limerance started to slip away, i stopped feeling bad for myself and everything started to fall into place. However, i still felt lonely and didnt get as much satisfaction from all my hard work as I had hoped for. I now had a good job, signed a lease, bought a new truck, had lost over 30lbs and received compliments and shocked those around me. I also had a ton of stress due to finances of buying a truck and moving out, and getting a new job all within weeks of each other and I started to drink 5-6 drinks almost everyday as a “reward” for my hard work or “relaxation” from my stress depending how you want to interpret it. My limerance allowed me to channel my constant anxiety into discipline as an attempt to escape it, but with no more limerance and no “getting the girl in the end” I was put in a weird spot, i was the most successful I had ever been(more so than most people my age) yet I genuinely felt less happy than before that date last year.

I started seeing her at the gym last week and this week, and its so surreal for me since it had been almost 9 months and I changed as a person. Both times i saw her we ended up in similar areas of the gym based on what equipment we were using, it gave me a lot of anxiety on if she was noticing me, if she thinks Im following her etc.

This ended up effecting me but not in the way I had imagined, I thought if this experience were to happen that i’d fall back into limerance but I havent. What did happen though is stopping my drinking because I now finally felt “seen” or possibly “judged” again and it seems like my brain is wired to do things for how the world views me instead of me doing it for my own good.

Not sure if those times seeing her were just a one or two time thing but they were both consistent with the time. I’m now speculating what will happen with this if it becomes routine, will there be an interaction? Will I always be anxious and “on-edge” in the gym?

It also sucks she isnt “in-fact” single otherwise id go say hi and see where shit goes from there and be able to shut down the speculation due to a real world result and an action taken, however she got into a relationship shortly after our talking stage and is still tagged in a post with the guy on insta(although very little public posts or anything for that matter for a nearly year long relationship).

TLDR: Went in and out of limerence, changed my life due to self realization because of it, still not “satisfied” with life, have started to see my old LO somewhat routinely after almost a year did not re-enter limerence and not sure what to think of it.

I have been heavily addicted to vaping for a good chunk of my life. I am currently 23 and I started vaping when I was 15 or 16. I had also dabbled into other kinds of nicotine like cigs, dip, zyns, etc but always HAD to vape.

I started out on pod systems like juuls and vuse’s but had been using a small mod system for the past couple years. It gives a way bigger hit than a vuse for example and I always used the highest nic juice I could find.

I had been hitting this thing literally every couple of minutes for years of my life. Quitting was such a scary and unthinkable idea for me.

I did quit for a couple months during my junior year of highschool, I had replaced my vape habit with zyns for awhile before I was able to quit all together, however hanging out with people who also vaped made me get back into it after asking to hit theirs a couple of times.

Desmoxan has been great. I am now 2 weeks nic free. It has been much easier to quit than I had imagined due to this drug. The main points of cravings is when I am feeling bored, tired, lonely, upset, etc. and dont have that immediate dopamine hit to instantly feel good. Wanting to have a nice head rush when I wake up in the morning, or wanting it right after a meal.

I will say my overall mood is slightly worse than it used to be but this makes sense as my body will take time to re-regulate it’s dopamine system.

I'm about 3 weeks into my job and so far I love it, I am a retail banker I at a regional bank. I do mainly teller stuff for now but have had some training on more advanced stuff like international wires and opening accounts and will be expected to do those things once fully trained.

Anyways, my bank seems to not have a ton of traffic most days of the week, in my opinion we have about twice the retail staff than we need(2 drive thru 4 lobby) but hey, I wont complain about having a job and having more coworkers. Throughout my time here, I have had lots of off time most days and spend my time learning how to do the more advanced stuff. The only days I'm actually working my ass off are fridays. Today and last friday were the worst since we were missing a lot of people due to employment gaps and people taking pto.

Last friday I was off by 50 cents, and I was embarrassed, my managers did not make a big deal of it but I was ashamed. Today I was off by nearly 45 dollars and I can't stand it. My managers brushed it off like its normal, a lot of my coworkers have stories about all the times they were off, and it seems like no big deal to anyone but me. Being off 50 cents was sort of whatever but 45 dollars makes me feel like a dip shit.

I feel like I do a good job of trying to stay balanced at all times, I try to do as little work with my drawer possible, and use the TCR for most things, I try to use the money counter instead of counting by hand, and I try to proof my drawer as soon as I have used it. It feels like I'm doing my absolute best to optimize my proofing but still end up short. I also make a habit of not letting money lay around too long before either putting it in my drawer or the tcr.

By the time I figured out I was off, it was at the end of the day, and we all clocked out, so I wont be able to go through my logs and stuff until next week to see what happened.

