u/Conscious_Act_7095

Age: 20
Sex: Male
Weight: 88KG
Height: 185cm
Medications: 100mg flecainide twice a day, 80mg propranolol twice a day. Tapering off of 15mg Mirtazapine once a day (currently every other day)

Conditions: autism and atrial fibrillation
Non smoker and non drinker. I don’t take any illicit drugs either.

I know something is severely wrong with me. I can’t put my finger on it but I know I have this rot or malignancy inside of me like a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.

I’ve had a really dry mouth for the last week but even before then I knew something is wrong but no one believes me.

I’ve called the hospital and they said it’s anxiety but I know they are wrong. I’ve been on 4 medications for anxiety and it never goes away. But I know this is different I just can’t explain why.

I’ve had blood tests, CT scans, physio checks, neurological checks but they don’t understand that something is still wrong. I’m having an ablation in a few weeks for my afib but this is unrelated to that.

I feel very alone as no one believes me. I feel like I go to the doctor and all they focus on is my mental health but don’t even give me help for that.

I know something is dying inside me or I am dying I just cannot prove it. I don’t care about anything else all I care about is doctors finding the rot I have. I feel upset most of the time and no one understands me.

I was laughed at by friends and family when I went to the doctor after I couldn’t yawn anymore. No one believed something was wrong and no one understand that I had lost the ability to yawn and what that meant for me. Then 2 weeks later (last November) I went into afib.

I just know there’s a seed of rot inside of me that is spreading. I keep on going to the doctor again and again and again but they never do anything and tell me it’s in my head.

But nobody understands the severity of what I feel. Life just feels like waiting for it to spread and ruin my life.

I don’t know how to get people to take me seriously and stop treating me like I’m insane.

It is very isolating and scary place to be in. I don’t have a support system and cannot afford therapy anymore but I know deep down I don’t need that. I just need tests and a doctor to actually hear what I’m saying instead of looking at me like I’ve lost my mind.

I don’t feel like I’m on anyone’s page anymore. I don’t feel like I can relate to people and just know deep down that I am dying or the rot is spreading. I promise I’m not insane or stupid. Please believe me I just want to feel better again

20m here.

For as long as I could remember I have been awfully competitive. When I was very young I would resent my friends when they won something or got positive attention. I remember been like 8 and crying at night because I was so angry at them and jealous.

The blind rage lessened over time as I grew up. I learnt how to shove my bad feelings down and never let anyone know I was upset at them. So on the outside I hope most people believe I’m kind.

But the truth is, I torture myself over comparison.

The reason I get up in the morning is to prove people wrong. The reason I work hard is to impress other people. Everything is a competition.

Then, if I’m rejected or criticised it feels like my whole world is collapsing. I dwell on it for days, if not weeks, and believe myself to be weak or pathetic.

When people give me praise I don’t believe it unless I’ve earned it. I believe that I must work hard to earn people’s love, and if I do not have anything to show then I don’t have any value.

For a teensy bit of background I come from a very cold home. My parents split and I lived with my mother. If you’ve ever read or watched Invincible then you’d know of Viltrumites, and my mother is quite similar. It sounds very silly to say but it is true. She is successful but cold. Crying and fear were treated as weakness growing up and I was bullied until I stopped showing negative emotions.

I do not believe her ways were wise but I carry that with me everywhere I go.

Without comparison I feel hollow. I have no honest opinions of myself and base my self worth on my actions. People have told me to ‘love and accept’ myself but that feels like cheating. I don’t do things for my own satisfaction because truthfully I couldn’t care less about what I have to think.

I realise how bad this mindset is, and I want to do away with it honestly. I’ve paid a lot of money to go therapy but thus far it’s just been expensive hours of me talking about a problem, them affirming my feelings and me leading the session. I want advice, someone who challenges me and someone I have to work to get their respect, but I’ve yet to find a therapist like that.

Please can I have advice on how to change my mindset? Comparison is the fuel that drives me but the poison that hurts me. I’m struggling to ask for help because it feels like I’d have to retire my mindset and I don’t know where that would leave me. I don’t understand how value can be innate, or that love doesn’t need to be earned. I don’t want to be like this anymore

20m here.

