u/ClumsyMusic

Another day. Another week. Another month.

I really don’t get it, I don’t understand how you can just forget and run as fast as you can from us.

Please understand I’m not falling apart. I am in such a better place than I’ve been in a long time. In almost all aspects. All minus you…

There is literally nothing else I can do. Nothing works. All I have left is to let you go. It kills me but I can see it’s all you want and for you, for my own sanity I will do all I can to leave you be.

I will miss you. I will so much of you.

It was always you. No matter how dark times got. Always.

Please find us someday. And be good to you and our pup.

❤️

Hello, 53(M) here and have been separated for almost four months now. It looks like we’re headed for divorce, although I’m still waiting on the paperwork. (Married 4 years) We had an amazing year and a half together before we got married but not long after our marriage things got complicated. This isn’t our first separation, but it does seem like it’ll be our last.

I’ve honestly been trying to do this the right way. Therapy. Exercise. Long walks. Journaling. Spending time with friends and family. Hobbies.
Working on myself instead of focusing on what she’s doing. I’m trying not to sit around hoping she’ll come back. I’m trying to accept that this is where life is taking me.

About a month ago I thought I was ready to start meeting people.

I’ve gone on a handful of dates over the last few weeks. One was a long hike with a really nice woman. We talked for a couple of hours, but so much of the conversation was about what we’d both been through that it stirred up emotions I wasn’t expecting.

Most recently I met another woman was great, but within a week and a half she wanted to start talking about being exclusive. I had been completely upfront from day one that I wanted to take things very slowly, so I ended it as kindly as I could.

I’ve gone on another walk with someone else but I just wasn’t feeling the attraction.

I’ve matched with quite a few women, had some really good conversations, but nothing has really clicked. And I’m starting to wonder if maybe the reason isn’t them.

I’ve been very honest with everyone I’ve met. They all know I’m separated, where I’m at emotionally, and that I’m not looking to jump into another relationship. Honestly, I’m not even sure when I’ll be ready for one.

I don’t miss having a girlfriend nearly as much as I miss having a best friend.

Someone to go for a walk with. Catch a concert. Grab dinner. Share random thoughts with. Just… do life together.

Yesterday hit me harder than I expected.

I was at my daughter’s college graduation party with my ex-wife’s family. We’ve been divorced for 17 years, and we’re all still close. Looking around, almost everyone there has been married for decades. My friends are the same way. Every barbecue, every gathering, every cookout… it’s mostly couples.

Then there’s me.

People mean well when they say, “You’re such a great guy. How are you still single?” But after hearing it enough, it starts making you wonder what the hell you did wrong.

Then something completely stupid happened that caught me off guard.

Whoever had their phone connected to the speakers had the exact same text notification sound that I assigned to my wife years ago. Every single time it went off my brain lit up thinking, “Maybe that’s her.”

Of course it wasn’t.

It happened over and over and I realized just how deeply certain things get wired into you.

So I guess my question is…

Am I rushing this?

Has anyone else started dating while still grieving the end of a marriage and realized they just weren’t as ready as they thought?

Or is dating itself part of the healing process?

How did you know the difference between missing your person versus simply missing having a person?

I don’t feel like I’m looking for someone to save me. I actually think I’ve made a lot of progress over these last few months.

I just miss sharing life with someone.

Maybe that’s normal. Maybe I need more time. I honestly don’t know.

I’d love to hear from people who’ve been through this, especially if you’re on the other side now.

I just wanted to wake up outlining the curves of your body with my fingertips.

I wish you would just talk to me.

I really don’t know why you won’t.

So much has changed and I still believe we could make things work, for both of us. With patience and understanding. We don’t have to jump right back to “us”. Let’s date and learn who we each are, now. Not fix what we weren’t, then.

Anything can be repaired.

And we’re way more than anything.

I hope you and the pup have a nice 4th.

I’ll see you both in my thoughts ❤️

GM.. Man I still wish I was whispering that to you, next to me, in bed.

You’ve asked and I need to stop. I’m going to. I have to. For me.