It seems as routine with my coworkers that we do not go through our drawers at the end of the day if our data shows we are still in balance before we put up our drawer. Because of this I followed suit. Yesterday my drawer showed that it was in balance so I locked it up and called it a day, this morning I go to proof my drawer and I am off by $5 and it turned out I counted $160 in rolled dimes this morning but my log from the previous day showed I had $155 in rolled dimes. I'm not sure how I was in balance the day before since I had mis-counted, there was physically $160 in dimes. After that I tried to stay careful but ended up being another $40 short thus equalling the $45 overall.

My biggest question is how do you guys learn from your mistakes if you dont know what exact transaction or decision lead to you being off, and how is it possible for me to be in balance when I had miscounted the dimes?

My best advice for getting over limerance is not the typical “find someone else” as this can take an undefined amount of time as well and will often not help you if you are talking to this new person to “replace” the person you are in limerence over.

My best advice is actually finding a productive hobby or doing things to “fix” or improve your life. Do some observing and find areas you lack in and start working on them.

I was in deep limerence over someone for over six months. Thought about them at least once an hour every single day. I then started to feel very insecure about myself and started going to the gym, dressing nicer, being more organized and using my time more valuably. I had also doubled down on finding a career as at the time I was not gainfully employed.

The thoughts of the person stayed but my feeling of being insecure was vanishing, after losing weight and making real world improvement I now had self confidence.

I finally landed the job I wanted 2 weeks ago and my limerence is pretty much gone, I’m still bummed I dont have a partner or at least one in the works but at least I’m not fixated on this one person and thinking they are the “end all be all”.

My life had a lot of room to improve and I used how this person made me feel as fuel to work hard on improving it. While this situation does not directly apply to everyone I feel like making yourself busy gives you less downtime to be in your thoughts be it good or bad ones and accomplishing something or working on your own life can make you less concerned with what your life is lacking.

I (23M) went on a date with (22F) back in November of last year. She was not my initial type(petite skinny) and was a little taller, bigger, and was kind of unattractive to me in her pictures but I said fuck it after talking for a few weeks and asked her out. The date went great and I found myself very attracted to the way she carried herself, how ambitious she was, and it made me feel dumb in comparison. Things fizzled out quickly due to her ghosting me and then getting a bf. However she never unadded me or unfollowed me on anything and would always see my posts/stories.

I liked her so much, and could not contain the anxious thoughts or limerence about her that I ended up becoming self aware and improving my life to “show her she was wrong”. Over the last 6 months I lost 30lbs, gained muscle(which was partly inspired by the fact she always talked about and posted about the gym and fitness) started dressing well, having discipline, and overall becoming an adult instead of an immature and lazy post grad college kid. I just recently got a full time job with decent pay and a nice job title with a very clear upwards career path as well as a place to stay(ive been living with parents up until now and I move out in a few months).

She saw all of this, over the course of six months, I kind of had a motivation to improve and attempt to show that off in the most humble and socially acceptable way possible on social media and she would always see it. I even saw her one time at the gym and saw her notice me but I wasnt ever going to say anything.

A few days ago I posted about my new job, she never showed up as a viewer and I was checking constantly, the next day I noticed she unfollowed me on insta. I of course unfollow back but it made me think, “why?”. I also double checked our mutuals that we had and she unfollowed some of them, so it might mean she did some sort of clean up. However why constantly view my shit if you are going to “clean me out”.

Overall, I just dont know what to think, on one hand I cant believe the amount of thought, anxiety, yearning etc. can come from one date with a woman I wasnt all that excited about from the get go. On the other hand I’m impressed at how much of a change it caused in my habits and personality. I went from being the most lazy and useless person ever, to becoming a bit of a workaholic and organized.

Back to the main topic, why would she constantly view my stuff just to unfollow? Was there a reason behind the unfollow? And I wonder what she thought of the obvious improvement. One of the people she unfollowed was actually an old buddy of mine she talked to for awhile long before me. And the other one was this chick I used to be platonically friends with that ended up being a pathological liar that after venting about this situation to, followed her on insta and proceeded to make up a fake story to how she knew her, and the woman in question followed her back. Her following count didnt seem to drop by much, but again I never paid full attention to it. I hope I find someone that can take all the attention I have to give and I hope I continue to achieve great things despite not having “someone to impress” to show it to.

For context I have been in the gym for about 5 months. I was a recent college grad who was having trouble figuring out what I wanted to do and was struggling to land a full time job. Because of this, I had plenty of time to spend at the gym, as well as on my dieting. 5 months later, I have gone from 215 to 179, I have went down sizes in pants and shirt, and have changed my life. I start my full time job in two days. While I am very grateful I have finally landed a job in a career path I am very excited about, I am also feeling a bit stressed about how it will all go and how I will perform. I'm sure these feelings will subside once I have gotten used to the job, however it still makes me worried about being able to stay disciplined on the gym, and if I will continue to put in the same effort I have been. To be honest I have noticed my discipline surrounding the gym and my overall obsession with it starting to slip in the last week or so and it does have me worried. I'm sure I'm just going through the motions of change at the moment but some advice on how you all incorporate it in your life while working or how you have calmed yourself down when adapting to change in your life would be a great help.