For as long as I could remember I have been awfully competitive. When I was very young I would resent my friends when they won something or got positive attention. I remember been like 8 and crying at night because I was so angry at them and jealous.

The blind rage lessened over time as I grew up. I learnt how to shove my bad feelings down and never let anyone know I was upset at them. So on the outside I hope most people believe I’m kind.

But the truth is, I torture myself over comparison.

The reason I get up in the morning is to prove people wrong. The reason I work hard is to impress other people. Everything is a competition.

Then, if I’m rejected or criticised it feels like my whole world is collapsing. I dwell on it for days, if not weeks, and believe myself to be weak or pathetic.

When people give me praise I don’t believe it unless I’ve earned it. I believe that I must work hard to earn people’s love, and if I do not have anything to show then I don’t have any value.

For a teensy bit of background I come from a very cold home. My parents split and I lived with my mother. If you’ve ever read or watched Invincible then you’d know of Viltrumites, and my mother is quite similar. It sounds very silly to say but it is true. She is successful but cold. Crying and fear were treated as weakness growing up and I was bullied until I stopped showing negative emotions.

I do not believe her ways were wise but I carry that with me everywhere I go.

Without comparison I feel hollow. I have no honest opinions of myself and base my self worth on my actions. People have told me to ‘love and accept’ myself but that feels like cheating. I don’t do things for my own satisfaction because truthfully I couldn’t care less about what I have to think.

I realise how bad this mindset is, and I want to do away with it honestly. I’ve paid a lot of money to go therapy but thus far it’s just been expensive hours of me talking about a problem, them affirming my feelings and me leading the session. I want advice, someone who challenges me and someone I have to work to get their respect, but I’ve yet to find a therapist like that.

Please can I have advice on how to change my mindset? Comparison is the fuel that drives me but the poison that hurts me. I’m struggling to ask for help because it feels like I’d have to retire my mindset and I don’t know where that would leave me. I don’t understand how value can be innate, or that love doesn’t need to be earned. I don’t want to be like this anymore

Hello everyone. 20m here

I just wanted to say I’ve posted here a lot over the last few years generally complaining about my life. I’ve realised it would make more sense to go for advice about specific problems and work on my different struggles one at a time.

I have severe health anxiety. When I say severe, I mean horrendous disabling health anxiety. I’ve made a list of the conditions I’ve convinced myself I had in the last six months:
- brain stem tumour (couldn’t yawn for a month, long story)
- ⁠heart failure
- ⁠heart swelling
- ⁠lung cancer
- ⁠DVT
- ⁠breast cancer
- ⁠MS
- ⁠ALS
- ⁠Heart attack at least 3 times
- ⁠bone cancer
- ⁠leukaemia
- ⁠non-Hodgkins Lymphoma
- ⁠stroke
- ⁠brain tumour (again) after pain in head when standing up
- ⁠high blood pressure (may be true, maybe anxiety)
- ⁠Diabetes Type 2
- ⁠Shortly after Diabetes Type 1
- ⁠Sjodren’s Syndrome
- ⁠epilepsy
- ⁠skin cancer
- ⁠Chronic Kidney Disease
- ⁠kidney cancer
- ⁠Blocked arteries
- ⁠blood clot
- colorectal cancer
- ⁠prostatitis
- ⁠prostate cancer
- haemorrhoids
- Erectile Dysfunction
- ⁠Testicular Cancer
- Mouth Cancer (went to the dentist twice in 1 week)
- Sleep apnea
- ⁠Respitory Depression

This is the last SIX MONTHS. That’s not even a long period of time! And every, single, one of these I was completely convinced I had. I didn’t realise it had gotten so bad until I made this list. Some of these were my fixation for months, others only a few days, but all of them really negatively affected me.

I don’t know how to really get the doctor to take me seriously here. I believe I have some bad mental illness that has been getting worse since my first episode of atrial fibrillation (the only ever rare condition I’ve had) back in November.