I really can’t believe the woman I watched skipping up my walkway on that amazing day, also my birthday. My 47th.. So happy, so light in her steps. So beautiful if that cute, red sundress and black vans. The woman I told myself I would marry, as I watched you come to my door. I can’t believe she no longer wants to talk to or see my face anymore. When all I was ever doing, was trying to forgive. And I did. Just not soon enough for you…

I’m not afraid of losing you anymore. I have. What more can I do? We still had more fight, we could have done it. You left again, just before we got there. I know I said I was done. But you know I wasn’t. You took that and ran with it, from me, to your new life without the pain or guilt. I wasn’t done honey. I never would have quit, Never, on you.

I thought I was ready. I tried. Tried replacing my pain with a new smile. I wasn’t there yet.
I thought and worried I’d never get there, never meet someone that could ever help me feel that same peace, that calm, that burst of emotion every time I see her. I stopped looking….

I focused on me. 3 months, nothing but me. New habits, new everything built into my life with consistency. They are now me. My focus is strong.. Still, each memory leads me to you. I push forward.

I’ve realized I’m not afraid I won’t meet someone. I’m more afraid I will.
I have... Sometimes they do distract me for moments. I’m still not ready. But I am afraid of meeting someone that one day does help me to feel love, again. Not replacing, but new. Feelings I forgot existed.

I’m afraid of losing the love I already have as it fades and those empty places start filling with new memories, smells, places, songs…

I have the memories I want. With you. I’m afraid of letting them go.

You asked and I will, but this one last morning before I go…

It was always you. My love ❤️

I just wanted to tell you to sneak out to see the moon.

It’s so pretty.

Sweet dreams babe.

I’ll meet you there.

I just wanted to tell you to sneak out to see the moon.

It’s so pretty.

Sweet dreams babe.

I’ll meet you there.

Hello everyone.

I’m still a few years away from making this happen, but I’d love to learn from people who have already taken the leap.

My goal is to buy a small homestead in the next 2–5 years, most likely in Maine or Vermont. I’d like at least 7+ acres, a modest cabin or small home that’s already livable, woods for firewood, room for a large garden, a greenhouse, and a few animals. Nothing huge, just enough to live a simpler, more self-sufficient life.

I am also seeing a good amount of properties within my budget. Some in the northern NH area as well.

I’m planning to spend somewhere around $100k–150k on the property while also keeping a healthy amount of money in reserve for improvements, equipment and the unexpected expenses.

My hope is to work remotely for a few years while getting everything established, then eventually transition into retirement and homestead full time.

Ideally I’ll have a partner sharing the adventure, but I’m also planning as if I may be doing it alone or with a couple dogs :) I’d rather prepare for the harder scenario than assume everything goes perfectly.

For those of you who have already done this…
What did you budget that ended up being way off?
What unexpected expenses hit you in the first couple of years?
If you could start over, how much cash would you want in reserve after buying the property?
Is working remotely while building a homestead realistic, or did you find there simply weren’t enough hours in the day?

I’m not looking for perfection. I know every property is different. I’m just trying to learn from people who’ve already made the mistakes so I can make better decisions when my time comes.

I’d really appreciate hearing what you thought this journey was going to look like versus what it actually became.

Thanks in advance. I am really at the early planning stages.

Adding: I’d be looking to add a decent solar set up if none already on site, while also looking to have a well somewhere on the property.

Morning doll..

Made the coffee just how you like it.

It would be much sweeter sitting next to you.

Hope to see your fine behind later 😍

Hey,

Thankfully, I fly home tomorrow. I can’t wait.

When I first booked this trip, I thought the hard part would be the work. The flights. Being in this big city, alone.

I was wrong.

The hard part was realizing how much if my life still leads to you. A long and winding road.

The morning coffee. The random song that comes on. The funny stuff I would text you about. Long walks where I reach for my phone because I saw something you’d like.

I’ve spent ten days trying to stay busy. Walking. Running. Writing. Meeting strangers. Eating meals you’d probably like more than I. Doing my best to keep moving forward.

For the most part I have.

But I dreamt of you for the first time last night.

We were at an outdoor concert, the kind of thing we loved. Somewhere like VT or ME. Music playing. I’m guessing NR. I was holding you from behind. Your hands holding mine, wrapped around you like we’d done many times before. It felt so real.

Peaceful.

I woke up and had that feeling with me for a bit.

I thought everything was okay.

