u/Constant-Elk5958

Got my hands on some adderall pills, first relapse in a couple of weeks, but i was using them correctly those weeks i relapsed, today i went so far off the bandwagon, idk if this is fixable, i dont want to come down i want to stay high for longer, but ik if i pop more i’m gonna go drug crazy again and end up in another amp binge, first one in almost 2 years.

I took 30 mg at 11:30 am orally, it wasn’t enough i guess so i snorted 15 mg at 12:30 PM, trying trying to cut one in half but it ended up crumbling and turning to powder so i just snorted it but it, took another 15 mg orally at 1: 30PM, took 30 MG more orally at 4:30 cause i felt i was coming down, snorted another 15 mg at 8:20 PM cause i didnt want to comedown.

I am really scared, i understand i make my own decisions but i have a really bad headache, i’ve felt like i’ve been inside of my head since 2 PM, i’ve been experiencing slight hallucinations and visual distortions since 5 PM, i even saw a spider crawling on my arm and got scared, swat it off and it disappeared, i’m not even sleep deprived, in fact i’ve gotten more than 8 hours of sleep for the past 4 days, i feel like i’m coming down now and i want to pop another one, so i came here because i dont know who else to tell.

I understand i reap what i sow, i did this to myself, and i dont want to put grief over other’s shoulders.
All i took was 150 mg and it was enough to do this? I’m genuinely so fucking stupid thinking i could take a dose this high like my tolerance is high, i have a really low tolerance.

This is really important somebody please answer me

Today i went to the gym, i walked out and experienced something i haven’t felt in years, i finally felt something new, for 2 years i spent grieving my old self, trying to chase a feeling that would never come back, today i felt something so random, i thought i was doomed, i would feel like this for the rest of my life, but i was so wrong, i finally let go, i feel more free than i have felt in so long.

I have been sober from adderall for 13 days, after a 2 week long relapse, i quit vaping, i’m fixing my sleep schedule, i’m signing up for jobs this weekend, going to the gym, getting my grades up. It’s not like my old “go all out and prove everybody wrong” its more like i’m ready to start a new chapter in my life, just 2 weeks ago i didnt want to graduate, i wanted to be a freshman again, now i’m ready to graduate, i’m ready to experience something new. For 2 years i spent chasing my tail, i finally feel a stable form of motivation. I have had more good news this week than i have had in months, i’m gonna be on concerta by the end of the month after being unmedicated for my ADHD for 2 years.

No i’m not bragging, i thought i would share this because i feel i have finally broke free but ik that mentality only leads back to square one.
I could genuinely cry right now cause i spent so long feeling like everything was pointless and i was going in a loop, and today i felt something that contradicted everything i thought, that i can feel brand new again, sober.

I have ADHD, possibly some other underlying mental illnesses but i hate talking about my feelings irl so i’ll probably never know.
I suck at starting something and finishing it, i’m currently trying to lose weight, i have been trying to 6 years and yes ik ts is genuinely pathetic.
I had a major setback when i overdosed off amphetamines and became sober, i’ve been white knuckling everything, literally everything, i have to force myself just to do anything, go to bed on time, it’s the most exhausting thing in the world.

I was addicted to amp, was prescribed vyvanse, taken off it after i OD’d, these past years i’ve been trying my hardest, well maybe not my hardest but i’ve genuinely been trying, trying to get my grades up, trying to feel better about myself, and motivation comes easily, the problem isnt motivation, it’s consistency.

If i have to force myself to do something it immediately takes away the urge to do it, i miss everything about vyvanse, i could think about doing something and do it, lock in on one thing for hours and hours, i dont have that luxury anymore.
I know what i have to do, and how to do it, but i just dont fucking do it.
I’ll go 4 days extreme work out, turning my life around, getting everything done, and immediately reset my progress during the weekend by binge eating, my binge eating has been getting really bad lately.
I know i can do the shit i said i would do because last summer i lost 45 pounds, sober, by myself, but i was extremely depressed, mental breakdowns every night, and that’s why i’m making this post, i no longer have that, when i was depressed really bad last summer, i had so much motivation to change my life, i got a job, i got my permit, at 16, yes, ik, but i didnt have any motivation for the longest time my sophomore year, and i was lazy asf.

I know i’m progressing mentally, i’m more experienced now, but i feel like i’m just stuck in an endless loop, tomorrow i have my psychiatrist appointment, i have a chance to get back on stimulants, but if i dont i feel like i’ll lose all motivation to do anything and spiral into a deep depression, because it helped me, 4.0 GPA freshman year, on the football team, the novelty was overwhelming, now i have a 2.3 GPA, i’m stuck here reminiscing on the past and grieving what i should be right now, the “what ifs” kill me, where i should he right now, i should have so many scholarships, i should’ve lost this weight a long time ago, i should’ve had another job by now, i said i was gonna get one in January, signed up for one and didnt get accepted, didnt sign up for another.

I’m thinking maybe my tactics aren’t working, and i’ve been stubborn so long i ignore others advice to change, because i thrive on intensity, going all out or nothing, and i realized, that’s not sustainable, i’m finally now willing to try other’s advice out, people tell me “go slow” just show up, consistency outweighs intensity in the long run, but without intensity i find myself thinking “what’s the point” because it makes me feel alive. Because of how much i progressed last summer i find myself wishing i was that depressed again, and that’s genuinely scary because i was likely hypomanic the whole summer.

