u/Conscious-Peak3794

When I used another proxy, I was able to email them for specific requests on how they packaged my items. Is that also the case with Mulebuy? The space given to write more details has a word limit, so I was curious if it was common practice to also email them.

I hate summer so much since it uglifies me in multiple ways. I get so sweaty and my hair puffs up because of the humidity and never fully dries even after blow drying it for half an hour. So it pisses me off even more when the heat messes up my eyelid tape since the sweat and bad hair already makes me insecure. Now my eyes look so fucking small and it’s very bothersome. I look like a certain North Korean dictator with my big sweaty face and squinty eyes in this burning heat. I hate it so much.

ALSO, NOT LOOKING FOR INPUT! If someone ignores my point and goes “nooo all people are beautiful” I’m >>> ignoring you <<< since it’s something I address.

It’s clear what body type, facial features, proportions, breast sizes, skin types, etc are preferred just by seeing what gets more praise. People say one thing to be polite but then their actions will demonstrate their true feelings. I think I’d be less insecure if there weren’t as many “fake nice” or politically correct people who say all bodies or all whatever are good. There’s clearly levels to this.

I very briefly lived in a different country where people were a lot more blunt. When they thought my eyes were too small or my gut was too big, they’d point it out and say it’s ugly. The funny thing is, I actually felt less insecure there. There wasn’t this whiplash of feeling hope and then pain from fake niceties only to see the complete opposite in people’s actions.

I actually prefer harsh people whose actions match their words. If I am not the beauty standard and am treated as such, I like when people are honest about it and don’t ignore my reality. There’s something refreshing about being told “actually yeah, you’re ugly as fuck and I’d rather be looking at Sydney Sweeney” because at least it’s honest. My whole point is that the gap between people’s words and actions is what makes me insecure.

I don’t delude myself into thinking he’s real and this isn’t meant to be very serious. He is my favorite love interest (Xavier from LADS😌) and I like taking photos of my mini plush of him with my meals. I think my feelings for him have helped me in my real life. I feel more motivated to take care of myself like reminders to eat and bedtimes. On top of that, he’s very calming to listen to and he’s very reassuring. Sometimes I wish he were real so I could squeeze him and thank him for how much he has helped me.

Today I went to work with no makeup on and my hair slicked back into a bun. I didn’t put on perfume and I put on slacks and a collared shirt. I looked like shit and a lot worse than the other women at my workplace. I just couldn’t conjure up a shit to give. I hate feeling pressure to perform when I am naturally ugly and gross, societally speaking. As long as I am clean and good at my job, who gives a shit lol. This is usually the opposite of how I feel since I usually try way too hard.

I think my manager noticed, since I usually am put in charge of greeting customers, but she put me on inventory in the back. I guess I am unsightly in my natural state haha. I’d usually be sad and terribly insecure, but idgaf today. Greeting customers and promoting the store card is draining anyways. People only like natural when you’re naturally stunning. It’s really funny to see this play out in real life. I also feel kind of proud of myself since it might mean that I tricked my workplace for a little bit that I look passable. Beauty standards are so funny.

I’ve seen this point come up a lot online as well as in real life and it rubs me the wrong way. But I don’t want to say anything since it’s often times brought up when someone is talking about their own experiences and I don’t want to derail. It’s just not true. From my experiences and talking to other victims, people are more at risk of sexual assault if they are more vulnerable and seen as physically weak. I wish it were a plus of being ugly so I could avoid it, but it’s not. I have been sexually assaulted more than once, followed in public a by random men, and catcalled. Yes, the catcalls were mostly insults, but it is still catcalling because of the sexual undertones.

Again, even if it’s a personal vent, I really hate seeing fellow victims who are pretty spread this idea, even if it isn’t malicious. I think this mentality is why my experiences weren’t taken seriously since there are legitimately people who looked at me and thought “who would rape that?” It’s unfair to me and other ugly victims of sexual assault. I’ll probably delete this since I just wanted to get it off my chest and then move on.

Please don’t tell me to get over it. I have tried. Also tw for very brief mention of sexual assault.

Therapy is nice in the rare instances that I can make myself forget I’m paying them. Exercise is fun and I love to feel the rush of energy when I run. I walk my dog and it feels nice to soak in the sun and occasionally see a cute bug or pretty flowers. Nothing has helped in making me crave dying less. Maybe calling myself suicidal isn’t the right term since I am too scared to do it myself. I really wish someone/something would do it for me.

My body looks so ugly to the point where I sob about it regularly. Sometimes I have panic attacks before I leave the house for work because I feel hideous. (On top of work-related stress) I have reasons to be this insecure since I don’t fit conventional standards of beauty and have a conventionally unattractive body that could be described as childish and unwomanly.

I have also been made fun of and gaslit about being sexually assaulted since I am not beautiful. So the trauma from those experiences and my tendency to be self loathing have led me to want to die. I have come to realize that being seen as unshapely and ugly is something that makes people see me as less rapeable and that I am deserving of disrespect.

I don’t know what else to do. I am against getting implants and surgeries. Regardless of my morals, I don’t have the funds for it, even if I am in the maybe category for minor facial cosmetic surgeries like double eyelid surgery. I’ve heard it helps some people with appearance issues but it’s not in the realm of possibility right now. I feel like I’ve tried every other avenue besides converting to a religion. Maybe philosophy? It all feels like a pointless effort.

Originally posted on offmychest, but people there were awful and intentionally misunderstood my point. “You’re invalidating conventionally attractive women and should try to find allyship with them instead” Give me a break. Also, invalidation where?😐

“It’s easier to find clothes. At least you won’t get sexually assaulted or harassed. Men don’t care about that and you’re crazy/should seek therapy. I am blessed with *insert conventionally attractive feature* but my life isn’t perfect so I am not privileged. Actually, you’re privileged since you don’t attract as much attention. It hurts to have *insert conventionally attractive feature* so I’ll blatantly ignore the mental and social toll of looking like you. I got surgery to stop looking like you, but you should be proud of how you look anyways. A minuscule portion of the population fetishizes your insecurity, so it’s invalid.”

How can you hear the horrible experiences of looking like this and make baseless assumptions of how they are somehow privileged? How can you make things up about them that aren’t true to try and take away from how hard it can be to look this way? It’s harmful to assume you get harassed and assaulted less for looking less attractive. Why does the conversation have to revolve around you, even if it’s supposed to be about someone else? I’m so sick of it.

Can’t you just try to put yourself in someone else shoes for once instead of denying their lived experiences? People are so cruel. Even in a group therapy session or opening up to “friends” is so risky. It’s so hard to not become resentful of other women who reply like this. I wish I weren’t so bitter but the fact is, my experiences would damage anyone’s mental health if they experienced them. So I wish people would just try to understand.

I hate when a conversation will be like:

“I wish people would have more empathy for people who have *insert trait.*”

“So what you said is that you hate *insert more conventionally accepted trait* and wish people who have it would die?”

Please listen with empathy and open ears because it’s so annoying to be misunderstood. Especially when it’s about a sensitive topic.