As clouds cleared I looked around and remembered I was still thousands of miles from home, alone in a hotel room in Turkey.

That really crushed me.

I’ve met some neat people while I’ve been here. I’ve accomplished what I came to accomplish.

Yet after all of that, I still find myself wishing I could tell you about my day.

Tomorrow I’ll board a plane heading home. Life will continue. Work will start again. The routines I’ve built will be there waiting for me.

But tonight, on my last night here.

It’s still You in my thoughts.

Not in every moment.
But always in the quiet ones.
Where my love and hope still live.

I don’t know what tomorrow brings.

I only know that tonight, on my last evening in Turkey, I still miss you. My best friend, my lover, my wife. You.

❤️me.. xoxo

Hello,

I started going through the many stories here and realized I was likely triggering myself into another spiral of emotion and likely ready for a panic attack 😳

I’m currently separated with someone I love dearly. Our troubles started, for the most part, with infidelity.

Our separation does not look to be on the reconciliation side. Sadly. I would love for that.

Either way, what are some things people have either read or did to get to some sort of healing, without their partner?

At 53(M) I’m a little nervous at trusting again. I trusted this woman with everything I had and still…

I do talk with a therapist but even she and a few before her never really tackle this. It’s a little frustrating as I think had my wife and I had a real opportunity we could have achieved this and come out stronger. Now it looks like I might have to do this alone. I’m hopeful to keep pushing her (therapist) to see if we can stay on point with this issue. I want to come out of this in a healthy way.

What I am finding, in my separation, is I do pretty well with taking in knowledge and using what works best, for me.

Any advice is welcome.

Thank you and good luck to everyone out there working through this stuff.

It isn’t easy.

Today I broke.

Sitting here, 7am Turkish time, on the front patio of my hotel with a coffee and a smoke I stole from the man sitting next to me. Still waiting for that breadcrumb of a text from the woman I love, my wife.

After 9 days, I finally broke.
I’m not sure if it was the silence, missing home, missing her face, the sound my phone makes when she messages me, my daily hikes in the woods to help process my thoughts… all of it.

I broke.

I dreamt of her for the first time since being here. Something we really loved together. A show outdoors, most likely in Vermont or Maine, where we’d gone to concerts in the past.

I felt her when I woke.

It took a little time for the clouds to clear and for me to realize I was still thousands of miles away, in a bed I no longer cared to be in, alone.

It was a nice dream though.

Holding hands. Holding her around her waist from behind like so many times before. Her hands holding mine around her. It was one way we’d watch these shows, as I had no problem seeing over her head. As long as she could see, I never had an issue. And I loved feeling her hold me while I held her.

One more sleep and I’m on my flight home to the comforts of my life. Hoping those comforts help get me back on track and moving forward. The same way she is, so focused on closing this chapter. A chapter she had a good hand in creating. The end of a beautiful story written by two souls who found each other later in life.

I still don’t understand why she is so adamant about closing it. We were on a good path of recovery. Even recovery has setbacks.

Why did you run every time it got difficult? From a man who never left your side, even when he probably should have to protect his own heart.

I didn’t eat the healthy breakfast I should have. I’m not going to exercise today. I’m throwing all of my progress out the window for this last day in Istanbul. I just don’t have the energy to push today.

Today I’ll handle the basics. Clean up, pack, and prepare for my journey home. Eleven hours cramped in economy on Turkish Airlines. Maybe watch two or three movies I’ve already seen. Maybe sleep if we’re blessed with a flight that has no screaming kids.
Maybe just count the hours as they pass.

All while hoping I land in Boston with a message from you.
Knowing I have a better chance of just about any other miracle of choice happening before that ever does.

You are so fierce with your newfound liberation, just like every time before this. I’m scared to death this time is the real one.

Again, I’m talking into a void you’ll never visit. A void that helped me at the start of this trip.

Reddit.

I’ve received an outpouring of support from people I’ll never meet, and I’m grateful for every one of them. Every comment. Every story. Every connection that came from that post. “An open letter to my wife”

Sadly, knowing you aren’t alone in grieving always sort of helps. And it did.

Today I broke. Not forever. Just today.

I won’t message you. I’ll leave you be on your new path, without me.

I’ll find my way.

I don’t know if or when I’ll ever stop missing you.

