u/ClerkEquivalent7424

Looking for honest advice from some older and wiser folks on here.

Lately, I've been trying for a while to get a close friend of mine to come to the gym with me, but he keeps refusing or making excuses not to go.

I don't want to body shame him, but I can't help but feel like he's perpetuating the negative stereotype of AM being physically weak. Like, the dude has the physique of a 12-year-old as a grown man.

There's another AM at my school who is pretty popular and has thousands of followers on social media. However, he is gay and looks like the Asian version of James Charles. All his friends in his posts are conventionally attractive girls of all races. Again, I can't help but feel resentful that he's reinforcing the negative stereotypes of AM being gay and feminine.

What's worse is that those girls he is friends with might start associating AM in general with him, because there's a good chance he is the only Asian guy they're friends with or know. Thus, they'll subconsciously stop seeing all AM as romantic prospects. It doesn't help that there aren't too many Asian people where I live so the stereotyping effect will be much more prevalent as opposed to somewhere like NY or CA.

I understand it's a free country, and everyone is free to make their own choices. There's nothing wrong with being gay, weak, feminine or all of the above. These aren't negative traits in a broad sense.

However, these traits are not something that I, a straight cis AM, want to be associated with. I don't think I need to explain why. These stereotypes have been used to attack and undermine the masculinity of AM for decades.

The real question is, how do we combat undesirable stereotypes against us without alienating or resenting those in our community who perpetuate them? I feel like no matter how many cool, masculine, confident AMs there are, all it takes is one AM who resembles negative stereotypes to drag us back to square one.

Am I overthinking this and being too judgmental? Is this a valid feeling I have, or am I just being insecure? What are your guys' thoughts?

Before you guys get mad at me in the comments, hear me out.

My university has a "class of" Instagram account where new freshmen can post and introduce themselves. It basically lets them connect with other incoming students.

An unattractive girl posted herself there. I'm not going to get into the details about her looks.

She made a post with a bunch of well-taken photos and a detailed description of herself, her hobbies and interests, and what she's looking forward to. She was clearly very excited to connect with new people.

But none of that mattered. Most of the comments were guys making fun of her.

Guys would tag their friend and say " ______ likes you and is interested in getting to know you better" or "________ would love to hang out with you"

It's crazy because you expect this kind of behavior from middle school boys, not young men going into college/college age.

More so, I feel so bad for the poor girl. Imagine posting yourself to thousands of people, expecting to make new friends, just to get pretty much bullied. I hope she's doing okay. I know I wouldn't be if I were in her shoes.

I've seen many people on Reddit shittalk Asian men on subreddits such as aznidentity and asianmasculinity, accusing us of being hypocrites for showing support for AMWF relationships while criticizing WMAF

First of all, AMWF is breaking stereotypes, while WMAF is supporting them.

WMAF has historically existed within systems of Western military, colonial, and racial power. Examples include U.S. military occupation in Asian countries, war bride industries, immigration patterns tied to unequal economic conditions, and longstanding portrayals of Asian women as submissive and exotic.

Meanwhile, Asian men in Western societies were historically portrayed as weak, emasculated, undesirable, socially awkward, or sexually invisible.

So for decades, Western media normalized White men + Asian women, while simultaneously marginalizing Asian men as romantic leads.

Asian men see evidence of AMWF as breaking through stereotypes that long excluded them from mainstream desirability, while evidence of WMAF reminds us of our historical emasculation.

Why do we cheer for the underdog when they win? Because they overcame the odds. Asian men are the underdogs. It is much harder for Asian men to be able to date White women compared to White men being able to date Asian women. Asian men have to put in twice the effort. That alone is worthy of some admiration and praise.

The reality is that some highly visible WMAF discourse in online discussions, dating discourse, and entertainment has historically involved degrading Asian men, claiming that they are physically and sexually inferior to White men, while portraying Asian culture as backward and misogynistic. Many movies and TV shows portray the White male lead as a savior, rescuing the Asian FMC from the evil Asian men. Blaming Asian men for the prevalence of WMAF will understandably upset most Asian men.

Meanwhile, there is no widespread AMWF narrative saying Asian women are inferior, Asian men are rescuing white women from white men, or white femininity is better.

If you're reading this and thinking, "Why do Asian men put White women on a pedestal? Isn't it just like how Asian women put white men on a pedestal? Hypocritical." That is blatantly false. Asian men do not simp for White women at nearly the same rate as Asian women simp for white men.

Part of the whole "Oxford study" meme is people also noticing that for many WMAF couples, the Asian woman is significantly more attractive physically. This suggests that many Asian women do not care about the looks of their white partner; as long as they are white, it is enough. This is what putting whiteness on a pedestal looks like.

You can find White men who admit they aren't very attractive or "mid" back home, but get a ton of attention from women when they go to Asian countries such as Japan or the Philippines, who compare them to celebrities such as Brad Pitt.

Meanwhile, there is no narrative of "Hot Asian guys dating mid white girls." Because nobody has seen that, Asian men are not as desperate for proximity to whiteness. In fact, the vast majority of Asian men prefer Asian women. I've seen many non-Asian women claim they have trouble dating in Asia because Asian men only want to sleep with them, not date them. Asian men won't date a woman just because she's white. Otherwise, why don't you see old white women flying to Asian countries to find a hot, young K-pop looking guy?

At the end of the day, I'm not saying that interracial relationships between White men and Asian women are inherently wrong or that it's fair for Asian men to hate on and attack all WMAF relationships. Individuals should date whoever they want. But it is reasonable to recognize that AMWF and WMAF have developed under different historical and cultural conditions. The claim that “Asian men are hypocrites because they support AMWF but dislike WMAF” oversimplifies the issue by pretending both pairings carry identical social meaning. It is a false equivalence fallacy

I (21M) am planning to break up with my girlfriend of 2 years (20F). This was not something that I wanted to do; our relationship was perfect, but I don't see any other choice.

I moved 6000km away from home for university because I got a full-ride scholarship. I knew that from the day I landed in the new city, I was never going to stay here long term. The vibes, climate, food, people, nearly everything weren't as good as back home.

I just graduated a few weeks ago, and my flight is in a month. I keep telling myself that moving back home was the right choice for my future. I have a job lined up, I can move in with my parents to save money, and all my close friends from high school are there.

However, I'd have to break up with my girlfriend. I know for a fact she won't want to move with me. All her family and friends are here. She's always liked her city and has expressed zero interest in moving during our relationship. I can't ask her to sacrifice everything for me.

Long distance won't work for me, not being able to see her in the summer was already hell, I can't imagine only being able to see her once or twice a year.

I feel extremely guilty for not being more honest with her. Whenever we had talks about our future, I'd leave out the part where I wanted to move back to my hometown. I was too scared to face reality and had the "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it" mentality.

Well, it's time to cross the bridge now. I feel like a terrible person, and I should. I just wasted 2 years of my girlfriend's time because I was too selfish to stay single.

If you agree to suck a dude off for $10, you're gay asf.

If you agree to suck a dude off for $1 million, you're not gay, you're smart.

Is there a cut-off momentary amount which would make you think, "Dude's probably not gay, anyone would agree to that"