Currently my fixations are:
- Diabetes
- Colorectal Cancer
- Kidney Disease

I have excessive thirst which I believe to be psychological (so does the doctor) after my tests came back fine.

I’m concerned about how much of a negative impact this is having on me. No one really understands the mental anguish I go through, constantly believing I’m about to die by the new ‘condition of the week’. Every therapist I’ve seen has not been helpful because it seems like the priority is validating me without any actual advice. I don’t benefit from just talking for an hour with them adding very little. It’s like going to a doctor with a medical issue, talking about it, them saying ‘you’re right, those symptoms do sound difficult’ then sending you on your way!

I just don’t know how to get a doctor to take me seriously.

Thanks

Hello, 20m here

I had dry mouth a day ago that lasted a day, which devolved into a fear of diabetes, which has now devolved into constantly feeling thirsty.

I don’t know if it’s real thirst or not but i realise it doesn’t matter.

Every second today has been focused on the sensation at the back of my throat that water cannot satisfy.

I went to the doctor today who told me i did not have diabetes and to not worry about it.

I think this is one of my first big spirals. Im petrified im about to go insane and this will never end. Im terrified ill be locked up in an asylum.

Not looking for reassurance that i dont have something serious, im looking for advice on how to approach something like this. Does anyone have any workbooks or anything to help? Or maybe some advice if theyve gone through something similar?

I feel really frightened, helpless and alone!

Hello. 20m here

I was diagnosed with Afib last November when I was running for the bus (I missed it) and my heart didn’t slow down at all. I was in Afib RVR for 16 hours which was no fun.

Had 4 heart tests (echo, ct coronary angiogram, treadmill + 2 weeks monitor) which all came back fine.

In Feb then I had my second big episode, 14 hours and self-converting like the first.

Then I had another episode (a few seconds, 11 days later).

I’ve been on flecainide 100mg twice daily since then and have had no issues since. I’m also on propranolol 80mg twice daily.

I then saw an EP for the first time (I previously sought out a regular cardiologist) and he basically said this:

‘I explained to [me] that it is unusual to develop paroxysmal atrial fibrillation at such a young age with a structurally normal heart. One possibility is that he has a more organised (AV nodal) tachycardia mechanism and
his atrial fibrillation may be a “tachycardia induced tachycardia”.’

‘One option is to simply proceed to a diagnostic EP study +/- ablation of an AV nodal mechanism. The other option is to consider proceeding to EPS +/- ablation of an AV nodal mechanism and if this study is negative, proceed on directly at the same sitting to a pulmonary vein isolation procedure.’

Now this all is going ahead on May 21st!

Frankly I feel really alone. I feel like no one my age gets afib and I’m unsure what my future will look like. The idea of getting a stroke absolutely terrifies me.

All I can think about is what will happen if the ablation and medication stop working? Based case is I get a few years before that happens, but even if I get a whole decade I’ll only be 30! What then??

The possibility of it progressing too terrifies me.

All of it is getting too difficult to cope with. The uncertainty around this condition feels like too much for me to handle and I don’t know how to be happy.

I want to live a long life but I’m convinced I’ll run out of options at 30 years old and will have a stroke or something.

20m

I was speaking to someone earlier and they said they struggle a lot with internalised homophobia.

I was happy they could open up to me but then all of a sudden I felt like scared? Maybe scared isn’t the right word but I suddenly felt like I was being judged? I didn’t bring this up at all as it wasn’t about me of course and I wanted them to feel comfortable with being honest

When someone says they have internal homophobia part of me wonders whether they look down on queer people because of it. Like when I see someone say they are disgusted by their gay thoughts or whatever I feel hurt and less than like it means they are disgusted by me and would never want to be like me.

It’s like eating a cake and then someone next to you goes ‘I’m so disgusting for eating this cake!’.

I struggle with self worth so when I see time and time again people hating having queer thoughts or desires, it starts to get to me and I feel like they believe the way I am is disgusting and wrong.

I don’t know. It feels like no one is truly a safe space. Im probably being way too sensitive I just wanted to talk to someone