I do know I might never stop loving you.

Sitting here, 7am Turkish time, on the front patio of my hotel with a coffee and a smoke I stole from the man sitting next to me. Still waiting for that breadcrumb of a text from the woman I love, my wife.

After 9 days, I finally broke.
I’m not sure if it was the silence, missing home, missing her face, the sound my phone makes when she messages me, my daily hikes in the woods to help process my thoughts… all of it.

I broke.

I dreamt of her for the first time since being here. Something we really loved together. A show outdoors, most likely in Vermont or Maine, where we’d gone to concerts in the past.

I felt her when I woke.

It took a little time for the clouds to clear and for me to realize I was still thousands of miles away, in a bed I no longer cared to be in, alone.

It was a nice dream though.

Holding hands. Holding her around her waist from behind like so many times before. Her hands holding mine around her. It was one way we’d watch these shows, as I had no problem seeing over her head. As long as she could see, I never had an issue. And I loved feeling her hold me while I held her.

One more sleep and I’m on my flight home to the comforts of my life. Hoping those comforts help get me back on track and moving forward. The same way she is, so focused on closing this chapter. A chapter she had a good hand in creating. The end of a beautiful story written by two souls who found each other later in life.

I still don’t understand why she is so adamant about closing it. We were on a good path of recovery. Even recovery has setbacks.

Why did you run every time it got difficult? From a man who never left your side, even when he probably should have to protect his own heart.

I didn’t eat the healthy breakfast I should have. I’m not going to exercise today. I’m throwing all of my progress out the window for this last day in Istanbul. I just don’t have the energy to push today.

Today I’ll handle the basics. Clean up, pack, and prepare for my journey home. Eleven hours cramped in economy on Turkish Airlines. Maybe watch two or three movies I’ve already seen. Maybe sleep if we’re blessed with a flight that has no screaming kids.
Maybe just count the hours as they pass.

All while hoping I land in Boston with a message from you.
Knowing I have a better chance of just about any other miracle of choice happening before that ever does.

You are so fierce with your newfound liberation, just like every time before this. I’m scared to death this time is the real one.

Again, I’m talking into a void you’ll never visit. A void that helped me at the start of this trip.

Reddit.

I’ve received an outpouring of support from people I’ll never meet, and I’m grateful for every one of them. Every comment. Every story. Every connection that came from that post. “An open letter to my wife”

Sadly, knowing you aren’t alone in grieving always sort of helps. And it did.

Today I broke. Not forever. Just today.

I won’t message you. I’ll leave you be on your new path, without me.

I’ll find my way.

I don’t know if or when I’ll ever stop missing you.

I do know I’ll never stop loving you.

Alright Vizsla people, I could use some honest feedback.

I’m kicking around the idea of adopting another Vizsla, preferably through a rescue. I had a Vizsla and she is an amazing pup. Unfortunately, after a separation, she stayed with my former partner. She’s well cared for and in a good home, but man, I miss having a dog around. I love breed. The personality, the intelligence, the complete inability to understand personal space 😆. If I can give a rescue Vizsla a great home instead of going through a breeder, that’s the route I’d prefer to take.
My only real hesitation is my work schedule.

I work from home three days a week. The other two days I commute to the office. On those days I’d be gone roughly 7:30 AM to 4:30 PM. I have a neighbor who could stop by around lunch for a potty break, some attention, and maybe a short walk.

My concerns is that Rosie was never really raised that way. She got a good hour+ walk almost every lunch break, plenty of exercise, and honestly wasn’t left alone very often. Looking back, we may have spoiled her a little. Or a lot.
I’ve read plenty of posts from people who crate train, leave their Vizslas home while they work, and make it work just fine. I’ve also read plenty saying these dogs are Velcro and need a human attached to them at all times.

So I’m curious. If you had a healthy adult Vizsla that was getting plenty of exercise, attention, and adventure outside of work hours, would two office days a week with a midday break be a deal breaker?
I don’t want a dog to fit my life. I want to make sure I can provide the life a dog deserves before I bring one home.
And if I’m being completely honest, I miss my Rosie. I think it’s time for a new chapter and a new buddy. I just want to make sure I’m thinking this through the right way.
Would love to hear your experiences, good or bad.

Thank you.