How do i become okay with slow progression, and most importantly, how do i consistently show up without burning out?

No i’m not planning on trying salvia but i used to be obsessed with deliriants, dissociative, psychedelics and salvia, deadly nightshade, belladonna all of that stuff. I still am curious about psychedelics but the rest i am absolutely not trying, neither am i trying salvia but i do want to hear some experiences on it

I only came to here because r/ADHD is very strict and so is r/Medicine, and didn’t allow my question, so if anybody knows a better subreddit to ask this question please let me know.

So i was prescribed vyvanse my freshman year for ADHD and it worked amazingly. I got all A’s and felt normal for the first time, but i ended up abusing it and eventually overdosed after my dose kept increasing. I’ve been off it for 2 years and 8 months now and since then i’ve tried antidepressants, bupropion, and non stimulants with basically no improvement. I still struggle badly with anhedonia, motivation, and executive function, and my GPA dropped from a 3.7 to a 2.3. I have a psychiatrist appointment May 12th and my mom agreed to stimulants only under strict supervision if prescribed. I honestly don’t want to get addicted again, i just want something that actually works. If stimulants aren’t an option, what other meds have helped people in similar situations?

I was dumb a couple days ago and decided to snort 300 mg of bupropion XR, i almost had a seizure twice and had multiple panic attacks, i didn’t even feel high, i just felt paranoid, no pit in the stomach, no drive, no hyper focus, just terrified.

So i was prescribed methocarbamol yesterday, i take 1000 mg each day, i took them tonight and all i gotta say is i feel extremely weird, maybe even slightly high. I noticed my legs feel like heavy and floaty, and i feel slightly disconnected from reality, but not too much for it to be counted as dissociation, i feel really calm but really weird at the same time and its a weird headspace to be in, i would even go as far as to say it feels almost exactly identical to a low dose of weed, it’s only been about 50 minutes and i’ve started to notice a lot of weird things, first off my balance is completely wrecked, i’ve almost fallen like 7 times, idk if it’s just a placebo affect but this generally feels pretty strong and unique, i’ve never experienced this before, it feels just like kava.

PLEASE give me feedback, let me know if some things i’ve said been disproven, state some good points, i would really appreciate it, because i want to be religious, but my mind can’t really comprehend it because deep down it makes no sense to me.

First off i want to say i do not believe in any religion, but i’m also not 100% sure there is no religion, i am agnostic. i don’t shame people who believe in religion, in fact, i think religion serves a great purpose morally, not just spiritually, if spirits do exist

One of the reasons i think christianity isn’t real is because God himself is portrayed as a good person, when in reality, he has all the traits of narcissistic tendencies, if he was all loving, he wouldn’t let thousands suffer each day, and people may argue we have “free will” but we actively partake in selfish behavior just to live every single day so we don’t really have free will.

Another reason is most of the things that are talked about in the bible contradict each other heavily, God’s all loving but sends people to eternal damnation over finite crimes? God created humans, then punishes them when they act how humans act?

Another reason is how non-believers are treated, people who don’t believe in God are likely to go to hell, even if they were morally an amazing human being being with no crimes, just simply not believing in God and you go to hell, but that’s not the main point, where do stillborn babies go? They have no concept of religion, what about those who were never taught about religion? Those born with mental illnesses and not able to process religion? Do they go to hell?

Another reason and this is my biggest one is, if Adam and Eve truly did exist, we would’ve been inbred and died out a long long time ago.

What i think the bible was created for in the first place was to fear monger/encourage others to do the right thing, have faith, religion truly does serve a purpose and i will never doubt that, the bible teaches you everything YOU need to be a good human being AND have good mental health, lets take adam and eve for example, on a surface level, sure they got in trouble for eating an apple God told them not to do, but if you think, and you don’t even have to think too hard about it, the true meaning of it is “actions have consequences” and “curiousity + temptation can be powerful” these can be great lessons.

Another reason i don’t think religion is real, is because how do we know who we’re worshipping IF religion IS real, how do we know the God we’re worshipping isn’t evil? If we never see him, never speak to him, never hear him, smell him, or touch him, we have no evidence of him being good or bad. And one thing i have to back up this theory of mine is religious psychosis, and this can actually tie into the next and last thing im going to discuss, religious psychosis is obviously a serious state of mind, delusions of God telling you to do awful or good things, but most of the time it’s terrifying, paranoia, worshipping God 24/7.

Another reason and the last reason i don’t think religion really exists, is the psychopathology of religion, hallucinations and delusions can be so severe that people genuinely believe they’re real, which everybody should know, we had no access to psychologists or medicine or psychiatric evaluations back then, so how do we know the bible wasn’t just written by a whole bunch of crazy people? ESPECIALLY considering the fact that religious psychosis exists.

One thing to further back this up is take psychedelics for example, people often report ego death, seeing divine figures, what if, and it’s a stretch but it’s a possibility, the people who wrote the bible, all were on natural psychedelics. People who’ve tried massive amounts of psychedelics report seeing diving figures, some even report seeing God or heaven, talking to God, or God talking to them. Another thing to back this up is, disease, poor hygiene and famine were extremely common back then, with no medicine, no cures or even diagnosis, it was impossible to tell who was really sick unless it’s physical symptoms, but there are some that are truly mental symptoms only, especially some parasites, sleep deprivation, starvation, poor hygiene, dehydration can ALL lead to psychosis and delusions, and i would have to imagine that was extremely common back then.

Also science just makes way more sense.